Day 228: 20 one-liners

My last class assignment - write 20 one-liner jokes.

1. I got into a little fender bender at the grocery store the other day.
    It was in aisle 4. . . and aisle 12 . . .

 

2. I find it weird when couples look like each other. They're probably thinking, "well, once we have a kid, no one will question if we're related anymore."

 

3. What do you say when an atheist sneezes?
    Nothing

 

4. Isn't it weird how flowers tend to give off more odor when they're dying?
    That's probably why old people start to smell.

 

5. Washing your hair is a sham - poo doesn't belong on your head!

 

6. I think hair must be pretty dumb, it never learns to do anything on it's own - even after years of conditioning!

 

7. People who talk a lot are generally pretty out-going, probably because no one wants them in-staying.

 

8. They say owning a pet is good practice for taking care of a child, but do you really need more practice if you already date straight men?

 

9. I've heard sex and cereal is a thing now- it's supposed to make for cheeri- Os

 

10. I walk into a friend's apartment and hear her telling someone, "I just don't like your personality. I don't think we should see each other anymore."
She was standing in front of a mirror.

 

11. I saw an ex-boyfriend a few days ago and am at a loss for the way to best describe him . . . petite?

 

12. My friend asked me if I liked her new earring, then she showed me her hand [ring with an ear on it]

 

13. I got asked out via FB messenger recently.
      I didn't expect it to be by a former classmate's mom...

 

14. Alarm clocks don't make sense to me, why would you want to feel frightened right when you wake up?

 

15. I do a moderate amount of apartment gardening, but the winter months make it harder. So when it's cold I just stick to growing leg hair.

 

16. Abortion - it's not as boring as it sounds!

 

17. Social media is like pink eye, bad for your eyes and contagious as hell

 

18. I've always loved Raisin Bran, but I feel like at this point - shouldn't Bran be able to take care of himself?

 

19. Therapy is like poop spray, it helps you feel better about all of your shit.

 

20. Bad dates are like sentences, the easiest way to end them is using your period.

Day 227: Church Coaching

For the better part of a year I've experienced a recurring call (can it still be considered a 'call' if it feels more like a tug?) to offer my coaching services to the church community I am a silent member of.

I've listened to many great homilies with deep hitting messages. And for some reason, the same question has continued to pop into my head after hearing every one of them.

"But, will people know how to break this goal down into small enough steps that they can actually get there?"

My heart's immediate response every time has been: "I can help with this!!"

My desire is to help others turn passionate and heartfelt, yet ambiguous, goals into reality by way of self-discovery and self-understanding.

It's my guess is that by the time most of us come to the end our lives on this earth, we'll have only uncovered a small percentage of what was possible for us.

Think about it. 

We were created by the same God that constructed the universe and the cosmos!
If that's who our maker is, then there's sure as heck more to each and every one of us than meets the eye.

So what keeps us from exploring all that we are?

I can only speak for myself, but my top reasons boil down to:

1. Lack of exposure: I didn't even learn what life coaching or self-discovery were until I was well into early adulthood
2. Lack of direction/guidance: I had no idea how to break down goals into small achievable steps or how to overcome challenging obstacles and setbacks in ways that work specifically for me

We are all going through this life together, even when it doesn't feel like it. 

 

When we take the time to discover and light our own path, we create light for others as well. Thus, improving life not only for ourselves, but all those around us.

It doesn't matter if you are 'religious' or not, go to church or not, follow certain teachings or subscribe to various labels. 

 

Coaching brings you closer to yourself, which in turn connects you much more to everything else.

Don't believe me? Try out a few sessions and prove me wrong - I DARE YOU!

 

Here's the booking link: Sarahpie Coaching Free Consultation

Day 226: Fender Bender

I got into a little fender bender at the grocery store the other day.
It was in aisle 10.

This was not the cart I hit (the first or the second!), but I did think it was kind of odd and a bit inconsiderate to abandon one's cart in the literal middle of the aisle. So I decided to document.

Day 225: Showing Up

If you're like me having big goals is great, but they can also be pretty intimidating.

Especially when things don't go as expected (as expectations have a way of turning great opportunities into disappointments).

What I've found (and continually find myself 'rediscovering' over and over) is that there are always much smaller goals in place before the big one can be accomplished.

Often these smaller goals are disguised as tasks or actions - the building blocks of progress.

