Day 292: Moral beliefs vs. Legal rule

I was listening to a podcast episode of Start Here by ABC News, yesterday morning, and the first story really jumped out at me.

Maybe you know the news story I'm talking about - the Supreme Court case about same-sex marriage and the website designer from Colorado? 

 

This individual claims her first amendment rights are being impinged upon by a Colorado state ruling that prohibits businesses from declining services to customers with whom they disapprove of their lifestyle choices.

She feels that because of this law she is being forced to utter an endorsement by creating a website for a same-sex couple that is compelling her to speak something she does not believe in. Thus, violating her First Amendment right to freedom of speech.

It's fair that she has strong beliefs and she wants to be able to uphold them in her work, as website creation is, "her creative canvas." And in that creation, she is using her artistic voice - which is protected by the First Amendment. 

 

However, the real issue is not her endorsement by taking on the job. It's her concern about the perception of others by her taking on the job. As well as her perception of herself.

At least that's my opinion. 

And based on that opinion my first thought was, "get this woman some coaching!"

It seems pretty clear to me that if a person has strong convictions and a strong sense of self, they are much less likely to be concerned about the thoughts and interpretations of others. 

 

They know that their beliefs are theirs. 

And the beliefs of others do not impinge upon them. 

The beliefs of others do not threaten their own. 

 

No one can make you believe something else. So the fact that she is so concerned about what her actions might "convey" to others, indicates to me that this woman has some figuring out to do in her relationship with herself.

I can only speak for myself, but I know that for me, getting to know myself better has increased my self-confidence, security, and conviction in the values and beliefs that I hold close to me. 

 

As a result of this, I don't feel challenged or threatened by differing opinions and points of view from others. At least for the most part - this is still very much a work in progress.

Another thought for this website creator is a bit more basic. 

Why not make your ideal target market much more clear on all of your promotions? 

List on your website that you work best with same-sex couples - and maybe even air out your personal beliefs. That in itself will remove any issues similar to this one from ever happening again. 

 

Because you know what? 

Same-sex couples are not going to want to work with you. 

Problem solved!

The fact that something of this nature made it all the way to the Supreme Court of the country is a little bit ridiculous to me. 

 

I get it at a glance, but when looked at more closely to understand what's really happening, a very different resolution comes into focus. 

 

And that is doing the internal, personal development needed to make the people involved feel secure in themselves and thus, in their work at large.

 

Personal development might not be easier than going through a court case (I have no idea - I'm sure it depends on the person and also the case), but it is certainly longer lasting and much more beneficial.

Day 291: Exploring the tools

I touch a lot on the idea of perspective, as it is the foundation through which we experience all of life.

But I haven't explored much the tools that can be used to identify and navigate different perspectives available to oneself. 

A big reason for this is I'm not super well versed with the tools. I'm still growing my understanding of them, myself.

Yet, as the purpose of this blog was to develop a deeper understanding of various ideas and concepts now available to me through coaching, it seems the perfect use of this post to explore perspective tools together. 

Because what's life if you don't share it?! Am I right? 

I'm still working on that one, too...

The tool I am learning about - and referring to - is called the Energy Leadership Index Assessment (ELI). I can't say I love the name, but I do love the premise. 

 

This is an assessment that was created by my coach training program, iPEC. It takes a snapshot of one's current, and unique, mixture of energy and how that influences their perspectives, actions, and overall experience and satisfaction in life.

The ELI illustrates a clear connection between emotions we experience as humans, the attitudes, thoughts, and perspectives we have towards different things, and how they work together to either help us in our endeavors or make it harder for ourselves.

The idea sounds great, but the name really throws me off. At least it used to when I was first learning about the assessment. I recall being less than excited about spending a whole training weekend learning about the ELI. 

 

At the time, it didn't seem to live up to the hype. 

Now, however, as I am understanding it more over time, I think I might have an idea of why the excitement and hype for it was there. It's pretty cool to be able to pinpoint specific thoughts, actions, and feelings I have/experience in specific areas of life - and also know that I can change all of them. 

If I want to. 

And not just change them blindly, but the ELI gives a framework to know exactly how to go about making changes, should I choose.

As one who loves details, the ELI assessment is all about the details! 

It reflects the reality that as humans, we are constantly changing. Therefore, our ELI assessment results - the energy levels we use and how we use them - are also always changing. 

This is actually a really cool resource that we can use to measure our own personal development and change. Honestly, it could even be used to measure our level of happiness and satisfaction at any given time. 

