Day 255: Model Pet Relationship

My friend is letting me test out her cat take a test drive as a cat owner by allowing one of her cats to stay with me for a few days. 

Fascinatingly, my 4-legged friend has sparked some new connections that I didn't have before about relationships.

For instance - all relationships, ideally, should be like that of a pet owner and pet. Not in the sense of possessiveness or ownership, but in the sense of non-judgment and unconditional love.

Think about it, if your pet does something wrong you wouldn't hold a two-week grudge about it. You probably wouldn't even hold a silent treatment grudge about it - at least for longer than a few minutes, anyway.

And yet, in relationships with other humans, we often hold onto disappointments and hurts, using them as a way of protecting ourselves from the possibility of future disappointments and hurts.

But with pets, we don't expect them to disappoint or hurt us.
We expect them to be kind and loving towards us.
And when they do disappoint, perhaps by doing something they're not supposed to, we don't hold onto the fear that they will do it again in the future. 

We know that pets are living creatures and that accidents happen. 

We also know that from accidents learning can always happen - along with training for better behavior down the road.

But somehow, this mindset doesn't often apply to human to human relationships. 

And it doesn't make any sense!

Especially when looked at from this angle.

Some might argue that animals don't have free will as humans do, nor do they [generally] have bad intentions towards their humans. Therefore, comparing relationships with pets to relationships with other humans is like comparing apples to oranges.
Totally different.

But what if it wasn't?

I mean, if you really think about it, a big reason pets owners enjoy relationships with their pets is because they share limitless love and behave well. 

The owners put in the time and effort to 'train' their pets.

The owners put in the time and effort to 'raise' their pets.

The owners put in the time and effort to 'build a relationship' with their pets.

To Train = To Raise = To Build a Relationship

It doesn't matter what word you use or what type of relationship you apply it to - it's all the same thing.

What would change if we all approached relationships as if we were getting to know a new pet? Expecting the best, learning from the worst, and loving what is from moment to moment.

Day 254: Supporting Evidence

A few days ago at the start of my walk around North Pond something caught my eye in the middle of the pond.

It was swimming straight towards the water's edge, near the cafe.

It was the beaver!!

Oh my gosh the beaver's back! It made it through all of the construction of the pond restoration project!

What a happy discovery. My heart was singing - I was SO EXCITED!!

Since that day I've been scouring the pond with an eagle-eyed intensity during my walks, determined to catch sign of my rodent friend once again.

Today, during my walk, I still did not see the beaver.
Nor did I get closer to figuring out where it's [new?] den is.

But I did catch sight of some supporting evidence that the beaver is indeed, back to stay at North Pond.

Behold!

Exhibit(s) A

Exhibit B

What a great example of you see what you seek.

Yes, I wanted to actually SEE the beaver.
And while that hasn't happened YET, I still saw what I was seeking - proof that it was still around.
Proof on both sides of the pond, to be exact.

There's another saying that comes to mind for this,
What you focus on expands.

I feel like both of these sayings are helpful to keep in mind. Especially in today's world.

We are constantly inundated by information of all kinds - sometimes by choice, but often not.

We can focus on the things we don't want and thus, find proof to support whatever fear, stress, etc it brings up in us.

Or

We can focus on the things we DO want and enjoy. And through our focus on such things, we amplify the benefit and the good feelings they bring. 

Supporting evidence is all around us, we just need to decide what we are hoping to see.

Day 253: Nature Lover

Nature is genuine and authentic.
No wonder I love it so much. 

In nature, neither animals nor plants are putting on airs or acting a certain way because they think that's what they're supposed to do.
With the exception, perhaps, of the squirrels wanting people to feed them.

No, they are all just living. Full stop.
Living in the way that is natural and best for them.

Take a look at the changing leaves right now.
They are all changing at a different pace and into different colors. Various fade combinations, some to stay before they fall and others to transition through a metamorphosis of different colors before the end.

You don't see one tree thinking to itself:
'Well, all of the other trees are changing their leaf color, I'd better hurry up and do it, too!'

Instead, you see a wide progression of change with each individual tree moving on it's own timeline.

