Day 285: BHAG

I was reflecting on sadness the other night. And as I did, some aspects of my take on life started to settle in a new way. 

I always knew I was drawn to "happy things."
It's my default answer to any question about my preferences in music or media. But I wasn't very clear on the details of why.  

Upon further pondering, I think I revealed what iPEC (my coach training program) would call my BHAG: Big Hairy Audacious Goal. 

This is basically a goal of a lifetime. Of which there can be many (you're not limited to just one).

I think my BHAG is something within the realm of helping the world overcome unhappiness. I'm still working on the wording, but basically it's helping ppl to become happier in their lives. And that starts (and ends) with understanding and knowing yourself. 

When I reflect back on my life, just two years ago - heck, even one year ago - the happiness I feel now is night and day different. Which sounds like a drastic shift, because it really is significant! And the overall level of satisfaction and appreciation I feel are off the charts compared to before.

The fascinating thing about this is, my life is not perfect nor is there an illusion of such. My reality is not the stuff of my dreams nor do I love every moment of every day. 

But I do love my life. 

More than I ever have.

And I love who I am more than I ever have.

And I love more deeply experiencing what it means to be human. 

And most of all, I love understanding myself better. Because that is what makes all of the other things possible.

There's a chance as I, Present Sarah, was thinking about Past Sarah and how down she used to feel, that Present Sarah started to cry. 

Present Sarah started to cry because she doesn't want anyone to feel bad or sad. Because she knows how great it feels to feel good and happy and she genuinely wants that for everyone. Because she knows that we all have the capacity to better understand ourselves, which is the real key to happiness. And then she thought, 

"oh my gosh, Bre was right. I am a Care Bear!"

Guess I know my next Halloween costume...

Day 284: Sadness = missing details

Sadness* is too vague for me.
As someone who requires a lot of details in order to more fully understand something, sadness is my least favorite emotion.

Obviously, it doesn't produce the most desired feelings in the world. But that's not the main reason it ranks last for me. It's because it's the hardest emotion for me to sort through and understand.

I used to think disappointment was my least favorite emotion. But once I learned that disappointment is just unmet or misplaced expectations, it's power has significantly diminished.

The more I think about sadness, however, the more I recognize that it is more of a catch-all, holding cell term [at least for me]. Perhaps it's because sadness is such a catabolic energy level that it's hard to shift into a different perspective to gain more information. Because that sort of movement requires energy, and there's already very little energy to to be had (when experiencing sadness).

But once extra energy is gained and insights, perspective shifts, and greater understanding have been achieved, sadness starts to transform. It no longer has a blobby, heavy, undefined form. 

As it comes into focus, it actually has a very clear form - and it's not sadness at all (or purely)! But rather, it's a mix of emotions that had previously been entangled with each other. And now the loose ends are visible and it's possible to separate them from each other. With this separation comes a lifting and calming feeling. And that's something I can always get on board with!

So what's the moral here? I guess it's that there's always a deeper reason for everything. And if you're struggling to see it and can't figure it out, it might be worth enlisting the help of a trusted friend and confidant.

.... I know someone with years of sewing experience, which means she can help you untangle any knot!

And also, it's ok to feel sad. There's a time and place for everything in life. And everything serves a purpose.

*Please note, I am not talking about clinical depression

Day 283: Friend Types

Have you ever thought about how you categorize the people you know?
Or more specifically, how you categorize what the people you know mean to you?

For the longest time I've used the blanket term of 'friend' for pretty much anyone I've established some sort of bond with and generally liked as a person.

But as I've aged, I've noticed that things sometimes get tricky with such a catch-all term. And likewise, with the definition of 'like.' 

There seems to be quite a range between the 'like' I experience with best friends I've known for years and friends I enjoy seeing, but don't want to spend more than an hour or two with at a time.

Why does this matter? 

I'm not sure. 

But in my head I've found the growing need to get clearer on how I identify the wide range of company I keep.

This is probably impacted, in large part, by my new-found appreciation and respect for my own time. 

The time I spend with myself.

Personal time. 

'Me' time.

Given that, it makes sense that I'd want to be more intentional about how and with whom I spend my time.

There will always be 24 hours in a day.

There will always be things to do, places to go, and people to see.

But there no longer needs to be a compulsion or pressure to give everyone in the 'friend' category identical time and attention. (Or maybe this is just me trying to shake people pleasing tendencies...)

 

Our lives are made up by countless numbers of relationships and all of them are different. They are all different because they all serve their own purpose. 

A relationship (of any kind), when broken down, is simply how one is in relation to another person.

So far I've been able to narrow down my behavior/state of being in relation to others into the following general categories:

People I know
These are the people . . . I know.
I know who they are and they know/remember me.
Maybe I've known them for a long time, maybe it's only been a short while.
Generally, these are the people who are identified by how I know them [i.e. classmate, coworker, person on the bus] rather than who they are to me.

Acquaintances

These are people with whom I am friendly and have some sort of active shared connection. Interaction is typically enjoyable, but more sporadic. Generally, I'm not going to invest a lot of extra effort to spend time with these people, because - inertia. This is the small talk category.

Now come the harder categories:
Friends

These are the people I like, have fun with, and enjoy some sort of bond. We have general knowledge over the elements of each other's lives, though maybe not to an intimate degree. I'm willing to put in extra effort to sustain the relationship, but usually after it's thought up/initiated by the other person. Experiences together create fond memories, but not necessarily impact. This is also the category in which I feel most compelled to be 'on.'

Good Friends

The people I love spending time with and have shared interests, passions, and values. With them I am an open book (though I may choose to flip past certain chapters). I may not see them or talk to them all of the time - or even frequently - but when I do, it's as if no time has passed and we pick up right where we left off. They impact my life and who I am.

Best Friends

The people who love and know me best (and vice versa). The people who give me energy and lift me up, regardless of the fact that I'm an introvert and require alone time to fully recharge. These are the people I feel completely comfortable with and free to just be. These are the people that not only see the best in me, but will call out my worst in order to help me gain awareness and grow. They are forever.

I think I still have some work to do on these distinctions - and I can't help but feel there's a category missing between Acquaintances and Friends . . .
 

But as they are, they are helping me to better set expectations for myself. 

When I can more clearly see how I feel and engage in relation to others, I am better able to show up, feel, and allocate my energy and time in a way that benefits me.

And when we do things that are beneficial for ourselves, we have more energy to help others do the same (even without trying!).

Day 282: Overshare

. . . maybe keep it to yourself next time . . .

 

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Day 281: Mindset: Dating vs Promotion

I've been writing about dating a lot, it feels like, over the past few months.
But that's because I've been learning so much from it!!

Like, in other areas of life . . . outside of dating.

