Day 41: The Humble Boast

If you're anything like me, it can feel awkward at times talking about your strengths and achievements. 

My upbringing and religion taught - don't brag or boast, be humble. As if, in order to be humble, you couldn't bring attention to your own achievements or successes . . . because that would be boasting or bragging . . .? Though what constituted as such was never specified.

Let's see what those words actually mean. Collin's Dictionary differentiates between the two:

boast1, merely suggests pride or satisfaction, as in one's deeds or abilities [you may well boast of your efficiency]; brag suggests greater ostentation and overstatement [he bragged of what he would do in the race]

It's important to acknowledge and appreciate what you've done, achieved, endured, and/or survived in life. In doing so one builds self-worth, esteem, resiliency and stamina for the future. Thus, it seems, it may not only be important to boast, but imperative.

It tracks your growth.

It tracks your skills.

It tracks your inherent gifts and talents.

Our society sends the message that it's not ok to relish in awe or pride for ourselves and what we've experienced. You can celebrate, but not for too long. 

I call that garbage!

On the contrary, it is important for us to do this. We are stinking AWESOME! Life is hard enough without putting ourselves down or downplaying our accomplishments. They matter and are a big deal!

Acknowledge them.

Because once you allow yourself to acknowledge and believe in the greatness you are, guess what happens? Your view of yourself starts to shift - for the better. And when that happens, the obstacles that used to stand in your way slowly start to disappear. 

At this point, you've upgraded your climbing gear, my friend, and those mountains that used to loom over you now look more like molehills.

So keep your boasting boots handy.

Take time to celebrate yourself, your efforts, your achievements. 

The time spent appreciating yourself will help you to see yourself more as those who love you most do. In addition, it will help you better to see the success and greatness of those around you.

Day 40: There was an old lady who swallowed a fly

The truth about the old lady who swallowed a fly.

First of all, the old lady wasn't that old - she was in her thirties. Which, perhaps in the time that she lived was considered old . . .

But that's not the main point here. The main point is the fly. And, more importantly, how she swallowed the fly.

The old lady, let's call her . . . Sarah, was preparing her breakfast for the day. She had leftover coffee from the day before that she pulled out of the fridge. There were two containers. One was the coffee cup, with leftover coffee. The other, was a jar of black coffee waiting to be dressed with milk and potentially sugar.

When she set her coffees on the counter she looked inside the cup to see how much was there. And what she saw surprised her. Stuck to the side of the coffee cup wall was a tiny fly! It looked somehow flattened and stuck to the cup. It was inches above the coffee below. 

 

"You don't belong here!" said Sarah to the Dead fly. 

 

So she stuck her finger in the cup to scoop the fly out. But when she did that, the fly fell into the coffee! She desperately scanned the surface of the liquid trying to find the fly, but it was no longer visible.

"Oh no, what am I going to do?! I don't want to drink a fly!"

"Maybe I can stir up the coffee and it'll come back to the top...." 

 

Sarah tried that. It didn't work.

"Or maybe it will get stuck to the bottom of the cup and I'll find it once I finish my coffee!" Sarah thought hopefully.

Regardless of the outcome, drinking the coffee was going to be a big risk.

"The fly wasn't that big . . .," Sarah thought to herself justifying the action she knew was about to take place.

 

She slowly took a sip from her newly dressed coffee, diligently searching in the cup for any sign of the tiny fly.

 

Whew, first sip and no fly!

 

This continued for a while until she ran out of time before work. Cautiously sipping of coffee took more time than she ever imagined!

 

Did Sarah end up swallowing the fly? We may never know. But if she dies suddenly, we'll have a pretty good idea what happened...

Day 39: Understanding Satan

. . . sometimes I hear things incorrectly . . . 

Day 38: Can I get the definition, please?

Growing up I loved words. Word games like Boggle, Scrabble or Scatergories were popular at my house. And I can't tell you how many times at the dinner table my sister, mom and I would crack open the dictionary to a random page and have each other guess what the selected new-to-us word meant. It was great fun!

