Day 225: Showing Up

If you're like me having big goals is great, but they can also be pretty intimidating.

Especially when things don't go as expected (as expectations have a way of turning great opportunities into disappointments).

What I've found (and continually find myself 'rediscovering' over and over) is that there are always much smaller goals in place before the big one can be accomplished.

Often these smaller goals are disguised as tasks or actions - the building blocks of progress.

And, when viewed as tasks rather than goals, it is way too easy to become overwhelmed with stress.

Why?

Because the learning, knowledge, and information that can be gained from these 'tasks' or 'actions' is overlooked. And when this happens, when we aren't actively learning from what's going on around us, we will eventually find ourselves in a bit of a slump. Feeling stuck, lost, stressed, pressured, and wondering where the fire and excitement we used to have for the goal has gone.

This is a crummy place to be.
I'm finally starting to come out of my own brief stay here.

The thing that helped me flip the switch and remove stress and pressure was zeroing back in on the smaller goals. And not just the tasks themselves, but WHY I am doing the tasks.

For example - taking a standup comedy class. The real reason I did it was to learn. To learn writing skills and delivery techniques for a more engaging presentation.

The class wasn't started in order to become a comedy star or to 'be the best.'
It was simply to learn.

To learn basics.

To build up my life toolbox so that I can practice manipulating skills and techniques in new and different ways than I could before.

It's about collecting data - seeing what I like and what I don't like, what I enjoy most and what I enjoy least.

It's not about perfection and it's not about achievement (as much as Hazey would have me believe otherwise).

It's about learning, plain and simple.

And the only guaranteed way to learn is to show up.

It's the very first step possible.
It holds no expectations or agendas.
But from it, anything is possible.

The first goal is showing up.

Let's start there.

Day 224: Giant Steps are Stressful

I've been experiencing a stress streak, lately.

It started out so subtly, at first, I didn't even realize it was there - and growing.

It took recognizing that I was now baking on a nightly basis - and had been for weeks - to finally question myself:

'...oh, this isn't a good routine to be creating. . . . what's really going on??'

The short answer was avoidance. 

Avoidance of what I was feeling - or afraid of feeling.

Avoidance of what I was thinking - or afraid of thinking.

I had big goals I was supposed to be working towards - establishing myself as an engaging and dynamic public speaker and an impactful coach - and Hazey made sure I didn't forget.

Unfortunately, the reminders I received were only for the ultimate end goal. A goal that can't be achieved at this immediate point in time. Rather than for the small goals I had originally set for myself a few months ago.

Therein lies the problem. And the root of my avoidance - fear of failure.

I was operating under the mindset that the first step is a giant one and had to be done perfectly. That I needed to know how to do everything right now. And I also needed to be a fortune teller to know in advance how everything would turn out.

I don't.

I just need to break things down more.
Break my goals down into much smaller pieces.
Starting with the first step.

"Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives."

Daytime American soap opera, Days of Our Lives, knows what's up!

 

Break everything down into tiny pieces - like grains of sand.

It becomes much easier for things to move that way.

And such movement starts with an equally small act.

Showing up.

Nothing more. Nothing less.

We just need to show up and be present in whatever place or task is happening.
We don't need to do anything. 
That comes later.

Then, after we show up, we can take the next tiny step. And the steps will continue to build off of one another. Sometimes progressing way faster than we anticipate, other times moving much slower than we would have liked.

Regardless of the speed, as long as we show up, there will always be movement.
And it is through movement that we shrink stress, avoidance, and fear.

Day 223: New Ringtone

Isn't it interesting that something as seemingly ordinary as a sound can make all the difference in how you interpret something?

It can be the difference between dread and delight.

Ok, so, say I had a really obnoxious ringtone during the time I was dating my last boyfriend and now when I hear my phone ring I get a sense of dread. Can I get rid of that by changing my ringtone?

Yes!

Obviously (or maybe not so obvious), it's not the sound that is causing the dread, but rather the thought associated with the sound.

Changing the sound allows you to access a different perspective and build new associations to phone calls so that no matter the ringtone, you can feel relaxed and delighted.

Anything can be viewed as a dreaded phone call:
- feedback on a project
- interacting with strangers
- stretching
- etc

and conversely,

anything can be viewed as a relaxing and delightful phone call:
- learning something new
- meeting someone new
- stretching
- etc

Next time you experience feelings of dread or upset,
why not try out a new ringtone and try on a different perspective?

Day 222: Perspective Beauty

 

What if disappointments and mistakes are actually an important part of something beautiful?