The most prominent learning to date (no pun intended) - is in creating my own coaching business.

I had a session with my coach, Audrey, in which we used the learning I've gained from shifting my beliefs and approach to dating and applied it to my business. More specifically, promoting my coaching services and attracting my ideal client.

I have some pretty deep limiting beliefs that are getting in the way of me feeling comfortable and at ease when it comes to self-promotion. But crazily enough, the steps to work through them seem to be same as I have learned to take in dating.

It starts with the mindset.

Since mindset plays a huge role in just getting out of the gate, it can be helpful to identify one in which you already feel confident and comfortable. 

Once you have that mindset in mind, describe it. 

I explained to Audrey, "with the mindset I have about dating - it's not a need, it's a bonus. I have a clearer idea of how I feel and want to show up in life. And this helps me to navigate new connections - measuring if they amplify or detract from how I want to feel."

So, identifying how you want to feel and having a set of criteria you can use to measure that feeling, in order to direct your next steps.

After that we briefly explored the question, What am I seeking to gain?
Or as Audrey rephrased it, What would light the fire in you?
Or as I'm thinking about it now, What makes me come alive?

For me, it's passion.
Doing anything I'm passionate about lights my fire and makes me come alive. And the thing I'm most passionate about is coaching. But more specifically, it's:
- personal development
- exploration of self
- making the world better for oneself and others

To be completely honest, I don't light up at the name of 'coaching,' but it encapsulates the pieces that do set me ablaze, so it will do for now.

Next, I was asked who came to mind when I thought about my ideal client.
I hesitated to answer, not trusting what just popped into my head.
It was my younger self, past Sarah.  

This isn't an uncommon thing. Humans, by and large, want to do something connected to their own lived experience.

Despite this, my hesitation continued. 'Is it ok for my ideal client to be myself?'
Hazey had made her entrance.

But not soon enough, as we were already to the next step of breaking down the imagined person into key characteristics.

Characteristics of past Sarah:
- people pleaser
- finding it hard to say 'no'
- not knowing what she wants
- not feeling fulfilled
- thinks others need to be put before herself
- doesn't know how to say 'yes' to herself

We were reaching the end of our session by this point and I now had,
1) a more helpful mindset
2) criteria for how I want to feel: passionate (but also inspired and energized)
3) criteria on what I'm looking for (client-wise): [above]

I was then tasked with the assignment of describing past Sarah and giving her story - which I am procrastinating on by writing this blog post.
. . . But, at least it got me thinking about it!!

It's only a [short] matter of time before -
"Hey, World! This is me and this is what I'm looking for!"

Day 280: Take Get Wish Want

Now that Thanksgiving is over and we've turned the page on gratitude, it's a great time to put a spotlight on something else.

Expectations.

I was reflecting on some things - as I do, because I love having myself a good think - and the theme of 'expectations' kept popping up.

Expectations touch every facet of life and will have the same formula no matter the topic. For me, the topic of focus during my Turkey Day Morning Think was relationships and how I approach them.
Or more specifically, how I approach dating.

For a long time, I sought out what I thought I wanted.
No, scratch that - I didn't seek anything out. I let things come to me because I didn't know what I wanted (or that I had the autonomy to choose, for that matter).

This resulted in relationships, both good and bad, ending up with the same outcome -

Disappointment.

I didn't know what I wanted so instead I would 'take what I could get.'
But what I could get was never what I wanted.
And despite not knowing exactly what that was, I did have a vague idea of what it wasn't. Armed with this realization, I would continue on wishing for things to be different and the situation to magically become what I actually wanted. 

It never did.

 

Take + Get + Wish + Want = Disappointment

In all situations and experiences there will always be multiple factors at play.
In my previous dating experiences, low self-esteem and social conditioning played a HUGE role in my behavior and situational tolerance. 

 

But so did my expectations.

 

The biggest reason being - my expectations were misdirected.

I put all of my expectations onto others.
Expectations of things we would do, expectations of how we connect, even expectations of how I'd feel about myself.

I took no responsibility for my role in relationships or for my own happiness.

The realization of this was MIND BLOWING (and heart wrenching). 

The shift from placing expectations on others to placing expectations on myself was - not gonna lie - kind of confusing and incredibly uncomfortable.

I wasn't used to it.

It felt weird and awkward and . . . vulnerable.

It meant getting clear on what my values were. And following them.

It meant getting clear on what I wanted and how I wanted to feel.

It meant relearning how to listen to myself - my gut/intuition, my energy levels, my body, even my thoughts (those fleeting initial thoughts that are quickly overcome by overthinking).

With these things in mind - and with practice - I was able to create a new formula that worked better for me. A formula that, while not always getting me what I wanted, absolutely moved me closer towards it.

A formula that only I can solve.

 

Values + Intent + Self-Trust + Openness = Learning

 

This new approach helped me to understand and discern the various experiences I want to have. 

 

No matter the topic, focus, or people involved - be it work or play, independent or in a group - carrying one's own expectations is like a secret weapon. It provides the learning and agency needed to have autonomy over one's happiness.

Day 279: Remember to be Thankful for . . .

Yourself.

As we fully enter the holiday season - and especially on this day dedicated to giving thanks - lets not forget an often overlooked recipient.

Ourselves.

It's important to reflect on all of the things, people, opportunities, and day to day realities we have in our lives and take time to really appreciate them.

And it's also important to turn this spotlight on ourselves. Because if we didn't exist, it would be impossible for us to appreciate anything.

Allow me to get a little more specific.

Let's shine a spotlight on all of the things we like about ourselves.

This may or may not being a challenging task, so I'll throw out another idea.

Let's reflect on all of the experiences we've made it through.

Every life is different, yet every life has challenges. We're not dead which means we've survived a lot of stuff - both big and small.

Appreciate that!

Appreciate and give thanks for what you have overcome, what you have learned, and where you are now.

Don't like where you are now?

Great news - it's not permanent!

Like where you are now?

Great news - it's not permanent!

We are always changing and thus, have the opportunity to continuously enhance our lives.

The choice is ours.

And it starts with the often overlooked act of appreciating ourselves.

Day 278: Allowed to Flow, All Systems Go

I recall, from the not so distant past, learning about the state of 'flow.'
Some might also call this being 'in the zone' or in one's 'element.'

 

The idea of there being a state in which things become essentially effortless (and also productive) always seemed a bit elusive to me. Not in that I could never reach it, but rather it was not something I could plan or initiate - it just happened by chance and I had to take advantage when it did.

 

Always gotta be prepared to catch the flow!

Sheesh! 

Ok, that's not a 100% true sentiment, but it does illustrate a hardwired habit I have (and I'm willing to guess many others share, as well). And that is, trying to anticipate and predict the unknown future in an effort to push various goals and agendas forward.

