Day 278: Allowed to Flow, All Systems Go

I recall, from the not so distant past, learning about the state of 'flow.'
Some might also call this being 'in the zone' or in one's 'element.'

 

The idea of there being a state in which things become essentially effortless (and also productive) always seemed a bit elusive to me. Not in that I could never reach it, but rather it was not something I could plan or initiate - it just happened by chance and I had to take advantage when it did.

 

Always gotta be prepared to catch the flow!

Sheesh! 

Ok, that's not a 100% true sentiment, but it does illustrate a hardwired habit I have (and I'm willing to guess many others share, as well). And that is, trying to anticipate and predict the unknown future in an effort to push various goals and agendas forward.

 

Planning, planning, planning! Editing, judging, restricting, refining - repeat. 

Written out, this sounds intense - and slightly insane. And really not appealing at all . . . And yet it's become a routine and normal 'way of life.'

The thing is, this is not a natural way of thinking/living/approaching life.
It's a learned way.

Which means there are alternative ways of experiencing life to be tried out that might be more appealing and - dare I say it - more enjoyable!

I bring up the topic of restriction a lot - and there's a reason for it. 

And I'm going to bring it up again!
The reason being, restriction is cultivated by judgement. Fueled by assigning labels and value to things that are, in reality, completely neutral.

A great example of this is dieting.

It always starts with a judgement, "I need to lose weight" [often code for: 'I'm not good enough as I am']

Then come the labels - slapping 'Bad' onto where you're at now and 'Good' onto your ideal.

But what if we gave up the judging and restriction?

What if we could train ourselves to flow on the regular??

I'm starting to believe we can. And I think it starts with a seemingly simple concept: allowing.

That means exactly what it sounds like -

Opening your mind like a door so that whatever thoughts, ideas, or feelings are there can walk on through as they please. 

What's that? Turning your mind into an open door is not the visual that pops up for you?
. . . Well, now you have another option to work with! You're welcome 😜.

Allowing does not mean accepting or agreeing.

Allowing does not imply truth or validity.

Allowing provides space, time and movement.

And those are three things we can all use a little more of.
Because if you think about it, the absence of space, time, and movement is a recipe for . . . constipation.

I don't know about you, but I don't particularly like to be blocked up. 

 

So instead, I'm gonna try to remember this little ditty:

When I am allowed to flow, all systems go.

Why not see what happens when we leave our judgements, labels, and restrictions at the door?

Day 277: (-judging) + art + perspective = wow!

I judge things. A lot.

But I don't feel bad about it. I think it's just a part of life.
I read a quote the other day that gets at this idea quite well:

All truly wise thoughts have been thought already, thousands of times; but to make them truly ours, we must think them over again honestly, until they take firm root in our personal experience.
 - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

It's easy to judge until we have experiences that allow us to understand things on a personal level.

For it is when we really understand something that we are able to see all of the pieces that make it up, rather than just the outer shell.

I recognized some of my own judgements this weekend in a series of rapid fire, small events.

The first, my desire for a Saturday morning wake and bake.
There's nothing wrong with the act itself, but the judgement I placed on it was where things started to get murky.

Why? 

Because as a coach, I fully believe that allowing ourselves to do the things we want will almost always yield better results than that of restricting or deprioritizing ourselves.

But on this Saturday, my judging brain was quick to act after recognizing my desire to get high and relax first thing in the morning. 

I then experienced an internal tug-of-war between wanting to practice what I preach and wanting to 'be responsible.'
Which was really just code for judging myself and not trusting that
1) I knew what I really needed in that moment and
2) that I would still do all of the things I wanted to throughout the day, just perhaps in a slightly different order than normal.

Once that was settled, I stopped judging and allowed myself to do what I wanted -and something magical happened.

Well, magical to me.

I got on a thought path that unraveled a very detailed, surprisingly well laid-out idea for an experiential event in which my love of art and coaching could be easily intertwined.

"Oh my gosh! This is so cool!!!!"

As I wrote and wrote and wrote, until the ideas stopped flowing from my pen, I started to recognize something. Another of my regular pitfalls was mysteriously missing in the moment:
'Needing to know all of the steps before the first is ever taken.'

This is a topic I coach on and think about a lot.
On a conscious level, I know there is ZERO way a person can know every single step they will take in order to achieve a goal before they even start. We rarely have ALL of the skills needed before undertaking a new venture. That's why we learn as we go - even if we don't realize it.

Yet, despite knowing this, I often hesitate and wave off big ideas I have due to 'not knowing how.'

But the thing is - HOW is actually the last piece if the puzzle. I'd even go so far as to say it's more of a byproduct.

Byproduct of what?

