Day 179: Glamour Shots

Tell your friends

Day 178: A new take on 'Life Crisis'

You've likely heard about someone having a quarter-life crisis or a mid-life crisis. Possibly even an end of life crisis.

Perhaps you, like me, have seen media portray this with men buying brand new sports cars and women dying their hair and completely changing their looks.

The vibe I've always gotten from this was more of a negative, judgemental one. A 'oh poor so-and-so, they can't handle their life so they are going to go out and do something "crazy,"' kind of feel.

But what if these crises aren't crazy at all? 

What if the people experiencing them are the most sane out of all of us?

Think about it, they are using a challenging time in their lives to acknowledge things they have always wanted or had an interest in and then going for it and making it happen.

Would we tell a child who has ambitions of being a world renowned mountain climber they're crazy? Or judge them for saving up to buy those really expensive hiking sticks they've been wanting only to use them for summer walks with Grandpa in the field? 

Probably not.

So why do we hate on ourselves and each other once we become adults? 

When did it become a bad or negative or crazy thing to acknowledge an interest and take action towards it?

I'm gonna put my money on jealousy. We see someone doing what they really want and are quick to throw labels on it. 

 

Why? Because deep down, we dont feel that we can do the same. We don't feel that we can have our wants or dreams, that we can't go after them.

Because we're adults and we have responsibilities, damnit!

But oftentimes, these 'responsibilities' are actually fears in disguise.

That's not to say that responsibility doesn't exist. Of course it does. But to the rigid and limiting degree that there is zero possible way life could allow you to explore a long-held interest or dream? 

I'm not buying it.

And neither should you.

Day 177: Mystery Fruits

Sometimes we don't know what the fruits of our efforts or deepest desires will be. 

Most of the time we can't see them until very far down the road.

But sometimes they start to grow and mature right in front of us, in plain sight.

And even if we can see them . . . what they will finish as may remain a mystery for a while.

Kind of like this picture. 

 

I don't know what this tree is or what is growing on it, but I imagine it will become more obvious in time.

 

And until that happens, I'll just enjoy the mystery and watching it unfold.

Day 176: Who Are You Pleasing?

I've been on my own personal growth journey for a little while now. But today I had a big realization of how I have been living my life.

By and large for the past 30 years, I have been living my life in a way that prioritizes pleasing and accommodating others. 

And let me tell you, that really gets in the way of one's ability to acknowledge - much less ask for - what one wants.

Because when you are functioning under the blueprint that your decisions need to always please other people, anything that strays from this feels wrong. To choose yourself first feels wrong. Like you will hurt others by your decision to choose yourself. 

But the reality is there's only one person actually living your life, taking care of your body, thinking your thoughts. 

And that's you - or in my case, me.

By that fact alone, choosing yourself first -prioritizing your wants, preferences and pleasures - is imperative for a happy and thriving life. Not just for you, but everyone around you.

When I was younger I often uttered the phrase "I aim to please!" in a joking way when saying or doing something that unintentionally made another person smile or laugh. Little did I know that what I said was absolutely true. 

 

I DID aim to please others - and I always had.

And it makes sense. Just think of the culture we live in in the US, with "the customer is always right" and "focus on the bottom line" mentality that is fed to us. We're constantly inundated with this idea that we need to do things to please or accommodate others. 

We're rarely shown an example of what it looks like to prioritize pleasing or accommodating oneself. And sadly, when we are, those involved are often [initially] labeled as trouble, rabble-rousers, revolutionaries, or anarchists. 

Not sure what I'm talking about? 

Think of the civil rights movement or the women's suffrage movement. These were both brought about by the desire and conviction for people to be able to live lives where they can be people - fully. Lives where they can make choices based on what is right and true for themselves rather than repressing their own wants and desires in order to further or soothe those of others.

It may seem like a bit of a drastic stretch but it paints the same picture. 

Choosing yourself first is important.

Your wants and preferences are important.   

Aim to please - starting with yourself.

Day 175: When Words Aren't Enough

When words aren't enough to get the message across . . .

. . . try adding a picture.

But in all seriousness, sometimes words aren't the right medium to fully deliver a message or meaning. Sometimes a different presentation or approach is necessary for something to really 'click.'

Think about a time when you were given the same information by multiple people. Did you ever notice that it wasn't until you heard it from a certain person - or had a specific experience - that the meaning of what everyone told you finally connected as intended?

It's the same concept as an idea my friend recently pointed out to me. "Graphic novels are really great for talking about difficult topics. They get the message across in a way words can't." 

