Day 62: Time Escaped

Ay, no! It's 9pm already?!

Time really escaped me today . . . Guess it was just a day of tomfoolery . . .

Day 61: The real star is in the background

For your viewing pleasure . . . (and I'm not talking about the small child in front).

Heads are like bowling balls in more ways than just the shape - they can bounce on the floor and still be just fine! If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch again.

Day 60: Two months!!! Here's some art

 

This is one of my favorite collage art pieces I've made. When I started, I had no idea where it was headed. There was no finished image in my mind that I was working towards. Rather, I developed the vision as I went along. Placing a piece here and rearranging it there. 

Ooh, where can I put this?! 

No, that doesn't really work.

Once it was finished I took in what I'd created. 

It took a while to sink in. 

I really had no idea what it meant. There was no agenda or commentary I was trying to make - at least not consciously.

After some thought, I saw how it could easily represent women's disempowerment; always being the brains to the greatness that is created and - more often than not - credited to men.

Interestingly, over time (and as I had prominent shifts in my own life), I began to see a different meaning shine through. Taking a completely different perspective, this work could easily represent complete women's empowerment. The ultimate puppeteer; has the vision and planning to know exactly which moves are needed - and the power to make each character play their part.

It's a nice reminder that everything in life can mean a multitude of different things in different times - to different people, to the same people.

What does it mean to you?

What aspect of your life can you see in a different light, now that time has passed?

Day 59: And if it's a 'maybe'...

And we're back to explore the second point of consideration when navigating that pesky 'Maybe' in decision making.

To review, the factors I find myself falling into in moments of indecision are as follows:

1 - I don't (believe I) have strong feelings either way about something, or

2 - I'm trying to avoid a certain feeling because I think giving a direct answer will cause another person's [less than positive] feelings

 

Buying into the belief that I cause other people's feelings is a huge trap I regularly fall victim to. And retraining my brain to believe the opposite - that I do not cause other people's feelings - is a real challenge. 

 

But it's true. I don't cause anyone else's feelings - and neither do you. Our feelings are always caused by the thoughts we have - and I KNOW I can't control what other people think. 

 

In many cases our thoughts are influenced by how we interpret different situations, events, and interactions. And we can never know for sure how someone else is going to interpret a situation.

If you're like me, you'll assume they have the exact same interpretation as you. But, as life has taught me, this is not the consistent case.

So what to do about it?

All changes start with awareness. 

Awareness can be considered the 'observation' phase. That means no actual 'action' is taken, but rather we're collecting data.

So in the case of decision making, start with becoming aware of what the feeling you are trying to avoid is. What is the emotion? 

 

What does having this emotion say about you?

Every person has such a subconscious soundtrack playing in their head that it can be nearly impossible to pick up on the thoughts we have about ourselves right before a negative emotion strikes.

This is also known as judgement.

But the more effort we put into taking time to pause and identify the emotion - the aftermath of the judgement that we can much more easily feel/identify - the less hidden the subconscious judgements become. Thus, making them easier to pick up in the moment.

Because once we know what's going on in our heads we then have the control to choose what we want to do about it. Bringing us back full circle to the original goal - making decisions, without any 'maybes'.

Day 58: Happy Birthday, Serena!

Today is my sister, Serena,'s birthday. She is thir-- a year older today!

On her wishlist, I saw included this item: your favorite memory of us together.

This isn't necessarily my favorite memory of us together, but it is a prominent memory and a very important moment in my life. It happened in a sentence and the impact rocked me with just three small words. 

It also, conveniently, continues with the topic of my last post. 

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Flashback to about 5 years ago. We were on the phone with each other and I was telling her about the new job I had recently started. It was in a career field that I had newly learned about and was very interested in. It was supposed to be a great experience and yet . . . I was only two months in and was finding it challenging in ways I'd never before experienced in my young adult life. 

Up until that point I was used to things coming relatively easy to me. I was a high performer and always delivered good work. But for some reason, in this position, nothing seemed to be clicking into place. I was smart, competent, resourceful and hard working - why the heck was I struggling SO MUCH?

The more I told Serena about what I was experiencing the clearer it became to me - I didn't like my job. 

Like, I REALLY didn't like my job. Not in a - this topic is boring or I'm not being challenged - kind of way, but in a - this job is making me feel miserable and doubt my abilities as a human - kind of way. I was very unhappy working there. And I was scared to admit that, especially to myself.

I got through my complaining and paused. In an increasingly elevated tone, I whimpered, "...I don't think I like my job."

My body was tense, my breathing was labored, and I was trying so hard not to cry. I was in such emotional distress. 

And then I heard her response: "Well, Sarah, you can quit. You don't have to work there."

I immediately felt a wave of relief wash over me - and tears stream down my face. It was as if, with those three simple words 'you can quit', the weight of guilt, shame, and judgement I had shackled to myself had been unlocked. I could feel my body get lighter.

My suffering had been acknowledged and validated. And more importantly, I had been shown that my happiness (and feeling of self-worth) is more important than any job, timeline, or other socially decided parameter.

As someone who has a very hard time working in any job that doesn't directly call for the living out of my own personal values, this was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. (And in case you were curious what happened with my job - I quit the following week.)

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So, here's to one of the greatest gals I know! To Weenie Wayne, Marco, and Dippy, too - Happy Birthday!!!

Thanks for always being in my corner and having my back, not only as a sister and friend, but as one of my biggest supporters, cheerleaders, and promoters.

Day 57: On Quitting

"I'm not a quitter."
"If I start something, I have to finish it."

Any of these phrases sound familiar? 

If you grew up in American culture, they likely do. And if your experience was anything like mine, "Quitting" was prominently presented in a negative light.

It's not good to quit.

Quitters have no self-discipline or  follow through.

But what IS quitting, really?

What if I told you that quitting isn't actually a thing at all? It's not bad or good, but completely neutral.

What if 'to quit' just meant 'to shift priorities'?

Take a second to think about this. Go on, really take your time . . . 

Because, to me, that's what quitting is - shifting your priorities to something else.

 

There is no moral issue around changing your priorities.
It does not change who you are or make you a better or worse person. 

 

But it does impact your life and the way you show up in it.

 

So next time you find yourself in a situation where you feel like a lot of problems would be solved by 'quitting' but you don't want to 'give up', 'let someone down', or 'fail', maybe stop and consider . . .
 

Consider what your priorities in life actually are and how your current situation is harming or helping them.

Day 56: Kids love me

"Man, those kids loved me!"  - as stated by my sister when recounting her recent friend visit to New York. "I think it's because I actually engaged with them."

Indeed, I also think that is the reason she was such a hit with her friends' kids; to whom, until this past weekend, she was a stranger.

How'd it work? Well, she took the time to:

1. Ask questions - not just the surface kind, but the deeper questions that keep the conversation and sharing going
2. LISTEN -  this is arguably the most important step.  She listened to what they were actually saying - with the goal of understanding and learning about them, rather than predicting the content outcome, thinking she knows better or the correct answers (or that her time or sharing was more important)
   
3. Buy-in to what was being shared - when kids tell her stuff, they are telling about their current view and experience of their lives so far. She knows they are young, inexperienced, and still learning, so she's willing to roll with what they share and see where it takes them. No judgement, no expectations
   

This kid magnet phenomenon - or recipe, rather - got me thinking . . . 

Why aren't these same principles applied more often to adults?

It's so easy to be stingy with our time, think we know more than others, and make judgements about experiences or views different than our own. 

What if we gave that blueprint a break?

How would our relationships change? 

How would we change?