The WHAT and the WHY.

It was through my self-prioritization not long before that I was able to reveal a big HOW.

My Saturday morning WHAT was: art interpretation.
Spurred by catching sight of 'the gallery' and reflecting on the different interpretations I'd pulled from the same image over the course of time.

My Saturday morning WHY was: perspective.
Each interpretation of my art came from a different perspective - caused by changes in time, understanding, and circumstance. Coaching is ALL about perspective and developing the ability to consciously choose one's own perspective.

"...what if there was a way to educate about that through art?"

And then it hit me!
My HOW!!!

Using works of art, replicated in 7 different ways, to reflect common perspectives held in each of the 7 core energy levels!

My brain basically exploded. 

I have struggled for two years now with my own understanding of the core energy levels. And to explain them to others in a way that feels natural, fun, and engaging to me?!
Oof, my mind goes blank.

But not anymore!

And it's all because I embraced my wants and stopped judging.

Day 276: Happy Birthday, Kelsey!

What would high school have been like without:
- the Red Hot Chili Peppers CD stuck in your car?
- unending practice backing out of my parent's driveway?
- trips to Lincoln City to eat DQ blizzards in the parking lot?

Boring - that's what!

And what would life have been like without you, Kelsey?

Sad. And boring.

I'm so glad you were born and that we've been friends for so long.
Happy birthday!!!

In an attempt to refresh the fond and perhaps embarrassing moments we've shared together, here's a little birthday story for you. Told from the perspective of our main man - 

That's right - Aladdin!

Enjoy
**********************************

I've been different things to different people.
Most famously, 'a street rat' by palace guards and 'Prince Ali' by all who took in Genie's fanfare.
But my most important role is the least known - Kelsey's Ride or Die.

You may not know this, but I was a fixture of her many adventures during high school with her friends. There's a chance I may have lived in her car . . . . but it was by choice! Boy, did I love that red Ford Focus . . .

But you know what I love more than that car?
Kelsey Jordan

Why?
Um - have you met her?!
Please.
How could anyone NOT love her?!

Take the shrine she set up for her brother before having her annual New Year's Eve sleep over.
- what's that? It wasn't actually a shrine, but rather closely positioned candles and photos . . . of just her brother?
. . . oh.
Well, anyone could make that mistake. And, hey - I blame her friends. They were the ones that came up with the idea that it was a shrine! Those jerks . . . 

I've never seen anyone handle a nacho fiasco quite like Kelsey.
Always keeping her cool.
Even when Sarah spilled the pan of nachos all over the open door of the hot oven as she attempted to put them in.
"Pick it up!! Hurry!!!" was the collectively yelled advice.
It's as if they thought the cheese was going to melt on the hot oven door or something.
I wouldn't know.
I'm not allowed to go near ovens, being plastic and all.

Kelsey is also an active supporter of senior citizen - ahem - community center events.
She is all about community!
Which is probably why she and her friends would frequent the senior "community" center for Wednesday night bingo.
That is until they started winning . . . and the old people kicked them out, claiming underage gambling.
But for some reason when they lost it was ok to be there . . .

My boo never lets anything keep her down! She just keeps strutting her stuff and walking it off.
Kind of like the time she and her friends were hanging out at the Higdon's house.
This woman has the confidence of a Goddess!
She walked right past all-minus-one of the Higdon men as she returned to the kitchen after using the bathroom, only to be informed that her dress was tucked into her underwear and she'd flashed half of her friend's family.
I'll say it again: CON-FI-DENCE
Seriously! This woman is the epitome of what it means to walk to the beat of your own drum.
And if that means walking around with your dress tucked into your underwear, more power to you!

Funny anecdotes aside, I've seen firsthand the kind and beautiful soul Kelsey is.
Her friends light up when she's around and never leave her presence without at least one good laugh.
She is supportive and loving, with just the right amount of sass and dark humor. As she and SoSa agree, 'if I'm mean to you that means I like you. It's if I'm always nice that you should be concerned!'

Here's to Kelsey! May this next trip around the sun be her best yet as she just gets better, wiser, and happier with time.

I will love you forever and am so proud of you!!!
Oh, and Sarah wanted me to say that she is, too.

Day 275: New best compliment

I received my new best compliment, ever, on Friday night.

I was at my friend Bre's house and she made a comment about how my aura is most definitely bright white. 

She started to explain. 

"You know, like angels - that angelic vibe." 

Not feeling satisfied with her explanation she continued. 

"You are like what Care Bears shoot out of their stomachs." 

Just pure good stuff.

Wow. Did I just get compared to a Care Bear?! 

A show I absolutely LOVED as a child?!