 

Planning, planning, planning! Editing, judging, restricting, refining - repeat. 

Written out, this sounds intense - and slightly insane. And really not appealing at all . . . And yet it's become a routine and normal 'way of life.'

The thing is, this is not a natural way of thinking/living/approaching life.
It's a learned way.

Which means there are alternative ways of experiencing life to be tried out that might be more appealing and - dare I say it - more enjoyable!

I bring up the topic of restriction a lot - and there's a reason for it. 

And I'm going to bring it up again!
The reason being, restriction is cultivated by judgement. Fueled by assigning labels and value to things that are, in reality, completely neutral.

A great example of this is dieting.

It always starts with a judgement, "I need to lose weight" [often code for: 'I'm not good enough as I am']

Then come the labels - slapping 'Bad' onto where you're at now and 'Good' onto your ideal.

But what if we gave up the judging and restriction?

What if we could train ourselves to flow on the regular??

I'm starting to believe we can. And I think it starts with a seemingly simple concept: allowing.

That means exactly what it sounds like -

Opening your mind like a door so that whatever thoughts, ideas, or feelings are there can walk on through as they please. 

What's that? Turning your mind into an open door is not the visual that pops up for you?
. . . Well, now you have another option to work with! You're welcome 😜.

Allowing does not mean accepting or agreeing.

Allowing does not imply truth or validity.

Allowing provides space, time and movement.

And those are three things we can all use a little more of.
Because if you think about it, the absence of space, time, and movement is a recipe for . . . constipation.

I don't know about you, but I don't particularly like to be blocked up. 

 

So instead, I'm gonna try to remember this little ditty:

When I am allowed to flow, all systems go.

Why not see what happens when we leave our judgements, labels, and restrictions at the door?

Day 277: (-judging) + art + perspective = wow!

I judge things. A lot.

But I don't feel bad about it. I think it's just a part of life.
I read a quote the other day that gets at this idea quite well:

All truly wise thoughts have been thought already, thousands of times; but to make them truly ours, we must think them over again honestly, until they take firm root in our personal experience.
 - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

It's easy to judge until we have experiences that allow us to understand things on a personal level.

For it is when we really understand something that we are able to see all of the pieces that make it up, rather than just the outer shell.

I recognized some of my own judgements this weekend in a series of rapid fire, small events.

The first, my desire for a Saturday morning wake and bake.
There's nothing wrong with the act itself, but the judgement I placed on it was where things started to get murky.

Why? 

Because as a coach, I fully believe that allowing ourselves to do the things we want will almost always yield better results than that of restricting or deprioritizing ourselves.

But on this Saturday, my judging brain was quick to act after recognizing my desire to get high and relax first thing in the morning. 

I then experienced an internal tug-of-war between wanting to practice what I preach and wanting to 'be responsible.'
Which was really just code for judging myself and not trusting that
1) I knew what I really needed in that moment and
2) that I would still do all of the things I wanted to throughout the day, just perhaps in a slightly different order than normal.

Once that was settled, I stopped judging and allowed myself to do what I wanted -and something magical happened.

Well, magical to me.

I got on a thought path that unraveled a very detailed, surprisingly well laid-out idea for an experiential event in which my love of art and coaching could be easily intertwined.

"Oh my gosh! This is so cool!!!!"

As I wrote and wrote and wrote, until the ideas stopped flowing from my pen, I started to recognize something. Another of my regular pitfalls was mysteriously missing in the moment:
'Needing to know all of the steps before the first is ever taken.'

This is a topic I coach on and think about a lot.
On a conscious level, I know there is ZERO way a person can know every single step they will take in order to achieve a goal before they even start. We rarely have ALL of the skills needed before undertaking a new venture. That's why we learn as we go - even if we don't realize it.

Yet, despite knowing this, I often hesitate and wave off big ideas I have due to 'not knowing how.'

But the thing is - HOW is actually the last piece if the puzzle. I'd even go so far as to say it's more of a byproduct.

Byproduct of what?

The WHAT and the WHY.

It was through my self-prioritization not long before that I was able to reveal a big HOW.

My Saturday morning WHAT was: art interpretation.
Spurred by catching sight of 'the gallery' and reflecting on the different interpretations I'd pulled from the same image over the course of time.

My Saturday morning WHY was: perspective.
Each interpretation of my art came from a different perspective - caused by changes in time, understanding, and circumstance. Coaching is ALL about perspective and developing the ability to consciously choose one's own perspective.

"...what if there was a way to educate about that through art?"

And then it hit me!
My HOW!!!

Using works of art, replicated in 7 different ways, to reflect common perspectives held in each of the 7 core energy levels!

My brain basically exploded. 

I have struggled for two years now with my own understanding of the core energy levels. And to explain them to others in a way that feels natural, fun, and engaging to me?!
Oof, my mind goes blank.

But not anymore!

And it's all because I embraced my wants and stopped judging.

Day 276: Happy Birthday, Kelsey!

What would high school have been like without:
- the Red Hot Chili Peppers CD stuck in your car?
- unending practice backing out of my parent's driveway?
- trips to Lincoln City to eat DQ blizzards in the parking lot?

Boring - that's what!

And what would life have been like without you, Kelsey?

Sad. And boring.

I'm so glad you were born and that we've been friends for so long.
Happy birthday!!!

In an attempt to refresh the fond and perhaps embarrassing moments we've shared together, here's a little birthday story for you. Told from the perspective of our main man - 

That's right - Aladdin!

Enjoy
**********************************

I've been different things to different people.
Most famously, 'a street rat' by palace guards and 'Prince Ali' by all who took in Genie's fanfare.
But my most important role is the least known - Kelsey's Ride or Die.

You may not know this, but I was a fixture of her many adventures during high school with her friends. There's a chance I may have lived in her car . . . . but it was by choice! Boy, did I love that red Ford Focus . . .

But you know what I love more than that car?
Kelsey Jordan

Why?
Um - have you met her?!
Please.
How could anyone NOT love her?!

Take the shrine she set up for her brother before having her annual New Year's Eve sleep over.
- what's that? It wasn't actually a shrine, but rather closely positioned candles and photos . . . of just her brother?
. . . oh.
Well, anyone could make that mistake. And, hey - I blame her friends. They were the ones that came up with the idea that it was a shrine! Those jerks . . . 

I've never seen anyone handle a nacho fiasco quite like Kelsey.
Always keeping her cool.
Even when Sarah spilled the pan of nachos all over the open door of the hot oven as she attempted to put them in.
"Pick it up!! Hurry!!!" was the collectively yelled advice.
It's as if they thought the cheese was going to melt on the hot oven door or something.
I wouldn't know.
I'm not allowed to go near ovens, being plastic and all.

