Day 316: Masks

Before heading to the airport . . . a day after watching Amadeus.

Day 315: More Lessons of the Season

Lesson 1: "If you lie, you'll go to prison."
This nugget was born from a sister-discussion, overheard by a niece, about Aunt Becky [from Full House] going to prison for lying to get her kids into a good college.

Lesson 2: If kids give you sass, give it right back

Day 314: Pi(e) [π] Day

In honor of my 314th post I present my (self-appointed) gang sign. 

That's a play on pi, 3.14, for all of the non-math nerds.

It could be interpreted as Sarah Pie - 

but it also reads, Pi(e) Money.

A nickname born from my time working at Orange Theory Fitness.

I can't remember if I posted this before or not -
300 posts is a lot to go through in order to confirm or deny it.

So, if you've seen it before - what do you notice now that you didn't before?
And if this is the first time - allow your eyes to feast and savor! 😋

Day 313: Anticipating

I've never been super fond of playing hostess.

I think a big reason for this is a self-imposed pressure to make sure that everything is "perfect" and to anticipate every need of my guests.

Sound remotely familiar or relatable?

If it does, then you've likely experienced how exhausting it is.

Hosting is exhausting.

Or so I thought.

Really, it's anticipating the needs of others that is exhausting.

It's running on assumptions that is exhausting.

It's attempting to always be 'on' that is exhausting.

These things prevent me from being fully present in the moment.

They prevent me from fully enjoying, taking in, and embracing the experience I am having.

They take me out of the now and put me into a hypothetical future, planning and playing out a variety of scenarios all created in my mind.

And when my focus is on the future, or more appropriately - a specific future I've currated, I am pulled out and disengaged from what is actually happening around me.

Thus, stress and energy drain ensue.

But maybe there isn't a need to anticipate all of the possible needs of others...

Maybe there isn't a need to try to be perfect...

Because in reality, neither of these things are actually possible.

Perfection doesn't exist.

Mindreading (to my knowledge) doesn't exist.

Last time I checked, the times I remember the most are the times I fully engaged with others.

The best stories I have are from the times when unexpected outcomes or needs were discovered and tackled together, not in the isolation of my mind.

Perhaps allowing myself to learn in the moment rather than expecting myself to know everything ahead of time is the real key to being present and fully engaged.

Perhaps allowing myself to be human and embracing the imperfections that come with it is the key to hosting.

And perhaps this new approach to hosting is the key to experiencing life.

Life isn't the scenarios we create in our minds.

 

Live it, don't anticipate it.

 

 

Day 312: JC's Picture

Jesus just had a birthday.

He's hundreds - scratch that - thousands of years old.

Every Christmas we celebrate his birthday and what it represents. But I think there's another aspect that often gets skipped over.

 

A part that any human can get something from - regardless of their religious affiliation or beliefs.

I'm talking about his ability to be himself.

Like, being fully true to who he is.

Being an example of what it might look like to ---

-listen to our inner voice

-heed our inclinations and interests

-cut through all the noise of others telling us to do and act otherwise.

He paints a picture of what it means to Be True To Oneself.

It's my belief that we all have value, worth, and something to contribute to this world. Yet, it's easy to feel like that isn't true - especially in a culture of comparisons and quick judgements.

Interestingly enough, when we are true to ourselves, the comparisons and judgements start to melt away.

Perhaps we should take a page from JC (not Chasez)'s book in the coming year.

May we:

-be aware enough to hear our inner voice

-brave enough to follow the inclinations and interests it reveals

-and confident enough, in ourselves and who we are, to walk on our path no matter what comes our way.

Day 311: Silence

Silence is golden - or so they say (don't ask me who 'they' are).

But what about when it's not so golden?

What about when it's uncomfortable?

That will depend on who you ask - and how they view things.

For instance:

• In a life with small children, silence may seem like a great gift and blessing.
• In a life with adults, silence may seem judgemental or invalidating.

These, of course, are just two of many many interpretations, but they illustrate an important point. The way a person interprets a situation can change the entire feel and meaning of pretty much anything.

Our interpretations are based on our past experiences, expectations, and deep rooted beliefs. They are unique to all of us, but they aren't always helpful - or true.

Oftentimes, situations in which we experience awkwardness, discomfort, or any other undesirable feeling or emotion are indicators that our interpretation of the situation may not be the most helpful for us.

And even more often, these interpretations have to do with US, despite seeming to be about others. Thus, the way we interpret silence can be a good gauge for how comfortable we are with ourselves.

At least that's my take.

So, next time you experience a moment of sweet silence or awkward silence, take a beat to check in with yourself. You may find the situation has the ability to completely transform.

Day 310: Christmas Magic

For years now, I've had an inside joke with my sisters about "Christmas magic."

Essentially, this is just playing up the 'magic of Christmas' theme and attributing anything and everything that works out or falls into place as: 
"Christ-mas Mag-ic." 
Complete with finger wiggles.

I made a demonstrative video of such magical wiggles several years ago. 
You should most definitely take a look - and read - HERE.

As I re-read thoughts from my much earlier post it seemed a fitting reminder for this time of year.

Christmas - for the majority of Christians, is a celebration of the birth of Christ. A time of rejoicing, appreciation, thanksgiving, salvation.