Unlike personality tests that just tell you 'this is who you are this is how to work with it,' this is an attitudinal assessment. The ELI shows us 'this is how you're showing up right now and if you want to change it in any direction here are some ideas for you.' 

Again, humans are not static. 

We are constantly changing.

Why?

Because we are always having new experiences.

Now, that doesn't mean brand new, completely foreign experiences that we've never heard of or seen before.

No, it means everyday we wake up, and it's a new day. 

We don't know what's going to happen and that alone makes it a new experience.

So, this tool that I am working on understanding more, could really be seen as a way to help us get even more out of life - in whatever way we choose. 

And I suppose that's the real beauty of it, because it's a 'choose your own adventure' type of thing. 

Nobody is telling you you are 'X' [label] or you fit into 'Y' box. 

We get to choose who we are and what we want and how we experience life. And this is a tool that can help us do so much more easily.

And the best part is, it will all happen on our own timelines! 

Maybe you want to get going right away and are ready to take action. Or maybe, you're more like me when I first learned about coaching, and need to let the information marinate in the back of your brain for 3.5 years before taking a step towards exploring it and changing your life.

Regardless of the timeline or specific actions taken, tools are tools.
They are available to help us whenever we need them.
And I'm excited to add and sharpen this tool for my own toolbox.

Day 290: Blessings in Disguise

Everything can be worthwhile if you learn from it.

I think that's really what blessings in disguise are. The learning of important lessons through life experiences. 

People can go years and years not learning from their own patterns and behaviors. Though, those who do always come out better off.

Who would have thought that to be able to learn from your own life, and the situations you experience, would be considered a blessing?

Not me. Not when phrased like that.

My past interpretation of the phrase always eluded that the blessing must be something prominent and tangible. The blessing had to be something external from oneself.

But that is not the only way to experience a blessing.

They can appear much closer to home.

Such as - within oneself.

Maybe these blessings aren't in disguise at all.

Maybe the lessons are just the opposite of what we were expecting. And it takes a life disrupting situation to focus our attention where it is needed.
When you think about it - it's more like a giant arrow pointing exactly where the the learning will take place . . . which isn't that sneaky, if you ask me.

Perhaps these blessings in disguise are really like the training wheels we need to become proficient in learning from all of our life experiences ('good' and 'bad').
- Callback to people going years without learning from their routine patterns and behaviors. 

 

So, why don't we learn from ourselves?
For a multitude of reasons - but I'm willing to bet that not being aware of how to actually do it is one of the big ones.

Think of an area of life that keeps continuing the same way for you, despite your desire and effort for change. 

Then think about your approach.
What have you actually been doing about it? And how have those actions changed over time?

Here's a hot tip, if the actions remain the same so will the result.
No, duh - but also, sometimes it needs to be said.

Now let's think about the really important stuff -

What are your beliefs about it?
How is your attitude and mood when it's on your mind?

While these may seem like annoying fluff, they are actually the meat of the meal. Because it is our beliefs that direct ALL of our actions. So if we don't know what we believe about something, how can we possibly learn from it?

As blessings in disguise deliver benefit and new opportunities, so do the lessons that can be gained from every day experiences. We just need to be able to spot them.

Day 289: Subtitles

There's a knock on the door . . .

 

 

 

Who could it be??

 

A disgruntled neighbor!
"Your music is too loud. Turn it off - or ELSE!!!"

The volume is down to 3.
"Can you hear it??"

Then brilliance strikes -
"What if we turn on the subtitles?!"
'...then we'd just be reading...'

Day 288: Commitment

Commitment is scary. 

It can feel binding. It can feel permanent.

I feel it myself. I saw it yesterday at work. We see it all around us.

What if I change my mind?

What if I made the wrong decision?

What if I can't do it? 

What if I fail? 

What if I want to quit?

What if the point of commitment wasn't the act or task you've signed up for at all?

What if the point of commitment is in solidifying a goal, want, or desire for oneself? 

What if commitment is really just a structured prioritization tool?

"I have to keep going/do 'X' because I made a commitment."

How any times do our commitments start to feel like obligations?

We make commitments because something is important to us. At least on some level. 

We make commitments because they do something for us.

We gain something from them. We get some sort of need or want met.

But the day we forget WHY we made the commitment, is the day we start to feel restricted by the commitment.