It was with this very specific imagery that I got a clear glimpse, for the first time ever, of what those who are close to me see all the time and I (apparently) fail to see.

Wow. This was . . . kind, sweet, unexpected? 

I don't think I had words to describe what it felt like to hear that and try on a new perspective to view myself.

I think I felt a swell of many emotions all at once. Appreciation, being the only specific feeling coming to mind, now. 

I recall feeling great appreciation for my friend. 

Appreciation for her willingness to take the time to express her sentiments.

Appreciation for her sentiments.

And appreciation for her seeing me. For seeing the core parts of me that I am blind to, and reflecting them back.

Why am I sharing all this?

Because I'm practicing vulnerability through sharing, duh.

But, I am also sharing this as a reminder that we are all so much greater and more valuable than we allow ourselves to believe.

We make a difference in people's lives - just by being in it.

And we exude our unique essence in all that we do.

Yet, we are blind to ourselves - despite seeing ourselves every day. 

It's as if with that familiarity comes a type of autopilot, in which our sight lessens.

It is with this in mind that I will repeat sentiments, of not so long ago, around the topic of giving compliments.

May we strive to really see the people we surround ourselves with - and then be brave enough to share it with them.

 Does it come as a surprise to anyone that my favorite Care Bear was Cheer Bear?

Day 274: Robins

I went for a chilly walk this morning around North Pond and I saw a Robin.

. . And then another one.

I turned to look at the edge of the pond and I saw a whole bunch more!

"I've never seen so many robins in one spot before!!"

The most robins I've ever seen at once is 2 - maybe 3. Tops.

My mind was blown.

So I looked it up and learned that, while in spring and summer robins tend to stick in pairs, in winter they live in nomadic flocks. And the flock size can grow as large as hundreds - or even thousands!!

I can't even imagine . . .  

. . . uhh, I think that's too many!

Day 273: Restriction

Sometimes we outgrow where we are.

Sometimes it's a job.
Sometimes it's friends.
Sometimes it's a lifestyle.

But for every human, there will come a time when what we are doing no longer works so well for us. A time when, given the choice to stay the same or try something new, to remain 'as is' would lead to restriction and cramping.

Take this tree, for example.
It has been growing between these apartment buildings for who knows how long. And all the while, it's range of growth has been impeded by literal walls that are surrounding it.

Obviously, trees can't just walk to a different location that would be more conducive to growth. 

But we can.

And that's a scary reality.
Because, for a lot of us, that means moving into a reality that we are no longer familiar with.
That means doing things we haven't done before.
That means building new muscles and skills along the way, causing us to become very aware of pains and struggles that weren't previously on the radar.

That means choosing to live (and learn), rather than just exist.

I debated writing, "sometimes we outgrow who we are."
But, I don't think I actually believe that. 

I think we all have core traits and characteristics that are foundational to us.
These are the things that stick with us no matter what our age or experience.
I don't think we outgrow these, ever - they are what make us, 'us.'

However, I  do think that, depending on one's situation, experience, company, and/or mindset, 'who we [really] are' can become overgrown, hidden, and tangled up.  

And when this happens, it can become very challenging to extract the 'us' from the 'what' and 'where' we are surrounded by. 

We all have the ability to choose how we experience life.
We all have the ability to choose - even if we don't like any of our choices.
We also all have the ability to say 'no' and decline the things that come our way.

It took me a long time to come to understand this. And I'm still working on it.
For me, experiencing life in a way that is beneficial (rather than forceful or restrictive) started with allowing myself to consider this:

What would feel good to me [in this situation]?

Regardless of the actions that come next, just considering this question makes a difference.

It signals to the mind that there is an alternative path forward from what we are used to and all of the 'shoulds' and 'supposed tos' that flood our thoughts.

It signals that there is a path away from restriction.

Day 272: A different kind of romance

 "I'm really enjoying our date - it's so romantic."

Date in a chicken wing graveyard.
. . . The feeling's not mutual . . .

You ever have an experience where one component managed to throw the whole thing off?

Perhaps you're having a nice time or you're excited thinking about whatever 'it' is, but then something unexpected happens and you can't seem to enjoy yourself?

I think that's what happened to the grumpy Gus on the right. But definitely not to the lovely lady on the left - she's smitten!

Maybe if we asked her, she'd share that her secret is having an intention for what she wants to experience. Not so much being wowed by her environment or external factors, but rather focusing internally. Focusing on how she wants to connect and engage with others and her overall experience, which leaves her open and curious towards whatever comes her way. Rather than quick to judge when things don't fit the image of her expectations.

Hmm, there's a chance she may be on to something! I mean, if that technique can make a graveyard romantic, just imagine how it could transform routine experiences!