Day 38: Can I get the definition, please?

Growing up I loved words. Word games like Boggle, Scrabble or Scatergories were popular at my house. And I can't tell you how many times at the dinner table my sister, mom and I would crack open the dictionary to a random page and have each other guess what the selected new-to-us word meant. It was great fun!

Knowing this, I can't help but chuckle to myself when I realize a key concept of coaching is found in definitions. 

Definitions are HUGE. Not so much in the sense of knowing the correct meaning of a word, but rather knowing what the word means to you. 

What?! Am I saying that different people can have different definitions for the same word? YES!

These personal definitions are developed largely through past experiences or things a person was taught, picked up or observed at a young age.

I'll give you an example. The word is: ROADTRIP

What does that mean to you?

To mean, a Roadtrip is a long car ride that spans over several days in which one stops at places of interest along the route before reaching the final destination which is somewhere in nature (i.e. not a city or metropolitan area).

I only just recently learned of the specifics I had subconsciously attached to this idea of a Roadtrip.
 

'so ...why can't it be a destination to anywhere that requires a long car ride...?'

It can be! 

And that's the best part about learning your own definitions for things. Once you know what they are, you get to decide if you want to keep them as they are or change the definitions to better suit the person you are in the present (and better support what you want for the future).

Let's be real - my definition of Roadtrip came from childhood and  I have definitely grown and changed a lot as a person since I was an adolescent youth.

If my body and mind can change over time, it only seems fitting that my definitions for things should change as well.

Day 37: Compliments

 

 

When was the last time you gave someone a compliment? What was it about?

It seems the most common complements are made on appearances, skills, or achievements. On external things a person does or has. 

Much less is the case of complimenting a person on their state of being, on what makes them 'them,' and is appreciated.

But what if that was the norm? How different would our world be?

I think it would be quite different. Think about it, giving people outside reinforcement for being themselves. No pressure to compare or change who they are or how they act in order to feel praise. Leading to greater expression and exploration of one's interests, likes, wants, and needs.

Wow.

What a world, indeed.

I'm going to try my best to intentionally dole out meaningments here and complifuls there. Because . . .

Compliments + Meaning = long-lasting memories (and the feels to go with it)

 

Day 36: Valentine Heart

 

This one feels vulnerable sharing, for some reason. Perhaps it's partly because I see it as a 'real poem' or at least a piece of one. And partly because of my lived experience that it's rooted from (which I'm still trying to understand).

How many times have you felt vulnerable sharing something with others, but did it anyway?

. . . what about sharing with yourself?

 

Day 35: Love's Many Forms

As I was waking up one morning the idea that I will continuously experience love differently, came to me.

This was a really interesting thought and gave me pause. 

Does this mean, that there is no blueprint for how love is supposed to feel and look??
Will the experience take a new route requiring new navigation tools EVERY time?!

I think the answer is yes, and here's why. In every stage and phase of life, love will take a somewhat new form and feeling. At every new stage you arrive and every new phase you enter, growth has occurred to get you there.
This has a lot to do with two major factors:

1) One's sense of self-worth and fulfillment
2) One's level of judgement and perspective through which they view life

These factors are constantly evolving, just as we are constantly evolving. That's why people change.

The rate of that evolution, however, is up to us. 

I don't know about you, but I can honestly say in my early relationships that my sense of self-worth and fulfillment weren't the strongest. And even if I didn't know how things 'should' be or feel, I was certain I knew how they 'shouldn't'. I was judgemental! Mostly in regards to my circumstances but I'd judge people's actions or behaviors, too. Specifically when they didn't align with what I thought was appropriate or  the 'right' way.

This left me feeling high-highs - getting my worth from someone other than myself - and low-lows - judging situations and people to the extent that I was never satisfied or truly fulfilled.

How drastically different my experiences would have been had I known what was actually happening! 