Knowing this, I can't help but chuckle to myself when I realize a key concept of coaching is found in definitions. 

Definitions are HUGE. Not so much in the sense of knowing the correct meaning of a word, but rather knowing what the word means to you. 

What?! Am I saying that different people can have different definitions for the same word? YES!

These personal definitions are developed largely through past experiences or things a person was taught, picked up or observed at a young age.

I'll give you an example. The word is: ROADTRIP

What does that mean to you?

To mean, a Roadtrip is a long car ride that spans over several days in which one stops at places of interest along the route before reaching the final destination which is somewhere in nature (i.e. not a city or metropolitan area).

I only just recently learned of the specifics I had subconsciously attached to this idea of a Roadtrip.
 

'so ...why can't it be a destination to anywhere that requires a long car ride...?'

It can be! 

And that's the best part about learning your own definitions for things. Once you know what they are, you get to decide if you want to keep them as they are or change the definitions to better suit the person you are in the present (and better support what you want for the future).

Let's be real - my definition of Roadtrip came from childhood and  I have definitely grown and changed a lot as a person since I was an adolescent youth.

If my body and mind can change over time, it only seems fitting that my definitions for things should change as well.

Day 37: Compliments

 

 

When was the last time you gave someone a compliment? What was it about?

It seems the most common complements are made on appearances, skills, or achievements. On external things a person does or has. 

Much less is the case of complimenting a person on their state of being, on what makes them 'them,' and is appreciated.

But what if that was the norm? How different would our world be?

I think it would be quite different. Think about it, giving people outside reinforcement for being themselves. No pressure to compare or change who they are or how they act in order to feel praise. Leading to greater expression and exploration of one's interests, likes, wants, and needs.

Wow.

What a world, indeed.

I'm going to try my best to intentionally dole out meaningments here and complifuls there. Because . . .

Compliments + Meaning = long-lasting memories (and the feels to go with it)

 

Day 36: Valentine Heart

 

This one feels vulnerable sharing, for some reason. Perhaps it's partly because I see it as a 'real poem' or at least a piece of one. And partly because of my lived experience that it's rooted from (which I'm still trying to understand).

How many times have you felt vulnerable sharing something with others, but did it anyway?

. . . what about sharing with yourself?

 

Day 35: Love's Many Forms

As I was waking up one morning the idea that I will continuously experience love differently, came to me.

This was a really interesting thought and gave me pause. 

Does this mean, that there is no blueprint for how love is supposed to feel and look??
Will the experience take a new route requiring new navigation tools EVERY time?!

I think the answer is yes, and here's why. In every stage and phase of life, love will take a somewhat new form and feeling. At every new stage you arrive and every new phase you enter, growth has occurred to get you there.
This has a lot to do with two major factors:

1) One's sense of self-worth and fulfillment
2) One's level of judgement and perspective through which they view life

These factors are constantly evolving, just as we are constantly evolving. That's why people change.

The rate of that evolution, however, is up to us. 

I don't know about you, but I can honestly say in my early relationships that my sense of self-worth and fulfillment weren't the strongest. And even if I didn't know how things 'should' be or feel, I was certain I knew how they 'shouldn't'. I was judgemental! Mostly in regards to my circumstances but I'd judge people's actions or behaviors, too. Specifically when they didn't align with what I thought was appropriate or  the 'right' way.

This left me feeling high-highs - getting my worth from someone other than myself - and low-lows - judging situations and people to the extent that I was never satisfied or truly fulfilled.

How drastically different my experiences would have been had I known what was actually happening! 

Flash forward to now. I've gained way more awareness of my actions and function from a much higher level of self-worth and moderately lower level of judgement [this will always be a work in progress].

Being at these different levels changes a lot of things - even reflecting on past relationships! I can now see a different picture and prominent pieces that I was blind to at the time. 

Feelings of love change because we change. When we move from a place of lack and feeling we need love from another person to a place of equilibrium where we can share love with another person, the way we experience life will shift.

And since no change happens in just one step, we'll be able to observe how we experience love differently every step of the way.