Day 149: Whys >Whats

I'd rather hear about the 'whys' than the 'whats'.

Especially when getting to know someone. To better understand what's important to them and directs their decision making.

Because we always base our decisions around what is most important to us in the moment. 

- Maybe that's getting acknowledged by others 

or

- being true to yourself

-It could be for finances

or

- travel

or

- family

It's different for everyone and it changes over time.

So, the more we can understand our 'whys' the more we can understand each other.

Day 148: Just keep swimming

This phrase was uttered during a recent coaching session.

Why?

As a way for my client to remind themself that things don't need to be perfect or clear in order to progress forward. 

This was a good reminder for me as well. 

I'll catch myself stalling with thoughts of "once I know how to solve this problem, things will get better" or "after I get clear on X, then I'll do this thing I feel intimidated by." 

But the reality is I don't need to wait for things to get better or for clarity before taking action. 

I just need to keep swimming. 

I just need to be willing to learn as I go.

It doesn't matter the direction. It doesn't matter the pace. Movement of any kind will always course correct to where we need to be when we are actively observing and learning from our experiences and the things around us.

Day 147: City Folk

Move out of the way, Babe. You're not the only farm animal in the city!
These ducks don't look like they're messing around.

They've straight up abandoned the pond and lakefront and are taking over the streets.

Who run the world? Ducks, apparently.

 

Day 146: Life Events

I recently attended a good friend's bachelorette party. It took place in Nashville, a town known for being a bachelorette destination.

I wasn't too familiar with the city, as I'd never been there before. Which makes sense because I'm not a big country music fan. But for this special party I figured it would be a good time. And so did the bride.

We later discovered however, that some life events come with built in expectations. Expectations that need to be examined prior to the event in order to avoid disappointment. 

 

This was one such occasion.

Too bad we made it to this realization after the fact.

What were the unexplored expectations?

- That bachelorette parties are a wild time. 

- That they're filled with a lot of drinking and shrieking and attention-grabbing. 

- That they facilitate mingling and excitement. That they're the best party ever.

Or something along those lines . . . 

Our celebration didn't really look like that. 

The bride confessed to me her disappointment.

"It's just not what I was expecting. I was wanting to talk to people and mingle with other brides, cheering them on. I wanted to go somewhere and dance. And I tried really hard to like the music, but I just can't get into it..."

It appeared our celebration caught a case of the "shoulds." Trying to live up to the criteria our society paints of what a celebration of such a life event 'should' look like. 

Expectations of this kind don't take into consideration any unique identifiers such as, say, personality, tastes and preferences, influencers of enjoyment and comfort. You know, the things that make us all different.

 

So what type of expectations don't lead to disappointment? None, really. But more realistically, the expectations we set for ourselves in terms of how we experience things.  

Rather the resting the weight of satisfaction or enjoyment on external factors outside of our control (ex- strangers, music venues, etc), we can reel it in a bit to focus on the things that actually make experiences pleasant - our perception and interpretation of them.

When we shift the focus from external to internal, (how we view situations and are present in the moment) it becomes much easier to enjoy ourselves and create memories we want to remember.

Day 145: Intentional Pick-me-up

I went for a nature walk today looking for a pick-me-up after work. 

Pretty sure I was looking for something to magically grab my attention and throw me into a state of awe. And thus, a sort of reset.

[Because that's what usually happens on a nature walk! I see something really captivating and am filled with delight and awe. After that I always feel so calm and peaceful (if not a little excited)].

Kind of like seeing this photo from a different day.

I was looking for that feeling. 

But I wasn't really looking. I was more so hoping.

If I had been looking I would have sought out the hidden.

But today, I just wanted a quick fix that I didn't have to take any ownership over or exert any extra effort into.

Which is probably why this guy was the most eye catching thing I saw... 

It was a good reminder* that we get what we seek. 

To seek something out requires intention. Without intention, we're resigned to a life of taking what we're given - even if we don't want it.

*my original typo read: It was a god reminder, which I think is also accurate

Day 144: Innocent, yet inappropriate sounding quotes

I found a list I had written in Uganda - a decade ago. 

It was hilarious quotes of mine and Katie's that would have sounded inappropriate taken out of context. So here they are, largely out of context. 

*********************

“Cat, get out of my pants!”
[self-explanatory] But, in case it's not. At the house we rented there was a cat named Meow. If memory serves, Meow was getting cozy with a pair of Katie's leggings on the floor.

“If you come between my legs one more time, I’m going to squeeze you!!!”
[Me to the cat rubbing in between my legs]

“Come to mama”
[squeezing into the back of the car]

“Are you down for some action?” ‘I’m down for some action!’
[watching Mission Impossible]

“I need some more juice for my stick”
[usb internet modem]

“Should we take this to the bedroom?”
[cookie dough and parks & rec]

“Don’t worry, I don’t need you to take my bra off for me. I can do it with one hand.”
[Katie hurt her wrist so she can only really use one]

Day 143: The only way is Through

If you find yourself feeling resistance, avoidance, or just 'not good' regarding a particular situation, it's likely your inner self trying to tell you something.

And in my experience, the message is generally one I don't care to hear because it means . . . 

I can't go over it

I can't go around it

I have to go through it

Facing any feelings that do not feel good and peaceful is the quickest, most powerful way to shift them. 

It starts with answering - what am I actually feeling?
I don't know, but I don't like it!!

That's fair. If I were to guess what I'm feeling, what might that be? 
. . . ok, ok, I might be feeling . . [x]

Alright, now we're getting somewhere!

Next step - what are the thoughts fueling this feeling?

Continue this processes to chisel down deeper and deeper to get to the core of the discomfort. Even if it doesn't completely remove every ounce of discomfort, it should greatly reduce it's power.

**************

And don't forget, this type of quest into the unknown is only carried out by the brave.
You're a beast.
Don't let your fear laden thoughts convince you otherwise.