Kelsey is also an active supporter of senior citizen - ahem - community center events.
She is all about community!
Which is probably why she and her friends would frequent the senior "community" center for Wednesday night bingo.
That is until they started winning . . . and the old people kicked them out, claiming underage gambling.
But for some reason when they lost it was ok to be there . . .

My boo never lets anything keep her down! She just keeps strutting her stuff and walking it off.
Kind of like the time she and her friends were hanging out at the Higdon's house.
This woman has the confidence of a Goddess!
She walked right past all-minus-one of the Higdon men as she returned to the kitchen after using the bathroom, only to be informed that her dress was tucked into her underwear and she'd flashed half of her friend's family.
I'll say it again: CON-FI-DENCE
Seriously! This woman is the epitome of what it means to walk to the beat of your own drum.
And if that means walking around with your dress tucked into your underwear, more power to you!

Funny anecdotes aside, I've seen firsthand the kind and beautiful soul Kelsey is.
Her friends light up when she's around and never leave her presence without at least one good laugh.
She is supportive and loving, with just the right amount of sass and dark humor. As she and SoSa agree, 'if I'm mean to you that means I like you. It's if I'm always nice that you should be concerned!'

Here's to Kelsey! May this next trip around the sun be her best yet as she just gets better, wiser, and happier with time.

I will love you forever and am so proud of you!!!
Oh, and Sarah wanted me to say that she is, too.

Day 275: New best compliment

I received my new best compliment, ever, on Friday night.

I was at my friend Bre's house and she made a comment about how my aura is most definitely bright white. 

She started to explain. 

"You know, like angels - that angelic vibe." 

Not feeling satisfied with her explanation she continued. 

"You are like what Care Bears shoot out of their stomachs." 

Just pure good stuff.

Wow. Did I just get compared to a Care Bear?! 

A show I absolutely LOVED as a child?!

It was with this very specific imagery that I got a clear glimpse, for the first time ever, of what those who are close to me see all the time and I (apparently) fail to see.

Wow. This was . . . kind, sweet, unexpected? 

I don't think I had words to describe what it felt like to hear that and try on a new perspective to view myself.

I think I felt a swell of many emotions all at once. Appreciation, being the only specific feeling coming to mind, now. 

I recall feeling great appreciation for my friend. 

Appreciation for her willingness to take the time to express her sentiments.

Appreciation for her sentiments.

And appreciation for her seeing me. For seeing the core parts of me that I am blind to, and reflecting them back.

Why am I sharing all this?

Because I'm practicing vulnerability through sharing, duh.

But, I am also sharing this as a reminder that we are all so much greater and more valuable than we allow ourselves to believe.

We make a difference in people's lives - just by being in it.

And we exude our unique essence in all that we do.

Yet, we are blind to ourselves - despite seeing ourselves every day. 

It's as if with that familiarity comes a type of autopilot, in which our sight lessens.

It is with this in mind that I will repeat sentiments, of not so long ago, around the topic of giving compliments.

May we strive to really see the people we surround ourselves with - and then be brave enough to share it with them.

 Does it come as a surprise to anyone that my favorite Care Bear was Cheer Bear?

Day 274: Robins

I went for a chilly walk this morning around North Pond and I saw a Robin.

. . And then another one.

I turned to look at the edge of the pond and I saw a whole bunch more!

"I've never seen so many robins in one spot before!!"

The most robins I've ever seen at once is 2 - maybe 3. Tops.

My mind was blown.

So I looked it up and learned that, while in spring and summer robins tend to stick in pairs, in winter they live in nomadic flocks. And the flock size can grow as large as hundreds - or even thousands!!

I can't even imagine . . .  

. . . uhh, I think that's too many!

Day 273: Restriction

Sometimes we outgrow where we are.

Sometimes it's a job.
Sometimes it's friends.
Sometimes it's a lifestyle.

But for every human, there will come a time when what we are doing no longer works so well for us. A time when, given the choice to stay the same or try something new, to remain 'as is' would lead to restriction and cramping.

Take this tree, for example.
It has been growing between these apartment buildings for who knows how long. And all the while, it's range of growth has been impeded by literal walls that are surrounding it.

Obviously, trees can't just walk to a different location that would be more conducive to growth. 

But we can.

And that's a scary reality.
Because, for a lot of us, that means moving into a reality that we are no longer familiar with.
That means doing things we haven't done before.
That means building new muscles and skills along the way, causing us to become very aware of pains and struggles that weren't previously on the radar.

That means choosing to live (and learn), rather than just exist.

I debated writing, "sometimes we outgrow who we are."
But, I don't think I actually believe that. 

I think we all have core traits and characteristics that are foundational to us.
These are the things that stick with us no matter what our age or experience.
I don't think we outgrow these, ever - they are what make us, 'us.'

However, I  do think that, depending on one's situation, experience, company, and/or mindset, 'who we [really] are' can become overgrown, hidden, and tangled up.  

And when this happens, it can become very challenging to extract the 'us' from the 'what' and 'where' we are surrounded by. 

We all have the ability to choose how we experience life.
We all have the ability to choose - even if we don't like any of our choices.
We also all have the ability to say 'no' and decline the things that come our way.

It took me a long time to come to understand this. And I'm still working on it.
For me, experiencing life in a way that is beneficial (rather than forceful or restrictive) started with allowing myself to consider this:

What would feel good to me [in this situation]?

Regardless of the actions that come next, just considering this question makes a difference.

It signals to the mind that there is an alternative path forward from what we are used to and all of the 'shoulds' and 'supposed tos' that flood our thoughts.

It signals that there is a path away from restriction.

Day 272: A different kind of romance

 "I'm really enjoying our date - it's so romantic."

Date in a chicken wing graveyard.
. . . The feeling's not mutual . . .

You ever have an experience where one component managed to throw the whole thing off?

Perhaps you're having a nice time or you're excited thinking about whatever 'it' is, but then something unexpected happens and you can't seem to enjoy yourself?

I think that's what happened to the grumpy Gus on the right. But definitely not to the lovely lady on the left - she's smitten!

Maybe if we asked her, she'd share that her secret is having an intention for what she wants to experience. Not so much being wowed by her environment or external factors, but rather focusing internally. Focusing on how she wants to connect and engage with others and her overall experience, which leaves her open and curious towards whatever comes her way. Rather than quick to judge when things don't fit the image of her expectations.

Hmm, there's a chance she may be on to something! I mean, if that technique can make a graveyard romantic, just imagine how it could transform routine experiences!

Day 271: Nearing the end

As I think about the end of the year, I think about this blog - and my writing challenge.

I challenged myself to write a post a day, every day for a year - starting on January 25th, 2022. 