Ah, what ease. What freedom. What peace.

May we all be able to reconnect with our own authentic sense of internal nature.
May we all come to a place of acceptance and desire to live fully within our own timelines.

Day 252: The Golden Rule

The golden rule has been around probably since the beginning of time - if I had to venture a guess.

And it still seems to be somewhat elusive on a grand scale.

I have never, through my limited knowledge or experience, come across a place or time where this guide for being was completely embraced by everyone.

The thought occurred to me recently, that the reason for this might be more fundamental than I would have guessed. Requiring a bit of reverse engineering to get to the root of.

Treat others as you want to be treated. 

But are we treating ourselves as we want to be treated??

Life is a reflection of our inner world. Our thoughts and perspectives color what we see around us. And because of this, our interpretations of life will be uniquely different than everyone else's (for the most part).

If we aren't willing to treat ourselves how we would like to be treated, how can we do the same for others?

It seems similar to the thought, 'you have to love yourself before you can love someone else.' 

I don't think it's the all or nothing situation of, if you don't treat yourself well then you can't treat others well. Because I know from personal experience (a lot of it) that it is MUCH easier to be kind, encouraging, supportive, advocative, etc towards others than myself at times.

Yet, I think the transition of carrying out the golden rule to living out the golden rule occurs when one has learned to apply the rule to oneself.

This makes sense to me.

Think about a time when you felt really happy, proud, appreciative of yourself - and then interacted with others.
What was that like?

For me, if I am feeling good in and about myself, it becomes seemingly effortless and automatic to project those good vibes, feelings and actions onto others.

Thus, my call to action:

Treat yourself as you want others to treat you
- and see what shifts over time.

Day 251: Reciprocation and Dislike

For much of my life I've operated under the premise that I needed to act a certain way in order to be 'nice.'

Because to be 'nice' is to be 'liked'.
(At least to my child brain.)
And if you aren't 'liked' then there must be something wrong with you.

...hmm...

I uncovered a belief I have, that 'you have to reciprocate in order to be "nice" (aka a 'good' person).'

But that's not true.
(People please, much?)

It's not true that by not reciprocating I am being "mean."

And it's not true that not reciprocating has any moral implications on the type of person I am.

But in my brain, that is the only other alternative.

With hidden - or limiting - beliefs, everything is an 'All or nothing' situation.

And every choice has a moral say about you and your worth.

This realization made me think about the concepts of nice and mean - and how they correlate to being liked and being disliked.

I thought about in childhood when being unliked is one of the worst things ever.

How interesting it is that to be unliked in adulthood could be viewed as a completely neutral thing?

To be unliked is not the same as being disliked.

I think in childhood these two terms are actually synonyms. 

However, as we mature and enter into adulthood they begin to take on their own individual meanings.
Just as we become our own individual people - how fascinating!

You mean to say, that I can have zero regard, in any capacity, for someone or something and still be a 'good' person?

Why, yes, that's exactly what I mean to say!

 

What does it really mean to be a 'bad' person?

This will vary slightly from individual to individual, but we can probably agree it will involve something along the lines of:

Intentionally causing harm to others.

So what does this all mean?

To me - it means that being honest with myself about my wants, needs, and preferences and then using this honesty to inform my actions, might actually be the 'nicest' thing I can do.

Because when we allow ourselves to do what's right for us, we are more open to accepting the differences that are right for others.
And what's more likeable than that?

Day 250: Penguin Run

Saturday morning I went for a walk and witnessed a grin-inducing sight.

A man running . . . wearing a backpack . . . and his hands in his pockets.

I can't really explained why the sight tickled me so, but it did!
Boy, was I giggling!

It may have been because when people run with their hands in their pockets, they start to resemble penguins . . .

Day 249: Free Will

I had a conversation with someone the other day about free will.

They shared this idea of quantum entanglement. This was new for me, I had no idea what it was. The basis of it is that there is no will, there is an opposite happening at any given moment which, in turn, mandates what any outcome will always be.

This is a hard concept for me to grasp on a number of levels.

The biggest being, that I fully believe that humans have free will.

If we don't, however, that would be a pretty big mind shift to swallow.

