Day 268: Priority Rank

Have you ever felt like other people's wants and priorities are somehow more important than your own? That your priorities and wants are often outranked by others?

I've certainly felt like this - more than I'd care to admit - and I know a lot of other people have, too. Several possible reasons for this jump to mind, such as people pleasing, fear of being seen as 'selfish', or lacking awareness of one's own autonomy.

 

But the main reason we experience this feeling (at least in my mind), is communication - or rather, the lack thereof.

Communication is EVERYTHING.

No matter what the topic, who is involved, or what action is carried out, communication is necessary. And when there isn't adequate communication, things start to break down.

Systems start to breakdown.

People start to breakdown.

I think this idea of communication is central to carrying out one's own priorities and having them acknowledged and honored by others.

The first piece is communication with oneself.
Not only in the sense of understanding why the priority or want is important to the individual, but also in being honest about the assumptions and interpretations they are making about others.

For example, it's easy to jump to the conclusion that if someone keeps overpowering your wants with their own that they "don't care about what you want, are selfish, think their priorities are more important, etc."

This is where the second step of communication comes in. Because, while it's possible they really do think that, it's more often a matter of not knowing or understanding the needs/wants of the other person. And in these situations, the fastest way to get everyone on the same page is using your words to share your thoughts and feelings (rather than making assumptions and then interpreting everything based on that).

The third piece of communication is being ok with differences.
Maybe you share your priorities and the other person still doesn't seem to support them. That's ok. They actually don't need to. Because they are your priorities. The only person needing to put them first is you.

But you have to make that choice.

You have to choose yourself.

There is always a choice to be made.

And with every choice comes a trade-off.

Only you can decide if the tradeoff is worth it.

We can't make everyone happy all of the time. And to try to do so will always be a losing battle - because each individual is responsible for their own happiness.

So take control of your own happiness, starting with supporting your own priorities. The more you practice this, the more clearly you will feel and see a shift in how you experience life. Rather than feeling stress or frustration from postponing or ignoring the things that are important to you, you will likely feel increased energy, patience, and openness towards supporting others.

But you can't drink from an empty cup.

And you can't share from an empty cup.

So fill yours first - prioritize yourself so you can prioritize others.

Then you can have your cake and eat it too.