Mid-October, I thought to myself, "I know I've missed quite a few days, but I really hope I can make it to Day 300 by the end of the year. If I can only be two months off with writing, I'll be pretty happy about it."
And that would be with an end date of January 1st. But my challenge lasts through January 24th . . .

I debated whether to end that last thought with trailing punctuation or an exclamation point. 

I'm glad that I'll have time to come even closer towards my goal of writing 365 days in a row - or close to it. But at the same time, it'll be nice not to feel compelled to write. Or to hear the misguided whisper of Hazey,
"you have to write or else you'll miss your post today and fail your whole challenge!"

Dude, Hazey - I get that you're trying to help me reach my goal and protect me from failure (all the while trying to cover up your fear of failure with extreme force), but - cool it! 

Let's try a different approach.

Perhaps something along the lines of:
Reaching the goal we set for ourselves is really important to me! I want to better understand the coaching principles and techniques we've learned as we experience them in our own life. I want to practice sharing as we improve our writing skills.

Aw, gee, Hazey, why didn't you say it like that in the first place?!

We're on track to pass Day 300 by the end of the year. I think Hazey's going to be really excited when we reach 2023.

So if you missed it - this post is all about taking time to re-evaluate your goals and efforts. To check back in on:
- why you started them
- why they are important to you
- what you have already gained by the effort put in (regardless of the ultimate outcome)

It's all too easy to overlook the importance of goals.
Not in their achievement or completion, but in the lessons and growth gained along the way.

Day 270: Purgatory FastPass

Last Sunday, the priest's homily focused on purgatory, and it got me thinking...

 

What if purgatory is when you have to learn all of your life lessons? When you have to reach the self-knowledge that your lived experiences already gave you the information for?

What if purgatory is the holding place for internal personal reflections needed to better understand yourself, the spirit, and the universe? The things needed to move on?

What if purgatory was the last step of the 'check-out' process?

What if it wasn't viewed as a dreaded or painful thing?

What if purgatory wasn't viewed as 'atoning for sins', but rather learning from them? Granted the lessons will likely be the harder and more difficult. You know, the stuff we don't really like to face in our waking lives. But when we do, it will be perspective changing and freeing.

Obviously, I've never died, so I don't know if this is how it works or not. 

But I can't shake the feeling that this may be the correct idea . . . and the tingling sensation I experienced in my chest upon thinking it leads me to believe there has to be at least a sliver of truth there.

And what if we could do all of this learning BEFORE purgatory??

What if we did the learning now, in order to get a FastPass through the pearly gates, later?

I think we can - with awareness, perspective, and intention.

I think we can - with coaching.

Day 269: Religious Teachings

I was raised Roman Catholic and went to church every Sunday as a child. 

Now, as an adult, I find myself again attending church pretty regularly. 

But the experience is much different. 

The most obvious reason being, that it is now a choice. 

And with that choice comes something else - a desire for understanding. 

Understanding a way to reconcile the way of living and thinking I now follow - living with intention - with what is taught in the church, which seems to be quite passive.

 

Treat others as you want to be treated.

Pray to God, the father, and Jesus, the son, for everything.

Trust your prayers will be heard and answered.

Be patient.

Find joy in suffering.

Keep yourself humble and small in this life so you may enjoy the riches of the holy kingdom when you pass on to eternal life.

These are the messages I have heard over and over throughout my whole life.

They're all fine and well, but I can't help shake the ever growing feeling that something very fundamental is missing from all of them . . .

Personal responsibility and growth.

Self-knowledge.

Actionable steps for how to actually carry out these recommendations in a way that works for each individual.

In my 33 years of experience with the Catholic Church, there has never been much emphasis on getting to truly know oneself.

Which doesn't make ANY sense to me.

Because, if God made us in his own image, shouldn't we be encouraged to learn and understand what this image is??

 

Shouldn't we be encouraged to explore and practice the skills and talents we were inherently given to the fullest extent possible?

Isn't the way to ensure we are doing good in the world, not taking anything for granted and sharing love with others and ourselves?

It is to me. 

It's the very VERY obvious way.

And yet, I can probably count on ONE HAND the number of messages I've heard that even remotely alluded to this.

Here's my recommendation for a better, more holy, [insert your descriptor here] life:

Get to know yourself.

Like really know. 

The favorable parts, the hidden parts, the skills, joys, talents, the struggles and obstacles. 

Work to understand how you think and why you think that way. 

Uncover your limiting beliefs, the assumptions you fall into. 

Try out different perspectives and assess your interpretations for accuracy and objectivity. 

Take an active role in learning how you actually work. 

Create your own owner's manual.

Because when you do, life starts to change and come into clearer focus.

Life purpose(s) become apparent.

Love and acceptance of self increases. 

 - Which, I have to highlight this one - because I also feel the church does us all a disservice by not encouraging an equal focus on loving oneself as much as others. 

To me, to know and love oneself is inextricable from knowing and loving God.

If we are made by God and God lives inside of us, then why the heck isn't it being noted as important to prioritize loving oneself?!

Maybe it is and I just missed that part . . . consistently.

But, regardless, I whole heartedly believe that self discovery and understanding is the foundation to knowing and loving God - and the world - more deeply, fully, and unconditionally.

So maybe it's time to adopt a new approach.

Rather than focusing on what you should be doing (or not doing), why not focus on figuring out why you're doing what you're doing (or not doing)?

Let's start there.

Day 268: Priority Rank

Have you ever felt like other people's wants and priorities are somehow more important than your own? That your priorities and wants are often outranked by others?

I've certainly felt like this - more than I'd care to admit - and I know a lot of other people have, too. Several possible reasons for this jump to mind, such as people pleasing, fear of being seen as 'selfish', or lacking awareness of one's own autonomy.

 

But the main reason we experience this feeling (at least in my mind), is communication - or rather, the lack thereof.

Communication is EVERYTHING.

No matter what the topic, who is involved, or what action is carried out, communication is necessary. And when there isn't adequate communication, things start to break down.

Systems start to breakdown.

People start to breakdown.

I think this idea of communication is central to carrying out one's own priorities and having them acknowledged and honored by others.

The first piece is communication with oneself.
Not only in the sense of understanding why the priority or want is important to the individual, but also in being honest about the assumptions and interpretations they are making about others.

For example, it's easy to jump to the conclusion that if someone keeps overpowering your wants with their own that they "don't care about what you want, are selfish, think their priorities are more important, etc."

This is where the second step of communication comes in. Because, while it's possible they really do think that, it's more often a matter of not knowing or understanding the needs/wants of the other person. And in these situations, the fastest way to get everyone on the same page is using your words to share your thoughts and feelings (rather than making assumptions and then interpreting everything based on that).

