Day 283: Friend Types

Have you ever thought about how you categorize the people you know?
Or more specifically, how you categorize what the people you know mean to you?

For the longest time I've used the blanket term of 'friend' for pretty much anyone I've established some sort of bond with and generally liked as a person.

But as I've aged, I've noticed that things sometimes get tricky with such a catch-all term. And likewise, with the definition of 'like.' 

There seems to be quite a range between the 'like' I experience with best friends I've known for years and friends I enjoy seeing, but don't want to spend more than an hour or two with at a time.

Why does this matter? 

I'm not sure. 

But in my head I've found the growing need to get clearer on how I identify the wide range of company I keep.

This is probably impacted, in large part, by my new-found appreciation and respect for my own time. 

The time I spend with myself.

Personal time. 

'Me' time.

Given that, it makes sense that I'd want to be more intentional about how and with whom I spend my time.

There will always be 24 hours in a day.

There will always be things to do, places to go, and people to see.

But there no longer needs to be a compulsion or pressure to give everyone in the 'friend' category identical time and attention. (Or maybe this is just me trying to shake people pleasing tendencies...)

 

Our lives are made up by countless numbers of relationships and all of them are different. They are all different because they all serve their own purpose. 

A relationship (of any kind), when broken down, is simply how one is in relation to another person.

So far I've been able to narrow down my behavior/state of being in relation to others into the following general categories:

People I know
These are the people . . . I know.
I know who they are and they know/remember me.
Maybe I've known them for a long time, maybe it's only been a short while.
Generally, these are the people who are identified by how I know them [i.e. classmate, coworker, person on the bus] rather than who they are to me.

Acquaintances

These are people with whom I am friendly and have some sort of active shared connection. Interaction is typically enjoyable, but more sporadic. Generally, I'm not going to invest a lot of extra effort to spend time with these people, because - inertia. This is the small talk category.

Now come the harder categories:
Friends

These are the people I like, have fun with, and enjoy some sort of bond. We have general knowledge over the elements of each other's lives, though maybe not to an intimate degree. I'm willing to put in extra effort to sustain the relationship, but usually after it's thought up/initiated by the other person. Experiences together create fond memories, but not necessarily impact. This is also the category in which I feel most compelled to be 'on.'

Good Friends

The people I love spending time with and have shared interests, passions, and values. With them I am an open book (though I may choose to flip past certain chapters). I may not see them or talk to them all of the time - or even frequently - but when I do, it's as if no time has passed and we pick up right where we left off. They impact my life and who I am.

Best Friends

The people who love and know me best (and vice versa). The people who give me energy and lift me up, regardless of the fact that I'm an introvert and require alone time to fully recharge. These are the people I feel completely comfortable with and free to just be. These are the people that not only see the best in me, but will call out my worst in order to help me gain awareness and grow. They are forever.

I think I still have some work to do on these distinctions - and I can't help but feel there's a category missing between Acquaintances and Friends . . .
 

But as they are, they are helping me to better set expectations for myself. 

When I can more clearly see how I feel and engage in relation to others, I am better able to show up, feel, and allocate my energy and time in a way that benefits me.

And when we do things that are beneficial for ourselves, we have more energy to help others do the same (even without trying!).