Day 290: Blessings in Disguise

Everything can be worthwhile if you learn from it.

I think that's really what blessings in disguise are. The learning of important lessons through life experiences. 

People can go years and years not learning from their own patterns and behaviors. Though, those who do always come out better off.

Who would have thought that to be able to learn from your own life, and the situations you experience, would be considered a blessing?

Not me. Not when phrased like that.

My past interpretation of the phrase always eluded that the blessing must be something prominent and tangible. The blessing had to be something external from oneself.

But that is not the only way to experience a blessing.

They can appear much closer to home.

Such as - within oneself.

Maybe these blessings aren't in disguise at all.

Maybe the lessons are just the opposite of what we were expecting. And it takes a life disrupting situation to focus our attention where it is needed.
When you think about it - it's more like a giant arrow pointing exactly where the the learning will take place . . . which isn't that sneaky, if you ask me.

Perhaps these blessings in disguise are really like the training wheels we need to become proficient in learning from all of our life experiences ('good' and 'bad').
- Callback to people going years without learning from their routine patterns and behaviors. 

 

So, why don't we learn from ourselves?
For a multitude of reasons - but I'm willing to bet that not being aware of how to actually do it is one of the big ones.

Think of an area of life that keeps continuing the same way for you, despite your desire and effort for change. 

Then think about your approach.
What have you actually been doing about it? And how have those actions changed over time?

Here's a hot tip, if the actions remain the same so will the result.
No, duh - but also, sometimes it needs to be said.

Now let's think about the really important stuff -

What are your beliefs about it?
How is your attitude and mood when it's on your mind?

While these may seem like annoying fluff, they are actually the meat of the meal. Because it is our beliefs that direct ALL of our actions. So if we don't know what we believe about something, how can we possibly learn from it?

As blessings in disguise deliver benefit and new opportunities, so do the lessons that can be gained from every day experiences. We just need to be able to spot them.

Day 289: Subtitles

There's a knock on the door . . .

 

 

 

Who could it be??

 

A disgruntled neighbor!
"Your music is too loud. Turn it off - or ELSE!!!"

The volume is down to 3.
"Can you hear it??"

Then brilliance strikes -
"What if we turn on the subtitles?!"
'...then we'd just be reading...'

Day 288: Commitment

Commitment is scary. 

It can feel binding. It can feel permanent.

I feel it myself. I saw it yesterday at work. We see it all around us.

What if I change my mind?

What if I made the wrong decision?

What if I can't do it? 

What if I fail? 

What if I want to quit?

What if the point of commitment wasn't the act or task you've signed up for at all?

What if the point of commitment is in solidifying a goal, want, or desire for oneself? 

What if commitment is really just a structured prioritization tool?

"I have to keep going/do 'X' because I made a commitment."

How any times do our commitments start to feel like obligations?

We make commitments because something is important to us. At least on some level. 

We make commitments because they do something for us.

We gain something from them. We get some sort of need or want met.

But the day we forget WHY we made the commitment, is the day we start to feel restricted by the commitment.

Commitments are not rigid and they are not static. They have the capacity to grow with us. And they require us to become aware of our own growth and how things may need to be adjusted in order to fill the shapes our lives now hold.

Change is constant. 

Life doesn't stop.

Some commitments will last forever, others will transform into something new. 

There is no one way - or right way - to fill a particular commitment. 

There are infinite ways.

The tricky part is not in keeping a commitment, but in navigating the way that works best for you.

Day 287: Something to consider

As I explore different topics and process different thoughts, the primary purpose is presenting something to consider. Something new, something unexpected, something from a slightly different angle. 

The whole point is to show and demonstrate that there's always a different way to approach a topic. 

Always. 

There's no one way or right way. 

It is my hope that in exploring my own thoughts and experiences on a deeper level that I may encourage others to do the same.

During my last coaching session with Audrey it became clear to me how much I struggle with defining a larger goal for myself and the business I'm trying to create. 

I was tasked with writing up a very basic, directional goal for my business. 

Sounds pretty simple. 

It wasn't. 

Because along with goals comes this thing called dreaming. 

Maybe you've heard of it? 

I've certainly touched on it before and I'll touch on it again - no question about it. But in completing my task of actually writing out my goal to work towards, I realize my struggle (still) when it comes to dreaming big. Or perhaps it's really a fear of committing to a dream.

The goal I came up with is: 

I have a thriving coaching business in which I help others find true happiness by getting to know themselves through one-on-one coaching, writing, public speaking, and experiential events.

Super basic.

And yet it was very difficult to assemble this statement.

One foundational aspect of this goal is giving others something new to consider. 

That's the whole point of being someone's coach, of writing this blog, of (one day) speaking about these ideas and creating events in which people can explore them. 

The person considering will always start out as me, but I want to expand that. If I'm being honest, I want to be THE person to spark the desire in another to more deeply understand themselves and the way they experience life. 

I want to be the voice that finally swings open the door and makes things click. The voice someone 'needs to hear it from,' whatever it may be.

To angle it differently, I want to be the gateway to self-development and the addictive hooks it sinks once started. 

That's right, I said it, I want to get people addicted to coaching and self-development!

And this all starts with an idea. 

It may be familiar, it may be new, it may be a different approach than we're used to. And if not new, then a confirmation that the approach we are using is worth considering and continuing to explore more.