The third piece of communication is being ok with differences.
Maybe you share your priorities and the other person still doesn't seem to support them. That's ok. They actually don't need to. Because they are your priorities. The only person needing to put them first is you.

But you have to make that choice.

You have to choose yourself.

There is always a choice to be made.

And with every choice comes a trade-off.

Only you can decide if the tradeoff is worth it.

We can't make everyone happy all of the time. And to try to do so will always be a losing battle - because each individual is responsible for their own happiness.

So take control of your own happiness, starting with supporting your own priorities. The more you practice this, the more clearly you will feel and see a shift in how you experience life. Rather than feeling stress or frustration from postponing or ignoring the things that are important to you, you will likely feel increased energy, patience, and openness towards supporting others.

But you can't drink from an empty cup.

And you can't share from an empty cup.

So fill yours first - prioritize yourself so you can prioritize others.

Then you can have your cake and eat it too.

Day 267: The Social Mind

Today I went to a series of discussions organized by the Chicago Humanities Festival about social media and it's impact on humans and society - The Social Mind. 

As one who doesn't use social media a whole lot, the realities of how things really work are quite disheartening. Despite this fact, it's been super interesting to learn more about this topic.

The first thing I learned was that the fuel of social media is: outrage. Specifically, when it touches on morals. Maybe this should have been apparent to me already, but it wasn't.

The second fascinating thing I learned is that our brains have not evolved to handle the mass interaction that social media creates. As it is now, our brains can only handle interactions with a max of roughly 100-150 people. But social media throws us into pools of thousands (if not hundreds of thousands)!

The third thing I learned is that during the very early years of social media, companies in Silicon Valley knew exactly how it affected and targeted frailties of human behavior and they continued full steam ahead anyway.

Wow. That fact gave me chills - and not in a good way.

The biggest takeaway from the first discussion was that social media should be looked at like a cigarette company. Because that's basically what it is. A money making monster that is bad for human health.

I was curious to see what these panels would reveal and how, if at all, they would impact my current view of social media.

Not surprisingly, it doesn't make me want to use social media anymore than the little I already do.

More surprisingly, it kind of highlighted (in a VERY roundabout way) the need for what I do.

The need to help people strengthen their skills of discernment in order to pursue what will sustainably fuel, energize, and contribute to their well-being.

The need for coaching.

No matter what we are facing - be it natural or man-made - coaching provides the tools needed to navigate any situation in a way that is true and beneficial to each of us (individually).

 

So, come at us social media! We've got a secret weapon.

(And if you're reading this thinking, 'huh?', we need to talk!)

Day 266: Hooded Water Magician

I'm sure you can guess by now, the location where the story I'm about to share took place.

On the count of three...

- One

- Two

- Three

North Pond!

Right on schedule for my routine nature outing.

Today, however, it was something in the water that caught my eye.

A unique duck.

I've seen it for the past few weeks, but never up close. 

I still didn't get close, but I did watch it dive for a while. And during that time I became very, very confused.

This grayish-brown crested duck submerged and returned a time or two. And when it came up the third time, it looked completely different!

It's brown head was now black and white!

What the heck?!

It dove again.

It emerged, back to brown - huh?!

It dove again.

Black and white.

How is this possible?!?!

Dives.

Brown.

What is going on???!!!!?!?!?

It disappears once more - and then,

https://www.metroparks.net/blog/birds-birds-everywhere-in-your-metro-parks/

Two ducks emerge. 

One brown.

One black and white.

They sure did trick me!

But, what a delightful confusion!
I couldn't help but chuckle as a big smile spread across my face - and stayed there for the entirety of my walk.

Thanks, ducks!

Day 265: Accept Compliments

On Day 37, I suggested we give meaningful compliments.

On Day 265, I am suggesting we openly accept compliments. Accept them and carry them with us. 

This is not a 'showoff-y, narcissistic, ego-laden' type of thing.

This is a 'self-love, acknowledging-your-skills,-hard-work,-talent,-traits-or-qualities' type of thing. 

This is a 'seeing-myself-as-I-really-am, is-this-really-true? whoa - I'm-awesome, why-does-my-brain-always-try-to-hide-this-from-me?' type of thing.

Does any of this seem familiar?
Because I experience it a lot - especially the last one.

Having my best qualities, skills, and talents acknowledged or praised by another always feels a bit uncomfortable. Instantly, I feel myself going on the defensive, 'they're just saying that to be nice.' For some reason, my brain won't allow me to believe that what they said is true.

I won't let myself believe it, because I don't think it's true.

Which, too often in my experience, results in me shrugging off whatever I've just been told and missing an opportunity to receive love and kindness from someone else. And likewise, missing an opportunity to deliver love and kindness to myself.

How many people can relate to that?
I certainly can. (Obviously, because I'm the one sharing! 😜)

As the saying goes, "we are our own worst critic."
And as the saying forgot to finish, "but we don't have to be."

We don't have to be our own worst critic.

We don't have to be a critic at all! Worst, least - the comparative doesn't matter!

What matters is kindness to ourselves.

If you're like me, and/or grew up in a westernized culture, being kind to yourself is probably a pretty big struggle. And, if you're even more like me, you don't even realize that you're being unkind in the first place!

Compliments give us a way to practice this missing kindness.

They give us an opportunity to challenge the biased way we view ourselves.
They give us an opportunity to take a look at ourselves with fresh eyes, from a new perspective, from someone else's truth.

When I was going through my coach training in 2020 one of the exercises we went through was on the topic of 'rules that we live by.' We explored how most of us have a lot of rules for ourselves, both recognized and unaware, that impact how we live and experience life. We were then encouraged to write up some new, empowering 'rules' for ourselves.

I recall that one of mine was, "I speak the beauty I see."

To me, that is what a compliment is.

If something moves you enough to comment on it - there is beauty [and truth] there.

Of course, different people have different tastes, and not all people will like all things. But they don't need to.

Ultimately, all that matters is what we think about ourselves. But, until we have the right lens to see ourselves as we really are - AWESOME - we can use the compliments of others to help us along the way.

Day 264: Being Nice

'I was just being nice.'

"Try to be nice."

'I thought you were nice.'

How many times have you thought or heard these statements - directed towards yourself or someone else?

I've heard them a LOT.
For 33 years.

And it's taken me 33 years to understand that 'being nice' is not something I need to do.
It might not even be a thing to strive for at all.

What does it mean to be 'nice,' anyway?
According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, nice (adjective) means:

1. Polite, kind
2. Pleasing, agreeable
3. Socially acceptable: well-bred, respectable

Do any of these stand out as potentially problematic to you?

It's possible none do.
But for a recovering people-pleaser, #2 is a slippery slope.
At least for me.

You see, it's a question of who the noun is pleasing or agreeable to that matters the most.

