Day 247: Who do you live for?

Who do you live for?
What do you live for?
Is it family?
       Work?
       Money?
       Security?
       Contributing to society?
       Walking in your faith?
       Being a 'good' person?
       Enjoying life?
       Leaving a legacy?
       Happiness?
       Just being you?

There are no limits to the reasons and priorities we have for living our lives.

Some of us - at this very moment - will be content in the way we are living life right now.
Others - including myself - will feel our current lifestyle leaves something to be desired.

No matter which group you find yourself, life is ever changing.
Nothing is permanent - which means there are always ways to experience life more fully.
i.e. there are always ways to enjoy your life more than you already are.

'But I already like my life.'
"That's great! And if you could keep all the aspects you like about your life and also improve aspects you don't like, would you be interested in that?"
'Well, I just don't see how my life could get any better...'

Uh, ok . . . I guess I'm not talking to you, then, unidentified perfect-life person. But thanks for illustrating a great point!

It can be hard for us to see outside our current reality.
And it can be even harder to see outside our current perspective.

The missing piece in both scenarios?
Being very clear on why you are doing whatever it is that you're doing.

I, unintentionally, reflected on this the other day after asking someone if they typically say goodbye to everyone when leaving a party or if they do the Irish goodbye, peace-out play.

[Side note: which do you typically do??]

I am more of a leave silently type of person - or so I thought.
Upon further reflection I realized some trends

1. When I'm having a great time I often stay until the end
2. I often don't (or don't want to) say goodbye to people when I'm not enjoying myself
3. Wow, I think I've attended a lot more parties where I don't enjoy myself than when I do . . .

Huh, that last one is a bit questionable. 

Why is it that I have disliked more parties or social gatherings I've attended than I've liked?!

Let me circle back to the original point of this post.
Intention.
The why behind what I am doing.

Do you know what I realized?

My why - in the majority of these not-super-enjoyable-to-me-experiences - was other people.
Not me.

This was a HUGE revelation. 

Because I was able to recognize that I was making choices for my time, energy, and life based on what I thought would make others happy, not me.

Because I was making choices based on what I thought I should do instead of what felt good and right for me.

Sarah thought #1: I don't really want to go, but I was invited so I should.
Limiting Belief: If I'm invited to something, I have to go to it.

 Sarah thought #2: If I don't go, then I'm not being a very good friend.
Limiting Belief: I'm not a good friend if I don't always go to my friends' events.

Hmm, ok. But you know what makes for a worse friend?
Going to something you don't want to be at, sulking in the corner, and then leaving early!

The world is better off when people are happy!
So why don't we start with ourselves?

Day 246: Lip Bangs

Are mustaches just lip bangs?

 

What type of cut are they . . . ?

- the pencil

- the curtain

- the Handlebar ?

 

 

I'd love to see a man push his lip curtain bangs apart throughout the day!

But the best part about this joke was my sister's response to it:

Day 245: Prison Food

During a morning walk I had a flashback to a memory from 7th grade.

We were in Mr. Marvis' class for . . . language arts? History? I can't really remember, I just know it wasn't science or math . . . 

Growing up in the wild wild west - also known as rural Oregon - dead animals on the side of the road weren't novel or particularly rare. So it should come as no surprise that they might also filter into class discussions as well . . . 
No, that's a lie. It's weird no matter where you live. 

But the conversation of 13 & 14 year olds can go anywhere, thus ...

Kyle: ...Well, if you're in prison they make you eat roadkill!

Mr. Marivs: Kyle, they do not feed you roadkill in prison.

😂  😂  😂

Why share this ridiculous funny?
Simply because it is funny - at least to me.

But also as a reminder - if you're not in prison, you don't have to eat the roadkill.

Interpret that as you will.

And know that no matter your situation, you do not have to accept what is given to you or comes your way.

There is always another option, another way to look at things. 

Even in the most dire circumstances there is always choice.

Day 244: Resisting Burnout

I had a coaching session with my own coach, after about a month's break.

This is significant.
Why?

Because of burnout.

Because I am burnt out. 

And I've been trying to avoid acknowledging it for the past few months.

But my coach, bless her, wasted no time to inform me that burnout is a very serious thing.

With that sentiment alone, came a wave of validation - and emotion.

Because Audrey is such a good coach, none of this was lost on her. She asked me what I was feeling in the moment she saw emotion overtake me.

Sadness

Frustration

Fear

I've never experienced Burnout before, at least to this degree. Our conversation revealed a lot more about the situation to me. 

Which is great, because I had an Agenda with a capital A for my session. 

I wanted to figure out the lesson I 'clearly still need to learn,' as I am finding myself in this place once again.

This place of frustration.

This place of resentment.

This place of exhaustion.

In previous experiences, I've found myself in similar roles. Roles where I am the driving force. Roles where I am guiding and making the way for growth to take root. Roles where I bring someone else's dreams into reality. 

And then I'm met with a stone wall of resistance.

I know what needs to happen.

I have an idea of how to get there.

But it's not my dream. 

And the dream owner, for reasons unknown to me, does not want to heed my words or take the steps I advise.

And when this happens all forward motion halts.

My wheels continue spinning, but any movement made is in the depth of the rut I find myself.

I can't want someone else's dreams more than they do.

