Day 275: New best compliment

I received my new best compliment, ever, on Friday night.

I was at my friend Bre's house and she made a comment about how my aura is most definitely bright white. 

She started to explain. 

"You know, like angels - that angelic vibe." 

Not feeling satisfied with her explanation she continued. 

"You are like what Care Bears shoot out of their stomachs." 

Just pure good stuff.

Wow. Did I just get compared to a Care Bear?! 

A show I absolutely LOVED as a child?!

It was with this very specific imagery that I got a clear glimpse, for the first time ever, of what those who are close to me see all the time and I (apparently) fail to see.

Wow. This was . . . kind, sweet, unexpected? 

I don't think I had words to describe what it felt like to hear that and try on a new perspective to view myself.

I think I felt a swell of many emotions all at once. Appreciation, being the only specific feeling coming to mind, now. 

I recall feeling great appreciation for my friend. 

Appreciation for her willingness to take the time to express her sentiments.

Appreciation for her sentiments.

And appreciation for her seeing me. For seeing the core parts of me that I am blind to, and reflecting them back.

Why am I sharing all this?

Because I'm practicing vulnerability through sharing, duh.

But, I am also sharing this as a reminder that we are all so much greater and more valuable than we allow ourselves to believe.

We make a difference in people's lives - just by being in it.

And we exude our unique essence in all that we do.

Yet, we are blind to ourselves - despite seeing ourselves every day. 

It's as if with that familiarity comes a type of autopilot, in which our sight lessens.

It is with this in mind that I will repeat sentiments, of not so long ago, around the topic of giving compliments.

May we strive to really see the people we surround ourselves with - and then be brave enough to share it with them.

 Does it come as a surprise to anyone that my favorite Care Bear was Cheer Bear?

Day 274: Robins

I went for a chilly walk this morning around North Pond and I saw a Robin.

. . And then another one.

I turned to look at the edge of the pond and I saw a whole bunch more!

"I've never seen so many robins in one spot before!!"

The most robins I've ever seen at once is 2 - maybe 3. Tops.

My mind was blown.

So I looked it up and learned that, while in spring and summer robins tend to stick in pairs, in winter they live in nomadic flocks. And the flock size can grow as large as hundreds - or even thousands!!

I can't even imagine . . .  

. . . uhh, I think that's too many!

Day 273: Restriction

Sometimes we outgrow where we are.

Sometimes it's a job.
Sometimes it's friends.
Sometimes it's a lifestyle.

But for every human, there will come a time when what we are doing no longer works so well for us. A time when, given the choice to stay the same or try something new, to remain 'as is' would lead to restriction and cramping.

Take this tree, for example.
It has been growing between these apartment buildings for who knows how long. And all the while, it's range of growth has been impeded by literal walls that are surrounding it.

Obviously, trees can't just walk to a different location that would be more conducive to growth. 

But we can.

And that's a scary reality.
Because, for a lot of us, that means moving into a reality that we are no longer familiar with.
That means doing things we haven't done before.
That means building new muscles and skills along the way, causing us to become very aware of pains and struggles that weren't previously on the radar.

That means choosing to live (and learn), rather than just exist.

I debated writing, "sometimes we outgrow who we are."
But, I don't think I actually believe that. 

I think we all have core traits and characteristics that are foundational to us.
These are the things that stick with us no matter what our age or experience.
I don't think we outgrow these, ever - they are what make us, 'us.'

However, I  do think that, depending on one's situation, experience, company, and/or mindset, 'who we [really] are' can become overgrown, hidden, and tangled up.  

And when this happens, it can become very challenging to extract the 'us' from the 'what' and 'where' we are surrounded by. 

We all have the ability to choose how we experience life.
We all have the ability to choose - even if we don't like any of our choices.
We also all have the ability to say 'no' and decline the things that come our way.

It took me a long time to come to understand this. And I'm still working on it.
For me, experiencing life in a way that is beneficial (rather than forceful or restrictive) started with allowing myself to consider this:

What would feel good to me [in this situation]?

Regardless of the actions that come next, just considering this question makes a difference.

It signals to the mind that there is an alternative path forward from what we are used to and all of the 'shoulds' and 'supposed tos' that flood our thoughts.

It signals that there is a path away from restriction.

Day 272: A different kind of romance

 "I'm really enjoying our date - it's so romantic."

Date in a chicken wing graveyard.
. . . The feeling's not mutual . . .

You ever have an experience where one component managed to throw the whole thing off?

Perhaps you're having a nice time or you're excited thinking about whatever 'it' is, but then something unexpected happens and you can't seem to enjoy yourself?

I think that's what happened to the grumpy Gus on the right. But definitely not to the lovely lady on the left - she's smitten!

Maybe if we asked her, she'd share that her secret is having an intention for what she wants to experience. Not so much being wowed by her environment or external factors, but rather focusing internally. Focusing on how she wants to connect and engage with others and her overall experience, which leaves her open and curious towards whatever comes her way. Rather than quick to judge when things don't fit the image of her expectations.

Hmm, there's a chance she may be on to something! I mean, if that technique can make a graveyard romantic, just imagine how it could transform routine experiences!

Day 271: Nearing the end

As I think about the end of the year, I think about this blog - and my writing challenge.

I challenged myself to write a post a day, every day for a year - starting on January 25th, 2022. 

