Day 262: On Aging

It's interesting to see the difference in opinion on aging when it comes to humans versus essentially everything else. 

Think about a tree. 

Trees have various aging cycles. 

While they may take hundreds of years to reach the end of their life, there are many cycles of change along the way. 

Or perhaps, it's easier to think about the life of a flower. 

Flowers start with sprouts from the ground, quickly growing leaves and stems, and eventually a bud.  The flower blooms and pollination occurs, perhaps even turning into something else.

But eventually, the flower will die.
Slowly losing its petals, one by one. Until all that remains is an empty stock. 

When we see such things we don't shy away from them.
We accept them.
We know that that is the lifespan and cycle of a flower.
We get to enjoy their beauty and fragrance, but it won't last forever. And we're okay with that. 

Maybe this okay-ness comes from knowing that next year there will be more flowers.

But it's not the same with people. 

Our life cycles, though much faster than a giant tree, move much slower than a flower. 

And in the world I grew up in, and live in now, the view on aging is quite unkind. 

Aging is looked at, I think, with fear and dislike. 

With aging comes wilting. 

Our flowers are no longer fully vibrant and appealingly fragrant. 

Looks and color are fading. 

The vibrancy of youth - of blooming - is no longer.

We are taught that life is better when we're constantly blooming. 

But to constantly bloom - to never wilt - is impossible. 

Because the energy required is unsustainable. 

I wonder what it would take for our society to shift to a different way of thinking? 

To a way of thinking in which we can appreciate the beauty in every stage of our life cycles.

Where one phase of life isn't held up as the single thing to aspire to (be forever).

I think part of the dislike of aging comes from a lack of fulfillment experienced in each phase of life.

And with that lack, comes a good amount of fear. 

Because if we're on the downward turn, if we're starting to wilt, there's no telling how much time we have.
And, unless I somehow missed this lesson, we were never explicitly taught how to appreciate the life we have, the people we are, or the people we were. 

All of these things are important for graceful aging. 

All of these things are important for a happy life. 

All of these things are necessary to embrace change and welcome it at every phase.

Day 261: Squash Seed Roast

Remembering our fallen heroes. 

Approximately one week ago, dozens and dozens of fresh-faced Seeds began Basic Cleaning.

It was a long and frigid week.

Some wondered why it was taking so long to complete. 
"Why are we still in the fridge?! I'm ready to see some action, now! I'm ready!"

Patience.

Patience is a virtue and we rely on all of our Seeds to have this virtue.
Especially, in heated times of pressure.

Finally, after a grueling 7(ish) days, Basic Cleaning was complete.

These guys were now on Roast duty.

About 3/4 through their shift, a "Pop! Pop! Pop!" sound, like popcorn, was heard coming from the oven!

I raced over, but it was too late.
They were already fallen soldiers when I arrived.

These were the sole survivors . . . 

. . . minus the seeds I already ate.

Day 260: World Change

I wasn't sure what to write today, so I thought I'd pick a quote and share some thoughts on it.

I went to the Quotes & Phrases note in my phone where I collect quotes and phrases that resonate with me.

This is what jumped out:

The world doesn't change, you change.

Wow.
That's a big one.
Do I really want to share my thoughts on this one . . . ?

On the micro level, I can easily get on board with this.
As one's view of, and relationship with, oneself changes, one's perception of the world will also reflect such changes.

But on the macro level it becomes a bit harder . . .
One could argue, "if the world doesn't change, then why are there things like crime, radical politics, and racism becoming more and more prevalent?"

My answer to this question (which, full disclosure, only formed as I was typing the question) would be:

Not all personal changes are for the better.
Furthermore, not all personal changes are intentional.

Think about the world in which we live. A world where the general population is not taught the importance of self-knowledge.
Sure, knowing history and math is important, but if we can't function and navigate life in our internal world, do these things really matter?

