Day 30: Loaded Question

This morning I was doing a guided meditation video and a thought came into my head. It was a memory of a time, years ago, when I went out with a guy I had been dating for a short while.

We started having a conversation about why we were all here and I shared that I believed we all have a purpose. Whether or not that purpose is ever fostered and carried out is another story, but each of us is important to the world at large and plays a role that no one else can.

Then I asked my date, "do you think that everyone has a purpose?"

He responded, "no, I don't think so."

I instantly started crying. 

It was like a smack in the face hearing that this person I was getting to know didn't share a foundational belief I held about humanity.

Talk about a loaded question! Poor, guy, he didn't know what to do - other than look panicked.

This memory has always stood out to me. It illustrates just how strongly I hold this particular belief and alludes to my core values. It demonstrates the perspective and default level/perspective/mindset I operate from.

There are also a lot of things that can be learned from it, such as:
-  specifics I'm looking for in a partner
-  the need to practice non-judgement [of others for having different beliefs]
-  the importance of unloading questions to help other participants better navigate topics that I hold dear
-  not placing expectations on others for what I want (now or in the future)

This last point of learning is the most prominent for me to remember. 

Throughout my life I've struggled greatly with feelings of disappointment, sadness, or hurt when the things I hoped for and expected didn't turn out the way I envisioned - or anticipated. This was a sure way for communication breakdowns, misunderstandings and a lot of unneeded friction.

It wasn't until after I went through coach training that I learned this was all happening because I was placing my expectations on things outside of myself. I can only control me - ever. I am in charge of the thoughts I think. I am in charge of the things I feel. And I am in charge of how I respond to the people and situations around me.

So, it would reason to think setting expectations for myself about how I want to think, feel and interpret outside information would make an impact into the amount of disappointment and judgement I experience.

Let me tell you, this is a big learning curve for me.
It's a concept I'm not even close to mastering.
But this is one mountain I'm determined to climb to the top!

Day 29: Sing! . . . Don't Sing

I haven't ever seen the animated movie Sing!, but much of the music from it keeps playing on my Encanto Pandora station.

Side note - I CANNOT wait for the news that Encanto will be turned into a Broadway show. I can picture it now and it is AMAZING! So many colors! So many flowy skirts to swing around!
Please, Musical Gods, make. this. happen.

So back to Sing! . . . I can't say I love hearing the songs - as just songs. As in, hearing them outside of the movie - that I still haven't seen.

Why, you ask??

Because from what I heard, Sing! is the celebrity version of KidzBop.

As much as I dislike hearing children singing pop songs filled with inappropriate content in their high angelic voices, I don't much care to hear celebrity covers either.

Both, to me, are jarring when you realize what the song is, but can't get the notion out of your head that it sounds so 'wrong'.

Call me judgemental, but . . . Yeah, go ahead and call me judgemental.

This is a topic where I've chose to place judgment. Why? Because it fills me with twisted delight. 

Because if you can't find the humor in life, are you really living?

Day 28: That's not mine

Hair is apparently the theme for the start of this week.

I used to have quite long hair. Now it's much shorter. 

But that doesn't explain this hair that I found . . .

It's either cat/dog/pet hair . . . or the thinnest porcupine quill I have ever seen . . . (and the softest and most flexible . . .)

I suppose there is a slim chance it may have come from my coat . . . 

But I don't know, the coloring just doesn't look right . . .

I guess this leaves me with one choice - a stake out! Naturally, the critter is coming into my apartment while I sleep and dropping singular hairs on the carpet. There's simply no other explanation . . .

Day 27: Hair New in Year 22

I got a pretty big chop this weekend. 

After running around with long strands that just hang there all the time - and annoy me when I'm trying to go to sleep - it was time to change things up.

I went to the salon an hour early - at their request.

Oh boy, it's getting real. I'm starting to feel a little nervous . . . 

"Sarah?" My stylist calls my name and waves me over to her chair. "What are we doing today?"

I tell her I want to cut my hair short and motion around chin length.

Her eyes get VERY big. She quickly recovers herself and follows up with, "..have you been thinking about this for a while?"

Now, I'm starting to feel the stomach jitters - "Do you think it will look bad?!"

