Day 185: Getting out of my way

"I wish I could tell so-and-so about 'X' but they won't understand."

 

"I can't be honest with my coworker because I will hurt their feelings."

 

"I just want to be able to share freely and have others engaged in my life."

Anytime I have a thought about something I can't do because of other people (or how they will interpret/handle the situation), it is an instant sign that I am getting in my own way.

I am preventing myself from doing whatever it is I say I want.

It is my interpretation and assumption about the topic that makes up my perception. And, in situations as illustrated above, this perception is that I can't do / be / have whatever it is.

If I interpreted the topic differently and had different assumptions - or got rid of assumptions altogether - that would greatly change how I view the control I have over the situation.

I'll give two examples.

Example 1

I had the desire to have a closer connection / relationship with my parents. For me, sharing is the way to strengthen a relationship. But I wasn't sharing. Instead, I was severely restricting the topics and content I would discuss. As a result, the relationship didn't get stronger, it got weaker.

     

Why was I doing the polar opposite of what I wanted?

Because I had the belief that "I can't talk to them about XYZ topics."

The topics I wanted to share about the most.

The topics I judged myself for the most.

My interpretation of my own life experiences was one of harsh ridicule and judgment. I was grading myself on a scale of perfection, and with life experiences brand new to me, I could never measure up.

I judged myself so unkindly that I began to assume that others would do the same. And the fear of having the people who have known me my whole life thinking poorly of me was a fear I wasn't willing to face.

So I did it for them. Removing all possibility from my mind that there could be any other outcome.

I chose to restrict myself and my natural state of openness because my interpretation of the situation was "I had things to feel bad about or disappointed in myself for, and because of that I couldn't share my experiences with others."

Example 2

(This one's a bit lighter)

A new acquaintance was telling me about his struggle to promote his music.

He shared how his album featured several prominent singers of the genre and that they would most likely be willing to give him a shout out on social media. Thus, exposing him to their fan bases.

"So, what's the problem?" I challenged.

His response immediately focused on others. "They're willing to help, but I think they just want to promote as a larger campaign to see their reach amplified."

I still didn't see the problem.

From the logistical standpoint, that is.

But from the mental standpoint, it was like a giant neon sign:

UNHELPFUL INTERPRETATIONS,  ASSUMPTIONS, AND LIMITING BELIEFS AT WORK

 

These two examples illustrate how what we think, the assumptions we make, and how we interpret things all work together to create a certain picture.

If the picture being created is not what we want, we might do well to challenge it and investigate why.

Afterall, there are no rules in life that make something 100% impossible.

Anything is possible.

Really.

It's only when we let our current perspectives prevent us from moving forward that we become defeated or denied what we want.