If we can't discern our own wants and needs from the pressures and rules our society creates and tries to place upon us, it's a safe bet we're going to struggle, eventually. And our communities will reflect this.

Take our current Social Media Epidemic - yeah, I'm going there.
Depression, anxiety, and feelings of 'otherness' and isolation are on the rise. Meanwhile, self-esteem, self-worth, and strong emotional connection are on the steep decline. 

Change - of any kind - is an inside job.
Change - on any scale - starts on the individual level.

We are all agents of change - positive, negative, neutral. 

When you really look at the act of change, there is only the micro.
Change is the raindrop in the pond. We are the raindrops.
The ripples are the effect - the macro - what's visible and reflected to others.

So yeah, I'm on board with this quote no matter how I look at it.
And I'm glad I was willing to explore it!

Day 259: School of Un-Learning

I had a conversation with my co-worker today about the impact social conditioning has on our western civilization. 

. . . You know, light water cooler talk.

From a VERY early age, our sense of self-esteem and self-worth has already started to take a beating.
Especially, if you're raised as a girl (or minority).

"My niece is 7 and she already feels insecure about her body! 

I was talking to my therapist about this," my coworker shared. "She said you have to un-learn the harmful things you were taught. It's all about a mindset change. 
. . . I wish there was a school you could go to 'un-learn' things."

My immediate response: 

"There is! Well, not school, per se. But, coaching does this! It helps you identify the thoughts and beliefs that aren't helpful to you and replace them with thoughts and beliefs that are."

"If these were skills taught in childhood can you imagine how different the world would be?!? If we learned how to think this way as kids in school?? But it's not taught."

"Yeah," my co-worker chimed in, "because you can make money off of people feeling bad."

The truth of her final statement is gross. 

The reality that it's "normal" to dislike features of how you look or to have thoughts highlighting different angles of self-lack on a regular basis - is gross. 

But really 'gross' is just a catch-all phrase for the sadness, heartbreak, anger, and disgust I simultaneously feel when I think about it. 

Sadness for the pain that so many people experience.

Heartbreak for the collective inability of our society to see our own worth and value.

Anger that this is a real-life thing when it doesn't have to exist at all.

Disgust that the whole thing is fueled by money and power.

But also, I feel hope - and passion - in knowing that a self-injurious life and mindset does not have to be the norm; does not have to be the default. 

It is possible - for every human on this planet - to experience a life fueled by personally supportive thoughts and beliefs.

It is possible - for every human on this planet - to have acceptance and love for who they are, just as they are.

It is possible - but it takes hard work. 
Hard work that will never earn a certificate.

Hard work that will at some point seem like it's taking 'too long.'

Hard work that will change your life and how you function in it.

Day 258: Force

Forcing things sucks.

It doesn't feel good and it's draining.

And yet we live in a world where forcing oneself to do things is the norm.

What the heck?!
That's messed up.

Can you imagine if flowers were forced to bloom before they were ready?
They would likely be washed out in color, odorless, and would prevent other plants from becoming pollinated.

Read that last part again: prevent other plants from becoming pollinated.

I don't know if this is actually what would happen if a flower were forced to bloom, but it's a great analogy for my actual point. 

When we force things, we miss out on all of the benefits that can be gained from when they happen in their own time. And we're often less open to collaboration, unplanned learning opportunities, and patience. Thus, effectively closing off to and shutting down others and sending the message that it's not ok to step outside the narrow-viewed line.

When we allow people to live their lives according to their own timelines, there is way more pollen to go around. And it comes in the form of happiness, joy, fulfillment, openness, and generosity.

. . . to name a few.

What areas in your life are you trying to force?
And how's that working for ya?

Might be time to try out a new approach . . .
Don't know how? Let's talk!

This could be you!

Day 257: Ahh, not Ugh

I mentioned previously that I'm navigating burnout. 

The more experience I get with it, the more upsetting it becomes.
The more awareness I gain of it, the more I see it touches - and to what (ever-growing) extent.

