Day 240: Feels Good to Feel Good

Man, it feels so good to feel good!

For the past few weeks months, I've been really struggling. 

Identifiable stress from work, fluctuating stress from a class I'm taking, and invisible stress from goals I have for myself have all been slowly - and silently - building and building. 

I found myself numbing. A lot. 

I enjoy edibles a few times a week, but things swiftly progressed to "let me just get a weed pen so I don't run out of gummies so fast."
. . . Because that's not telling for a person who leads a pretty darn health lifestyle.

Nope, it wasn't. I was completely oblivious to what was going on. 

The shift was so gradual - and too close to home to be objective - that I had no idea it was happening.

It took me canceling things I really enjoy - like my own coaching sessions with my coach, Audrey - to finally tap into my current reality.
I was not happy.

And, while there were certainly stressors outside of my own control, much of my suffering was self imposed. Largely, because I was avoiding being honest with myself.

About how I really felt.

About what I was actually thinking - which was fueling the feelings I was numbing.

About what I really wanted.

It quickly became a sticky cycle of avoidance and numbing, over and over.
By the time I was fully checked into my own self-awareness of what was really going on, I had depleted much of the energy I needed to help get myself out of it.

When we are stressed we experience catabolic energy.
The energy that breaks things down - rather than builds them up.
We can function at this energy level and soldier through whatever is in our path for only so long, and then - we burn out. And are left feeling depleted.

That was me.

I'd acknowledged what was going on with me.
I'd acknowledged what might be more helpful for me.
And yet, I was still left with an empty tank sitting in the same ditch as when I was oblivious of everything.

So I did the only thing one can do when finding oneself in that situation.

I chilled the freak out.

I took a break.
I gave myself a break.
I gave myself permission to not 'do' anything.

And then I focused on what felt good in the moment.
Going for a walk.
Writing in my journal (the second the thought fluttered by so I didn't miss it).
Reading.

And I slowly started to feel better.

For me, this was enough to finally sit down and get real with myself.
It was enough to generate the energy needed to be honest about the beliefs I had running through my head about the various factors stressing me out. And with this reality check, came the opportunity to start thinking about slightly different beliefs that felt better to me (emotionally and physically).

Let me tell you, thoughts are not to be overlooked or underplayed. 

They are POWERFUL.

And having thoughts and beliefs that facilitate a good feeling are game changers.

Right now, I'm feeling like myself again with my default of happiness and joy. And it feels AMAZING.

Are my stressors still at play? Some of them.

Will this good feeling last? I don't know, maybe.

What I do know, though, is that in the continuous cycles of life we have to take breaks.
We have to recharge.
And we have to look inward.

Happiness and ease are an inside job.
And that means we need to live life inside-out.

Focus on the inside to change what we experience on the outside.

Day 239: Observation Double Standard

I was taking a walk around the pond this morning and stopped to watch a Cardinal in a tree.

While observing him a question crossed my mind.
"Am I spying on a bird right now?"

I love observing the things around me and looking into windows (and through open doors), in particular. 

Others may find looking into other people's windows creepy, thus labeling me a 'creepy,' 'nosy,' or 'spying' (- I'd proudly take that last one).

But is it really any different than watching animals in nature?

I mean, I am looking into their homes (in some capacity).

I wasn't invited.

I'm not imposing.

I'm simply observing.

So why would observation be interpreted differently when it comes to people than it does for animals?

Just something to think about . . . 

I have a feeling it all comes down to intent.

What's the purpose of the observing?
Is it to cause harm to another?
Is it to seek out some sort of gain?
Is it to learn?
Or simply just to enjoyably pass the time?

It will probably depend on the person.

Day 238: Shadowy Figures

I saw this duo as I was walking home from checking out some Halloween decorations this weekend.

What do you see?

I see a duck and a pug looking up at the sky.
The pug is a little unstable, so it has its front paws on the duck for balance.

This vision was a good reminder that not everything is what it initially appears.
What in your life might benefit from a view from a different angle?