I wanted to figure out how my view of things could still work if this were actually the case, that there is no free will.

Some argue, 'why does it matter what you do? Whatever is going to happen will happen regardless of one's actions.'

I still don't believe that.

I suppose what I hold on to most is the idea that we are still in control of our own happiness.

Perhaps we have no control or impact on the outcome of our lives or certain events that will transpire. But we do, absolutely, have the power to go through experiences in a way that feels good and energizing to us.

No matter what the circumstances.

This idea, I'm sure to some, may sound about as harebrained as the idea that there is no such thing as free will.

Isn't it strange how we can hold on and accept one type of extreme idea but not others?

Regardless, this is what I've worked out in my own mind.

Free will or not,

Destiny or choose your own adventure,

we all have the ability to create our own happiness.

In every moment and every situation.

We have the ability to choose our perspective. We have the ability to choose how we interact with the world.

Maybe this doesn't change the course of events we experience throughout our lives.

But it does impact how we experience ourselves throughout our lives.

And to me, that might be the most important thing.

Day 248: Thought-Tracks

What a strange thing - to be aware of your own thoughts.
It can be really cool and illuminating to have a thought that reveals why you think other things.
It can also be terrifying.

For me - and I would imagine, also, many others - it may be near imperceptible what my thoughts are. My inner thought-track just plays as usual and I'm so used to it that I can't hear it at all.

Until I can.
In small sporadic fragments.

Coaching has helped me to increase this awareness and adjust the tuner a bit more to pick up a clearer signal. But it's a constant work in progress.

Last night I became aware that my internal thought-track is about myself.

It sounds kind of weird that this wasn't obvious before - it's in MY head.
Who else would it be about?!

Others.
Other people.
The unnamed, unknown, audience of my brain that my track narrates to.
The thoughts are never addressed to me, I, or Sarah.

They typically personify and separate parts of me for further commentary.

Such as my fingers.
I often hit the wrong letters when texting and get frustrated.

Last night it happened again, and I was quick to reprimand my unfocused digits.

"Fucking idiot."

[wide-eyed freeze]

Whoa.
Harsh!

For some reason this insult, which isn't particularly isolated, really caught my attention.

Because for the first time it dawned on me that the fingers I was verbally putting down - my fingers - are a part of me.

I was saying that to myself!

Immediately a "protective" thought swooped in.
'but you weren't calling Yourself a 'fucking idiot', you were saying it about the typos...'

Yeah, but I'm the only person here. The fingers belong to me.

I had no idea I was this unkind to myself.

Over the past year, I've come to realize the insecurities and personal hang-ups that I've been working through are rooted in unkindness towards myself. I've encountered the slightly dismissive enabling thoughts of
'yeah, but you're not that mean to yourself. It's not like you think to yourself, "I'm a worthless piece of shit", like some people do.'

Turns out, I wasn't dialed into the right frequency to pick up what was really happening.

Indeed, I was doing that -albeit with a different word choice.

But I had no idea.
I couldn't perceive it because the message, though audible in my head, was projected externally - targeting a person/body part/thing seemingly separate from me.

I didn't know I was projecting.
It just seemed like an off-handed commentary.
Like a funny or random passing observation.

Last night, however, my passing observation was reflected back and I saw it for what it was.

Negative self-talk.
But I wasn't just being unkind to myself, I was being cruel.

As someone who associates and wears the labels of 'good' and 'nice' with pride, this was a shocking and disheartening revelation.

But also an encouraging one.

I finally cracked the code.

I got a glimpse into what's really going on behind layers and layers and layers of closed mind doors.

It's not pretty, but the fact that I saw - and recognized - it once, means that I'll be able to do it again.
And again and again and again.

Building up awareness with each occurrence so that in time I'll not only be able to catch it faster, but I'll be able to replace the messaging with something more kind, loving, and helpful.

Day 247: Who do you live for?

Who do you live for?
What do you live for?
Is it family?
       Work?
       Money?
       Security?
       Contributing to society?
       Walking in your faith?
       Being a 'good' person?
       Enjoying life?
       Leaving a legacy?
       Happiness?
       Just being you?