I've never had this experience before and it's kind of scary.
I know that there are people that live for years with burnout - or at least until they develop some sort of health issue and have to address it.
I don't want that!
It sounds miserable and I really don't want a miserable-feeling life!

I had a coaching session with Audrey on Tuesday and I realized that I still hadn't looked into a recommendation she had given me two weeks ago (that I was very interested in).

. . .Which is kind of like that doctor's appointment I still haven't booked.

Or that plant I still need to repot.
[Ok, let's be real, this task was going to be pushed off for as long as possible, burnout or not!]

I told her, for my session, I wanted to explore and come up with some mental checks I could go through when deciding on what and with whom I spend my time and very limited energy. 

This would help me to  more consciously choose the most healthful and restorative things to build up my energy (aka - motivation, interests, overall activity) rather than deplete it.

The saying, 'If it's not a hell yes, it's a no,' came to mind.

While I don't fully agree with this sentiment, it does certainly help with short-term decision making.

If only it resonated with me . . . 

So we came up with our own scaling tool for me.

If it's not an 'Ahh', it's an 'Ugh'.

I had told Audrey about several occurrences that left me feeling 'ugh' last week and not looking forward to activities associated with them. From this, the scale was born!

We built a check list - the things I would check-in with, both physically and mentally, when discerning between an 'Ugh' (pass) and an 'Ahh' (let's do it!).

My list consisted of:

- Check-in with the feeling in my gut

- Check in with chest sensations

- Ask myself, 'Is this what I want to do?'

- Ask myself, 'is this choice about others or me?'

[Jury's still out on if this is the best criteria combination, but I'm testing it out!]

The main thing is tuning into and growing your awareness on the things that make you feel good.
And then letting this be your guide.

The body is self-healing, but it needs the right (energetic) nutrients to get it started.

Day 256: Model Communication

In keeping with the barely-there theme of pets, let's explore another facet of relationships - Communication.

Some might argue that relationships with pets and relationships with humans aren't the same because humans can communicate with each other. 

They speak the same language.

Do they, though??

More often than not - not really.

Sure, the people we have relationships with will, by and large, speak the same language in terms of words and sentence structure. But in the sense of definition and meaning, many humans speak completely different languages and don't even know it.

Why?

Because we all think differently. And I mean everyone - even twins (of which I am living proof)! 

As life-long residents of our own minds and bodies, we become so accustomed to our way of thinking, doing, behaving that when we encounter anything 'other' it is immediately flagged. And if you are anything like me, it is often flagged with outrage, disbelief, and/or Judgement.

'Why would So-and-so think that was ok?! That behavior is completely unacceptable!'

Perhaps the above thought passes through one's mind during an interaction with another person. 
Conflict ensues.

Will a remedy be found to smooth things over??

That depends . . . 
On what?

On one's level of self-awareness.

Anytime we have a reaction to something, it indicates that things are either in or out of alignment with our values and beliefs.

For instance:

Do you get irritated when others leave a(n originally) closed door open behind them or don't pick up after themselves, ever? 

This could be an indication that you hold the belief:
'things should be left the same or better than you found them' and to not do so is 'inconsiderate and rude' [to give a completely made-up example that has no meaning in my life whatsoever . . .]

Self-awareness allows us to identify such beliefs and discern the judgements we apply when unfollowed by others. This is the first step.

The second step of self-awareness is to assess our newly identified beliefs.
Sure, they were formed for a reason and at some point in time they were beneficial for us - but are they still helpful in the present?

In many cases - at least in my own experience - newly identified beliefs don't really help me much. The majority were created at a much younger age and served an important purpose. Yet, with the passing of time comes new needs and new beliefs to reflect the present day person. Thus, awareness of our beliefs - current and old - is the key to better communication.

When we know what thoughts we are actually working with (and under the direction of) we can then communicate more effectively with others - and, in time, become an example of model communication.