And for anyone living during this time of year (or anytime), it's a time of reflection and, ultimately, choice.

Choice in how we move forward, live our lives, think, interact with others - choice in everything.

It's easy to forget that we have such choice.
Especially, in circumstances where none of the choices presented are favorable.

But we do.
We always have choice - even when we don't like it.

And every time we make a choice, we uncover new options available to us.

In this Christmas season and close of the calendar year, I'd like to offer a recommendation.

Choose Yourself.

Exercise your power of choice.
Make decisions based on the things you want and care about rather than the things you fear or are trying to avoid.

Use your voice.
Practice sharing what you really mean and feel.

Listen openly.
Listen to hear, listen to understand - not to respond.

Strive to make the world a better place.

When we make choices through a lens of love and opportunity we will carry the magic of Christmas (an dare I say, humanity?!) all year long.

Day 309: Cats for sale

Cuddly and curious barn cats for sale!

Come get your new best friend from the
B@!✓£Y Cat Colony!

These cute felines are perfectly socialized and LOVE sharing
- especially eye and nose crusties!

and there's plenty to go around!

Come meet your forever friend NOW!

Day 308: Getting Up

Sometimes getting up in the morning can be tough.

You may find, like me, thinking about the day or activities ahead of you isn't enough to spring you out of bed. (Especially if it means nonstop play and  interaction with little humans who love having you around and also have way more energy than you.)

This is common with activities we may prefer to avoid or put off. But it can also occur on days that we know will include enjoyed activities as well.

So what gives?

I don't know exactly, but I'm coming to find that thinking about how we feel in the moment - when thoughts are starting to churn, but eyes are still closed - might be the place to start. Focusing on the moment at hand, rather than thinking about all of the possible things we have ahead of us in the day.

For me, this can start with first realizing that I'm no longer sleeping - no matter how good it feels to keep my eyes closed.

Then thinking about what's going on in my body-

Am I thirsty?

Do I have to go pee?

Oh, I do have to pee but I'm not ready to be spotted as 'up' and playing with kids yet? . . . Maybe I can hold it for a bit . . .

I'll also think about how I slept.

When visiting my sister and her family, I tend to sleep like a log - who knew dark and quiet were key ingredients to great sleep?!

From there it really comes down to choice and intention (along with prevailing calls of nature). That means deciding what type of day I want to have.

Not so much in a "I want to have the best day possible where nothing bothers me or brings me down," sort of way. But more of a 'this is the perspective I want to experience the day with,' sort of way.

This is easier said than done, but with practice it gets easier and easier.

Give it a try!

What changes in your day when you decide how you want to experience whatever comes your way?

Day 307: Lessons of the Season

"I'm better at jiggling when I'm standing still."

The last one finished eating dinner has to 'pay the bill.'

No throwing anything when there are 'lick-squids' on the table. (It means liquids - as in cups with beverages in them . . . it's a term that's gonna stick.)

Eyes and noses are always running in a cat colony.

I have a feeling there are many more lessons to be learned. So glad Christmas is not even close to being over!

Day 306: Failure is not a Reflection

Often in life we take on different endeavors, giving them our 'all,' only to be met with defeat. Only to fail.

Or so it may seem . . .

If things don't work out when you try them, it's isn't a reflection of YOU.
It's an indication that there is missing [needed] information.

When I think of my own experience with confusing this notion, I think about my writing. I had my last coaching session of the year last week and this was a topic we touched on.

I said I wanted to find a way to ensure that I am connecting with the people I desire to reach - and was immediately asked how I could tell if I was or not.

Then, reality struck.

Did I have any metrics in place to know/measure who is actually reading my work? The answer was, 'no.'

Because of this I felt like I was failing, when I really had no proof.

This way of thinking is like saying I failed at making a shirt when I was missing some of the pattern pieces. If I don't have all of the pieces needed, I can't possibly make the intended shirt.

I didn't fail - I needed more materials [information].
The same can be said for life.

We aren't failing when something doesn't turn out how we planned. We often just are missing some piece that we didn't know we needed.

It's up to us, upon discovering this missing information, to decide if we want to seek it out or if we want to change course and pivot in a different direction.

Both are fine options.
Both are valid options.

The only unhelpful option would be to deliberately not learn anything from the situation. To complain and continue on in the exact same manner, expecting different results.

Failure is not a reflection of You. It's a message of what else is needed.

Day 305: Holiday Sweater

Riding on the coat tails of yesterday, I present to you -
the gift that keeps on giving:

My homemade holiday sweater!

It certainly fills me with happiness and joy . . .
and here's hoping for a sprinkle of holiness!

Because nothing says 'relief', 'freedom', or 'holy'
quite like stick figures flashing their festive undies!

Day 304: Gifting Your Gifts

In the holiday season of the western world, gift giving is a staple.

Consumerism is at the forefront and buying things for the people in our lives is top of mind. It's 'what you do' during the holidays.

Sure, there is an aspect of appreciation, generosity, love and compassion that comes out in different ways. But, front and center are always GIFTS.

I was skimming a Susie Moore email that came through my inbox and one of her nuggets managed to catch my fast scanning eye:

"Gifts you stop using (writing, teaching, designing, photography the list goes on…) will make you feel miserable over time. Your skills exist to be used and to bring joy to everyone who encounters them! What can you pick back up - just for you?"