And, when viewed as tasks rather than goals, it is way too easy to become overwhelmed with stress.

Why?

Because the learning, knowledge, and information that can be gained from these 'tasks' or 'actions' is overlooked. And when this happens, when we aren't actively learning from what's going on around us, we will eventually find ourselves in a bit of a slump. Feeling stuck, lost, stressed, pressured, and wondering where the fire and excitement we used to have for the goal has gone.

This is a crummy place to be.
I'm finally starting to come out of my own brief stay here.

The thing that helped me flip the switch and remove stress and pressure was zeroing back in on the smaller goals. And not just the tasks themselves, but WHY I am doing the tasks.

For example - taking a standup comedy class. The real reason I did it was to learn. To learn writing skills and delivery techniques for a more engaging presentation.

The class wasn't started in order to become a comedy star or to 'be the best.'
It was simply to learn.

To learn basics.

To build up my life toolbox so that I can practice manipulating skills and techniques in new and different ways than I could before.

It's about collecting data - seeing what I like and what I don't like, what I enjoy most and what I enjoy least.

It's not about perfection and it's not about achievement (as much as Hazey would have me believe otherwise).

It's about learning, plain and simple.

And the only guaranteed way to learn is to show up.

It's the very first step possible.
It holds no expectations or agendas.
But from it, anything is possible.

The first goal is showing up.

Let's start there.

Day 224: Giant Steps are Stressful

I've been experiencing a stress streak, lately.

It started out so subtly, at first, I didn't even realize it was there - and growing.

It took recognizing that I was now baking on a nightly basis - and had been for weeks - to finally question myself:

'...oh, this isn't a good routine to be creating. . . . what's really going on??'

The short answer was avoidance. 

Avoidance of what I was feeling - or afraid of feeling.

Avoidance of what I was thinking - or afraid of thinking.

I had big goals I was supposed to be working towards - establishing myself as an engaging and dynamic public speaker and an impactful coach - and Hazey made sure I didn't forget.

Unfortunately, the reminders I received were only for the ultimate end goal. A goal that can't be achieved at this immediate point in time. Rather than for the small goals I had originally set for myself a few months ago.

Therein lies the problem. And the root of my avoidance - fear of failure.

I was operating under the mindset that the first step is a giant one and had to be done perfectly. That I needed to know how to do everything right now. And I also needed to be a fortune teller to know in advance how everything would turn out.

I don't.

I just need to break things down more.
Break my goals down into much smaller pieces.
Starting with the first step.

"Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives."

Daytime American soap opera, Days of Our Lives, knows what's up!

 

Break everything down into tiny pieces - like grains of sand.

It becomes much easier for things to move that way.

And such movement starts with an equally small act.

Showing up.

Nothing more. Nothing less.

We just need to show up and be present in whatever place or task is happening.
We don't need to do anything. 
That comes later.

Then, after we show up, we can take the next tiny step. And the steps will continue to build off of one another. Sometimes progressing way faster than we anticipate, other times moving much slower than we would have liked.

Regardless of the speed, as long as we show up, there will always be movement.
And it is through movement that we shrink stress, avoidance, and fear.

Day 223: New Ringtone

Isn't it interesting that something as seemingly ordinary as a sound can make all the difference in how you interpret something?

It can be the difference between dread and delight.

Ok, so, say I had a really obnoxious ringtone during the time I was dating my last boyfriend and now when I hear my phone ring I get a sense of dread. Can I get rid of that by changing my ringtone?

Yes!

Obviously (or maybe not so obvious), it's not the sound that is causing the dread, but rather the thought associated with the sound.

Changing the sound allows you to access a different perspective and build new associations to phone calls so that no matter the ringtone, you can feel relaxed and delighted.

Anything can be viewed as a dreaded phone call:
- feedback on a project
- interacting with strangers
- stretching
- etc

and conversely,

anything can be viewed as a relaxing and delightful phone call:
- learning something new
- meeting someone new
- stretching
- etc

Next time you experience feelings of dread or upset,
why not try out a new ringtone and try on a different perspective?

Day 222: Perspective Beauty

 

What if disappointments and mistakes are actually an important part of something beautiful?

While I'm sure in nature leaves with holes are a sign of disease, to my beholding eye they look like beautiful, nature-made lace.

What beauty might come into view with a bit of a perspective shift?