Commitments are not rigid and they are not static. They have the capacity to grow with us. And they require us to become aware of our own growth and how things may need to be adjusted in order to fill the shapes our lives now hold.

Change is constant. 

Life doesn't stop.

Some commitments will last forever, others will transform into something new. 

There is no one way - or right way - to fill a particular commitment. 

There are infinite ways.

The tricky part is not in keeping a commitment, but in navigating the way that works best for you.

Day 287: Something to consider

As I explore different topics and process different thoughts, the primary purpose is presenting something to consider. Something new, something unexpected, something from a slightly different angle. 

The whole point is to show and demonstrate that there's always a different way to approach a topic. 

Always. 

There's no one way or right way. 

It is my hope that in exploring my own thoughts and experiences on a deeper level that I may encourage others to do the same.

During my last coaching session with Audrey it became clear to me how much I struggle with defining a larger goal for myself and the business I'm trying to create. 

I was tasked with writing up a very basic, directional goal for my business. 

Sounds pretty simple. 

It wasn't. 

Because along with goals comes this thing called dreaming. 

Maybe you've heard of it? 

I've certainly touched on it before and I'll touch on it again - no question about it. But in completing my task of actually writing out my goal to work towards, I realize my struggle (still) when it comes to dreaming big. Or perhaps it's really a fear of committing to a dream.

The goal I came up with is: 

I have a thriving coaching business in which I help others find true happiness by getting to know themselves through one-on-one coaching, writing, public speaking, and experiential events.

Super basic.

And yet it was very difficult to assemble this statement.

One foundational aspect of this goal is giving others something new to consider. 

That's the whole point of being someone's coach, of writing this blog, of (one day) speaking about these ideas and creating events in which people can explore them. 

The person considering will always start out as me, but I want to expand that. If I'm being honest, I want to be THE person to spark the desire in another to more deeply understand themselves and the way they experience life. 

I want to be the voice that finally swings open the door and makes things click. The voice someone 'needs to hear it from,' whatever it may be.

To angle it differently, I want to be the gateway to self-development and the addictive hooks it sinks once started. 

That's right, I said it, I want to get people addicted to coaching and self-development!

And this all starts with an idea. 

It may be familiar, it may be new, it may be a different approach than we're used to. And if not new, then a confirmation that the approach we are using is worth considering and continuing to explore more.

At the end of the day, life is really just about exploration. Observing and considering the things that happen in our life, both internal and external.

Day 286: Writer

Today is the first day (well last night, really) that I've seen my identity as "Writer."

And it made me laugh with joy! And disbelief. And then more joy.

I was reading an article about dictation apps (to which I begrudgingly acknowledge that my boss was right about how great they are - after he went on and on about one for MONTHS, last year 😑). 

The article was written by an author. Duh.

A 4x New York Times bestselling author. 

I don't care if he got paid to write it - he knows the material he's writing about. So when I read about things that I can relate to when I write, it was like a light went on.

"Hey, this writer is writing about things that happen to me . . . Does this mean - I'M a writer?!?"

Strangely enough, I didn't (and still don't fully) see myself that way. 

I saw myself as someone who writes her blog posts. 

I saw myself as someone who enjoys writing.

But never as someone with the label of "Writer." 

Why?

Because - I just learned - I had the requirement of 'outside validation of my skills by others' attached to being a "Writer." 

And I was afraid I couldn't get said validation.

So, rather than face the possibility of failure, why even try? 

This is a fear that's become glaringly obvious in my writing a blog that I don't really share with people. Thus, not claiming the label.

Well, not anymore!!

😳 What?!. . . But sharing is scary!! 

[Make sure you (re)read that in the whiniest, Tom Haverford, voice possible.]

Sharing IS scary.

But taking action is scarier.
And I am finding myself in a place that calls for that now.
I had my time to rest and recharge. And now is time to get into action.

But, boy oh boy, is the resistance strong!

Scared Hazey is STRONG!

 

What does this impending action look like?
I'm not quite sure.
Ok, that's not true - I'm pretending I don't know. Something also known as stalling. And the exact something my coach called me out on this week - and it's a good thing she did.

Cue transition into new phase of life!

While I am still gathering up bravery as I cling to the edge of the action pool, I know my dive is not far away.

 

Doing new things will always be scary.
But I'm learning that moving towards them can become easier when we claim our own labels and define ourselves. 

We are the only ones who will ever walk in our shoes, so lets write up an adventure that makes the journey meaningful.