Day 237: They're Already There

Ooh, cryptic title - spooky.

I did a guided YouTube meditation this morning and the following message came to my mind:

"I don't need to come up with details - I just need to pick them out.
 They're already there."

If you're like me, you put a lot of undue pressure on yourself. 

Pressure to figure things out.
Pressure to do things perfectly.
Pressure to know the outcome before things have even started.

A classic psych-out move of mine is to think 'if I don't know all of the details about something, I won't know how to move forward with it.'

On occasion this may be true, but generally it's just a stalling tactic.

And I'm coming to find, it happens most often when I don't trust myself . . . which has been happening a lot lately . . .

The past few days of reflection have allowed me to make the connection (actually, in this very moment of writing) that my missing self-trust is directly tied to the amount of force I've been exerting.

If you read my post from Day 235, you'd remember that there are always periods in life where things slow down - and might stop entirely. As humans living in the modern world, this often feels counter-productive. Especially when trying to start something new.

So what do we do when things aren't moving on their own?
We try to force them.
We try to push through - until we get where we think we 'should be.'

The thing is - there is no place we 'should be,' there's just 'where we are.'

Every one of us has a unique path with unique twists and turns. Some benchmarks may resembles those outlined by society and others definitely will not. Some of the recognizable pit stops will happen at the 'right time' - the time western culture says they should, and some will not.

What I'm getting at is - everything that you experience, and the speed you experience it at, is right for YOU.

We look at those around us and see the movement they are making and yet we are often blind to our own progress.

It is in these moments when trusting ourselves is most important.

It is in these moments that we can use a reminder that we don't have to "come up" with anything - details, solutions, or whatever your word of choice is.

The things we need - the things we seek - are already there.

And if we allow them come to us . . . we get to just pick them out.

Day 236: Ownership

Part of growth is ownership.

Of our past experiences, present situations, thoughts, actions, and mindsets.

I think deep, conscious learning is not possible without taking ownership.
Acknowledging and understanding one's role in all things.

Taking ownership allows us to recognize the control we have [had] in all situations. As well as acknowledge the existence of choice - no matter how slim.

Easier said than done, but that's why it is a practice.
Ownership is a practice in self-awareness.
If we don't have self-awareness, we cannot take ownership of ourselves or actions.

Yet, ownership is only part of the equation when it comes to growing as a person.
With ownership also comes the need for responsibility.

I've seen this presented as the idea of response-ability. One's ability to respond differently going forward.

I resonate more with the idea of responsibility as the ability to take a new perspective to view things.
With a different perspective different responses are possible - and so is a greater sense of openness.

Openness to thoughts, opinions, and actions different than one's own.

With such openness we can hold space for differing views and feelings than our own, recognizing every person will experience the same situation in a different way.

With openness we can validate and learn from the experiences of others, without any pressure or compulsion to defend or convince of our own viewpoints.

With openness everyone has a right to be - just as they are.

And it all starts with the practice of taking ownership where it matters most - with ourselves.

Day 235: Falling Leaves Rest

Sometimes we've gotta fall so that we can recharge.

Just as leaves fall from the trees when winter comes, bringing with it rest,
So must we take periods of pause.

Growth comes in phases. And part of growth is rest.

 

Heart-shaped leaves. 

A reminder of love. 

We have to experience a fall at times

In order to grow later.

Day 234: Chasing a good life

'Chasing a good life' is the name of this fun filter thing.   

It's fun and enjoyable, but after a few minutes it starts to seem loud, obnoxious, and a bit repetitive. (Or maybe that's just me 👵)  

None of which represent a 'good life' - at least by my definition.  

So perhaps, rather than chasing a good life, we should strive to cultivate a good life, instead.   

One that gives us energy, excitement, motivation, peace and calm.  

Cultivation - or growth - takes time.
It also takes, nurturing, awareness, and intention.  

Want to live a 'good life' that lasts longer than a phase?   

Let's talk!!!  

Your inner daredevil will thank you - and so will your future self.