I fully believe this sentiment, which is probably why it jumped out at me.

We all have inherent skills and talents for a reason.
And that Reason can actually be broken down into smaller pieces.
   1) To provide happiness and meaning for oneself
   2) To share and magnify this happiness and meaning with others

By definition (Merriam-Webster's, that is), a Holiday is
- a period of exemption or relief
- a holy day
- a day on which one is exempt from work.

And a Gift is
- the act, right, or power of giving
- a notable capacity, talent, or endowment
- [something] voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation

If we were to combine these meanings, we might get something that reads loosely along the lines of:
"Voluntarily giving a notable talent to others as a means of experiencing relief, freedom [of duty], and holiness." 

I don't know about you, but I've never thought about Holiday Gifts this way before. . .

So, in the spirit of the holidays - and this new interpretation - why not explore what it means to give the gift of 'you'? The things that are unique about you?

The things you enjoy, are drawn to, and captivated by - what would it be like to share them [more] with others?

What would it be like to share them [more] with yourself?

Day 303: You're Interesting

Have you ever met someone new and thought, 'Wow, what an interesting life they've had!' or 'What an interesting person they are!'?

It's so easy to think about others and their different experiences and be in awe.
It's much harder, or so it seems to me, to have the same experience when thinking of oneself.

We all live different lives.
Some have a lot of variety.
Some contain a lot of similarities.
All are rich with experiences.
And to those who have not had the same (or even similar) experiences, the lives of others can sometimes take on an air of elevated appeal [or harsh criticism].

We compare and contrast to our own lived experience.
We attempt to relate.
And when we can't, we can enter into a veiled lens of lack or judgement.

"I wish my life was that impressive."
"I wish I had a lot of different experiences like that."
"I wish I [insert any relevant comparative change here]."
"I'd never want to experience that!"
"Why would anyone ever want a life filled with [insert topic of criticism here]".

But we don't have to look through the Lack Lens of judgment.
In fact, some of us don't (at least not routinely).
Because we always have at LEAST one other option available to us. 

I'd venture to say we always have at least TWO other options available to us at all times.

Neutrality - seeing the differences in life experiences between yourself and others, as simply that.

And Aspiration - seeing the differences in life experiences between yourself and others and recognizing a want or desire for yourself. 

Lack and Aspiration are two sides of the same coin.
Neutrality is what binds them.

We experience lack when we allow unchecked judgement. We see/hear/learn about something that we desire, but are unable to register the aspiration because our judgement is telling us that we can never have it.

We experience aspiration when we see/hear/learn about something that we desire, and are able to register the aspiration because judgement is absent. We are purely tapped into our state of interest and whatever makes us lean in and listen up.

So what do Lack and Aspiration have to do with how interesting we find ourselves?

Everything.

If we have an experience in which we worked towards an aspiration, we are most likely going to view that as pretty cool and interesting.

If we have an experience in which we judge our situation or others for the meaning we aren't finding, then we're more inclined to look down on our experiences.

And then there's the In-Between.

Because nothing in life is 100% binary.
Things are not always black or white, yes or no, right or wrong.

The In-Between is where I have found myself caught for years. Downplaying accomplishments and normalizing successes.

Why?

Because in the In-Between we haven't completed our internal assessment of life experiences. We haven't consciously explored and acknowledged what we have really learned and gained from them.

The In-Between is the staircase between movement and stagnancy.

We can only move up the steps when we are able to acknowledge, embrace, learn from, and genuinely appreciate each experience we have.

By the very virtue of being a living, breathing human you will experience life in a way that is unique to you. This is the sole prerequisite to claiming the title of 'interesting.'

Who knew it was as easy as experiencing life just as we are?! 

The struggle comes in seeing ourselves - and experiences - objectively and without judgement.

Day 302: American Dream

I used to think that the American Dream was more of a pipe dream.

Something that was nice to imagine, but virtually impossible to achieve - at least for most people.

Perhaps part of why I had a hard time buying into the idea was because I'm not particularly patriotic. And my reality certainly isn't dream-like.

But then I realized, I barely even allowed myself to dream.
To dream a dream the size of an American Dream.
Never allowed myself to dream a dream of my wildest dreams.

Because I didn't know what that was.
Because I didn't know who I was.

Thinking about it now, I have a very different perspective.

I still fully believe that the 'American Dream achievement plan' that has been seared into my brain since childhood of being 'self-made' and 'pulling yourself up by the bootstraps [without help from anyone]' is not a viable plan for more than a sliver of the population.

So, yes, if using that approach, the American Dream for many folks is impossible. It is a pipe dream.

However - 

If you change your approach you will always change your outcome.

These days, I believe the American Dream really can be achieved by everyone. But they have to find the route that works best to get there.

And, perhaps even more importantly, they need to be clear on where 'there' is - for them.

Everyone's dream is different.
Everyone's dream is valid.
Everyone's dream is possible.

When we pair knowledge of self and what tugs at our heart with knowledge of the thoughts and approaches that feel and work best, nothing can keep us from what we find truly important.

Day 301: Why Are You Yelling?