There are no limits to the reasons and priorities we have for living our lives.

Some of us - at this very moment - will be content in the way we are living life right now.
Others - including myself - will feel our current lifestyle leaves something to be desired.

No matter which group you find yourself, life is ever changing.
Nothing is permanent - which means there are always ways to experience life more fully.
i.e. there are always ways to enjoy your life more than you already are.

'But I already like my life.'
"That's great! And if you could keep all the aspects you like about your life and also improve aspects you don't like, would you be interested in that?"
'Well, I just don't see how my life could get any better...'

Uh, ok . . . I guess I'm not talking to you, then, unidentified perfect-life person. But thanks for illustrating a great point!

It can be hard for us to see outside our current reality.
And it can be even harder to see outside our current perspective.

The missing piece in both scenarios?
Being very clear on why you are doing whatever it is that you're doing.

I, unintentionally, reflected on this the other day after asking someone if they typically say goodbye to everyone when leaving a party or if they do the Irish goodbye, peace-out play.

[Side note: which do you typically do??]

I am more of a leave silently type of person - or so I thought.
Upon further reflection I realized some trends

1. When I'm having a great time I often stay until the end
2. I often don't (or don't want to) say goodbye to people when I'm not enjoying myself
3. Wow, I think I've attended a lot more parties where I don't enjoy myself than when I do . . .

Huh, that last one is a bit questionable. 

Why is it that I have disliked more parties or social gatherings I've attended than I've liked?!

Let me circle back to the original point of this post.
Intention.
The why behind what I am doing.

Do you know what I realized?

My why - in the majority of these not-super-enjoyable-to-me-experiences - was other people.
Not me.

This was a HUGE revelation. 

Because I was able to recognize that I was making choices for my time, energy, and life based on what I thought would make others happy, not me.

Because I was making choices based on what I thought I should do instead of what felt good and right for me.

Sarah thought #1: I don't really want to go, but I was invited so I should.
Limiting Belief: If I'm invited to something, I have to go to it.

 Sarah thought #2: If I don't go, then I'm not being a very good friend.
Limiting Belief: I'm not a good friend if I don't always go to my friends' events.

Hmm, ok. But you know what makes for a worse friend?
Going to something you don't want to be at, sulking in the corner, and then leaving early!

The world is better off when people are happy!
So why don't we start with ourselves?

Day 246: Lip Bangs

Are mustaches just lip bangs?

 

What type of cut are they . . . ?

- the pencil

- the curtain

- the Handlebar ?

 

 

I'd love to see a man push his lip curtain bangs apart throughout the day!

But the best part about this joke was my sister's response to it:

Day 245: Prison Food

During a morning walk I had a flashback to a memory from 7th grade.

We were in Mr. Marvis' class for . . . language arts? History? I can't really remember, I just know it wasn't science or math . . . 

Growing up in the wild wild west - also known as rural Oregon - dead animals on the side of the road weren't novel or particularly rare. So it should come as no surprise that they might also filter into class discussions as well . . . 
No, that's a lie. It's weird no matter where you live. 

But the conversation of 13 & 14 year olds can go anywhere, thus ...

Kyle: ...Well, if you're in prison they make you eat roadkill!

Mr. Marivs: Kyle, they do not feed you roadkill in prison.

😂  😂  😂

Why share this ridiculous funny?
Simply because it is funny - at least to me.

But also as a reminder - if you're not in prison, you don't have to eat the roadkill.

Interpret that as you will.

And know that no matter your situation, you do not have to accept what is given to you or comes your way.

There is always another option, another way to look at things. 

Even in the most dire circumstances there is always choice.

Day 244: Resisting Burnout

I had a coaching session with my own coach, after about a month's break.

This is significant.
Why?

Because of burnout.

Because I am burnt out. 

And I've been trying to avoid acknowledging it for the past few months.

But my coach, bless her, wasted no time to inform me that burnout is a very serious thing.

With that sentiment alone, came a wave of validation - and emotion.

Because Audrey is such a good coach, none of this was lost on her. She asked me what I was feeling in the moment she saw emotion overtake me.

