Saturday, December 31, 2022
Friday, December 30, 2022
Day 315: More Lessons of the Season
Lesson 1: "If you lie, you'll go to prison."
This nugget was born from a sister-discussion, overheard by a niece, about Aunt Becky [from Full House] going to prison for lying to get her kids into a good college.
Lesson 2: If kids give you sass, give it right back
Thursday, December 29, 2022
Day 314: Pi(e) [π] Day
In honor of my 314th post I present my (self-appointed) gang sign.
That's a play on pi, 3.14, for all of the non-math nerds.
300 posts is a lot to go through in order to confirm or deny it.
And if this is the first time - allow your eyes to feast and savor! 😋
Wednesday, December 28, 2022
Day 313: Anticipating
Tuesday, December 27, 2022
Day 312: JC's Picture
Monday, December 26, 2022
Day 311: Silence
Silence is golden - or so they say (don't ask me who 'they' are).
- In a life with small children, silence may seem like a great gift and blessing.
- In a life with adults, silence may seem judgemental or invalidating.
Sunday, December 25, 2022
Day 310: Christmas Magic
For years now, I've had an inside joke with my sisters about "Christmas magic."
Essentially, this is just playing up the 'magic of Christmas' theme and attributing anything and everything that works out or falls into place as:
"Christ-mas Mag-ic."
Complete with finger wiggles.
I made a demonstrative video of such magical wiggles several years ago.
You should most definitely take a look - and read - HERE.
As I re-read thoughts from my much earlier post it seemed a fitting reminder for this time of year.
Christmas - for the majority of Christians, is a celebration of the birth of Christ. A time of rejoicing, appreciation, thanksgiving, salvation.
And for anyone living during this time of year (or anytime), it's a time of reflection and, ultimately, choice.
Choice in how we move forward, live our lives, think, interact with others - choice in everything.
It's easy to forget that we have such choice.
Especially, in circumstances where none of the choices presented are favorable.
But we do.
We always have choice - even when we don't like it.
And every time we make a choice, we uncover new options available to us.
In this Christmas season and close of the calendar year, I'd like to offer a recommendation.
Choose Yourself.
Exercise your power of choice.
Make decisions based on the things you want and care about rather than the things you fear or are trying to avoid.
Use your voice.
Practice sharing what you really mean and feel.
Listen openly.
Listen to hear, listen to understand - not to respond.
Strive to make the world a better place.
When we make choices through a lens of love and opportunity we will carry the magic of Christmas (an dare I say, humanity?!) all year long.
Saturday, December 24, 2022
Day 309: Cats for sale
- especially eye and nose crusties!
and there's plenty to go around!
Friday, December 23, 2022
Day 308: Getting Up
Sometimes getting up in the morning can be tough.
Thursday, December 22, 2022
Day 307: Lessons of the Season
Wednesday, December 21, 2022
Day 306: Failure is not a Reflection
Often in life we take on different endeavors, giving them our 'all,' only to be met with defeat. Only to fail.
Or so it may seem . . .
If things don't work out when you try them, it's isn't a reflection of YOU.
It's an indication that there is missing [needed] information.
When I think of my own experience with confusing this notion, I think about my writing. I had my last coaching session of the year last week and this was a topic we touched on.
I said I wanted to find a way to ensure that I am connecting with the people I desire to reach - and was immediately asked how I could tell if I was or not.
Then, reality struck.
Did I have any metrics in place to know/measure who is actually reading my work? The answer was, 'no.'
Because of this I felt like I was failing, when I really had no proof.
This way of thinking is like saying I failed at making a shirt when I was missing some of the pattern pieces. If I don't have all of the pieces needed, I can't possibly make the intended shirt.
I didn't fail - I needed more materials [information].
The same can be said for life.
We aren't failing when something doesn't turn out how we planned. We often just are missing some piece that we didn't know we needed.
It's up to us, upon discovering this missing information, to decide if we want to seek it out or if we want to change course and pivot in a different direction.
Both are fine options.
Both are valid options.
The only unhelpful option would be to deliberately not learn anything from the situation. To complain and continue on in the exact same manner, expecting different results.
Failure is not a reflection of You. It's a message of what else is needed.
Tuesday, December 20, 2022
Day 305: Holiday Sweater
Riding on the coat tails of yesterday, I present to you -
the gift that keeps on giving:
My homemade holiday sweater!