So what do I do . . . ?

I learned today - I make assumptions.

When I am unable to get information, answers, or direction from those I am attempting to help, I resort to assumptions.

What are they not saying?

What criteria would they use?

What would they want to do?

'Assumptions are necessary in order to keep moving forward,' my hidden beliefs tell me. 'Because you must always be moving forward.'

But, perhaps it's this very belief that is doing the most damage. 

I'm not certain, but it could be possible that this very belief - that there must always be forward motion - is the reason for jumping to assumptions.
Like lighter fluid to kindling.

Assumptions, I learned today, are the very things that suck all of my extra energy - because I'm not just focusing on the task itself, but worrying if it's what the Dreamer would actually want.

And when viewed from another step back, the picture becomes a bit clearer. 

I am trying to push my agenda for the dream, not the Dreamers.

As a coach, it's my job is to further my client's agenda and goal for a session, never my own. Audrey tried to point this out to me in our session, but it seems it is only settling into my understanding now.

Huh. How about that...? 

I don't think I've completely learned the lesson I 'clearly still need to learn.' But I did gain new perspective that I previously didn't have.

I was also reminded, again, that life - whether work life, personal life, or somewhere in between - may be better lived like a coaching session.

Day 243: Toeing the line of perfection

. . . with my grilled cheese.

I like my bread (or toast) Dark. But not so dark that it's burnt . . . 

So this one really toes the line. Good thing it's on the right of it (at least for my taste). . . 

See??

And strangely enough, the way it looks is exactly how the peanut butter cookie I ate earlier today tasted - though it wasn't burnt.

You just never can tell . . . 

. . . what someone else's preferential criteria will be.

Who knew there'd be a lesson hidden in this nearly burnt-nugget?!

' . . . um, I think I missed the lesson . . ?'

 

The lesson is there is no perfection. 

It doesn't exist.

The fact that all humans have slightly different likes and preferences proves this. We all have our own sets of criteria that we use to interpret and judge the world around us. If something doesn't meet these criteria, we may feel compelled to say it is wrong or flawed. But when things align with our criteria, they couldn't be better. They're perfect.

Perfection is subjective and unique to every human.

So perhaps, perfection is not some ultimate, universal thing, but rather the highest praise we could give when labeling something we like.

Day 242: Desperately Searching

Overheard on my morning walk -

"...they think I'm desperate or whatever. I'm not desperate, there's a difference..."

I can only presume that the man I overheard talking on the phone, was referring to his desire for a romantic relationship.

Why?

Because in our society great desire for such a thing is quickly judged as 'desperation'.

But what if it wasn't?

What if it was seen for what it is? Having a known want and priority in life?

That's not to say approaches and views don't need to be examined and tweaked  in order to turn this desire into a belonging. But it IS to say that there's nothing wrong with it.

 

Our desires reveal our priorities.

 

This man, if he was indeed speaking of being viewed as 'desperate' for a relationship, is simply trying to give his priorities the attention they call for.

 

However, with all priorities (and desires) in life, it is important to break them down.

 

That's the first step before taking action.

 

In breaking them down, comes the understanding of why they are important to you. 

What it is you will gain from them.

And the most beneficial routes of gaining this core why.

After the breakdown, it's not uncommon to discover that the things being sought out from others, can actually be found within oneself. 

 

And in making such a realization, the original priorities can be pursued in a way that adds to one's life rather than 'fills a hole' or 'fixes it'.

When one's approach shifts to that of adding to an already whole picture, the idea of desperation will never cross one's radar.

Day 241: Coaching vs. Therapy vs. Meditation vs. Whatever Else

I practiced 'crowd work' recently in my stand up comedy class.
And I did it talking about life coaching.

Surprisingly (to me), it went way better than I anticipated.
When I asked my classmate audience if they knew what life coaching was, an answer I received was:
"Isn't it like therapy, but you don't need a degree for it?"

Just the answer I was hoping for! (in so many words)
To which I got to use my canned response:

Therapy and Life Coaching are often confused.
While therapy helps you heal from a scary past, Life Coaching helps you create a scary future.

 

Because you'll dream So BIG!

But really, therapy and coaching work very similarly.
Heck, even meditation and yoga could get pulled into the circle (depending on how you approach it).

All of these are helping modalities to assist people in gaining awareness, understanding, and a sense of control (no matter how loose) over their lives.

There is no one method that works 'better' than the others.
There is no one method that is better than the others.
It comes down to the individual seeking support outside of themselves and what they are looking for.

We all have needs - we're human.
Just as we all have hopes and desires.
And likewise, we all encounter things that get in the way of filling these needs and realizing these hopes and desires (some might even call these dreams or goals).

The way to move forward will always start with assessing where you are NOW.

With these helping modalities it is important to note that they are not exclusive. Unlike mainstream relationship norms in the western world, coaching, therapy, meditation, etc. are more like polygamists.
You don't have to commit to one and only one.
You can commit to them all if that's what works for you!

Meaning - sometimes, the best choice is all of the choices.
Often people find that starting in one of these areas opens the doors to others, whether later in time or simultaneously.

Invest in yourself by finding out what's right for you. 

That act alone will help bring you closer to understanding who you really are.
(Because we're basically onions, there will always be another layer to get to...)