At the end of the day, life is really just about exploration. Observing and considering the things that happen in our life, both internal and external.

Day 286: Writer

Today is the first day (well last night, really) that I've seen my identity as "Writer."

And it made me laugh with joy! And disbelief. And then more joy.

I was reading an article about dictation apps (to which I begrudgingly acknowledge that my boss was right about how great they are - after he went on and on about one for MONTHS, last year 😑). 

The article was written by an author. Duh.

A 4x New York Times bestselling author. 

I don't care if he got paid to write it - he knows the material he's writing about. So when I read about things that I can relate to when I write, it was like a light went on.

"Hey, this writer is writing about things that happen to me . . . Does this mean - I'M a writer?!?"

Strangely enough, I didn't (and still don't fully) see myself that way. 

I saw myself as someone who writes her blog posts. 

I saw myself as someone who enjoys writing.

But never as someone with the label of "Writer." 

Why?

Because - I just learned - I had the requirement of 'outside validation of my skills by others' attached to being a "Writer." 

And I was afraid I couldn't get said validation.

So, rather than face the possibility of failure, why even try? 

This is a fear that's become glaringly obvious in my writing a blog that I don't really share with people. Thus, not claiming the label.

Well, not anymore!!

😳 What?!. . . But sharing is scary!! 

[Make sure you (re)read that in the whiniest, Tom Haverford, voice possible.]

Sharing IS scary.

But taking action is scarier.
And I am finding myself in a place that calls for that now.
I had my time to rest and recharge. And now is time to get into action.

But, boy oh boy, is the resistance strong!

Scared Hazey is STRONG!

 

What does this impending action look like?
I'm not quite sure.
Ok, that's not true - I'm pretending I don't know. Something also known as stalling. And the exact something my coach called me out on this week - and it's a good thing she did.

Cue transition into new phase of life!

While I am still gathering up bravery as I cling to the edge of the action pool, I know my dive is not far away.

 

Doing new things will always be scary.
But I'm learning that moving towards them can become easier when we claim our own labels and define ourselves. 

We are the only ones who will ever walk in our shoes, so lets write up an adventure that makes the journey meaningful.

Day 285: BHAG

I was reflecting on sadness the other night. And as I did, some aspects of my take on life started to settle in a new way. 

I always knew I was drawn to "happy things."
It's my default answer to any question about my preferences in music or media. But I wasn't very clear on the details of why.  

Upon further pondering, I think I revealed what iPEC (my coach training program) would call my BHAG: Big Hairy Audacious Goal. 

This is basically a goal of a lifetime. Of which there can be many (you're not limited to just one).

I think my BHAG is something within the realm of helping the world overcome unhappiness. I'm still working on the wording, but basically it's helping ppl to become happier in their lives. And that starts (and ends) with understanding and knowing yourself. 

When I reflect back on my life, just two years ago - heck, even one year ago - the happiness I feel now is night and day different. Which sounds like a drastic shift, because it really is significant! And the overall level of satisfaction and appreciation I feel are off the charts compared to before.

The fascinating thing about this is, my life is not perfect nor is there an illusion of such. My reality is not the stuff of my dreams nor do I love every moment of every day. 

But I do love my life. 

More than I ever have.

And I love who I am more than I ever have.

And I love more deeply experiencing what it means to be human. 

And most of all, I love understanding myself better. Because that is what makes all of the other things possible.

There's a chance as I, Present Sarah, was thinking about Past Sarah and how down she used to feel, that Present Sarah started to cry. 

Present Sarah started to cry because she doesn't want anyone to feel bad or sad. Because she knows how great it feels to feel good and happy and she genuinely wants that for everyone. Because she knows that we all have the capacity to better understand ourselves, which is the real key to happiness. And then she thought, 

"oh my gosh, Bre was right. I am a Care Bear!"

Guess I know my next Halloween costume...

Day 284: Sadness = missing details

Sadness* is too vague for me.
As someone who requires a lot of details in order to more fully understand something, sadness is my least favorite emotion.

Obviously, it doesn't produce the most desired feelings in the world. But that's not the main reason it ranks last for me. It's because it's the hardest emotion for me to sort through and understand.

I used to think disappointment was my least favorite emotion. But once I learned that disappointment is just unmet or misplaced expectations, it's power has significantly diminished.

The more I think about sadness, however, the more I recognize that it is more of a catch-all, holding cell term [at least for me]. Perhaps it's because sadness is such a catabolic energy level that it's hard to shift into a different perspective to gain more information. Because that sort of movement requires energy, and there's already very little energy to to be had (when experiencing sadness).

But once extra energy is gained and insights, perspective shifts, and greater understanding have been achieved, sadness starts to transform. It no longer has a blobby, heavy, undefined form. 

As it comes into focus, it actually has a very clear form - and it's not sadness at all (or purely)! But rather, it's a mix of emotions that had previously been entangled with each other. And now the loose ends are visible and it's possible to separate them from each other. With this separation comes a lifting and calming feeling. And that's something I can always get on board with!

So what's the moral here? I guess it's that there's always a deeper reason for everything. And if you're struggling to see it and can't figure it out, it might be worth enlisting the help of a trusted friend and confidant.

.... I know someone with years of sewing experience, which means she can help you untangle any knot!

And also, it's ok to feel sad. There's a time and place for everything in life. And everything serves a purpose.

*Please note, I am not talking about clinical depression