It certainly fills me with happiness and joy . . .
and here's hoping for a sprinkle of holiness!
Because nothing says 'relief', 'freedom', or 'holy'
quite like stick figures flashing their festive undies!
Monday, December 19, 2022
Day 304: Gifting Your Gifts
In the holiday season of the western world, gift giving is a staple.
Consumerism is at the forefront and buying things for the people in our lives is top of mind. It's 'what you do' during the holidays.
Sure, there is an aspect of appreciation, generosity, love and compassion that comes out in different ways. But, front and center are always GIFTS.
I was skimming a Susie Moore email that came through my inbox and one of her nuggets managed to catch my fast scanning eye:
"Gifts you stop using (writing, teaching, designing, photography the list goes on…) will make you feel miserable over time. Your skills exist to be used and to bring joy to everyone who encounters them! What can you pick back up - just for you?"
I fully believe this sentiment, which is probably why it jumped out at me.
We all have inherent skills and talents for a reason.
And that Reason can actually be broken down into smaller pieces.
1) To provide happiness and meaning for oneself
2) To share and magnify this happiness and meaning with others
By definition (Merriam-Webster's, that is), a Holiday is
- a period of exemption or relief
- a holy day
- a day on which one is exempt from work.
And a Gift is
- the act, right, or power of giving
- a notable capacity, talent, or endowment
- [something] voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation
If we were to combine these meanings, we might get something that reads loosely along the lines of:
"Voluntarily giving a notable talent to others as a means of experiencing relief, freedom [of duty], and holiness."
I don't know about you, but I've never thought about Holiday Gifts this way before. . .
So, in the spirit of the holidays - and this new interpretation - why not explore what it means to give the gift of 'you'? The things that are unique about you?
The things you enjoy, are drawn to, and captivated by - what would it be like to share them [more] with others?
What would it be like to share them [more] with yourself?
Sunday, December 18, 2022
Day 303: You're Interesting
Have you ever met someone new and thought, 'Wow, what an interesting life they've had!' or 'What an interesting person they are!'?
It's so easy to think about others and their different experiences and be in awe.
It's much harder, or so it seems to me, to have the same experience when thinking of oneself.
We all live different lives.
Some have a lot of variety.
Some contain a lot of similarities.
All are rich with experiences.
And to those who have not had the same (or even similar) experiences, the lives of others can sometimes take on an air of elevated appeal [or harsh criticism].
We compare and contrast to our own lived experience.
We attempt to relate.
And when we can't, we can enter into a veiled lens of lack or judgement.
"I wish my life was that impressive."
"I wish I had a lot of different experiences like that."
"I wish I [insert any relevant comparative change here]."
"I'd never want to experience that!"
"Why would anyone ever want a life filled with [insert topic of criticism here]".
But we don't have to look through the Lack Lens of judgment.
In fact, some of us don't (at least not routinely).
Because we always have at LEAST one other option available to us.
I'd venture to say we always have at least TWO other options available to us at all times.
Neutrality - seeing the differences in life experiences between yourself and others, as simply that.
And Aspiration - seeing the differences in life experiences between yourself and others and recognizing a want or desire for yourself.
Lack and Aspiration are two sides of the same coin.
Neutrality is what binds them.
We experience lack when we allow unchecked judgement. We see/hear/learn about something that we desire, but are unable to register the aspiration because our judgement is telling us that we can never have it.
We experience aspiration when we see/hear/learn about something that we desire, and are able to register the aspiration because judgement is absent. We are purely tapped into our state of interest and whatever makes us lean in and listen up.
So what do Lack and Aspiration have to do with how interesting we find ourselves?
Everything.
If we have an experience in which we worked towards an aspiration, we are most likely going to view that as pretty cool and interesting.
If we have an experience in which we judge our situation or others for the meaning we aren't finding, then we're more inclined to look down on our experiences.
And then there's the In-Between.
Because nothing in life is 100% binary.
Things are not always black or white, yes or no, right or wrong.
The In-Between is where I have found myself caught for years. Downplaying accomplishments and normalizing successes.
Why?
Because in the In-Between we haven't completed our internal assessment of life experiences. We haven't consciously explored and acknowledged what we have really learned and gained from them.
The In-Between is the staircase between movement and stagnancy.
We can only move up the steps when we are able to acknowledge, embrace, learn from, and genuinely appreciate each experience we have.
