Day 221: Coaching Is . . .

Coaching is not just hiring a personal project manager for your dreams.

Coaching is that AND

• getting to know yourself on a deeper level
• gaining an understanding of exactly why you think and do what you do
• creating your own happiness

 

And boy do I need a Coach. 

I'm so glad I have Audrey!

Especially now as I'm finally starting to get in motion with my own dreams.
Things are starting to feel scary!
Because I'm encountering a lot of new experiences I've never had before.

The most basic (and perhaps indicative of a privileged life) is the experience of challenge.

Up to this point, everything I've pursued has come somewhat naturally to me.
Yes, I've had challenges, but my overall endeavors were not Challeng-ing.

I guess that means I'm used to receiving some form of instant gratification or validation for my efforts. And now I'm moving into territory where nothing is instant or feels natural.

I'm not used to this feeling.

I'm gonna be honest, I don't like it.

It's intimidating as hell and Hazey has been taking FULL advantage to freak me out and commandeer my brain. This is done in attempts to get me to stop trying and protect me from any possibility of disappointment or failure.

Man, I wish that once we worked through insecurities and doubt they would just stay gone.

But that's not how life works.

We are given opportunity after opportunity to strengthen our resiliency, bravery, and trust in ourselves. And it come in the form of fear.

Ugh. Gross.

Why does it have to be so uncomfortable?????

Because that's where learning happens.

Kind of bleak - but very true.

We get to choose what we do when things start to get uncomfortable or scary.

And I choose to use coaching to help.

Day 220: Happy Wedding, E!

One of my best and oldest friends from Chicago is getting married today.

I met Elsa as a naive, doe-eyed 21 year old. Introduced by a mutual friend, we bonded instantly. 

Over the next decade we experienced a lot together. So many laughs, dance nights, and at home NPPs (nail painting parties), Easter celebrations and homemade pretzels. 

We navigated the hard times that come with growth and discovering who you are, bittersweet separations cross states and continents and long-awaited reunions, loss, and heartbreak. 

It was with Elsa that I realized my dream to be an inspirational speaker - originally set to launch once we became senior citizens, as a dynamic duo. 

Elsa has always been a shining light in my life. Demonstrating what it means to know and be proud of what you love and what makes you happy. A true child of rock & roll.

It has been quite the journey to get to where we are now. And it seems like the past 5 years, with Matthew in the picture, happened in the blink of an eye. Or perhaps over the course of a decade, because that's how fitting he is for Elsa - and within her closest friend group (i.e. I couldn't approve of him more).

On this very special day in our lives, I wish for my dear Elsa . . .

Never-ending Happiness : generated from deep inside you and sustained by being exactly who you are - amazing, authentic, Elsa - and amplified through your life partnership.

Continued Growth :  in every experience you have as an individual and as a wife, friend, and partner-in-crime. Learning from everything that comes your way so you may encourage and assist one another in the continued climb towards embracing your best selves.

Ease & Peace :  that comes from seeking out and focusing on that which will add to your life, continuing to learn about and understand yourself as an individual and partner, and always letting your values direct your path.

E-biscuit, it's an honor to know you and call you my friend. 

Happy Happy HAPPY wedding day!

Day 219: Alignment over Loyalty

I've seen so often on the dating app, Hinge, profiles of men (and I would also assume, women) saying they're looking for loyalty.

For some reason that doesn't sit well with me.
Learning of this search for 'Loyalty' seemed to bring along with it a splash of bad vibes.

I suppose it's because the definition I have of 'loyalty' is strongly associated with 'being forced to pick sides' and 'committing to something no matter what - even if it's not the best for you.'

(Boy, is that perspective telling of previous experiences I've had!!)

You know, like how in tense tv or movie dramas there always seems to be someone questioning another's loyalties when it comes to a moral decision or dilemma.

Due to this, I find that alignment is a much better thing to search for. 

Depending on which dictionary definition you go with, this may or may not make sense.
I'm referring specifically to alignment as:
"a state of agreement or cooperation among persons, groups, nations, etc., with a common cause or viewpoint."

This feels WAY better to me!

Why?

Because it allows for the natural and expected growth and change that comes with being alive.

Alignment does not restrict you to one viewpoint forever.

Alignment doesn't keep you chained to the same routines and muted dreams in order to accommodate or please others.

Alignment lets you FLY.
And ensures that whoever is in alignment with you is flying, too. Whatever that flight path may be.