Sadness

Frustration

Fear

I've never experienced Burnout before, at least to this degree. Our conversation revealed a lot more about the situation to me. 

Which is great, because I had an Agenda with a capital A for my session. 

I wanted to figure out the lesson I 'clearly still need to learn,' as I am finding myself in this place once again.

This place of frustration.

This place of resentment.

This place of exhaustion.

In previous experiences, I've found myself in similar roles. Roles where I am the driving force. Roles where I am guiding and making the way for growth to take root. Roles where I bring someone else's dreams into reality. 

And then I'm met with a stone wall of resistance.

I know what needs to happen.

I have an idea of how to get there.

But it's not my dream. 

And the dream owner, for reasons unknown to me, does not want to heed my words or take the steps I advise.

And when this happens all forward motion halts.

My wheels continue spinning, but any movement made is in the depth of the rut I find myself.

I can't want someone else's dreams more than they do.

So what do I do . . . ?

I learned today - I make assumptions.

When I am unable to get information, answers, or direction from those I am attempting to help, I resort to assumptions.

What are they not saying?

What criteria would they use?

What would they want to do?

'Assumptions are necessary in order to keep moving forward,' my hidden beliefs tell me. 'Because you must always be moving forward.'

But, perhaps it's this very belief that is doing the most damage. 

I'm not certain, but it could be possible that this very belief - that there must always be forward motion - is the reason for jumping to assumptions.
Like lighter fluid to kindling.

Assumptions, I learned today, are the very things that suck all of my extra energy - because I'm not just focusing on the task itself, but worrying if it's what the Dreamer would actually want.

And when viewed from another step back, the picture becomes a bit clearer. 

I am trying to push my agenda for the dream, not the Dreamers.

As a coach, it's my job is to further my client's agenda and goal for a session, never my own. Audrey tried to point this out to me in our session, but it seems it is only settling into my understanding now.

Huh. How about that...? 

I don't think I've completely learned the lesson I 'clearly still need to learn.' But I did gain new perspective that I previously didn't have.

I was also reminded, again, that life - whether work life, personal life, or somewhere in between - may be better lived like a coaching session.

Day 243: Toeing the line of perfection

. . . with my grilled cheese.

I like my bread (or toast) Dark. But not so dark that it's burnt . . . 

So this one really toes the line. Good thing it's on the right of it (at least for my taste). . . 

See??

And strangely enough, the way it looks is exactly how the peanut butter cookie I ate earlier today tasted - though it wasn't burnt.

You just never can tell . . . 

. . . what someone else's preferential criteria will be.

Who knew there'd be a lesson hidden in this nearly burnt-nugget?!

' . . . um, I think I missed the lesson . . ?'

 

The lesson is there is no perfection. 

It doesn't exist.

The fact that all humans have slightly different likes and preferences proves this. We all have our own sets of criteria that we use to interpret and judge the world around us. If something doesn't meet these criteria, we may feel compelled to say it is wrong or flawed. But when things align with our criteria, they couldn't be better. They're perfect.

Perfection is subjective and unique to every human.

So perhaps, perfection is not some ultimate, universal thing, but rather the highest praise we could give when labeling something we like.

Day 242: Desperately Searching

Overheard on my morning walk -

"...they think I'm desperate or whatever. I'm not desperate, there's a difference..."

I can only presume that the man I overheard talking on the phone, was referring to his desire for a romantic relationship.

Why?

Because in our society great desire for such a thing is quickly judged as 'desperation'.

But what if it wasn't?

What if it was seen for what it is? Having a known want and priority in life?

That's not to say approaches and views don't need to be examined and tweaked  in order to turn this desire into a belonging. But it IS to say that there's nothing wrong with it.

 

Our desires reveal our priorities.

 

This man, if he was indeed speaking of being viewed as 'desperate' for a relationship, is simply trying to give his priorities the attention they call for.

 

However, with all priorities (and desires) in life, it is important to break them down.

 

That's the first step before taking action.

 

In breaking them down, comes the understanding of why they are important to you. 

What it is you will gain from them.

And the most beneficial routes of gaining this core why.