I think the same can be said for life lessons and shifting outlooks. 

We can experience the same situation over and over and over again, but until we can interpret it in a new way we will never get the full meaning or message.

Day 174: Free Birthday Scoop

My twin sister and I recently went to Jeni's Ice Cream to take advantage of a free birthday scoop before it expired.

I'd been planning which flavor I wanted to get on the walk over. I was determined to use this free scoop to the fullest!

Imagine our surprise when, after walking in and mentioning our birthday coupons, we were informed that we can get up to THREE flavors!!

What do I do now?! How do I choose two more flavors, ensuring that I'll love them?!

The only way possible - sampling. And I sampled quite a few flavors.

At last, my scoops were making their way into the waffle bowl. With a little extra helping of the last flavor!

This was going to be great.

Sonia joined me at the table with her ice cream. "Guess what? They gave me extra scoops!"

"Me too!" I replied excitedly. 

And then she sat her bowl down next to mine. 

My excitement took a nose dive.

My bowl was on the right.

"What the heck?! You got so much more than me!"

"I don't know," Sonia responded gleefully. "But you can have some of mine if you want."

Comparisons aside, I thoroughly enjoyed my ice cream. 

While my eyes were initially jealous of Sonia's ice cream serving, my stomach was pleased with what I received.

And for what may have been the first time in SoSa birthday gorging, I didn't walk home in discomfort. 

Moral of the story:
Comparisons will make you under appreciate what you have and jealousy will always end up in a stomachache.

Day 173: Impressions

Sometimes the simplest things leave the longest impressions

 

Day 172: You are the sky

You can direct your own mood at any time. 

It isn't dependent on an external situation or person. 

If you had told me this as a child, or heck - two years ago, I wouldn't have believed it was true - or even possible.

Growing up I was a very sensitive kid. I experienced highs and lows like the tide. I was often crying about something and trying hard to escape the label of 'cry baby.'

I was stuck in the unconscious belief that my mood (and thus, happiness) was contingent on the people around me and situations I found myself in.

It wasn't until I started coach training with iPEC in 2020, that the idea 'I am in control of me'- every single part - was explicitly introduced. 

We explored values and unearthed constants about ourselves that are central to who we are.

With additional training, reflection, and personal discovery I came to more clearly see and understand my default state. 

What I feel and exude when free from outside stressors or influencers; my most authentic self.

So what does this have to do with directing your own mood? 

Everything. 

Learning where you naturally reside - for me it's a state of joy, calm and creativity - gives you a home base to get back to. 

It is your constant. 

 

This quote by Pema Chödrön says it perfectly:

 

You are the sky. Everything else - it's just the weather.

 

No matter what comes your way, if you know your base you can always get back.

 

If you know your base you can direct your mood.

Day 171: Thirty-three things I've learned in 33 years of life

1. You can direct your own mood at any time (it isn't dependent on an external situation or person)

2. We are each solely responsible for our own happiness (no one else is responsible for this)

3. The things we gravitate towards most often are the things we like (even if we don't understand why or realize that we like them)

4. Self-awareness changes everything

5. Feelings aren't as scary as we are led to believe

6. It is okay - and important - to want things

7. The things we are intimidated by are often what we want the most

8. Judgments of others and situations are excuses to not see ourselves / feel what we really think or believe

9. If It makes You Happy - do it

10. The purpose of life is not to be 'productive' (this is still very much a work in progress for me)

11. Observation is the gateway to peace and calm

12. Insecurity and fear is no match for curiosity

13. You are so much more amazing than you can even see

14. 9.5 out of 10 times it's not about you - we're all just living in our own worlds without realizing it

15. You don't cause anyone else's feelings - and you're not responsible for them either

16. If you're interested in something - explore that interest

17. There is nothing wrong with you (outside of how you view yourself)

18. Take the time to understand your 'why' for everything

19. Don't 'should' on yourself

20. Get clear on your own definitions for everything

21. Nothing is easy / comes naturally when you're first getting started

22. Learn from everything - present, past, distant past and even future goals / ambitions

23. You are getting better and more amazing with age

24. Authenticity is best friends with confidence

25. We are all on our own timeline (meaning we will have experiences in our own time - not necessarily when society tells us they should happen)

26. You can't 'fix' anyone, take away their pain, or learn life lessons for them

27. Dairy makes you break out (no, just me?)

28. Listen to your body

29. If the thought crosses to your mind, don't ignore it (even if nothing comes from it. This is how you start strengthening intuition)

30. Dismantle society's life benchmarks and what they really mean and look like for you (ex- getting married, having kids, dating, etc.)

