Day 244: Resisting Burnout

I had a coaching session with my own coach, after about a month's break.

This is significant.
Why?

Because of burnout.

Because I am burnt out. 

And I've been trying to avoid acknowledging it for the past few months.

But my coach, bless her, wasted no time to inform me that burnout is a very serious thing.

With that sentiment alone, came a wave of validation - and emotion.

Because Audrey is such a good coach, none of this was lost on her. She asked me what I was feeling in the moment she saw emotion overtake me.

Sadness

Frustration

Fear

I've never experienced Burnout before, at least to this degree. Our conversation revealed a lot more about the situation to me. 

Which is great, because I had an Agenda with a capital A for my session. 

I wanted to figure out the lesson I 'clearly still need to learn,' as I am finding myself in this place once again.

This place of frustration.

This place of resentment.

This place of exhaustion.

In previous experiences, I've found myself in similar roles. Roles where I am the driving force. Roles where I am guiding and making the way for growth to take root. Roles where I bring someone else's dreams into reality. 

And then I'm met with a stone wall of resistance.

I know what needs to happen.

I have an idea of how to get there.

But it's not my dream. 

And the dream owner, for reasons unknown to me, does not want to heed my words or take the steps I advise.

And when this happens all forward motion halts.

My wheels continue spinning, but any movement made is in the depth of the rut I find myself.

I can't want someone else's dreams more than they do.

So what do I do . . . ?

I learned today - I make assumptions.

When I am unable to get information, answers, or direction from those I am attempting to help, I resort to assumptions.

What are they not saying?

What criteria would they use?

What would they want to do?

'Assumptions are necessary in order to keep moving forward,' my hidden beliefs tell me. 'Because you must always be moving forward.'

But, perhaps it's this very belief that is doing the most damage. 

I'm not certain, but it could be possible that this very belief - that there must always be forward motion - is the reason for jumping to assumptions.
Like lighter fluid to kindling.

Assumptions, I learned today, are the very things that suck all of my extra energy - because I'm not just focusing on the task itself, but worrying if it's what the Dreamer would actually want.

And when viewed from another step back, the picture becomes a bit clearer. 

I am trying to push my agenda for the dream, not the Dreamers.

As a coach, it's my job is to further my client's agenda and goal for a session, never my own. Audrey tried to point this out to me in our session, but it seems it is only settling into my understanding now.

Huh. How about that...? 

I don't think I've completely learned the lesson I 'clearly still need to learn.' But I did gain new perspective that I previously didn't have.

I was also reminded, again, that life - whether work life, personal life, or somewhere in between - may be better lived like a coaching session.

Day 243: Toeing the line of perfection

. . . with my grilled cheese.

I like my bread (or toast) Dark. But not so dark that it's burnt . . . 

So this one really toes the line. Good thing it's on the right of it (at least for my taste). . . 

See??

And strangely enough, the way it looks is exactly how the peanut butter cookie I ate earlier today tasted - though it wasn't burnt.

You just never can tell . . . 

. . . what someone else's preferential criteria will be.

Who knew there'd be a lesson hidden in this nearly burnt-nugget?!

' . . . um, I think I missed the lesson . . ?'

 

The lesson is there is no perfection. 

It doesn't exist.

The fact that all humans have slightly different likes and preferences proves this. We all have our own sets of criteria that we use to interpret and judge the world around us. If something doesn't meet these criteria, we may feel compelled to say it is wrong or flawed. But when things align with our criteria, they couldn't be better. They're perfect.

Perfection is subjective and unique to every human.

So perhaps, perfection is not some ultimate, universal thing, but rather the highest praise we could give when labeling something we like.

Day 242: Desperately Searching

Overheard on my morning walk -

"...they think I'm desperate or whatever. I'm not desperate, there's a difference..."

I can only presume that the man I overheard talking on the phone, was referring to his desire for a romantic relationship.

Why?

Because in our society great desire for such a thing is quickly judged as 'desperation'.

But what if it wasn't?

What if it was seen for what it is? Having a known want and priority in life?

That's not to say approaches and views don't need to be examined and tweaked  in order to turn this desire into a belonging. But it IS to say that there's nothing wrong with it.

 

Our desires reveal our priorities.

 

This man, if he was indeed speaking of being viewed as 'desperate' for a relationship, is simply trying to give his priorities the attention they call for.

 

However, with all priorities (and desires) in life, it is important to break them down.

 

That's the first step before taking action.

 

In breaking them down, comes the understanding of why they are important to you. 

What it is you will gain from them.

And the most beneficial routes of gaining this core why.

After the breakdown, it's not uncommon to discover that the things being sought out from others, can actually be found within oneself. 

 

And in making such a realization, the original priorities can be pursued in a way that adds to one's life rather than 'fills a hole' or 'fixes it'.

When one's approach shifts to that of adding to an already whole picture, the idea of desperation will never cross one's radar.

Day 241: Coaching vs. Therapy vs. Meditation vs. Whatever Else

I practiced 'crowd work' recently in my stand up comedy class.
And I did it talking about life coaching.

Surprisingly (to me), it went way better than I anticipated.
When I asked my classmate audience if they knew what life coaching was, an answer I received was:
"Isn't it like therapy, but you don't need a degree for it?"

