Day 218: Own your insults

When I was little my sister called me "bossy" all the time. 

 

I'd constantly be nagging her to pick up her clothes and tidy her belongings in the bedroom we shared for 18 years. 

 

In the moment, I'd get defensive and then combative; feeling bad at the attacking insult yet not willing to change my behavior.

 

I could have carried a chip on my shoulder all through life, adopting the negative energy attached to such a label as "Bossy." Could have believed it was something that was 'wrong with me' or a flaw that 'people will never like.' 

 

But I chose another direction. 

 

It wasn't until later in life that I realized that this "bossiness" was not a negative thing or insult at all. Rather, it was the first emergence of a character trait and powerful skill I would later come to utilize for success. 

 

As I developed awareness of myself and what makes me "me", I was able to see my "bossiness" for what it really was - a gift. 

 

It was my gift of organization. Activated long ago in its purest raw form - unharnessed & unrefined.

 

I mined the insult and label thrust upon me by someone else for the gold it contained; resulting in any hurt or insecurities attached to it to wither away.

That's the power of building your awareness and owning your insults.

Because they are really your strengths, unrefined.

Day 217: There's always more to see...

 My sister and I were walking back to my apartment
when something caught our eyes ...

Does this make us creeps?

Yeah, probably...

We may be creeps, but we're observant creeps. 

- and it makes life more fun!

Day 216: Never Have I Ever . . . 2!

Never have I ever been asked out via FB messenger . . .

 . . . by a former middle school classmate's mom . . . 

. . . for her son (not for her) . . .

Msg #1

Msg #2

What the heck?! This is so WEIRD!!!
(And also sort of questionable if they were both meant for me)

But, hey - if nothing else - it's a nice reminder of how awesome I am!!!

Anything that can be taken as acknowledgement or appreciation of you and your qualities, personality, etc - 

TAKE IT

There's a reason people say these things.
It's ok for you to believe it - and be proud of it - too.

Day 215: How to write a joke

This is what I've been trying to figure out practice.

Two weeks ago I started a standup comedy class. And I've had two weeks to complete my one homework assignment, which is to tell a 4 minute personal story.

Sounds simple enough. I'm just telling a short story about an experience that I've had, should be easy!

It should be, but it wasn't. 

It took me the WHOLE two weeks to actually sit down, write out the main points, add extra details of emotion and description, and smooth out transitions. 

If I were to boil down the span of days to see how much time I actually spent working on my assignment, the total would likely clock in at around 4 hours, max.

Isn't it interesting that the things we want and are interested in, we often push off and procrastinate on the most?

At least, I'm finding that's the case for me.

When this happens, it can be hard to make sense of. 
"Does this mean that taking this [standup class / insert your interest here] is not as important to me as I thought?!"

"Maybe it's not really what I'm supposed to be doing..."

One quick way to check in and confirm - or squash - these pesky second guessing thoughts is to think about how you feel when you do the activity in question.

For me, during my first standup class, I was filled with joy.
I'm willing to bet money I had a smile on my face, ear to ear, the whole 3 hour session.
And when we practiced a 2-minute story in class with the microphone, not only did I hold myself back from volunteering to go first, but I loved sharing my story. I relished that my classmates got to relive the surprise I experienced months ago, in real time.
And if that wasn't enough of an indication that this class and what I am learning is, indeed, important to me - I was so jazzed and energized when I went home, I could barely go to sleep!
It felt just like a coaching high.

So, with my interest confirmed - what was holding me back?
- from working on my homework?
- from practicing skills I need and want?
- from trying something new and not-so-familiar?

I'll give you one guess.

fear

When I was totally honest with myself, I was afraid of things not working out.

Afraid that, now that I'm taking steps towards realizing MY dreams, my desire won't be enough.

I won't be enough.

That's right, Hazey was back at it - trying everything she could think of to keep me where I currently am.

The thing is, where I AM is not where I want to BE. And in order to get there, I need to do things I haven't done before. 

The only possible way for me or you or anyone else on the planet to not 'be enough' is if we stop trying. 

As a former coaching client beautifully put it, "I am learning every day."  

And this means that every day we can learn and practice and grow, bit by bit, closer to the dream we have for ourselves.

I will learn how to write a joke - lots of jokes.
But not only that, I will learn to share myself, perspective, and life outlook in an entertaining way that positively impacts others.

What will you do?

Day 214: More Squirrels

On Tuesday I had another squirrel hole sighting. And this time I got a good picture!

As the little girl in Kittens Inspired by Kittens would say,
Double Heads!!

They are two young squirrels. I saw the Mamma earlier and she was falling asleep - she could barely keep her eyes open!

I also met a fellow nature enthusiast named Carole. She's been taking pictures of and feeding the squirrels all through the pandemic. She shared with me that she's even sent in some of her Squirrel photos to the news station and they showed them on the air! 

I show her my squirrel babies photo.