31. There are different types of friendship - and all are valuable, even if they don't last forever

32. Trust yourself

33. You are complete all on your own

Day 170: Pit Stops

What have the pit stops of your life path been, up to now?

Pits stops are where you rest, hang out, refuel.

They aren't destinations. 

Oftentimes, they aren't planned well in advance, either.
(Unless...wait, have I been doing this wrong?! Lucky for me, there's no such thing!)

Pit stops are where you stretch your legs - and maybe even try something new.

Pit stops are where you learn about life as well as yourself.

Wait a second, we're not talking about parked cars, picnic tables and bathrooms anymore, are we?

Nope! 

Pitstops are the life events that our journeys are made up of.

Some may appear luxurious. 

Some may seem unimpressive. 

Some may even stink. 

 

But all of them are important.

You get to choose to move on from your current pit stop if you want to change your situation.

You also get to choose to stay at your current pit stop.

The thing to remember is you get to decide where you stay and where you go.

Take control of the wheel.

Day 169: Not the hair

I love the explanation of the name . . . In case we were mistakenly thinking of the hairstyle, and only one side

Day 168: Mind Reading

To try to read someone's mind is to do them a huge disservice.

At least, this seems to be the case in my own life. 

If one doesn't verbally express their thoughts and ideas they may never fully develop. 

If an idea or want is not vocalized, the processing that takes place when something is spoken out loud to another person will not happen. 

If still in the process of understanding an idea/want/feeling it will become very clear which parts need more attention, which parts are helpful, which parts could stand some revision. 

Revision, refinement, and clarity come from vocalizing your own mind. 

When you want others to read your mind for you rather than stating it openly, consider this:

Maybe you aren't certain yourself and want someone else to decide, to choose, to pick for you. Because then it's 'easier.' And if the outcome is not what you want - it wasn't you who chose it. It's not your fault. You have no ownership to take over it.

 

Wow, that seems very pointed.  

 

Perhaps. It's possible I'm totally off the mark, but it's also possible I'm right on the money . . . 

Uncertainty breeds brilliance when one is brave enough to explore it.

You were born to have your own thoughts, feelings and ideas.
Don't keep them to yourself.

Day 167: The Right Decision

It's impossible to always make the 'right' decision. 

The 'right' decision doesn't exist in the moment. It only exists in the past - in hindsight, when we know the full picture and outcome and can see if things played out the 'right' way (i.e. how we wanted or not).

Where labels of 'right' or 'wrong,' judgments of outcomes, are only possible after the fact when nothing more can be done

They are the backseat drivers of life. Critiquing us after we've already made the turn or action.

But the moment - in the moment, that's where trust lives and grows. 

In every moment we make the best decisions we can.

[Don't believe me? Then, tell me about a time you intentionally made a choice that you knew would be a horrible decision for your life.]

Some think it's out of our hands after that. Whatever happens, happens. It's either going to be 'good' or 'bad.'

If we want to give up control we can certainly lock into that perspective. 

Yet, if we want to remain the drivers of our own lives, we can do something else.

Learn.

We can learn from every experience. We can learn from every outcome - regardless of if it's what we had in mind or not.

Because with learning comes growth. And with growth comes opportunities previously unavailable to us.

Growth doesn't judge or criticize.

Growth embraces, acknowledges, and moves forward with a new perspective.

Day 166: The things we hate

I never would have guessed that my love of legumes, a stranger's hate of beans, and an online dating app would be the catalyst for a very poignant question discovery.

Why would I try things I hate?

Wow. I had never before had this question even remotely cross my mind.

What IS a situation in which I would retry something I hate?

The answer will be different for every person. But the root of the sentiment, I am willing to bet, will be the same: 

- Learning

- Growth

- Change

Ever disliked something as a child only to find you love it as an adult? (That was me with Seinfeld ....)

Or what about learning that with age comes an updated palate?

To slap a label on something and decide it shall forever remain that way until your dying day, is, in my opinion, a declaration against growth and the journey of life.

With each new phase (and day) of life comes new experiences, insights and learnings. This new information impacts and shifts our previously held views, beliefs and outlook on a large number of things. Often the shifts are so subtle we don't pick up on them.

But when we deliberatly seek out to challenge ourselves we will often be surprised. 

Surprised that we can change.

Surprised that we have changed.

So, I guess, right now my answer to the question is:
I will retry things I 'hate' to see if I still 'hate' them - to see if I have changed or grown, and to better understand and learn from them.