By the very virtue of being a living, breathing human you will experience life in a way that is unique to you. This is the sole prerequisite to claiming the title of 'interesting.'
Who knew it was as easy as experiencing life just as we are?!
The struggle comes in seeing ourselves - and experiences - objectively and without judgement.
Saturday, December 17, 2022
Day 302: American Dream
I used to think that the American Dream was more of a pipe dream.
Something that was nice to imagine, but virtually impossible to achieve - at least for most people.
Perhaps part of why I had a hard time buying into the idea was because I'm not particularly patriotic. And my reality certainly isn't dream-like.
But then I realized, I barely even allowed myself to dream.
To dream a dream the size of an American Dream.
Never allowed myself to dream a dream of my wildest dreams.
Because I didn't know what that was.
Because I didn't know who I was.
Thinking about it now, I have a very different perspective.
I still fully believe that the 'American Dream achievement plan' that has been seared into my brain since childhood of being 'self-made' and 'pulling yourself up by the bootstraps [without help from anyone]' is not a viable plan for more than a sliver of the population.
So, yes, if using that approach, the American Dream for many folks is impossible. It is a pipe dream.
However -
If you change your approach you will always change your outcome.
These days, I believe the American Dream really can be achieved by everyone. But they have to find the route that works best to get there.
And, perhaps even more importantly, they need to be clear on where 'there' is - for them.
Everyone's dream is different.
Everyone's dream is valid.
Everyone's dream is possible.
When we pair knowledge of self and what tugs at our heart with knowledge of the thoughts and approaches that feel and work best, nothing can keep us from what we find truly important.
Friday, December 16, 2022
Day 301: Why Are You Yelling?
Remember those slumber parties as a child where you were having so much fun that you didn't even realize you were yelling until your friend's mom came in three plus times to tell you to be quieter?
Imagine if that happened every time you were
around a person you really liked a lot - as an adult.
Thursday, December 15, 2022
Day 300: Tamagotchi Bodies
"Wow, it's so crazy that I'm in charge of taking care of this body
- and it has to last me my whole life!
Who let me have that responsibility?!"
I remember exactly when my friend, Elsa, shared these thoughts.
Well - more or less, when - I know it was some time between 2013 - 2016.
And, ok, those might not have been her exact words, but they capture the same sentiment.
This sentiment was one I had never before encountered. So, naturally, it really stood out to me.
Sure, we have bodies and we are living, breathing, things. But the connection had never really been made that part of this living was taking care of the vessel that carries us around. Taking care of our bodies.
Immediately, Giga Pets and Tamagotchis came into mind (the virtual pet toys that were all the rage during my elementary and middle school years).
It's pretty much the same concept, if you think about it.
During those preteen years, I witnessed many friends relish the ability to raise and care for these fake pets on an itty-bitty screen. (I never had one.)
[Annoying alert sounds] "Oh, it's hungry! Time to feed him!!"
It was a drop-everything-you're-doing-or-else sort of infatuation.
Because if you didn't, it could end up in death - of your Tamagotchi/Giga Pet.
I feel like we could do well to think of ourselves, our bodies, the very things that allow us to sustain life, the same way.
If we don't stop what we are doing to take care of ourselves, we will die.
Albeit, slowly, but still.
I also think of real, living pets. Say, a dog, for instance.
Most pet owners wouldn't get a dog and then only feed it garbage.
They wouldn't get a dog and then never take it outside to play or go on walks.
Most pet owners wouldn't get a dog and then neglect it when they saw signs of pain, limping, sickness or other things out of the ordinary.
And yet, as humans, we do this to ourselves all of the time.
I think it's easy to forget that we also are animals that need caring for.
The only difference is, we're providing that care for ourselves.
Regardless of where it's coming from, the importance and need remains the same; just as when we were babies and others cared for us. Over time, we were unceremoniously (and often invisibly) passed the torch to carry on this same care for ourselves.
Because we are now able to do so.
But we often don't.
The baby is crying, the dog is barfing, the tamigotchi or giga pet is hungry.
We take note. We stand at attention. We do what needs to be done.
I'm crying, I feel sick or 'off,' I'm hungry (likely in more than just a physical aspect).
We often feel the need to put off our own care, seeing other things or other people as higher priorities.
Here's the thing - we can't live if we're not alive.