 

Remember those slumber parties as a child where you were having so much fun that you didn't even realize you were yelling until your friend's mom came in three plus times to tell you to be quieter?

Imagine if that happened every time you were
around a person you really liked a lot - as an adult.

Day 300: Tamagotchi Bodies

"Wow, it's so crazy that I'm in charge of taking care of this body
- and it has to last me my whole life!
Who let me have that responsibility?!"

I remember exactly when my friend, Elsa, shared these thoughts. 

Well - more or less, when - I know it was some time between 2013 - 2016.
And, ok, those might not have been her exact words, but they capture the same sentiment.

This sentiment was one I had never before encountered. So, naturally, it really stood out to me.

Sure, we have bodies and we are living, breathing, things. But the connection had never really been made that part of this living was taking care of the vessel that carries us around. Taking care of our bodies.

Immediately, Giga Pets and Tamagotchis came into mind (the virtual pet toys that were all the rage during my elementary and middle school years).

It's pretty much the same concept, if you think about it.
During those preteen years, I witnessed many friends relish the ability to raise and care for these fake pets on an itty-bitty screen. (I never had one.)

[Annoying alert sounds] "Oh, it's hungry! Time to feed him!!"

It was a drop-everything-you're-doing-or-else sort of infatuation.
Because if you didn't, it could end up in death - of your Tamagotchi/Giga Pet.

I feel like we could do well to think of ourselves, our bodies, the very things that allow us to sustain life, the same way.

If we don't stop what we are doing to take care of ourselves, we will die.
Albeit, slowly, but still. 

I also think of real, living pets. Say, a dog, for instance.
Most pet owners wouldn't get a dog and then only feed it garbage.
They wouldn't get a dog and then never take it outside to play or go on walks.
Most pet owners wouldn't get a dog and then neglect it when they saw signs of pain, limping, sickness or other things out of the ordinary.

And yet, as humans, we do this to ourselves all of the time.

I think it's easy to forget that we also are animals that need caring for.
The only difference is, we're providing that care for ourselves.

Regardless of where it's coming from, the importance and need remains the same; just as when we were babies and others cared for us. Over time, we were unceremoniously (and often invisibly) passed the torch to carry on this same care for ourselves.
Because we are now able to do so.

But we often don't. 

The baby is crying, the dog is barfing, the tamigotchi or giga pet is hungry.
We take note. We stand at attention. We do what needs to be done.

I'm crying, I feel sick or 'off,' I'm hungry (likely in more than just a physical aspect).
We often feel the need to put off our own care, seeing other things or other people as higher priorities.

Here's the thing - we can't live if we're not alive.
And we can't come alive if we aren't nurtured.

We CAN experience fulfillment and delight, just as our pre-teen-hearted selves did when caring for our electronic pets in their tiny screen homes. 

We CAN experience ourselves as happy and thriving - and doing cute things that melt our own hearts, as if we, too, lived in a Tamagotchi world.

This and more is possible - and it starts and ends with us.

What in your world is needing your own attention?
Perhaps it's time to give yourself the nurturing you need and deserve.

Day 299: Bread Delivery?

I see this vehicle almost every morning.
When I get up early enough, that is.

At first it seemed a bit suspicious. 

Why is this man just hanging out in the back ally, lurking around his car in the early morning?

It took many dawn sightings before I finally saw some action.
And it wasn't the dog walking kind, if you know what I mean...

It was an interaction with an old woman. 

She slowly made her way down the alley, empty tote bag in hand.
Then she'd hold it open, upon reaching the back of the car, and the man would put several loaves of bread inside.

In a handful of observations, I spotted the money transfer only a time or two.

And while it all looked pretty innocent, I still haven't ruled out the possibility that it's actually a very good cover for some sort of covert, black-market, bread ring . . .

Day 298: What A Hickey Taught Me

"I don't do some of the things I want because I'm
worried about someone seeing and commenting on it."

That sounds like a reasonable thought, given the title.

The funny thing is, that statement wasn't in reference to a hickey at all!
It was about a jacket.

My crew neck leopard print jacket.

I've had it for years and hardly ever wear it.
I like it.
I like the idea of it.
But it doesn't match the false identity I bind myself to, in my head.
- So I fear it.

What's the identity?
Low maintenance, laid back, effortless - (imagined in the most appealing way, though the reality really is that I put in no effort).

'And leopard print is the kind of thing worn by someone who wants to be seen.'
I was just starting to get comfortable with ME seeing me.

So I didn't wear a jacket that I liked.

"Wow, I'm not doing something that I like - because I'm imagining that someone else will . . . what?"

I had never played the scenario out to the end.
There was nothing specific to be feared or tried to avoid.
There was nothing negative.

My fear isn't of someone commenting on my jacket choice. 

It's of them noticing it.

My fear is of being seen.

Ugh.  It was great to uncover that nugget, but - come on!- how long is it going to take until I get to the bottom of this whole "fear of being seen" thing??!?

If you couldn't guess, this is a recurring pattern I've discovered.
And it stands in the way of me and pretty much everything I want to accomplish in life.

That sounds super dramatic. But it is true.
And, not in a complaining, "life is so unfair," kind of way.
More in a "I really want to get going with all of the dreams, goals and ideas I have and it's going to be so great when I am doing them - and feeling so at ease!" kind of way.

