Day 187: Likes

It's a weird thought that for many years, I went through life not really knowing what I liked.

As an adult.

(Well, obviously as an adult - kids know what they like.)

I only recently woke up from a period of putting other people's likes in the forefront. I was always trying to "accomodate others," or so I thought that's what I was doing.

Partly because I felt like that's what I was "supposed to do."

And partly because I was met with such indecision when the task of choosing what to do fell on me.

I would immediately start second guessing myself.

• What if the other ppl didn't like what I chose?
• I have an idea, but I should do what other ppl like

What?!

No!

Just pick what you like!

If other people don't like it they can say so or suggest an alternative option.

It is not your responsibility to predict how others will act or to cater to the wants and preferences you assume they have.

I wish I could have grabbed past me by the shoulders, given and little shake, and let these sentiments fly!

Better late than never, I guess...

Having finally gotten the message, I'm really enjoying rediscovering and recognizing things I like. 

 

Whether planned activity or passing moment, recognizing the physical, mental, and soul satisfaction I experience as I go through my days is exciting!

Realizing - I don't like this because 'this is something So-and-so likes' (which used to be how I thought, thus limiting my own enjoyment).

I like it because I like it.

Because it brings ME enjoyment.

And I don't need anyone else around to enjoy it or to justify it.

I don't need to justify enjoying life!

And neither do you.

Ever.

Feel your joy and feel it fully.

Because when you feel joy, you spread joy.

And joy starts with things you like.

Day 186: Plant Scales

 These make me think of turtles. Guess which part?

Day 185: Getting out of my way

"I wish I could tell so-and-so about 'X' but they won't understand."

 

"I can't be honest with my coworker because I will hurt their feelings."

 

"I just want to be able to share freely and have others engaged in my life."

Anytime I have a thought about something I can't do because of other people (or how they will interpret/handle the situation), it is an instant sign that I am getting in my own way.

I am preventing myself from doing whatever it is I say I want.

It is my interpretation and assumption about the topic that makes up my perception. And, in situations as illustrated above, this perception is that I can't do / be / have whatever it is.

If I interpreted the topic differently and had different assumptions - or got rid of assumptions altogether - that would greatly change how I view the control I have over the situation.

I'll give two examples.

Example 1

I had the desire to have a closer connection / relationship with my parents. For me, sharing is the way to strengthen a relationship. But I wasn't sharing. Instead, I was severely restricting the topics and content I would discuss. As a result, the relationship didn't get stronger, it got weaker.

     

Why was I doing the polar opposite of what I wanted?

Because I had the belief that "I can't talk to them about XYZ topics."

The topics I wanted to share about the most.

The topics I judged myself for the most.

My interpretation of my own life experiences was one of harsh ridicule and judgment. I was grading myself on a scale of perfection, and with life experiences brand new to me, I could never measure up.

I judged myself so unkindly that I began to assume that others would do the same. And the fear of having the people who have known me my whole life thinking poorly of me was a fear I wasn't willing to face.

So I did it for them. Removing all possibility from my mind that there could be any other outcome.

I chose to restrict myself and my natural state of openness because my interpretation of the situation was "I had things to feel bad about or disappointed in myself for, and because of that I couldn't share my experiences with others."

Example 2

(This one's a bit lighter)

A new acquaintance was telling me about his struggle to promote his music.

He shared how his album featured several prominent singers of the genre and that they would most likely be willing to give him a shout out on social media. Thus, exposing him to their fan bases.

"So, what's the problem?" I challenged.

His response immediately focused on others. "They're willing to help, but I think they just want to promote as a larger campaign to see their reach amplified."

I still didn't see the problem.

From the logistical standpoint, that is.

But from the mental standpoint, it was like a giant neon sign:

UNHELPFUL INTERPRETATIONS,  ASSUMPTIONS, AND LIMITING BELIEFS AT WORK

 

These two examples illustrate how what we think, the assumptions we make, and how we interpret things all work together to create a certain picture.

If the picture being created is not what we want, we might do well to challenge it and investigate why.

Afterall, there are no rules in life that make something 100% impossible.

Anything is possible.

Really.

It's only when we let our current perspectives prevent us from moving forward that we become defeated or denied what we want.

Day 184: Generosity

Generosity to others expands in direct proportion with the generosity we give outselves.

When we restict and set limitations to our wants, pleasures and joys, the generosity towards others, too, becomes restricted.

When we allow ourselves simple joys, indulgences, and delights, the desire to give, share, and be generous with others amplifies.

Experiment for yourself.

Think about a period of time you restricted giving to yourself. What did your generosity towards other look like and feel like at that time?

Conversely, think about a period of time where you were generous and giving towards yourself. What did your generosity towards other look like and feel like at that time?

It's possible this phenomenon is unique to me. But I don't think that is the case. No matter how true it may seem, no one person is so original, unique, or different that they are the sole experiencer of any particular occurance.

We are never alone - at least in our experiences. And when we are generous with ourselves we become even more connected with others.

Day 183: Something you need to know

 

 

"If you received this card from me, that means
I see something that you need to know."

 

I found this on the ground near the back entrance of my apartment building. 
. . . does that mean it's from the Universe?

 

I don't know what it means, but I'm sure there's some significance to it. 

 

We can all use a reminder from time to time to break out of our usual ways of thinking in order to take in something new. 

I wonder what I'm missing right now . . . ?

Day 182: Phases of priority

I wonder if we have a hard time remembering what we really enjoyed as children (i.e. the basis of what we are most passionate about), once we reach adulthood because we've gone so long with it not being a priority.

When we are young, we are all about the things we like. Then as we grow up, other things come onto our radar and the initial interests are given less and less attention. 

They are no longer priorities in this phase of life.

It makes sense. 

As a child you are enjoying life. 

As a teen and young adult (while still enjoying) the focus shifts to experiencing and trying to understand life. 

Then once you settle into relatively established adult life -and you've more or less got the hang of things - you have more time again to direct towards the things you love. You know, fulfillment and purpose sort of stuff.

But there's a problem -

You aren't really certain of what you love anymore. 

It's been so long since you've experienced that child-like joy - and the activities that brought it - that they are kind of hard to identify.

So you do what you're "supposed to do as an adult."

Whatever the heck that means...

Boring things? 

Things that don't seem entirely engaging or appealing to you?

And no matter what you do, you still can't seem to find that thing you're looking for. 

In all of that searching and forcing you overlook the option of just being.

Just Being. 

 

Being you. 

 

Tapping back into the feeling of childhood, when the things you did were because they interested you. Because they made you feel good.

With no set agenda or expected outcome, the goal really can be simply to enjoy.

Let's start there. Let's start with things we enjoy, even for a brief moment.

You might be surprised what you find.

Day 181: We are all rats

I saw a rat run across the sidewalk in front of me and hide underneath a parked car. 

I would be seeking refuge, too, if I were a rat. 

Rats are given a bad reputation. The collective thought being, "oh gross, a rat!" when seeing one.

Their reputation is 'being disgusting,' after all.

Have you ever had an experience where you were labeled something that had nothing to do with who you are or your characteristics? 

We are all rats. 

There's nothing inherently wrong with us. 

We are not gross. 

But we are often given labels by others. 

Just like rats.

And maybe we do eat garbage. 

And we may also spread disease. 

But this isn't our fault. 

The garbage and the disease comes from the environment in which we live.

I don't know the last time you took a look at the western social climate we live in, but it's not great.

We all ARE human. We are all living beings.

And we all have a place and a purpose.

We don't have to accept the labels put upon us.

We don't have to accept the same fate as rats.