And we can't come alive if we aren't nurtured.
We CAN experience fulfillment and delight, just as our pre-teen-hearted selves did when caring for our electronic pets in their tiny screen homes.
We CAN experience ourselves as happy and thriving - and doing cute things that melt our own hearts, as if we, too, lived in a Tamagotchi world.
This and more is possible - and it starts and ends with us.
What in your world is needing your own attention?
Perhaps it's time to give yourself the nurturing you need and deserve.
Wednesday, December 14, 2022
Day 299: Bread Delivery?
I see this vehicle almost every morning.
When I get up early enough, that is.
At first it seemed a bit suspicious.
Why is this man just hanging out in the back ally, lurking around his car in the early morning?
It took many dawn sightings before I finally saw some action.
And it wasn't the dog walking kind, if you know what I mean...
It was an interaction with an old woman.
She slowly made her way down the alley, empty tote bag in hand.
Then she'd hold it open, upon reaching the back of the car, and the man would put several loaves of bread inside.
In a handful of observations, I spotted the money transfer only a time or two.
And while it all looked pretty innocent, I still haven't ruled out the possibility that it's actually a very good cover for some sort of covert, black-market, bread ring . . .
Tuesday, December 13, 2022
Day 298: What A Hickey Taught Me
"I don't do some of the things I want because I'm
worried about someone seeing and commenting on it."
That sounds like a reasonable thought, given the title.
The funny thing is, that statement wasn't in reference to a hickey at all!
It was about a jacket.
My crew neck leopard print jacket.
I've had it for years and hardly ever wear it.
I like it.
I like the idea of it.
But it doesn't match the false identity I bind myself to, in my head.
- So I fear it.
What's the identity?
Low maintenance, laid back, effortless - (imagined in the most appealing way, though the reality really is that I put in no effort).
'And leopard print is the kind of thing worn by someone who wants to be seen.'
I was just starting to get comfortable with ME seeing me.
So I didn't wear a jacket that I liked.
"Wow, I'm not doing something that I like - because I'm imagining that someone else will . . . what?"
I had never played the scenario out to the end.
There was nothing specific to be feared or tried to avoid.
There was nothing negative.
My fear isn't of someone commenting on my jacket choice.
It's of them noticing it.
My fear is of being seen.
Ugh. It was great to uncover that nugget, but - come on!- how long is it going to take until I get to the bottom of this whole "fear of being seen" thing??!?
If you couldn't guess, this is a recurring pattern I've discovered.
And it stands in the way of me and pretty much everything I want to accomplish in life.
That sounds super dramatic. But it is true.
And, not in a complaining, "life is so unfair," kind of way.
More in a "I really want to get going with all of the dreams, goals and ideas I have and it's going to be so great when I am doing them - and feeling so at ease!" kind of way.
I want it now!
But, I'm also a bit scared at the idea of my life being as great as I imagine.
That's where the fear is really coming from.
The fear of not being able to do it -
because I've never never given up on something.
I've always taken "no" for an answer.
And to do things different from the ways I'm familiar - is scary!
It's scary to challenge my beliefs and the ways they limit me;
To be consciously aware of the thoughts that pass in my head.
It's scary to decipher that if I really believed the message of the opening quote -
I would never be able to live.
Not really.
Not fully.
I don't want to live a restricted and happiness-limiting life.
So I'm going to learn how to live the opposite.
Starting with a leopard print jacket.
And also starting with selfies - because they also make me uncomfortable.
Monday, December 12, 2022
Day 297: Embracing Embarrassment
Everyone has experienced embarrassment.
Whether it was something they did or a situation they experienced.
Feeling embarrassed doesn't feel good - physically or mentally.
If you're anything like me, you literally feel more uptight or rigid and you have trouble concentrating on anything else (like the things you actually need to focus on!).
When I feel embarrassed, it's a near guarantee my energy will tank and I'll start imagining all sorts of unwanted attention from others in my head.
Notice I said imagining.
The things we imagine others will think, say, or do (about anything) are simply that - imaginings.
Made up scenarios that aren't real.
Even if we do perceive a real life experience to be every bit as mortifying as what we conjured in our heads, more often than not it's due to how we are interpreting it rather than how things were intended.
That's because we are looking for something specific.
We are looking for proof.
But not the objective kind that we can learn from.
We're looking for the subjective proof that is biased and unkind and feeds on our insecurities.