After the breakdown, it's not uncommon to discover that the things being sought out from others, can actually be found within oneself. 

 

And in making such a realization, the original priorities can be pursued in a way that adds to one's life rather than 'fills a hole' or 'fixes it'.

When one's approach shifts to that of adding to an already whole picture, the idea of desperation will never cross one's radar.

Day 241: Coaching vs. Therapy vs. Meditation vs. Whatever Else

I practiced 'crowd work' recently in my stand up comedy class.
And I did it talking about life coaching.

Surprisingly (to me), it went way better than I anticipated.
When I asked my classmate audience if they knew what life coaching was, an answer I received was:
"Isn't it like therapy, but you don't need a degree for it?"

Just the answer I was hoping for! (in so many words)
To which I got to use my canned response:

Therapy and Life Coaching are often confused.
While therapy helps you heal from a scary past, Life Coaching helps you create a scary future.

 

Because you'll dream So BIG!

But really, therapy and coaching work very similarly.
Heck, even meditation and yoga could get pulled into the circle (depending on how you approach it).

All of these are helping modalities to assist people in gaining awareness, understanding, and a sense of control (no matter how loose) over their lives.

There is no one method that works 'better' than the others.
There is no one method that is better than the others.
It comes down to the individual seeking support outside of themselves and what they are looking for.

We all have needs - we're human.
Just as we all have hopes and desires.
And likewise, we all encounter things that get in the way of filling these needs and realizing these hopes and desires (some might even call these dreams or goals).

The way to move forward will always start with assessing where you are NOW.

With these helping modalities it is important to note that they are not exclusive. Unlike mainstream relationship norms in the western world, coaching, therapy, meditation, etc. are more like polygamists.
You don't have to commit to one and only one.
You can commit to them all if that's what works for you!

Meaning - sometimes, the best choice is all of the choices.
Often people find that starting in one of these areas opens the doors to others, whether later in time or simultaneously.

Invest in yourself by finding out what's right for you. 

That act alone will help bring you closer to understanding who you really are.
(Because we're basically onions, there will always be another layer to get to...)

Day 240: Feels Good to Feel Good

Man, it feels so good to feel good!

For the past few weeks months, I've been really struggling. 

Identifiable stress from work, fluctuating stress from a class I'm taking, and invisible stress from goals I have for myself have all been slowly - and silently - building and building. 

I found myself numbing. A lot. 

I enjoy edibles a few times a week, but things swiftly progressed to "let me just get a weed pen so I don't run out of gummies so fast."
. . . Because that's not telling for a person who leads a pretty darn health lifestyle.

Nope, it wasn't. I was completely oblivious to what was going on. 

The shift was so gradual - and too close to home to be objective - that I had no idea it was happening.

It took me canceling things I really enjoy - like my own coaching sessions with my coach, Audrey - to finally tap into my current reality.
I was not happy.

And, while there were certainly stressors outside of my own control, much of my suffering was self imposed. Largely, because I was avoiding being honest with myself.

About how I really felt.

About what I was actually thinking - which was fueling the feelings I was numbing.

About what I really wanted.

It quickly became a sticky cycle of avoidance and numbing, over and over.
By the time I was fully checked into my own self-awareness of what was really going on, I had depleted much of the energy I needed to help get myself out of it.

When we are stressed we experience catabolic energy.
The energy that breaks things down - rather than builds them up.
We can function at this energy level and soldier through whatever is in our path for only so long, and then - we burn out. And are left feeling depleted.

That was me.

I'd acknowledged what was going on with me.
I'd acknowledged what might be more helpful for me.
And yet, I was still left with an empty tank sitting in the same ditch as when I was oblivious of everything.

So I did the only thing one can do when finding oneself in that situation.

I chilled the freak out.

I took a break.
I gave myself a break.
I gave myself permission to not 'do' anything.

And then I focused on what felt good in the moment.
Going for a walk.
Writing in my journal (the second the thought fluttered by so I didn't miss it).
Reading.

And I slowly started to feel better.

For me, this was enough to finally sit down and get real with myself.
It was enough to generate the energy needed to be honest about the beliefs I had running through my head about the various factors stressing me out. And with this reality check, came the opportunity to start thinking about slightly different beliefs that felt better to me (emotionally and physically).