I want it now!
But, I'm also a bit scared at the idea of my life being as great as I imagine.

That's where the fear is really coming from.  

The fear of not being able to do it -
because I've never never given up on something.
I've always taken "no" for an answer.
And to do things different from the ways I'm familiar - is scary!

It's scary to challenge my beliefs and the ways they limit me;
To be consciously aware of the thoughts that pass in my head.
It's scary to decipher that if I really believed the message of the opening quote -
I would never be able to live. 

Not really.
Not fully.

I don't want to live a restricted and happiness-limiting life.

So I'm going to learn how to live the opposite.
Starting with a leopard print jacket.

And also starting with selfies - because they also make me uncomfortable.

Day 297: Embracing Embarrassment

Everyone has experienced embarrassment.
Whether it was something they did or a situation they experienced.

Feeling embarrassed doesn't feel good - physically or mentally.

If you're anything like me, you literally feel more uptight or rigid and you have trouble concentrating on anything else (like the things you actually need to focus on!).

When I feel embarrassed, it's a near guarantee my energy will tank and I'll start imagining all sorts of  unwanted attention from others in my head.

Notice I said imagining.
The things we imagine others will think, say, or do (about anything) are simply that - imaginings.
Made up scenarios that aren't real.

Even if we do perceive a real life experience to be every bit as mortifying as what we conjured in our heads, more often than not it's due to how we are interpreting it rather than how things were intended.

That's because we are looking for something specific.
We are looking for proof.
But not the objective kind that we can learn from.
We're looking for the subjective proof that is biased and unkind and feeds on our insecurities.

So, we can go that route and be miserable or we can make another choice.

When presented with the same set of options the other night, I decided to go with the latter and take action on the things I could control.

My recent embarrassing experience may or may not have involved needing to cover up a particular area of the body due to some unintentional and unsightly markings.

Knowing that I don't have the current skills, supplies, or interest to learn how to master the magic of makeup coverup, I focused on my next available option.

Turtlenecks.

I owned a total of 2. 

Last time I checked there were more than two days in a work week.
I needed to get more.

So I did!
And I still felt stressed out.

Then I identified what else was within my control - the exact outfit I would wear.
Tomorrow.
And the day after that.
And after that.

I planned out a whole week's worth of outfits and dare I say it  - I had fun doing it?!
Once I had finished, something was strange.
Was I feeling  . . . confident?! At least a little?

I was.

The next morning I shared my ordeal with my sister, who responded exactly as was needed:

It's just like Brene Brown says about keeping things to yourself, keeping secrets. The only way to be free from embarrassment and shame - is to share it.
It releases it's power and allows you to be what you've always been - 

Human.

So, did I go to work feeling confident and care free?
Absolutely not!
But I did feel a LOT better about things that I did the night before.
And that was a good enough win for me!

Day 296: I Bleed Eggyolk

And it gets all over everything - like my training manuals.

Ugh.

It's just not the same as Spider Man spraying webs . . . 

Or Sarah and Sonia donating blood . . .

 Yeah, we may pretend (when we're together and in private) that we can donate blood like Spider Man sprays webs . . . that's not weird.

Day 295: Dare To Believe

I rediscovered this poem in one of my iPEC coach training manuals.

I think we can all use this reminder once in a while.

Enjoy.

***********************

Dare To Believe

Everybody knows:

You can't be all things to all people.

You can't do all things at once.

You can't do all things equally well.

You can't do all things better than everyone else.

Your humanity isn't showing just like everyone else's.

So:

You have to find out who you are, and be that.

You have to decide what comes first, and do that.

You have to discover your strengths, and use them.

You have to learn not to compete with others,

Because no one else is in the contest of "being you."

Then:

You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness.

You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions.

You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due.

And you'll be a most vital mortal.

Dare To Believe:

That you are a wonderful, unique person.

That you are a once-in-all-history event.

That it's more than a right, it's your duty, to be who you are.

That life is not a problem to solve, but a gift to cherish.

And you'll be able to stay one up on what used to get you down.

~Author Unknown~

Day 294: Phone it in

I feel like there's a very subtle line between flakiness and doing what you need to take care of yourself.

I caught a glimpse of an article title that I think was called, "We Don't Know How To Phone It In." The blurb below indicating this was a quote from a band member of the Foo Fighters.

It immediately resonated with me.

This is definitely something I struggle with and am trying to improve at.

Though, I suppose I should specify that to me, 'phoning it in,' means pulling back, allowing imperfection, and being ok with shifting your priorities.

*Full disclosure - I didn't actually read the article, so the intended meaning could have been entirely different. But interpretation is an individual thing, so I'll continue!

Phoning it in is important - though my initial understanding of it came with a negative connotation.

It can be seen as a negative thing when phoning it in means you won't meet someone else's expectations (or your own).

But it can be seen as a positive thing when phoning it in means you recognize your own needs.

This is where I think the struggle really lies.
It's not about breaking your word or not following through.
It's about having a clear sense of your bandwidth and what you realistically can do given the energy you're working with.

How many times have you over committed to things?
I know I have.

And how many times have you felt bad because you had to break plans or your work suffered or you couldn't be fully present with the people you care about?