Day 218: Own your insults

When I was little my sister called me "bossy" all the time. 

 

I'd constantly be nagging her to pick up her clothes and tidy her belongings in the bedroom we shared for 18 years. 

 

In the moment, I'd get defensive and then combative; feeling bad at the attacking insult yet not willing to change my behavior.

 

I could have carried a chip on my shoulder all through life, adopting the negative energy attached to such a label as "Bossy." Could have believed it was something that was 'wrong with me' or a flaw that 'people will never like.' 

 

But I chose another direction. 

 

It wasn't until later in life that I realized that this "bossiness" was not a negative thing or insult at all. Rather, it was the first emergence of a character trait and powerful skill I would later come to utilize for success. 

 

As I developed awareness of myself and what makes me "me", I was able to see my "bossiness" for what it really was - a gift. 

 

It was my gift of organization. Activated long ago in its purest raw form - unharnessed & unrefined.

 

I mined the insult and label thrust upon me by someone else for the gold it contained; resulting in any hurt or insecurities attached to it to wither away.

That's the power of building your awareness and owning your insults.

Because they are really your strengths, unrefined.

Day 217: There's always more to see...

 My sister and I were walking back to my apartment
when something caught our eyes ...

Does this make us creeps?

Yeah, probably...

We may be creeps, but we're observant creeps. 

- and it makes life more fun!

Day 216: Never Have I Ever . . . 2!

Never have I ever been asked out via FB messenger . . .

 . . . by a former middle school classmate's mom . . . 

. . . for her son (not for her) . . .

Msg #1

Msg #2

What the heck?! This is so WEIRD!!!
(And also sort of questionable if they were both meant for me)

But, hey - if nothing else - it's a nice reminder of how awesome I am!!!

Anything that can be taken as acknowledgement or appreciation of you and your qualities, personality, etc - 

TAKE IT

There's a reason people say these things.
It's ok for you to believe it - and be proud of it - too.

Day 215: How to write a joke

This is what I've been trying to figure out practice.

Two weeks ago I started a standup comedy class. And I've had two weeks to complete my one homework assignment, which is to tell a 4 minute personal story.

Sounds simple enough. I'm just telling a short story about an experience that I've had, should be easy!

It should be, but it wasn't. 

It took me the WHOLE two weeks to actually sit down, write out the main points, add extra details of emotion and description, and smooth out transitions. 

If I were to boil down the span of days to see how much time I actually spent working on my assignment, the total would likely clock in at around 4 hours, max.

Isn't it interesting that the things we want and are interested in, we often push off and procrastinate on the most?

At least, I'm finding that's the case for me.

When this happens, it can be hard to make sense of. 
"Does this mean that taking this [standup class / insert your interest here] is not as important to me as I thought?!"

"Maybe it's not really what I'm supposed to be doing..."

One quick way to check in and confirm - or squash - these pesky second guessing thoughts is to think about how you feel when you do the activity in question.

For me, during my first standup class, I was filled with joy.
I'm willing to bet money I had a smile on my face, ear to ear, the whole 3 hour session.
And when we practiced a 2-minute story in class with the microphone, not only did I hold myself back from volunteering to go first, but I loved sharing my story. I relished that my classmates got to relive the surprise I experienced months ago, in real time.
And if that wasn't enough of an indication that this class and what I am learning is, indeed, important to me - I was so jazzed and energized when I went home, I could barely go to sleep!
It felt just like a coaching high.

So, with my interest confirmed - what was holding me back?
- from working on my homework?
- from practicing skills I need and want?
- from trying something new and not-so-familiar?

I'll give you one guess.

fear

When I was totally honest with myself, I was afraid of things not working out.

Afraid that, now that I'm taking steps towards realizing MY dreams, my desire won't be enough.

I won't be enough.

That's right, Hazey was back at it - trying everything she could think of to keep me where I currently am.

The thing is, where I AM is not where I want to BE. And in order to get there, I need to do things I haven't done before. 

The only possible way for me or you or anyone else on the planet to not 'be enough' is if we stop trying. 

As a former coaching client beautifully put it, "I am learning every day."  

And this means that every day we can learn and practice and grow, bit by bit, closer to the dream we have for ourselves.

I will learn how to write a joke - lots of jokes.
But not only that, I will learn to share myself, perspective, and life outlook in an entertaining way that positively impacts others.

What will you do?