Let me tell you, thoughts are not to be overlooked or underplayed. 

They are POWERFUL.

And having thoughts and beliefs that facilitate a good feeling are game changers.

Right now, I'm feeling like myself again with my default of happiness and joy. And it feels AMAZING.

Are my stressors still at play? Some of them.

Will this good feeling last? I don't know, maybe.

What I do know, though, is that in the continuous cycles of life we have to take breaks.
We have to recharge.
And we have to look inward.

Happiness and ease are an inside job.
And that means we need to live life inside-out.

Focus on the inside to change what we experience on the outside.

Day 239: Observation Double Standard

I was taking a walk around the pond this morning and stopped to watch a Cardinal in a tree.

While observing him a question crossed my mind.
"Am I spying on a bird right now?"

I love observing the things around me and looking into windows (and through open doors), in particular. 

Others may find looking into other people's windows creepy, thus labeling me a 'creepy,' 'nosy,' or 'spying' (- I'd proudly take that last one).

But is it really any different than watching animals in nature?

I mean, I am looking into their homes (in some capacity).

I wasn't invited.

I'm not imposing.

I'm simply observing.

So why would observation be interpreted differently when it comes to people than it does for animals?

Just something to think about . . . 

I have a feeling it all comes down to intent.

What's the purpose of the observing?
Is it to cause harm to another?
Is it to seek out some sort of gain?
Is it to learn?
Or simply just to enjoyably pass the time?

It will probably depend on the person.

Day 238: Shadowy Figures

I saw this duo as I was walking home from checking out some Halloween decorations this weekend.

What do you see?

I see a duck and a pug looking up at the sky.
The pug is a little unstable, so it has its front paws on the duck for balance.

This vision was a good reminder that not everything is what it initially appears.
What in your life might benefit from a view from a different angle?

Day 237: They're Already There

Ooh, cryptic title - spooky.

I did a guided YouTube meditation this morning and the following message came to my mind:

"I don't need to come up with details - I just need to pick them out.
 They're already there."

If you're like me, you put a lot of undue pressure on yourself. 

Pressure to figure things out.
Pressure to do things perfectly.
Pressure to know the outcome before things have even started.

A classic psych-out move of mine is to think 'if I don't know all of the details about something, I won't know how to move forward with it.'

On occasion this may be true, but generally it's just a stalling tactic.

And I'm coming to find, it happens most often when I don't trust myself . . . which has been happening a lot lately . . .

The past few days of reflection have allowed me to make the connection (actually, in this very moment of writing) that my missing self-trust is directly tied to the amount of force I've been exerting.

If you read my post from Day 235, you'd remember that there are always periods in life where things slow down - and might stop entirely. As humans living in the modern world, this often feels counter-productive. Especially when trying to start something new.

So what do we do when things aren't moving on their own?
We try to force them.
We try to push through - until we get where we think we 'should be.'

The thing is - there is no place we 'should be,' there's just 'where we are.'

Every one of us has a unique path with unique twists and turns. Some benchmarks may resembles those outlined by society and others definitely will not. Some of the recognizable pit stops will happen at the 'right time' - the time western culture says they should, and some will not.

What I'm getting at is - everything that you experience, and the speed you experience it at, is right for YOU.

We look at those around us and see the movement they are making and yet we are often blind to our own progress.

It is in these moments when trusting ourselves is most important.

It is in these moments that we can use a reminder that we don't have to "come up" with anything - details, solutions, or whatever your word of choice is.

The things we need - the things we seek - are already there.

And if we allow them come to us . . . we get to just pick them out.

Day 236: Ownership

Part of growth is ownership.

Of our past experiences, present situations, thoughts, actions, and mindsets.

I think deep, conscious learning is not possible without taking ownership.
Acknowledging and understanding one's role in all things.

Taking ownership allows us to recognize the control we have [had] in all situations. As well as acknowledge the existence of choice - no matter how slim.

Easier said than done, but that's why it is a practice.
Ownership is a practice in self-awareness.
If we don't have self-awareness, we cannot take ownership of ourselves or actions.