This happens to a LOT of people.
And believe it or not, it doesn't mean anything about the type of person that they are. It just shows that they are struggling to identify and prioritize their own needs.

So yeah, I would agree with the former 1/6 of the Foo Fighters - we don't know how.
But this doesn't mean we can't learn.

I feel compelled to go into how one would learn to 'phone it in'  - or rather - avoid phoning it in by identifying and then prioritizing their own needs. But I think I'll save that for a different day. 

In the meantime, maybe this will be of interest.
Or this.
Or possibly even this.

Day 293: Look for the proof

Transformations take time.

Change takes time.

And sometimes, it's easy to miss it entirely. Going completely unaware to the shifts that are taking root.

Take my beloved - yet elusive - beaver at North Pond.
I've seen it's art over the past few months, but I didn't think it had been further improved upon.
I made the assumption that things were exactly the same from when I first noticed them.
But this morning, something made me pause to check.

"Is that tree looking even more whittled down than last time I was here??"
Believe it or not I'd been absent for at least a week.

Then I went through the whole back and forth of believing myself and the intangible force that stopped me and doubting my inclinations. 

So, I decided to look for the proof.

I searched my phone pics until I came upon the first documentation I had of the chewed on tree:
October 29th.

It was now December 7th. [Busted - I wrote this yesterday! 😜]

The proof was in the pudding. Behold!

Left image: Oct. 29    |    Right image: Dec 7

Indeed, work had been done.

It seemed in just over a month, this tree was rapidly approaching Felling Day.

This is a good illustration of the importance of proof.
Not in the literal sense to prove something actually did or did not happen.
But in the sense that it is easy to gaslight ourselves, doubting or questioning our own thoughts and intuition.

Proof gives us an objective lens to view things from.
Granted, we need to be seeking information rather than a specific answer.

If I hadn't sought proof via a past photo I had taken, I would have likely settled on the thought that I was imagining things and the tree had always been that chewed up. When in fact, that wasn't the case at all.

Proof helps us to strengthen our trust in ourselves and our intuitive connections.
It's easy to shut down the random ideas that pop into our heads. The more we do this the more we block our own line of communication within ourselves.

And communicating with ourselves is important!
As Plato (and I'm sure many after him) once said,
"thinking is the talking of the soul with itself."

If we can't talk with ourselves, then we can't listen either. And listening is the core of everything.

So, next time you find yourself uncertain by your own thoughts do yourself a favor - get out of your head and look for the proof.

Day 292: Moral beliefs vs. Legal rule

I was listening to a podcast episode of Start Here by ABC News, yesterday morning, and the first story really jumped out at me.

Maybe you know the news story I'm talking about - the Supreme Court case about same-sex marriage and the website designer from Colorado? 

 

This individual claims her first amendment rights are being impinged upon by a Colorado state ruling that prohibits businesses from declining services to customers with whom they disapprove of their lifestyle choices.

She feels that because of this law she is being forced to utter an endorsement by creating a website for a same-sex couple that is compelling her to speak something she does not believe in. Thus, violating her First Amendment right to freedom of speech.

It's fair that she has strong beliefs and she wants to be able to uphold them in her work, as website creation is, "her creative canvas." And in that creation, she is using her artistic voice - which is protected by the First Amendment. 

 

However, the real issue is not her endorsement by taking on the job. It's her concern about the perception of others by her taking on the job. As well as her perception of herself.

At least that's my opinion. 

And based on that opinion my first thought was, "get this woman some coaching!"

It seems pretty clear to me that if a person has strong convictions and a strong sense of self, they are much less likely to be concerned about the thoughts and interpretations of others. 

 

They know that their beliefs are theirs. 

And the beliefs of others do not impinge upon them. 

The beliefs of others do not threaten their own. 

 

No one can make you believe something else. So the fact that she is so concerned about what her actions might "convey" to others, indicates to me that this woman has some figuring out to do in her relationship with herself.

I can only speak for myself, but I know that for me, getting to know myself better has increased my self-confidence, security, and conviction in the values and beliefs that I hold close to me. 

 

As a result of this, I don't feel challenged or threatened by differing opinions and points of view from others. At least for the most part - this is still very much a work in progress.

Another thought for this website creator is a bit more basic. 

Why not make your ideal target market much more clear on all of your promotions? 

List on your website that you work best with same-sex couples - and maybe even air out your personal beliefs. That in itself will remove any issues similar to this one from ever happening again. 

 

Because you know what? 

Same-sex couples are not going to want to work with you. 

Problem solved!

The fact that something of this nature made it all the way to the Supreme Court of the country is a little bit ridiculous to me. 

 

I get it at a glance, but when looked at more closely to understand what's really happening, a very different resolution comes into focus. 

 

And that is doing the internal, personal development needed to make the people involved feel secure in themselves and thus, in their work at large.

 

Personal development might not be easier than going through a court case (I have no idea - I'm sure it depends on the person and also the case), but it is certainly longer lasting and much more beneficial.

Day 291: Exploring the tools

I touch a lot on the idea of perspective, as it is the foundation through which we experience all of life.

But I haven't explored much the tools that can be used to identify and navigate different perspectives available to oneself. 

