Which came first: Poor Communication or Mistakes? [Pt. 1]

In a setup as inconclusive as 'Which came first, the chicken or the egg?', there is no clear answer. And in a world where every situation brings a different set of variables and perspectives, maybe that’s ok.

By show of hands (or perhaps you could let me know with a comment below), which do think is more likely?

1. Poor communication breeds mistakes
2. Mistakes breed poor communication

Next question - how many of you have ever thought about the symbiotic connection between communication and mistakes before?

I hadn’t, until very recently. And the reality is poor communication and mistakes are both responsible for the other, albeit in different situations. Perhaps with more awareness of what fosters both scenarios, we can learn to improve our communication and increase our growth and learning. Thus, turning any situation of mistake-making or poor communication into an opportunity!

Now, let’s take a closer look at the first cause and effect and explore the various ways they can show up. (The second phenomena will be examined in a follow-up post.)

Poor Communication breeds mistakes

This is the most obvious of the two options. Poor communication leads to mistakes by route of three key areas:

1. Unclear guidelines
2. Unclear expectations
3. Unclear commitments

AKA: lack of clarity

Lack of clarity is a direct route to mistake-making. Leaving us operating on assumptions, rather than confirming our understanding of what is needed and draining us of time and energy. If there’s one thing mistakes love, it’s the feeling of ‘lack’:
- lack of clarity
- lack of time
- lack of energy
- lack of focus
- lack of confidence
The list could go on and on . . .

Unclear guidelines

Ever had a project at work or agree to help out a friend with something only to find, shortly after the conversation has ended, that you don’t really know what you’re supposed to do? Or what is actually needed?

Congratulations, you’ve received unclear guidelines!
In situations like these, we sometimes resist our better judgment to ask clarifying questions for fear of how we may be perceived. Such as fear of:

• appearing incompetent
• appearing like we weren’t listening
• bothering the other person* (‘time is money,’ as they say)

*if this is you, or you get annoyed when people ask you ‘obvious’ questions, we should talk. There’s a way to eliminate this experience entirely.

If none of these apply, I applaud you.

And in other situations still, we may experience uncertainty grab us after we’ve already reached what feels like the point of no return; already having invested significant time and effort with insufficient resources remaining to start over.

Unclear expectations

In other cases, we may feel clear on the task being asked of us (or that we’re asking of others), but the outcome produced registers as a mistake. For instance, we could do a perfect job based on the criteria and information we have available to us, but if it doesn’t align with the vision of the person we are doing the work for, the perfection will not translate.

We all have different ways of doing things and because of this, verbalizing our expectations - especially when they seem obvious - is crucial in communicating clearly and producing mistake-free work.

Unclear commitments

You know that feeling when you are uncertain whether a coworker or friend will follow-through with a commitment? You start to question if it was a mistake to ask this person for help or to trust they could get the job done. This anxiety-inducing uncertainty comes from unclear commitments.

Think back to elementary school age and going to a friend’s birthday party. They would always hand out some sort of invitation with all of the information you needed (ok - the info your parents needed) to determine if you would be committing to attend or not:

• The date
• The time
• The location
• The type of party

Making commitments as adults requires the same information - regardless of the area of life. In the work world these requirements might look a bit different, using words such as deadlines, requirements, or goals, but they convey the same information.

Your Turn

How many of these types of situations have you experienced in the past? Perhaps you are experiencing some right now or will experience some version of the above in the future (because not everyone is as good at communicating as you are 😉).

Should you find yourself getting caught in the poor communication/mistake trap, fear not! Things can always be resolved by asking questions to get clarity on guidelines, expectations and commitments.

Recognizing that mistakes are usually proof of incomplete information makes it much easier to address the problem, rather than placing blame or finding fault. Become the most forward-thinking, responsible person in the room by bravely asking clarifying questions to ensure the best outcomes possible.

Day 256: Model Communication

In keeping with the barely-there theme of pets, let's explore another facet of relationships - Communication.

Some might argue that relationships with pets and relationships with humans aren't the same because humans can communicate with each other. 

They speak the same language.

Do they, though??

More often than not - not really.

Sure, the people we have relationships with will, by and large, speak the same language in terms of words and sentence structure. But in the sense of definition and meaning, many humans speak completely different languages and don't even know it.

Why?

Because we all think differently. And I mean everyone - even twins (of which I am living proof)! 

As life-long residents of our own minds and bodies, we become so accustomed to our way of thinking, doing, behaving that when we encounter anything 'other' it is immediately flagged. And if you are anything like me, it is often flagged with outrage, disbelief, and/or Judgement.

'Why would So-and-so think that was ok?! That behavior is completely unacceptable!'

Perhaps the above thought passes through one's mind during an interaction with another person. 
Conflict ensues.

Will a remedy be found to smooth things over??

That depends . . . 
On what?

On one's level of self-awareness.

Anytime we have a reaction to something, it indicates that things are either in or out of alignment with our values and beliefs.

For instance:

Do you get irritated when others leave a(n originally) closed door open behind them or don't pick up after themselves, ever? 

This could be an indication that you hold the belief:
'things should be left the same or better than you found them' and to not do so is 'inconsiderate and rude' [to give a completely made-up example that has no meaning in my life whatsoever . . .]

Self-awareness allows us to identify such beliefs and discern the judgements we apply when unfollowed by others. This is the first step.

The second step of self-awareness is to assess our newly identified beliefs.
Sure, they were formed for a reason and at some point in time they were beneficial for us - but are they still helpful in the present?

In many cases - at least in my own experience - newly identified beliefs don't really help me much. The majority were created at a much younger age and served an important purpose. Yet, with the passing of time comes new needs and new beliefs to reflect the present day person. Thus, awareness of our beliefs - current and old - is the key to better communication.

When we know what thoughts we are actually working with (and under the direction of) we can then communicate more effectively with others - and, in time, become an example of model communication.