While I'm sure in nature leaves with holes are a sign of disease, to my beholding eye they look like beautiful, nature-made lace.

What beauty might come into view with a bit of a perspective shift?

Day 221: Coaching Is . . .

Coaching is not just hiring a personal project manager for your dreams.

Coaching is that AND

• getting to know yourself on a deeper level
• gaining an understanding of exactly why you think and do what you do
• creating your own happiness

 

And boy do I need a Coach. 

I'm so glad I have Audrey!

Especially now as I'm finally starting to get in motion with my own dreams.
Things are starting to feel scary!
Because I'm encountering a lot of new experiences I've never had before.

The most basic (and perhaps indicative of a privileged life) is the experience of challenge.

Up to this point, everything I've pursued has come somewhat naturally to me.
Yes, I've had challenges, but my overall endeavors were not Challeng-ing.

I guess that means I'm used to receiving some form of instant gratification or validation for my efforts. And now I'm moving into territory where nothing is instant or feels natural.

I'm not used to this feeling.

I'm gonna be honest, I don't like it.

It's intimidating as hell and Hazey has been taking FULL advantage to freak me out and commandeer my brain. This is done in attempts to get me to stop trying and protect me from any possibility of disappointment or failure.

Man, I wish that once we worked through insecurities and doubt they would just stay gone.

But that's not how life works.

We are given opportunity after opportunity to strengthen our resiliency, bravery, and trust in ourselves. And it come in the form of fear.

Ugh. Gross.

Why does it have to be so uncomfortable?????

Because that's where learning happens.

Kind of bleak - but very true.

We get to choose what we do when things start to get uncomfortable or scary.

And I choose to use coaching to help.

Day 220: Happy Wedding, E!

One of my best and oldest friends from Chicago is getting married today.

I met Elsa as a naive, doe-eyed 21 year old. Introduced by a mutual friend, we bonded instantly. 

Over the next decade we experienced a lot together. So many laughs, dance nights, and at home NPPs (nail painting parties), Easter celebrations and homemade pretzels. 

We navigated the hard times that come with growth and discovering who you are, bittersweet separations cross states and continents and long-awaited reunions, loss, and heartbreak. 

It was with Elsa that I realized my dream to be an inspirational speaker - originally set to launch once we became senior citizens, as a dynamic duo. 

Elsa has always been a shining light in my life. Demonstrating what it means to know and be proud of what you love and what makes you happy. A true child of rock & roll.

It has been quite the journey to get to where we are now. And it seems like the past 5 years, with Matthew in the picture, happened in the blink of an eye. Or perhaps over the course of a decade, because that's how fitting he is for Elsa - and within her closest friend group (i.e. I couldn't approve of him more).

On this very special day in our lives, I wish for my dear Elsa . . .

Never-ending Happiness : generated from deep inside you and sustained by being exactly who you are - amazing, authentic, Elsa - and amplified through your life partnership.

Continued Growth :  in every experience you have as an individual and as a wife, friend, and partner-in-crime. Learning from everything that comes your way so you may encourage and assist one another in the continued climb towards embracing your best selves.

Ease & Peace :  that comes from seeking out and focusing on that which will add to your life, continuing to learn about and understand yourself as an individual and partner, and always letting your values direct your path.

E-biscuit, it's an honor to know you and call you my friend. 

Happy Happy HAPPY wedding day!

Day 219: Alignment over Loyalty

I've seen so often on the dating app, Hinge, profiles of men (and I would also assume, women) saying they're looking for loyalty.

For some reason that doesn't sit well with me.
Learning of this search for 'Loyalty' seemed to bring along with it a splash of bad vibes.

I suppose it's because the definition I have of 'loyalty' is strongly associated with 'being forced to pick sides' and 'committing to something no matter what - even if it's not the best for you.'

(Boy, is that perspective telling of previous experiences I've had!!)

You know, like how in tense tv or movie dramas there always seems to be someone questioning another's loyalties when it comes to a moral decision or dilemma.

Due to this, I find that alignment is a much better thing to search for. 

Depending on which dictionary definition you go with, this may or may not make sense.
I'm referring specifically to alignment as:
"a state of agreement or cooperation among persons, groups, nations, etc., with a common cause or viewpoint."

This feels WAY better to me!

Why?

Because it allows for the natural and expected growth and change that comes with being alive.

Alignment does not restrict you to one viewpoint forever.

Alignment doesn't keep you chained to the same routines and muted dreams in order to accommodate or please others.

Alignment lets you FLY.
And ensures that whoever is in alignment with you is flying, too. Whatever that flight path may be.