As one who has lived a life of 'being nice' and doing things I don't really want to do, but rather felt I should do, this is everything.

If you're anything like me, you associate 'being nice' with being a 'good person.'
So if you aren't 'nice' then you aren't a 'good person,' either.

In this all-or-nothing mindset, neutral doesn't exist.
It's polar opposites - only.
If you're not 'being nice,' then you're 'being mean.'
If you're not a 'good person,' then you're a 'bad person.'

Strangely enough, with this way of thinking, it's impossible to just be 'a person.'
It's impossible to just 'be.'

Here's the reality, if you don't do something that would be pleasing or agreeable for someone else, it doesn't automatically mean they will be displeased or upset as a result.

In most cases, it won't mean anything to the other person at all!
Their life will carry on in the same way it had before you were asked or had the thought to 'be nice.'

'Being nice' is often a scapegoat used to avoid [potential] feelings of discomfort, insecurity or lack.

Notice how I slipped the word, potential, in there?

That's because just the thought of feeling any sort of emotional discomfort is enough to change our actions. The fear of what might happen is stronger than we may realize.

We ok, I (I won't speak for everyone else), get so caught up in not wanting to 'hurt the other person's feelings,' that I hurt myself instead.
The hurt may not be registered as any type of pain, but it will absolutely show up as drain.

Energy drain.

This can manifest in different ways. A dip in mood, feeling more tired or less engaged, lack of patience or heightened frustration are a few examples of how you can tell if your energy is draining.

What I'm coming to learn is, we don't really do anyone any favors by doing what [we think] they want or doing what we think we should do.

That's not to say, be a jerk and only think about yourself.
It's also not to say that we should never do things we don't want to do in an effort to help others.

The key driving force of our actions should come from a genuine place; tapping into our core values.
Funny enough, this is always going to be a bit self-serving - but in the best way possible.
When we live out our values in real life, 9 times out of 10, we get a boost of energy which contributes to others being better off as well.

So next time you find yourself waffling back and forth over if you should 'be nice' or not, consider what your decision would be if you would remain 'nice' regardless of your choice, and go with that.

Day 263: Eclipse Election

I set my alarm for 4:50am this morning.

Not so I could be first in line at the voting polls (I already voted by mail - yay, me!) or because that's the time I normally get up, but so I could try to catch a glimpse of the Lunar Eclipse.

My hope was that, not only would I be able to see it, but I could stay inside and view it from my window. And wouldn't you know it - I could! (Let's hear it for west facing windows!!)

This eclipse was called a blood moon eclipse -  and I get why. It had an eerie, red hue.

Upon gazing at it for a few moments, I couldn't help but wonder if this was some sort of blatant symbolism.

After all, it is election day, today; and in a time in which political opinions and parties are starkly divided. Rather than a bright, clear full moon before me, there was a dark, red full moon.

It seemed a bit ominous.

As real as the symbolism may or may not be, it's important to remember - especially in times of darkness or struggle - that nothing is permanent.

Everything has a cycle. A start and an end, and then another new beginning.
Just like fashion trends, hate it or love it.

And, like I shared a few days ago, we are always changing - even it if seems that it is the world changing, instead.

No matter the situation we find ourselves in, we always have a choice. A choice of how to think and a choice of what we focus on.

Do we want to focus on the things that fuel lack, despair, and hopelessness?
Or do we want to focus on those which fuel hope, energy, and passion?

That's not to say ignore all of the things that bring you down and pretend like they're not happening. But rather, try approaching things from a more empowered place in order to take in a new perspective.

Just as the moon holds beauty in any light, so does life.
But we have to choose to see the beauty.
We have to choose to see - the whole picture. 

It is with openness and curiosity that we can find deeper meaning and appreciation for everything.

It bears repeating, no matter the situation we find ourselves in, we always have a choice.

Are you going to set the alarm in order to wake up and experience things for yourself?

Or are you going to sleep in and accept whatever 2nd/3rd/4th hand news that comes your way?

You get to decide.

Day 262: On Aging

It's interesting to see the difference in opinion on aging when it comes to humans versus essentially everything else. 

Think about a tree. 

Trees have various aging cycles. 

While they may take hundreds of years to reach the end of their life, there are many cycles of change along the way. 

Or perhaps, it's easier to think about the life of a flower. 

Flowers start with sprouts from the ground, quickly growing leaves and stems, and eventually a bud.  The flower blooms and pollination occurs, perhaps even turning into something else.

But eventually, the flower will die.
Slowly losing its petals, one by one. Until all that remains is an empty stock. 

When we see such things we don't shy away from them.
We accept them.
We know that that is the lifespan and cycle of a flower.
We get to enjoy their beauty and fragrance, but it won't last forever. And we're okay with that. 

Maybe this okay-ness comes from knowing that next year there will be more flowers.

But it's not the same with people. 

Our life cycles, though much faster than a giant tree, move much slower than a flower. 

And in the world I grew up in, and live in now, the view on aging is quite unkind. 

Aging is looked at, I think, with fear and dislike. 

With aging comes wilting. 

Our flowers are no longer fully vibrant and appealingly fragrant. 

Looks and color are fading. 

The vibrancy of youth - of blooming - is no longer.

We are taught that life is better when we're constantly blooming. 

But to constantly bloom - to never wilt - is impossible. 

Because the energy required is unsustainable. 

I wonder what it would take for our society to shift to a different way of thinking? 

To a way of thinking in which we can appreciate the beauty in every stage of our life cycles.

Where one phase of life isn't held up as the single thing to aspire to (be forever).

I think part of the dislike of aging comes from a lack of fulfillment experienced in each phase of life.

And with that lack, comes a good amount of fear. 

Because if we're on the downward turn, if we're starting to wilt, there's no telling how much time we have.
And, unless I somehow missed this lesson, we were never explicitly taught how to appreciate the life we have, the people we are, or the people we were. 

All of these things are important for graceful aging. 

All of these things are important for a happy life. 

All of these things are necessary to embrace change and welcome it at every phase.

Day 261: Squash Seed Roast

Remembering our fallen heroes. 

Approximately one week ago, dozens and dozens of fresh-faced Seeds began Basic Cleaning.

It was a long and frigid week.

Some wondered why it was taking so long to complete. 
"Why are we still in the fridge?! I'm ready to see some action, now! I'm ready!"

Patience.

Patience is a virtue and we rely on all of our Seeds to have this virtue.
Especially, in heated times of pressure.

Finally, after a grueling 7(ish) days, Basic Cleaning was complete.

These guys were now on Roast duty.

About 3/4 through their shift, a "Pop! Pop! Pop!" sound, like popcorn, was heard coming from the oven!

I raced over, but it was too late.
They were already fallen soldiers when I arrived.