Flash forward to now. I've gained way more awareness of my actions and function from a much higher level of self-worth and moderately lower level of judgement [this will always be a work in progress].

Being at these different levels changes a lot of things - even reflecting on past relationships! I can now see a different picture and prominent pieces that I was blind to at the time. 

Feelings of love change because we change. When we move from a place of lack and feeling we need love from another person to a place of equilibrium where we can share love with another person, the way we experience life will shift.

And since no change happens in just one step, we'll be able to observe how we experience love differently every step of the way.

Day 34: Ingredients of a 'Sarah Story'

If you know me, there's a good chance at some point in our relationship you've heard me tell a story. And if you know me well you've likely been delighted with (or subjected to, depending on your perspective) a classic 'Sarah Story.'

What is a Sarah Story, you ask? It's a unique experience! It can be described very differently, depending on who you talk to. And, equally depending on the listener, one's level of enjoyment can vary - a lot.

I remember at my high school graduation I had to give a speech. What the heck am I going to talk about? How do I avoid falling into the trap of sounding cliche?! 

Simple, I use my signature story-telling style.

Such a style, when used to tell any story, will leave the listeners quickly asking, "huh?", "is there a point to this?" 

And then, just when they think they can't bear it anymore, the moral of the story comes into play! And that's where it all starts to make sense.

Components of a 'Sarah Story'

• Ambiguous content relevance
• Way too many details
• Humor you may not yet have acquired a taste for
• Heart-felt morals
• Drawn out journey told with enthusiasm

It wasn't until consciously breaking down the 'Sarah Story,' that I realized the uncanny parallel and symbolism it holds to life, in general.

We don't know what is coming next. We can find ourselves in circumstances and situations that we can't make sense of. 

And yet, we keep going. 

We endure. 

And when we are open to learning as we go - to hearing, say, the details of how a 'sometimes dumb middle school kid (who may or may not have been me) put herself in physical pain by eating too much at a family BBQ because she was following what her sisters were doing, rather than deciding what was right for herself' - we can pick up some very important, very relevant lessons for our own lives.

Day 33: Appreciation

I was at a friend's new apartment recently and he mentioned he has a glass that he just can't get clean. 

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because my hand doesn't fit inside so I can't reach the bottom, really."

"Why don't you just get a bottle brush, then? That way you can reach the bottom."

* * * * * * * * *

This conversation got me thinking . . .

Boy, am I thankful that I don't have that problem! Come to think of it, I've come across very few [kitchen] items that I can't squeeze my hand into in order to properly clean them . . .

uh-oh!

Just kidding!

I really appreciate the size of my hands.

They may not be able to hold as much as others but they can do a whole heck of a lot!

Sometimes it takes seeing the struggles of others to help us appreciate what we have and our own abilities.

When was the last time you took stock of the parts of yourself (physically or mentally) that help you everyday?

Day 32: Hairy Surprise

Over the past handful of years, I've gotten into the habit of waxing my armpits (rather than shaving). 

I can thank my sister for this, and our weird habit of copying one another in random areas.

I've grown quite fond of this method of hair removal due to it's many benefits. In my opinion, it's quicker and cleaner (I use wax strips - so no tiny hairs falling or wax dripping everywhere). It lasts much longer than shaving. And best of all, over time the hair starts to grow in softer and finer, making it much less noticeable!

This last point, however, comes at a price . . . 

Flashback to earlier this week

I was getting ready for bed and was in the bathroom, flossing and brushing my teeth and face. I looked in the mirror and a thought occurred to me, 'I think it's been a while since I waxed my pits...'

Curious, I lifted my arm and looked in the mirror.

WHOA!!! 

Apparently it HAD been a while since I'd waxed my pits. The hairs - as thin, soft, and sparse as they now were - were Really long. I don't think I've ever seen them at such a length before.

Another thought then entered my brain - my outfit of choice this morning . . .

'. . . I'm so glad I wore a sleeveless shirt today . . .'