Yet, ownership is only part of the equation when it comes to growing as a person.
With ownership also comes the need for responsibility.

I've seen this presented as the idea of response-ability. One's ability to respond differently going forward.

I resonate more with the idea of responsibility as the ability to take a new perspective to view things.
With a different perspective different responses are possible - and so is a greater sense of openness.

Openness to thoughts, opinions, and actions different than one's own.

With such openness we can hold space for differing views and feelings than our own, recognizing every person will experience the same situation in a different way.

With openness we can validate and learn from the experiences of others, without any pressure or compulsion to defend or convince of our own viewpoints.

With openness everyone has a right to be - just as they are.

And it all starts with the practice of taking ownership where it matters most - with ourselves.

Day 235: Falling Leaves Rest

Sometimes we've gotta fall so that we can recharge.

Just as leaves fall from the trees when winter comes, bringing with it rest,
So must we take periods of pause.

Growth comes in phases. And part of growth is rest.

 

Heart-shaped leaves. 

A reminder of love. 

We have to experience a fall at times

In order to grow later.

Day 234: Chasing a good life

'Chasing a good life' is the name of this fun filter thing.   

It's fun and enjoyable, but after a few minutes it starts to seem loud, obnoxious, and a bit repetitive. (Or maybe that's just me 👵)  

None of which represent a 'good life' - at least by my definition.  

So perhaps, rather than chasing a good life, we should strive to cultivate a good life, instead.   

One that gives us energy, excitement, motivation, peace and calm.  

Cultivation - or growth - takes time.
It also takes, nurturing, awareness, and intention.  

Want to live a 'good life' that lasts longer than a phase?   

Let's talk!!!  

Your inner daredevil will thank you - and so will your future self.

Day 233: Travel Companions

On the third day of Spooktober . . .

Forget small dogs in purses -
this season is all about connecting with the 'otherside'. 

- GET THE LOOK -

Make your own spooktacular fashion accessory (and companion).
All you need is:
- 1 or 2 small skeletons
- a plastic grocery bag
Just put skeletons in the bag and tie-up or zhuzh to your liking!

With this look, you're guaranteed to be the most fashionable rider on the bus.

Day 232: The Female Toupee

 

Is it or isn't it?

I don't know!

I think the uncertainty of the matter makes this sighting especially Spooky.
-------

But you want to know what's more spooky than a toupee - no matter who is wearing it?

Feeling like you need to look a certain way or change yourself in order to fit in or be accepted.

The invisible pressure - from some unidentifiable place - telling us that in some way, shape, or form we are not enough.

We all feel this at different times in life - All of us.
Every.
Single.
Human.

But, we don't have to carry the weight of this pressure. 

Instead, we can use it as a magnifying glass
- to more deeply explore the hidden beliefs and veiled thoughts we have about it
- to uncover and bring to light what we are making this pressure mean about us, individually

Cue horrific music - because this is where things get really scary . . . [When unearthing beliefs you didn't know you had]
'Oh, my gosh, did I really believe that having perfectly coiffed hair is the way to receive validation and self-worth - AND it only counts if it comes from others and not myself?! ?! I don't agree with that at all!!

But as the music and horrifying shock fades, and we are left with our own silence, we can then start to assess, dream, and create.

- How do these beliefs and thoughts limit me?
- What do I want my experience and life to be like in regards to this [particular pressure]?
- What is one small shift I can make (whether in thought or action) that would feel better to me?

The answers that come up, when we are brave enough to be honest with ourselves, will hold the keys to navigating a life with less pressure and less spooky.

Because when you are living a life that feels good to you, no one will ever question if it's a toupee.

Day 231: Ooh, Spooky

Halloween is in the air! 

That's right, people - it's October, and that means pumpkins, Pumpkins, PUMPKINS!
Well, I guess that's just fall

That means it's ghosts, cobwebs and SPOOKY!

Here are some first glimpses . . .

Maison Parisienne

Halsted Flowers, LLC

Nipple Eyes!!!

I don't know who this guy is, but he looks . . . very surprised!