A big reason for this is I'm not super well versed with the tools. I'm still growing my understanding of them, myself.

Yet, as the purpose of this blog was to develop a deeper understanding of various ideas and concepts now available to me through coaching, it seems the perfect use of this post to explore perspective tools together. 

Because what's life if you don't share it?! Am I right? 

I'm still working on that one, too...

The tool I am learning about - and referring to - is called the Energy Leadership Index Assessment (ELI). I can't say I love the name, but I do love the premise. 

 

This is an assessment that was created by my coach training program, iPEC. It takes a snapshot of one's current, and unique, mixture of energy and how that influences their perspectives, actions, and overall experience and satisfaction in life.

The ELI illustrates a clear connection between emotions we experience as humans, the attitudes, thoughts, and perspectives we have towards different things, and how they work together to either help us in our endeavors or make it harder for ourselves.

The idea sounds great, but the name really throws me off. At least it used to when I was first learning about the assessment. I recall being less than excited about spending a whole training weekend learning about the ELI. 

 

At the time, it didn't seem to live up to the hype. 

Now, however, as I am understanding it more over time, I think I might have an idea of why the excitement and hype for it was there. It's pretty cool to be able to pinpoint specific thoughts, actions, and feelings I have/experience in specific areas of life - and also know that I can change all of them. 

If I want to. 

And not just change them blindly, but the ELI gives a framework to know exactly how to go about making changes, should I choose.

As one who loves details, the ELI assessment is all about the details! 

It reflects the reality that as humans, we are constantly changing. Therefore, our ELI assessment results - the energy levels we use and how we use them - are also always changing. 

This is actually a really cool resource that we can use to measure our own personal development and change. Honestly, it could even be used to measure our level of happiness and satisfaction at any given time. 

Unlike personality tests that just tell you 'this is who you are this is how to work with it,' this is an attitudinal assessment. The ELI shows us 'this is how you're showing up right now and if you want to change it in any direction here are some ideas for you.' 

Again, humans are not static. 

We are constantly changing.

Why?

Because we are always having new experiences.

Now, that doesn't mean brand new, completely foreign experiences that we've never heard of or seen before.

No, it means everyday we wake up, and it's a new day. 

We don't know what's going to happen and that alone makes it a new experience.

So, this tool that I am working on understanding more, could really be seen as a way to help us get even more out of life - in whatever way we choose. 

And I suppose that's the real beauty of it, because it's a 'choose your own adventure' type of thing. 

Nobody is telling you you are 'X' [label] or you fit into 'Y' box. 

We get to choose who we are and what we want and how we experience life. And this is a tool that can help us do so much more easily.

And the best part is, it will all happen on our own timelines! 

Maybe you want to get going right away and are ready to take action. Or maybe, you're more like me when I first learned about coaching, and need to let the information marinate in the back of your brain for 3.5 years before taking a step towards exploring it and changing your life.

Regardless of the timeline or specific actions taken, tools are tools.
They are available to help us whenever we need them.
And I'm excited to add and sharpen this tool for my own toolbox.

Day 290: Blessings in Disguise

Everything can be worthwhile if you learn from it.

I think that's really what blessings in disguise are. The learning of important lessons through life experiences. 

People can go years and years not learning from their own patterns and behaviors. Though, those who do always come out better off.

Who would have thought that to be able to learn from your own life, and the situations you experience, would be considered a blessing?

Not me. Not when phrased like that.

My past interpretation of the phrase always eluded that the blessing must be something prominent and tangible. The blessing had to be something external from oneself.

But that is not the only way to experience a blessing.

They can appear much closer to home.

Such as - within oneself.

Maybe these blessings aren't in disguise at all.

Maybe the lessons are just the opposite of what we were expecting. And it takes a life disrupting situation to focus our attention where it is needed.
When you think about it - it's more like a giant arrow pointing exactly where the the learning will take place . . . which isn't that sneaky, if you ask me.

Perhaps these blessings in disguise are really like the training wheels we need to become proficient in learning from all of our life experiences ('good' and 'bad').
- Callback to people going years without learning from their routine patterns and behaviors. 

 

So, why don't we learn from ourselves?
For a multitude of reasons - but I'm willing to bet that not being aware of how to actually do it is one of the big ones.

Think of an area of life that keeps continuing the same way for you, despite your desire and effort for change. 

Then think about your approach.
What have you actually been doing about it? And how have those actions changed over time?

Here's a hot tip, if the actions remain the same so will the result.
No, duh - but also, sometimes it needs to be said.

Now let's think about the really important stuff -

What are your beliefs about it?
How is your attitude and mood when it's on your mind?

While these may seem like annoying fluff, they are actually the meat of the meal. Because it is our beliefs that direct ALL of our actions. So if we don't know what we believe about something, how can we possibly learn from it?

As blessings in disguise deliver benefit and new opportunities, so do the lessons that can be gained from every day experiences. We just need to be able to spot them.

Day 289: Subtitles

There's a knock on the door . . .

 

 

 

Who could it be??

 

A disgruntled neighbor!
"Your music is too loud. Turn it off - or ELSE!!!"

The volume is down to 3.
"Can you hear it??"

Then brilliance strikes -
"What if we turn on the subtitles?!"
'...then we'd just be reading...'