Mid-October, I thought to myself, "I know I've missed quite a few days, but I really hope I can make it to Day 300 by the end of the year. If I can only be two months off with writing, I'll be pretty happy about it."
And that would be with an end date of January 1st. But my challenge lasts through January 24th . . .

I debated whether to end that last thought with trailing punctuation or an exclamation point. 

I'm glad that I'll have time to come even closer towards my goal of writing 365 days in a row - or close to it. But at the same time, it'll be nice not to feel compelled to write. Or to hear the misguided whisper of Hazey,
"you have to write or else you'll miss your post today and fail your whole challenge!"

Dude, Hazey - I get that you're trying to help me reach my goal and protect me from failure (all the while trying to cover up your fear of failure with extreme force), but - cool it! 

Let's try a different approach.

Perhaps something along the lines of:
Reaching the goal we set for ourselves is really important to me! I want to better understand the coaching principles and techniques we've learned as we experience them in our own life. I want to practice sharing as we improve our writing skills.

Aw, gee, Hazey, why didn't you say it like that in the first place?!

We're on track to pass Day 300 by the end of the year. I think Hazey's going to be really excited when we reach 2023.

So if you missed it - this post is all about taking time to re-evaluate your goals and efforts. To check back in on:
- why you started them
- why they are important to you
- what you have already gained by the effort put in (regardless of the ultimate outcome)

It's all too easy to overlook the importance of goals.
Not in their achievement or completion, but in the lessons and growth gained along the way.

Day 270: Purgatory FastPass

Last Sunday, the priest's homily focused on purgatory, and it got me thinking...

 

What if purgatory is when you have to learn all of your life lessons? When you have to reach the self-knowledge that your lived experiences already gave you the information for?

What if purgatory is the holding place for internal personal reflections needed to better understand yourself, the spirit, and the universe? The things needed to move on?

What if purgatory was the last step of the 'check-out' process?

What if it wasn't viewed as a dreaded or painful thing?

What if purgatory wasn't viewed as 'atoning for sins', but rather learning from them? Granted the lessons will likely be the harder and more difficult. You know, the stuff we don't really like to face in our waking lives. But when we do, it will be perspective changing and freeing.

Obviously, I've never died, so I don't know if this is how it works or not. 

But I can't shake the feeling that this may be the correct idea . . . and the tingling sensation I experienced in my chest upon thinking it leads me to believe there has to be at least a sliver of truth there.

And what if we could do all of this learning BEFORE purgatory??

What if we did the learning now, in order to get a FastPass through the pearly gates, later?

I think we can - with awareness, perspective, and intention.

I think we can - with coaching.

Day 269: Religious Teachings

I was raised Roman Catholic and went to church every Sunday as a child. 

Now, as an adult, I find myself again attending church pretty regularly. 

But the experience is much different. 

The most obvious reason being, that it is now a choice. 

And with that choice comes something else - a desire for understanding. 

Understanding a way to reconcile the way of living and thinking I now follow - living with intention - with what is taught in the church, which seems to be quite passive.

 

Treat others as you want to be treated.

Pray to God, the father, and Jesus, the son, for everything.

Trust your prayers will be heard and answered.

Be patient.

Find joy in suffering.

Keep yourself humble and small in this life so you may enjoy the riches of the holy kingdom when you pass on to eternal life.

These are the messages I have heard over and over throughout my whole life.

They're all fine and well, but I can't help shake the ever growing feeling that something very fundamental is missing from all of them . . .

Personal responsibility and growth.

Self-knowledge.

Actionable steps for how to actually carry out these recommendations in a way that works for each individual.

In my 33 years of experience with the Catholic Church, there has never been much emphasis on getting to truly know oneself.

Which doesn't make ANY sense to me.

Because, if God made us in his own image, shouldn't we be encouraged to learn and understand what this image is??

 

Shouldn't we be encouraged to explore and practice the skills and talents we were inherently given to the fullest extent possible?

Isn't the way to ensure we are doing good in the world, not taking anything for granted and sharing love with others and ourselves?

It is to me. 

It's the very VERY obvious way.

And yet, I can probably count on ONE HAND the number of messages I've heard that even remotely alluded to this.

Here's my recommendation for a better, more holy, [insert your descriptor here] life:

Get to know yourself.

Like really know. 

The favorable parts, the hidden parts, the skills, joys, talents, the struggles and obstacles. 

Work to understand how you think and why you think that way. 

Uncover your limiting beliefs, the assumptions you fall into. 

Try out different perspectives and assess your interpretations for accuracy and objectivity. 

Take an active role in learning how you actually work. 

Create your own owner's manual.

Because when you do, life starts to change and come into clearer focus.

Life purpose(s) become apparent.

Love and acceptance of self increases. 

 - Which, I have to highlight this one - because I also feel the church does us all a disservice by not encouraging an equal focus on loving oneself as much as others. 

To me, to know and love oneself is inextricable from knowing and loving God.

If we are made by God and God lives inside of us, then why the heck isn't it being noted as important to prioritize loving oneself?!

Maybe it is and I just missed that part . . . consistently.

But, regardless, I whole heartedly believe that self discovery and understanding is the foundation to knowing and loving God - and the world - more deeply, fully, and unconditionally.

So maybe it's time to adopt a new approach.

Rather than focusing on what you should be doing (or not doing), why not focus on figuring out why you're doing what you're doing (or not doing)?

Let's start there.