Just the answer I was hoping for! (in so many words)
To which I got to use my canned response:

Therapy and Life Coaching are often confused.
While therapy helps you heal from a scary past, Life Coaching helps you create a scary future.

 

Because you'll dream So BIG!

But really, therapy and coaching work very similarly.
Heck, even meditation and yoga could get pulled into the circle (depending on how you approach it).

All of these are helping modalities to assist people in gaining awareness, understanding, and a sense of control (no matter how loose) over their lives.

There is no one method that works 'better' than the others.
There is no one method that is better than the others.
It comes down to the individual seeking support outside of themselves and what they are looking for.

We all have needs - we're human.
Just as we all have hopes and desires.
And likewise, we all encounter things that get in the way of filling these needs and realizing these hopes and desires (some might even call these dreams or goals).

The way to move forward will always start with assessing where you are NOW.

With these helping modalities it is important to note that they are not exclusive. Unlike mainstream relationship norms in the western world, coaching, therapy, meditation, etc. are more like polygamists.
You don't have to commit to one and only one.
You can commit to them all if that's what works for you!

Meaning - sometimes, the best choice is all of the choices.
Often people find that starting in one of these areas opens the doors to others, whether later in time or simultaneously.

Invest in yourself by finding out what's right for you. 

That act alone will help bring you closer to understanding who you really are.
(Because we're basically onions, there will always be another layer to get to...)

Day 240: Feels Good to Feel Good

Man, it feels so good to feel good!

For the past few weeks months, I've been really struggling. 

Identifiable stress from work, fluctuating stress from a class I'm taking, and invisible stress from goals I have for myself have all been slowly - and silently - building and building. 

I found myself numbing. A lot. 

I enjoy edibles a few times a week, but things swiftly progressed to "let me just get a weed pen so I don't run out of gummies so fast."
. . . Because that's not telling for a person who leads a pretty darn health lifestyle.

Nope, it wasn't. I was completely oblivious to what was going on. 

The shift was so gradual - and too close to home to be objective - that I had no idea it was happening.

It took me canceling things I really enjoy - like my own coaching sessions with my coach, Audrey - to finally tap into my current reality.
I was not happy.

And, while there were certainly stressors outside of my own control, much of my suffering was self imposed. Largely, because I was avoiding being honest with myself.

About how I really felt.

About what I was actually thinking - which was fueling the feelings I was numbing.

About what I really wanted.

It quickly became a sticky cycle of avoidance and numbing, over and over.
By the time I was fully checked into my own self-awareness of what was really going on, I had depleted much of the energy I needed to help get myself out of it.

When we are stressed we experience catabolic energy.
The energy that breaks things down - rather than builds them up.
We can function at this energy level and soldier through whatever is in our path for only so long, and then - we burn out. And are left feeling depleted.

That was me.

I'd acknowledged what was going on with me.
I'd acknowledged what might be more helpful for me.
And yet, I was still left with an empty tank sitting in the same ditch as when I was oblivious of everything.

So I did the only thing one can do when finding oneself in that situation.

I chilled the freak out.

I took a break.
I gave myself a break.
I gave myself permission to not 'do' anything.

And then I focused on what felt good in the moment.
Going for a walk.
Writing in my journal (the second the thought fluttered by so I didn't miss it).
Reading.

And I slowly started to feel better.

For me, this was enough to finally sit down and get real with myself.
It was enough to generate the energy needed to be honest about the beliefs I had running through my head about the various factors stressing me out. And with this reality check, came the opportunity to start thinking about slightly different beliefs that felt better to me (emotionally and physically).

Let me tell you, thoughts are not to be overlooked or underplayed. 

They are POWERFUL.

And having thoughts and beliefs that facilitate a good feeling are game changers.

Right now, I'm feeling like myself again with my default of happiness and joy. And it feels AMAZING.

Are my stressors still at play? Some of them.

Will this good feeling last? I don't know, maybe.

What I do know, though, is that in the continuous cycles of life we have to take breaks.
We have to recharge.
And we have to look inward.

Happiness and ease are an inside job.
And that means we need to live life inside-out.

Focus on the inside to change what we experience on the outside.

Day 239: Observation Double Standard

I was taking a walk around the pond this morning and stopped to watch a Cardinal in a tree.

While observing him a question crossed my mind.
"Am I spying on a bird right now?"

I love observing the things around me and looking into windows (and through open doors), in particular. 

Others may find looking into other people's windows creepy, thus labeling me a 'creepy,' 'nosy,' or 'spying' (- I'd proudly take that last one).

But is it really any different than watching animals in nature?

I mean, I am looking into their homes (in some capacity).

I wasn't invited.

I'm not imposing.

I'm simply observing.

So why would observation be interpreted differently when it comes to people than it does for animals?

Just something to think about . . . 

I have a feeling it all comes down to intent.

What's the purpose of the observing?
Is it to cause harm to another?
Is it to seek out some sort of gain?
Is it to learn?
Or simply just to enjoyably pass the time?

It will probably depend on the person.

Day 238: Shadowy Figures

I saw this duo as I was walking home from checking out some Halloween decorations this weekend.

What do you see?

I see a duck and a pug looking up at the sky.
The pug is a little unstable, so it has its front paws on the duck for balance.

This vision was a good reminder that not everything is what it initially appears.
What in your life might benefit from a view from a different angle?