Day 288: Commitment

Commitment is scary. 

It can feel binding. It can feel permanent.

I feel it myself. I saw it yesterday at work. We see it all around us.

What if I change my mind?

What if I made the wrong decision?

What if I can't do it? 

What if I fail? 

What if I want to quit?

What if the point of commitment wasn't the act or task you've signed up for at all?

What if the point of commitment is in solidifying a goal, want, or desire for oneself? 

What if commitment is really just a structured prioritization tool?

"I have to keep going/do 'X' because I made a commitment."

How any times do our commitments start to feel like obligations?

We make commitments because something is important to us. At least on some level. 

We make commitments because they do something for us.

We gain something from them. We get some sort of need or want met.

But the day we forget WHY we made the commitment, is the day we start to feel restricted by the commitment.

Commitments are not rigid and they are not static. They have the capacity to grow with us. And they require us to become aware of our own growth and how things may need to be adjusted in order to fill the shapes our lives now hold.

Change is constant. 

Life doesn't stop.

Some commitments will last forever, others will transform into something new. 

There is no one way - or right way - to fill a particular commitment. 

There are infinite ways.

The tricky part is not in keeping a commitment, but in navigating the way that works best for you.

Day 287: Something to consider

As I explore different topics and process different thoughts, the primary purpose is presenting something to consider. Something new, something unexpected, something from a slightly different angle. 

The whole point is to show and demonstrate that there's always a different way to approach a topic. 

Always. 

There's no one way or right way. 

It is my hope that in exploring my own thoughts and experiences on a deeper level that I may encourage others to do the same.

During my last coaching session with Audrey it became clear to me how much I struggle with defining a larger goal for myself and the business I'm trying to create. 

I was tasked with writing up a very basic, directional goal for my business. 

Sounds pretty simple. 

It wasn't. 

Because along with goals comes this thing called dreaming. 

Maybe you've heard of it? 

I've certainly touched on it before and I'll touch on it again - no question about it. But in completing my task of actually writing out my goal to work towards, I realize my struggle (still) when it comes to dreaming big. Or perhaps it's really a fear of committing to a dream.

The goal I came up with is: 

I have a thriving coaching business in which I help others find true happiness by getting to know themselves through one-on-one coaching, writing, public speaking, and experiential events.

Super basic.

And yet it was very difficult to assemble this statement.

One foundational aspect of this goal is giving others something new to consider. 

That's the whole point of being someone's coach, of writing this blog, of (one day) speaking about these ideas and creating events in which people can explore them. 

The person considering will always start out as me, but I want to expand that. If I'm being honest, I want to be THE person to spark the desire in another to more deeply understand themselves and the way they experience life. 

I want to be the voice that finally swings open the door and makes things click. The voice someone 'needs to hear it from,' whatever it may be.

To angle it differently, I want to be the gateway to self-development and the addictive hooks it sinks once started. 

That's right, I said it, I want to get people addicted to coaching and self-development!

And this all starts with an idea. 

It may be familiar, it may be new, it may be a different approach than we're used to. And if not new, then a confirmation that the approach we are using is worth considering and continuing to explore more.

At the end of the day, life is really just about exploration. Observing and considering the things that happen in our life, both internal and external.

Day 286: Writer

Today is the first day (well last night, really) that I've seen my identity as "Writer."

And it made me laugh with joy! And disbelief. And then more joy.

I was reading an article about dictation apps (to which I begrudgingly acknowledge that my boss was right about how great they are - after he went on and on about one for MONTHS, last year 😑). 

The article was written by an author. Duh.

A 4x New York Times bestselling author. 

I don't care if he got paid to write it - he knows the material he's writing about. So when I read about things that I can relate to when I write, it was like a light went on.

"Hey, this writer is writing about things that happen to me . . . Does this mean - I'M a writer?!?"

Strangely enough, I didn't (and still don't fully) see myself that way. 

I saw myself as someone who writes her blog posts. 

I saw myself as someone who enjoys writing.

But never as someone with the label of "Writer." 

Why?

Because - I just learned - I had the requirement of 'outside validation of my skills by others' attached to being a "Writer." 

And I was afraid I couldn't get said validation.

So, rather than face the possibility of failure, why even try? 

This is a fear that's become glaringly obvious in my writing a blog that I don't really share with people. Thus, not claiming the label.

Well, not anymore!!

😳 What?!. . . But sharing is scary!! 

[Make sure you (re)read that in the whiniest, Tom Haverford, voice possible.]

Sharing IS scary.

But taking action is scarier.
And I am finding myself in a place that calls for that now.
I had my time to rest and recharge. And now is time to get into action.

But, boy oh boy, is the resistance strong!

Scared Hazey is STRONG!

 

What does this impending action look like?
I'm not quite sure.
Ok, that's not true - I'm pretending I don't know. Something also known as stalling. And the exact something my coach called me out on this week - and it's a good thing she did.

Cue transition into new phase of life!

While I am still gathering up bravery as I cling to the edge of the action pool, I know my dive is not far away.

 

Doing new things will always be scary.
But I'm learning that moving towards them can become easier when we claim our own labels and define ourselves. 

We are the only ones who will ever walk in our shoes, so lets write up an adventure that makes the journey meaningful.