Day 140: Perfectionism Trap

A theme that keeps resurfacing for me lately is perfectionism.

The more I've been learning about myself, the less hidden this trip-up is becoming - which is great! And it's also really annoying.

"Ugh, Perfectionism, you strike again!!"

This thought has popped into my head more times than I would like over the past few months.

It's quite mind blowing how massively deep and wide the hold perfectionism has on my life; from which all-or-nothing thinking is a result.

I thought about making a list of all the areas perfectionism tries to control. But got overwhelmed at the idea and no longer wanted to do it (or perhaps didn't want to see it). It's a long list. Of that, I'm certain.

So, if perfectionism is such a puppet-master, how do I know when it's at work?

This will be different for each of us, but for me it shows up most prominently in the following ways:

• There is no middle ground. It's one thing or the other, right or wrong, good or bad.
• Things need to be instant. 
• A learning curve is NOT ok. 
• If you don't have the answers, you're failing. 
• And if you're not naturally skilled at something then you might as well not even try.

Ouch. This last one for me is particularly painful to realize. 

As someone who has always been pretty 'high-achieving' (by whose standards, specifically? I can't even tell you), I did what came easily to me: academics and art. 

The message was cemented in my little brain at a very young age that the areas in which I received outside validation were the areas I needed to spend my time.

Seeing this with fresh eyes as an adult is gross.

I've been holding myself back in soooo many ways and didn't even know it! Missing out on the thrill of trying new things, enjoying the process, and ultimately expanding my potential.

Why?

Because of fear.

The fear of not being good enough.

I think this is a fear we all have, in some form. The question I'm learning to ask myself now is:  

Good enough for who?

Day 139: Late Night Cravings

When a craving strikes, check-in with all areas of the body associated.

For example, I got the idea that I had a taste for sweets.

My tongue was salivating.

 

 

I checked in with my stomach - it was closed for the night.

 
Stomach already had it's slippered feet up and was sitting behind a newspaper.

Hmm, doesn't look like you two are in agreement. Stomach has the final call on this kind of thing and he's not interested in sweets right now.

And with that, the craving had no other choice than to scram!
...After peeking through the window a few more times...

Day 138: Political Thoughts from the Porcelain Throne

Sometimes the greatest inspiration or insight strikes while occupying the Porcelain Throne. 

As you will quickly see, the below is no exception. And perhaps it's a little too literal for some. 

If that is your experience, I make no apologies.
I give you:  

Potty Politics

 

Day 137: Thoughts of 2019

I found some old thoughts scribbled on scrap paper recently. 

Every time this happens it's always interesting to see what I wrote.
And often, I'll find myself reading something that leaves me feeling (dare I say it?!) inspired or moved in some way.  

[affirmative head nod] 'Ok, past me . . . !'

 

This time it was the cats & babies idea, obviously.

 

- True story by the way! 

I was riding the bus with my sister years ago and I heard what sounded like a cat.

"Did you hear that?" I asked my sister. "That sounded like a cat!"

I turned around, completely expecting to see a baby behind me somewhere. 

There was no baby.

What I did see was a woman with a cat carrier sitting on her lap and a little kitty face peeking out through the door.

"There IS a cat on the bus!!"

I had never been so excited on public transportation.

Well, that's not true. I was pretty darn excited when I saw the squirrel - but that's a story for another day.

 

You can't see the date, but these thoughts were penned in 2019 - almost to the day, June 9th-ish.

It's always so cool, a bit surprising, and reassuring to see that the new ways of thinking and perspectives I am fully shifting into in present day, were making themselves knows in the past in subtle ways.

It's easy to forget that we really do know the things [thoughts/perspectives/beliefs] that are best for us. These notes are proof - at least to me!

I think the disconnect comes from the lack of awareness and understanding of how to actually incorporate such self-knowledge.

In case you couldn't read from the pictures above, here are the wise bits [edited for spelling/grammar]:

No human is ever destined for just one thing. That's why we change and grow.

 &

No one truly knows, without any doubts, what they are doing.
But we all have our areas that we feel "completely in our element."
Perhaps it's seeing others in those areas that leads us to
believe the lie that everyone has their life figured out.

With these ideas in mind, we can start to integrate them by asking ourselves:

What growth have I experienced over the years?
What opportunities became available to me because of the growth?
Given the changes I've already experienced, what's possible for me in the future?

When do I feel "completely in my element" (no matter the duration of time)?
What happens when I feel "completely in my element"?
What factors might I be able to incorporate into every day life?

Day 136: Hair Indecision

 

Day 135: Avocado Trix

Oh my, what happened here? 

It may have been a not so great pack job in my backpack . . . 

Or . . . it could have been the start of the greatest new 

taste sensation to hit the nation . . . !

Day 134: Baggage = Future Luggage

Let's talk about Baggage.

Baggage gets a bad rap - especially when it comes to relationships. Especially in regards to women.

"She's got a lot of baggage."

'I don't want to deal with anyone's baggage.'

Baggage, baggage, baggage.  

Baggage is bad, Bad, BAD.

And if you've got it, there's something wrong with you and no one will want to deal with it. Thus no one will want to deal with you.

WHOA. That's a lot. 

And it doesn't feel good at all.

So allow me to offer an alternative perspective.

Baggage - the emotional, mental, and perhaps even physical experiences, traumas, beliefs, and view points of one's lived experience - is not bad. 

Collect all of the baggage you can. It's proof of living.

Baggage can, however, be heavy.

This is why it's important to sort through the baggage. This will happen at different times, for different people. There is no rule for when this needs to happen or what it needs to look like. 

But it needs to happen in order to live a life that feels free and light. 

We've [all] got to go through our own baggage so we can lighten our own loads. 

We've got to upgrade to some wheels. 

We can think of going through our baggage as we would sorting through a plentiful wardrobe. 

We can't wear all of the things we've accumulated, and likely we don't want to. We have the opportunity to curate the exact look, feel, and learned life lessons we want to keep and use in the future.

We get to choose what we pack in our luggage.

And that's the difference. 

Baggage is simply future luggage. We just haven't done the sorting yet.