"No, it's just such a drastic change. I wanted to make sure it was something you've been considering so you're not shocked."

"Oh. Yeah, I've been thinking about it for a while," I assured her. 

I debated if I should tell her that I'd been considering an even shorter haircut for a longer period of time, but I decided against it. She didn't need to hear about my baby steps thought process. Though that's exactly what this is, a baby step.

Once that got cleared up it was smooth sailing. 

As soon as I saw the length literally fall away from my head, I felt a smile spread across my face. Not that anyone could see it because I was wearing a mask, but still.

Doing what you want feels good. 

Day 26: Enjoy the transitions

My family is spread out across the country. So, if I travel domestically, it is almost always for the purpose of visiting someone I know. And even more specifically, dropping into their world as quickly as possible because 'time is finite and time together is even more limited.'

Sheesh, there's a limiting belief!  

Why is the idea that 'time is finite and time together is even more limited' a limiting belief? [Despite containing the same word]
Because it:
- inhibits my ability to experience life fully
- focuses on lack and scarcity
- prevents me from even considering that there might be other ways to view traveling to see family

I bring all of this up because, in my conscious investigation of where my thoughts actually come from, I discovered the even deeper rooted core belief of "you can't really enjoy a trip until you reach the destination."

I think this idea is something everyone can relate to. Have you ever heard the saying, "Life is about the journey, not the destination"?

Mostly likely you have.

But have you really, honestly believed that for your own life? 

Take ANY life category - work, health, relationships, etc. Have you ever fully bought in to the idea that the time, process, and learning that occurs as you're:
- working hard on that stressful project at your job
- building up that new fitness routine
- trying to find a good match for yourself through dating
or countless other examples, is MORE important than the achievement itself? 

Is the struggle to complete the project more valuable than a job well done?
Is the effort to create a new habit and lifestyle more valuable than the habitual routine and transformed physique?
Is the experience of meeting new people and being vulnerable more valuable than the established committed relationship?

That's tough to say, because it depends entirely on your perspective. There is no 'right way' to think about or approach life. But there is a way that works and feels best for all of us, individually.

For me, I think I'd like to work on some perspective shifts so I can enjoy the journeys and transitions I encounter in life more. Starting with something small, like the way I view traveling to visit family.

What if I gave myself permission to turn off autopilot so I could actually take in and, dare I say it - enjoy, the process of traveling to a different location?

It think a lot might change for me; experiencing way less stress, being the most obvious.

There's definitely value in practicing this - checking yourself and how you are perceiving the transitions in life. The good stuff isn't reserved only for accomplishments and destinations, it can be found everywhere.

Day 25: Focus on how you Want to feel

I had a coaching session with a client recently where we touched on the idea that each of us has the ability to decide how we feel. We discussed a situation in which my client was feeling not great. Then dissected it into the thoughts that accompanied the feeling, as well as the actions (or lack thereof), that resulted from it.

I recall having asked her "how do you want to feel?"

From there we explored what types of thoughts would likely cozy up to her desired feelings and, as a result of that combination, what potential actions or outcomes might be.

Reflecting back on this coaching call it took me a while to fully grasp the power of that question. In the moment, it seemed like the best question to ask. But the more I thought about it, after the fact, the more in awe I became.

There's a quote that goes something along the lines of "what you focus on expands." So it would make sense that if you are focusing on things that you don't like or don't want to feel, that you would feel them even more or for a longer period of time. Or, at the very least, you would have a much harder time identifying other options or feelings available to you in the moment.

If this is true, why not focus on what it is that you want rather than what you want to avoid? If focusing on the way you want to feel or the results you want to achieve, by its very nature, will help reveal the thoughts and emotions needed to get you there, why wouldn't you?! If what we focus on expands, why wouldn't we focus on the things we want?

Just something to consider. Should you feel compelled, maybe try it out for yourself. Next time you find yourself focusing on something you deem "bad,"challenge yourself to think about what would make the situation "good"? How does that change in perspective feel? What sort of thoughts accompany it?

Day 24: Affordable Housing

Dave Chappel said he wouldn't support a change to the original development plan he invested in to now include duplexes and townhomes for affordable housing. 

But did see the proposed VISION?!