I will retry things I 'hate' when I can approach them from a new perspective.

Because if there is one thing I have learned in the past few years, it's that growth breeds new perspectives.

And perspective is everything.

Day 165: Our relationship

Just keep focusing on what feels good.

The things that create ease.

The things that delight.

The things that excite.

Dream so big it's scary.

The excitement is the foundation.

The fear is the true desire.

If we didn't want something, we wouldn't fear not having it.

It's a strange relationship, but a relationship nonetheless.

It's a relationship we can foster, grow and strengthen - 

and maybe one day even understand.

Our relationship with ourselves.

Day 164: Friday Foolery

 

Because if everything made sense life would be too boring...

Day 163: Curry

A cup of Curry gets put into the microwave to be heated up. 

- Darkness -

The microwave starts and the lights come on. The Curry eyes his surroundings suspiciously as a disgusted look slowly spreads across its face. 

". . I don't think I like dirty microwaves . . ," It says to itself.

The Curry becomes more and more aggravated with each passing second. The pieces of previous occupants stuck to the walls only add to the slow boil bubbling inside.

"Think you're gonna put me in a dirty microwave, huh?!"

The slow boil was now raging.

"Think you don't need to clean up for me, huh?!!"

"Think you do--" and then it was too late. 

The Curry exploded. 

Blew it's top. 

Hit the roof.  

It had reached its limit and there would be no coming back.

-------------------------

The microwave has never been cleaner.

Day 162: An Embrace

Yesterday at work my boss used the phrase "in the closet." 

It brought to mind a thought I had weeks ago at the Pride parade. 

Many people in front of me right now - members of a very marginalized community - are happier than a large number of the majority.

I've heard in passing skeptical beliefs, that one's sexual orientation is a choice. 

I don't believe that any human would intentionally choose a lifestyle laden with ridicule, prejudice and discrimination. 

It's not a choice.

But it is an embrace - of who a person really is.

What we fail to fully learn in our society is that the ultimate freedom in life is being true to oneself.

 

This means seeking out and focusing on the things that make us happy and light us up. 

This means saying yes to the deepest desires of our hearts.

This also means taking a real look at our pains and struggles and how we are addressing or avoiding them.

This embrace of self-truth is not reserved for minorities or marginalized people. It is for everyone.

Because once we embrace ourselves, we can more fully embrace others.

Day 161: One Courageous Act

This morning a thought popped into my head.

The most entertaining, funny, or engaging people appear as such, not because of a certain trait or skill they have, but rather because they are fully embracing who they are.

They are simply being. To the fullest extent possible.

No restrictions. 

No comparisons. 

Just being who they are. 

Focusing on what they enjoy and what lights them up.

That's the secret.

It's acknowledging your path - the one that calls out to you every so often - and actually taking it..

I'm beginning to do this and, boy, is it scary. The feeling/sensation of allowing yourself to even imagine the dream inside of you being reality is - hard to describe.

I start to feel nervous - my hands (or perhaps my whole body) start to shake. I feel energized with a sense of delight (along with some disbelief). 

 

And then it hits me. 

This isn't actually nervousness or fright - it's excitement.

I think in the idea of 'excitement' there's always some component of nervousness. None of us can see the future or know for sure how things will turn out. But to a much larger degree 'excitement' is the desire and longing of the heart, creating a vibration that hums so rapidly it can be unstoppable - if we're courageous enough to lean into it.

Happiness is available to all of us. A life of delight is one we can all have.

It starts inside of us. 

It starts with the thing that keeps coming back to our thoughts; the thing that keeps filling us with a sense of joy.

It starts with one very courageous act.

Saying 'Yes' to ourselves.

Day 160: Unexpected

Some things in life seem like they are completely fixed.
Like they will never change. 

And then they do.

The trueness that's been trapped inside of them for so long finally finds its way to the surface.
And then breaks it.

This fresh fault like can evoke a number of different responses and views.

The only thing that can be safely agreed upon in such situations is that the change is unexpected.

Just like the change I observed in my Mass Cane plant.

Things change in unexpected ways. 

Regardless of the specifics, growth is always present.

Choose to nurture unexpected changes with curiosity, kindness, and openness - then delight in what they blossom into.

Day 159: Silenced

I made this collage a few years ago - 2019, I think. 

At the time I wasn't completely aware of the exact meaning behind it. But boy, does it seem obvious today!

When viewing it from the lens of our present, a time of societal regression of women's rights (amongst many other things), it's quite easy to see the message of silencing and oppression carried out by others.