"Oh my gosh, this is amazing! I've never seen that before. Will you send me this photo?!"

Uh - YEAH!!!

So then I naturally show off my photos of the beaver I saw earlier in the year - she wants these photos, too.

Boy oh boy, am I feeling good!

She then tells me that I should send some of my photos of the beaver to the news station. And I just might!

I guess little squirrels just bring people together...

Day 213: Exploring Self-Kindness

Over the past year I have learned how unkind I am to myself.

And it was quite a shocking thing to learn. 

I never thought I was mean to myself.

 

I never consistently put myself down, thought I was worthless, or would never amount to anything in life. 

 

However, I didn't really believe that I could do anything. 

 

Most of the things I delighted in, for a variety of 'reasons,' could only ever be interests for me. While others could make a career out of something that I enjoyed, for me it would always remain just 'something I liked.'

No, I was meant for "bigger and better things."

Impactful things. 

Things that are clearly known for impacting and changing the lives of others. More altruistic things. Like nonprofits or social services.

What I didn't realize was that this belief & viewpoint was very limiting to myself. And it was also secretly holding me back from happiness I had never experienced before.

It's true I was rarely outright mean or cruel to myself... But, isn't restricting your own happiness not very ... nice?

Over the past eight months I learned that the ideas that floated into my head telling me "that interest I enjoy I will never turn into a career," or "I love watching stand up but I don't do that" - were actually veiled ways of putting myself down.

I was consistently struggling with indecision and second-guessing myself. 

My connection to my intuition was almost non-existent. 

I would wait to make decisions until seeking out the opinion of others. 

And I would always keep to myself the art, creations, and expression of my inner world rather than sharing them openly (which is what I desperately wanted).

 

My unkindness towards myself, though discreet, was actually breaking down the trust I had in myself. And rather than allowing myself freedom and space to do and explore what I felt pulled towards, I restricted my movement so I could fit into the boxes and criteria of others. (Or what I believed they were.)

In the restriction of ourselves, we lack kindness. 

It is a very subtle and almost imperceptible act. But when we get right down to the core of things, to be kind and loving towards oneself means:

- to acknowledge all of the strengths and goodness that resides within us

- to acknowledge and encourage any dream, interest, or desire that lives deep inside

To be truly kind to oneself is to look towards - and for - every opportunity to enhance our happiness in life.

Period.

If you've ever had the thought "I would never say something like that to one of my friends" and yet you find yourself saying something like that to yourself - chances are you could be a bit kinder.

And the reality of this is we're all oblivious to how we treat ourselves!

We live in our body every second of every day for our entire lives. We are too close to the situation to be able to get an objective view. Unless acted on by an outside force - thanks Sir Isaac (Newton).

That's where Sarah's World comes in.

That's where I come in. 

That's where you come in. 

 

Let's explore what life could be like from a different angle. 

Let's explore how life and happiness could feel different. 

Let's explore who we really are, deep down, when we are completely open, honest, and vulnerable with ourselves.

It is from these explorations that true kindness, compassion, belief, and love for oneself grow.

In living life, we are not doing anything wrong. 

In exploring ourselves, we open up new paths to live in a way that feels right.

Day 212: Influencing Sarah's World

Sarah's World was undeniably influenced - and inspired - by Bobby's World. 

For those unfamiliar with the cartoon, here's the overview - compliments of Wikipedia:

Bobby's World is an American animated television series. It ran from 1990 to 1998 on FOX Kids. It was set in 1979 in California. It was about the life of Bobby Generic (pronounced JEN-ə-rik) and his imagination on how he sees the world. 

I watched Bobby's World a lot as a child. Which is funny, seeing as I don't really remember much about it, now. But, I guess conscious memories don't really matter when the impact is visible many years later....

What's the impact, you ask?

The most obvious is the desire to share my world - my thoughts, perspectives, struggles and achievements.
 - To share the unique way I interpret things and explore what it would be like if things actually played out as I imagined them.
 - And doing it all in a way that is 100% me. Rather than trying to mimic or match the tone, content, or presentation of others.

But there's more to Bobby's World's impact on me than that. After reading up a bit on the show, I discovered some unexpected similarities - or dare I say, aspirations?

One - The show was based off of Howie Mandel's stand up shows and his character, Bobby.
While I definitely don't have a standup show, I have recently acknowledged and accepted that is a goal I want to work towards.

Two - It focuses on the seemingly mundane or inconsequential, yet addresses big life lessons.

Three - Through the use of grand imagination, the audience is given an opportunity to see the same topics approached from different perspectives.
These differences in perspective show that there is never one way to view or do something, nor is there ever only one side to a story - there are many.

Lastly, in this article/video, Bobby's World has been suggested as the 'Seinfeld for Kids.' 

Wow - fav show from my childhood meets fav show from adulthood?!
I feel like I'm catching a whiff of an uncoincidental coincidence...