Day 176: Who Are You Pleasing?

I've been on my own personal growth journey for a little while now. But today I had a big realization of how I have been living my life.

By and large for the past 30 years, I have been living my life in a way that prioritizes pleasing and accommodating others. 

And let me tell you, that really gets in the way of one's ability to acknowledge - much less ask for - what one wants.

Because when you are functioning under the blueprint that your decisions need to always please other people, anything that strays from this feels wrong. To choose yourself first feels wrong. Like you will hurt others by your decision to choose yourself. 

But the reality is there's only one person actually living your life, taking care of your body, thinking your thoughts. 

And that's you - or in my case, me.

By that fact alone, choosing yourself first -prioritizing your wants, preferences and pleasures - is imperative for a happy and thriving life. Not just for you, but everyone around you.

When I was younger I often uttered the phrase "I aim to please!" in a joking way when saying or doing something that unintentionally made another person smile or laugh. Little did I know that what I said was absolutely true. 

 

I DID aim to please others - and I always had.

And it makes sense. Just think of the culture we live in in the US, with "the customer is always right" and "focus on the bottom line" mentality that is fed to us. We're constantly inundated with this idea that we need to do things to please or accommodate others. 

We're rarely shown an example of what it looks like to prioritize pleasing or accommodating oneself. And sadly, when we are, those involved are often [initially] labeled as trouble, rabble-rousers, revolutionaries, or anarchists. 

Not sure what I'm talking about? 

Think of the civil rights movement or the women's suffrage movement. These were both brought about by the desire and conviction for people to be able to live lives where they can be people - fully. Lives where they can make choices based on what is right and true for themselves rather than repressing their own wants and desires in order to further or soothe those of others.

It may seem like a bit of a drastic stretch but it paints the same picture. 

Choosing yourself first is important.

Your wants and preferences are important.   

Aim to please - starting with yourself.