Day 172: You are the sky

You can direct your own mood at any time. 

It isn't dependent on an external situation or person. 

If you had told me this as a child, or heck - two years ago, I wouldn't have believed it was true - or even possible.

Growing up I was a very sensitive kid. I experienced highs and lows like the tide. I was often crying about something and trying hard to escape the label of 'cry baby.'

I was stuck in the unconscious belief that my mood (and thus, happiness) was contingent on the people around me and situations I found myself in.

It wasn't until I started coach training with iPEC in 2020, that the idea 'I am in control of me'- every single part - was explicitly introduced. 

We explored values and unearthed constants about ourselves that are central to who we are.

With additional training, reflection, and personal discovery I came to more clearly see and understand my default state. 

What I feel and exude when free from outside stressors or influencers; my most authentic self.

So what does this have to do with directing your own mood? 

Everything. 

Learning where you naturally reside - for me it's a state of joy, calm and creativity - gives you a home base to get back to. 

It is your constant. 

 

This quote by Pema Chödrön says it perfectly:

 

You are the sky. Everything else - it's just the weather.

 

No matter what comes your way, if you know your base you can always get back.

 

If you know your base you can direct your mood.

Day 171: Thirty-three things I've learned in 33 years of life

1. You can direct your own mood at any time (it isn't dependent on an external situation or person)

2. We are each solely responsible for our own happiness (no one else is responsible for this)

3. The things we gravitate towards most often are the things we like (even if we don't understand why or realize that we like them)

4. Self-awareness changes everything

5. Feelings aren't as scary as we are led to believe

6. It is okay - and important - to want things

7. The things we are intimidated by are often what we want the most

8. Judgments of others and situations are excuses to not see ourselves / feel what we really think or believe

9. If It makes You Happy - do it

10. The purpose of life is not to be 'productive' (this is still very much a work in progress for me)

11. Observation is the gateway to peace and calm

12. Insecurity and fear is no match for curiosity

13. You are so much more amazing than you can even see

14. 9.5 out of 10 times it's not about you - we're all just living in our own worlds without realizing it

15. You don't cause anyone else's feelings - and you're not responsible for them either

16. If you're interested in something - explore that interest

17. There is nothing wrong with you (outside of how you view yourself)

18. Take the time to understand your 'why' for everything

19. Don't 'should' on yourself

20. Get clear on your own definitions for everything

21. Nothing is easy / comes naturally when you're first getting started

22. Learn from everything - present, past, distant past and even future goals / ambitions

23. You are getting better and more amazing with age

24. Authenticity is best friends with confidence

25. We are all on our own timeline (meaning we will have experiences in our own time - not necessarily when society tells us they should happen)

26. You can't 'fix' anyone, take away their pain, or learn life lessons for them

27. Dairy makes you break out (no, just me?)

28. Listen to your body

29. If the thought crosses to your mind, don't ignore it (even if nothing comes from it. This is how you start strengthening intuition)

30. Dismantle society's life benchmarks and what they really mean and look like for you (ex- getting married, having kids, dating, etc.)

31. There are different types of friendship - and all are valuable, even if they don't last forever

32. Trust yourself

33. You are complete all on your own

Day 170: Pit Stops

What have the pit stops of your life path been, up to now?

Pits stops are where you rest, hang out, refuel.

They aren't destinations. 

Oftentimes, they aren't planned well in advance, either.
(Unless...wait, have I been doing this wrong?! Lucky for me, there's no such thing!)

Pit stops are where you stretch your legs - and maybe even try something new.

Pit stops are where you learn about life as well as yourself.

Wait a second, we're not talking about parked cars, picnic tables and bathrooms anymore, are we?

Nope! 

Pitstops are the life events that our journeys are made up of.

Some may appear luxurious. 

Some may seem unimpressive. 

Some may even stink. 

 

But all of them are important.

You get to choose to move on from your current pit stop if you want to change your situation.

You also get to choose to stay at your current pit stop.

The thing to remember is you get to decide where you stay and where you go.

Take control of the wheel.

Day 169: Not the hair

I love the explanation of the name . . . In case we were mistakenly thinking of the hairstyle, and only one side

Day 168: Mind Reading

To try to read someone's mind is to do them a huge disservice.

At least, this seems to be the case in my own life. 

If one doesn't verbally express their thoughts and ideas they may never fully develop. 

If an idea or want is not vocalized, the processing that takes place when something is spoken out loud to another person will not happen. 

If still in the process of understanding an idea/want/feeling it will become very clear which parts need more attention, which parts are helpful, which parts could stand some revision. 

Revision, refinement, and clarity come from vocalizing your own mind. 

When you want others to read your mind for you rather than stating it openly, consider this:

Maybe you aren't certain yourself and want someone else to decide, to choose, to pick for you. Because then it's 'easier.' And if the outcome is not what you want - it wasn't you who chose it. It's not your fault. You have no ownership to take over it.

 

Wow, that seems very pointed.  

 

Perhaps. It's possible I'm totally off the mark, but it's also possible I'm right on the money . . . 

Uncertainty breeds brilliance when one is brave enough to explore it.

You were born to have your own thoughts, feelings and ideas.
Don't keep them to yourself.

Day 167: The Right Decision

It's impossible to always make the 'right' decision. 

The 'right' decision doesn't exist in the moment. It only exists in the past - in hindsight, when we know the full picture and outcome and can see if things played out the 'right' way (i.e. how we wanted or not).

Where labels of 'right' or 'wrong,' judgments of outcomes, are only possible after the fact when nothing more can be done

They are the backseat drivers of life. Critiquing us after we've already made the turn or action.

But the moment - in the moment, that's where trust lives and grows. 

In every moment we make the best decisions we can.

[Don't believe me? Then, tell me about a time you intentionally made a choice that you knew would be a horrible decision for your life.]

Some think it's out of our hands after that. Whatever happens, happens. It's either going to be 'good' or 'bad.'

If we want to give up control we can certainly lock into that perspective. 

Yet, if we want to remain the drivers of our own lives, we can do something else.

Learn.

We can learn from every experience. We can learn from every outcome - regardless of if it's what we had in mind or not.

Because with learning comes growth. And with growth comes opportunities previously unavailable to us.

Growth doesn't judge or criticize.

Growth embraces, acknowledges, and moves forward with a new perspective.

Day 166: The things we hate

I never would have guessed that my love of legumes, a stranger's hate of beans, and an online dating app would be the catalyst for a very poignant question discovery.

Why would I try things I hate?

Wow. I had never before had this question even remotely cross my mind.

What IS a situation in which I would retry something I hate?

The answer will be different for every person. But the root of the sentiment, I am willing to bet, will be the same: 

- Learning

- Growth

- Change

Ever disliked something as a child only to find you love it as an adult? (That was me with Seinfeld ....)

Or what about learning that with age comes an updated palate?

To slap a label on something and decide it shall forever remain that way until your dying day, is, in my opinion, a declaration against growth and the journey of life.

With each new phase (and day) of life comes new experiences, insights and learnings. This new information impacts and shifts our previously held views, beliefs and outlook on a large number of things. Often the shifts are so subtle we don't pick up on them.

But when we deliberatly seek out to challenge ourselves we will often be surprised. 

Surprised that we can change.

Surprised that we have changed.

So, I guess, right now my answer to the question is:
I will retry things I 'hate' to see if I still 'hate' them - to see if I have changed or grown, and to better understand and learn from them.

I will retry things I 'hate' when I can approach them from a new perspective.

Because if there is one thing I have learned in the past few years, it's that growth breeds new perspectives.

And perspective is everything.