These were the sole survivors . . . 

. . . minus the seeds I already ate.

Day 260: World Change

I wasn't sure what to write today, so I thought I'd pick a quote and share some thoughts on it.

I went to the Quotes & Phrases note in my phone where I collect quotes and phrases that resonate with me.

This is what jumped out:

The world doesn't change, you change.

Wow.
That's a big one.
Do I really want to share my thoughts on this one . . . ?

On the micro level, I can easily get on board with this.
As one's view of, and relationship with, oneself changes, one's perception of the world will also reflect such changes.

But on the macro level it becomes a bit harder . . .
One could argue, "if the world doesn't change, then why are there things like crime, radical politics, and racism becoming more and more prevalent?"

My answer to this question (which, full disclosure, only formed as I was typing the question) would be:

Not all personal changes are for the better.
Furthermore, not all personal changes are intentional.

Think about the world in which we live. A world where the general population is not taught the importance of self-knowledge.
Sure, knowing history and math is important, but if we can't function and navigate life in our internal world, do these things really matter?

If we can't discern our own wants and needs from the pressures and rules our society creates and tries to place upon us, it's a safe bet we're going to struggle, eventually. And our communities will reflect this.

Take our current Social Media Epidemic - yeah, I'm going there.
Depression, anxiety, and feelings of 'otherness' and isolation are on the rise. Meanwhile, self-esteem, self-worth, and strong emotional connection are on the steep decline. 

Change - of any kind - is an inside job.
Change - on any scale - starts on the individual level.

We are all agents of change - positive, negative, neutral. 

When you really look at the act of change, there is only the micro.
Change is the raindrop in the pond. We are the raindrops.
The ripples are the effect - the macro - what's visible and reflected to others.

So yeah, I'm on board with this quote no matter how I look at it.
And I'm glad I was willing to explore it!

Day 259: School of Un-Learning

I had a conversation with my co-worker today about the impact social conditioning has on our western civilization. 

. . . You know, light water cooler talk.

From a VERY early age, our sense of self-esteem and self-worth has already started to take a beating.
Especially, if you're raised as a girl (or minority).

"My niece is 7 and she already feels insecure about her body! 

I was talking to my therapist about this," my coworker shared. "She said you have to un-learn the harmful things you were taught. It's all about a mindset change. 
. . . I wish there was a school you could go to 'un-learn' things."

My immediate response: 

"There is! Well, not school, per se. But, coaching does this! It helps you identify the thoughts and beliefs that aren't helpful to you and replace them with thoughts and beliefs that are."

"If these were skills taught in childhood can you imagine how different the world would be?!? If we learned how to think this way as kids in school?? But it's not taught."

"Yeah," my co-worker chimed in, "because you can make money off of people feeling bad."

The truth of her final statement is gross. 

The reality that it's "normal" to dislike features of how you look or to have thoughts highlighting different angles of self-lack on a regular basis - is gross. 

But really 'gross' is just a catch-all phrase for the sadness, heartbreak, anger, and disgust I simultaneously feel when I think about it. 

Sadness for the pain that so many people experience.

Heartbreak for the collective inability of our society to see our own worth and value.

Anger that this is a real-life thing when it doesn't have to exist at all.

Disgust that the whole thing is fueled by money and power.

But also, I feel hope - and passion - in knowing that a self-injurious life and mindset does not have to be the norm; does not have to be the default. 

It is possible - for every human on this planet - to experience a life fueled by personally supportive thoughts and beliefs.

It is possible - for every human on this planet - to have acceptance and love for who they are, just as they are.

It is possible - but it takes hard work. 
Hard work that will never earn a certificate.

Hard work that will at some point seem like it's taking 'too long.'

Hard work that will change your life and how you function in it.

Day 258: Force

Forcing things sucks.

It doesn't feel good and it's draining.

And yet we live in a world where forcing oneself to do things is the norm.

What the heck?!
That's messed up.

Can you imagine if flowers were forced to bloom before they were ready?
They would likely be washed out in color, odorless, and would prevent other plants from becoming pollinated.

Read that last part again: prevent other plants from becoming pollinated.

I don't know if this is actually what would happen if a flower were forced to bloom, but it's a great analogy for my actual point. 

When we force things, we miss out on all of the benefits that can be gained from when they happen in their own time. And we're often less open to collaboration, unplanned learning opportunities, and patience. Thus, effectively closing off to and shutting down others and sending the message that it's not ok to step outside the narrow-viewed line.

When we allow people to live their lives according to their own timelines, there is way more pollen to go around. And it comes in the form of happiness, joy, fulfillment, openness, and generosity.

. . . to name a few.

What areas in your life are you trying to force?
And how's that working for ya?

Might be time to try out a new approach . . .
Don't know how? Let's talk!

This could be you!

Day 257: Ahh, not Ugh

I mentioned previously that I'm navigating burnout. 

The more experience I get with it, the more upsetting it becomes.
The more awareness I gain of it, the more I see it touches - and to what (ever-growing) extent.

I've never had this experience before and it's kind of scary.
I know that there are people that live for years with burnout - or at least until they develop some sort of health issue and have to address it.
I don't want that!
It sounds miserable and I really don't want a miserable-feeling life!

I had a coaching session with Audrey on Tuesday and I realized that I still hadn't looked into a recommendation she had given me two weeks ago (that I was very interested in).

. . .Which is kind of like that doctor's appointment I still haven't booked.

Or that plant I still need to repot.
[Ok, let's be real, this task was going to be pushed off for as long as possible, burnout or not!]

I told her, for my session, I wanted to explore and come up with some mental checks I could go through when deciding on what and with whom I spend my time and very limited energy. 

This would help me to  more consciously choose the most healthful and restorative things to build up my energy (aka - motivation, interests, overall activity) rather than deplete it.

The saying, 'If it's not a hell yes, it's a no,' came to mind.

While I don't fully agree with this sentiment, it does certainly help with short-term decision making.

If only it resonated with me . . . 

So we came up with our own scaling tool for me.

If it's not an 'Ahh', it's an 'Ugh'.

I had told Audrey about several occurrences that left me feeling 'ugh' last week and not looking forward to activities associated with them. From this, the scale was born!

We built a check list - the things I would check-in with, both physically and mentally, when discerning between an 'Ugh' (pass) and an 'Ahh' (let's do it!).

My list consisted of:

- Check-in with the feeling in my gut

- Check in with chest sensations

- Ask myself, 'Is this what I want to do?'

- Ask myself, 'is this choice about others or me?'

[Jury's still out on if this is the best criteria combination, but I'm testing it out!]

The main thing is tuning into and growing your awareness on the things that make you feel good.
And then letting this be your guide.

The body is self-healing, but it needs the right (energetic) nutrients to get it started.