. . .  but what about the silencing and oppression we carry out against ourselves?

How about the times we beat up on ourselves because we aren't:
  "good enough"
  "strong enough"
  "smart enough"
  "funny enough"
  "attractive enough"
  "important enough"
  [insert your personal "______ enough" here] ?

Or the times we hold our tongues for fear of:
 -what others will think
 -rejection
 -embarrassment
 -hurting others
 -disappointment
 -[insert your personal fear of ________ here] ?

Decisions based on the (assumed) actions of others will always silence the message, will always restrict.

Decisions based on what makes a person feel their best, energized, and alive will send messages far and wide.

Last time I checked, being mean and unappreciative of myself has never made me feel my best, energized, or alive. 

So, perhaps, the airlines got it right. 

Maybe in all of life it's important to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first before helping others. Because if we are short of breath and/or emotionally depleted, how can we sound our own call?

Day 158: Ghost Story

[Me and my sister arguing before bed on a recent night she stayed over]

Me: You have to close the [bedroom] door again. 

Her: Why? 

Me: Because I didn't hear it click!

Her: It's closed! I'm not going to open it and close it again.

Me: Do it!

Her: No! It's closed! 

Me: But I need to hear it click! . . . Because it creeps me out when the door opens on its own. And if I hear the click then I'll know it's closed - and if it opens then it's a ghost!

There it is. The real reason behind the insistent action request.

There is always some hidden belief (or fear) that fuels our most heinous demands (and even our 'rational' ones).

There is always more to what meets the eye - or ear.

There is always more to the story.

Knowing that this is the case - in probably 99% of seemingly irrational demands- gives us the incredible gift to be our own Paul Harvey. 

 

It gives us the opportunity to discover "the rest of the story."

How?

By uncovering the deeper meaning behind what we see or hear in order to get the full picture - all sides - not just the singular view we immediately see.

By asking questions.

By being curious.

Channel your inner investigative broadcaster - life's a lot more interesting that way.

Day 157: Never have i ever

Never have I ever been in the bathroom on my phone for so long that I crossed my legs, forgetting that I was sitting on the toilet . . .

Day 156: Observation love

I love observing.

I love observing so much.

 

When I start to take in everything around me, it's so fun. I get to look at - and really 'see' everything around me.

It's every time I go on a nature walk. Or am somewhere with a lot of people. It can happen at any time, really, but some situations are easier than others. 

Regardless of the setting, observing takes effort and it takes practice.

To observe for fun (and hopefully one day for 'sport') one has to release any judgements and resist the temptation to label things. And be open to following ideas that may seem silly.

 

For instance, take this image...

 

My first thought when seeing this man carrying his tiny bag was:

 

"I wonder what he's carrying in his toiletry bag? I bet he's going to the gym and he's just carrying around a stick of deodorant - and maybe something else."

 

And that thought exploration was enough to provide me a fit of giggles.

What observation delight have you experienced lately?

Day 155: Love Bugs

Busted! 

In broad daylight in the park of all places!

Nature - doing its thing regardless of human judgements since the beginning of time.

Day 154: Happy Independence Day!

 

George "Lychee" Washington wishes you a happy and safe Independence Day! 

May it one day represent independence and equality for ALL who live here!

Day 153: Are we . . . Best friends?

After roughly 30 years, I think I've finally learned what a "best friend" is. Clearly this was the processing time required to consciously identify and understand my never spoken definition for the term.

Whoa . . . that's a long time . . .

Yeah, it is...

It took me that long to realize that having a best friend was like having a twin. It's the person you want to spend most of your time with and with whom you have the most shared interests and tastes.

So, by that definition, my twin sister must be . . . my best friend?!

What a wild thought!

As strange as it may seem, it took me well into adulthood to recognize this and to see our relationship as anything other than the label of 'sisters'.

I just thought that sisters spent time together. And that that was an universal thing.

I didn't know one could be 'best friends' with a sibling. All of the other kids I knew growing up were 'best friends' with kids that weren't related to them.

This insight revealed another piece of my sibling relationship puzzle - my perception of labels.

I have viewed most things in life as only able to 'be' one thing - to wear one 'label.'

What I am recognizing now is that there is no limit or restriction for labels. Things can be whatever we want them to be and - most often - are a mixture of many things.

This is certainly true of my relationship with my twin sister.

 

Undeniably we are sisters, both biologically and visually. And we are also best friends.

Labels help us to categorize and navigate life.

And in order to more deeply understand and experience life we must determine what our labels actually mean to us.