So, we can go that route and be miserable or we can make another choice.
When presented with the same set of options the other night, I decided to go with the latter and take action on the things I could control.
My recent embarrassing experience may or may not have involved needing to cover up a particular area of the body due to some unintentional and unsightly markings.
Knowing that I don't have the current skills, supplies, or interest to learn how to master the magic of makeup coverup, I focused on my next available option.
Turtlenecks.
I owned a total of 2.
Last time I checked there were more than two days in a work week.
I needed to get more.
So I did!
And I still felt stressed out.
Then I identified what else was within my control - the exact outfit I would wear.
Tomorrow.
And the day after that.
And after that.
I planned out a whole week's worth of outfits and dare I say it - I had fun doing it?!
Once I had finished, something was strange.
Was I feeling . . . confident?! At least a little?
I was.
The next morning I shared my ordeal with my sister, who responded exactly as was needed:
It's just like Brene Brown says about keeping things to yourself, keeping secrets. The only way to be free from embarrassment and shame - is to share it.
It releases it's power and allows you to be what you've always been -
Human.
So, did I go to work feeling confident and care free?
Absolutely not!
But I did feel a LOT better about things that I did the night before.
And that was a good enough win for me!
Sunday, December 11, 2022
Day 296: I Bleed Eggyolk
And it gets all over everything - like my training manuals.
Ugh.
It's just not the same as Spider Man spraying webs . . .
Or Sarah and Sonia donating blood . . .
Yeah, we may pretend (when we're together and in private) that we can donate blood like Spider Man sprays webs . . . that's not weird.
Saturday, December 10, 2022
Day 295: Dare To Believe
I rediscovered this poem in one of my iPEC coach training manuals.
I think we can all use this reminder once in a while.
Enjoy.
***********************
Friday, December 9, 2022
Day 294: Phone it in
I feel like there's a very subtle line between flakiness and doing what you need to take care of yourself.
I caught a glimpse of an article title that I think was called, "We Don't Know How To Phone It In." The blurb below indicating this was a quote from a band member of the Foo Fighters.
It immediately resonated with me.
This is definitely something I struggle with and am trying to improve at.
Though, I suppose I should specify that to me, 'phoning it in,' means pulling back, allowing imperfection, and being ok with shifting your priorities.
*Full disclosure - I didn't actually read the article, so the intended meaning could have been entirely different. But interpretation is an individual thing, so I'll continue!
Phoning it in is important - though my initial understanding of it came with a negative connotation.
It can be seen as a negative thing when phoning it in means you won't meet someone else's expectations (or your own).
But it can be seen as a positive thing when phoning it in means you recognize your own needs.
This is where I think the struggle really lies.
It's not about breaking your word or not following through.
It's about having a clear sense of your bandwidth and what you realistically can do given the energy you're working with.
How many times have you over committed to things?
I know I have.
And how many times have you felt bad because you had to break plans or your work suffered or you couldn't be fully present with the people you care about?
This happens to a LOT of people.
And believe it or not, it doesn't mean anything about the type of person that they are. It just shows that they are struggling to identify and prioritize their own needs.
So yeah, I would agree with the former 1/6 of the Foo Fighters - we don't know how.
But this doesn't mean we can't learn.
I feel compelled to go into how one would learn to 'phone it in' - or rather - avoid phoning it in by identifying and then prioritizing their own needs. But I think I'll save that for a different day.
In the meantime, maybe this will be of interest.
Or this.
Or possibly even this.
Thursday, December 8, 2022
Day 293: Look for the proof
Transformations take time.
Change takes time.
And sometimes, it's easy to miss it entirely. Going completely unaware to the shifts that are taking root.
Take my beloved - yet elusive - beaver at North Pond.
I've seen it's art over the past few months, but I didn't think it had been further improved upon.
I made the assumption that things were exactly the same from when I first noticed them.
But this morning, something made me pause to check.
"Is that tree looking even more whittled down than last time I was here??"
Believe it or not I'd been absent for at least a week.
Then I went through the whole back and forth of believing myself and the intangible force that stopped me and doubting my inclinations.
So, I decided to look for the proof.
I searched my phone pics until I came upon the first documentation I had of the chewed on tree:
October 29th.
It was now December 7th. [Busted - I wrote this yesterday! 😜]
The proof was in the pudding. Behold!
Left image: Oct. 29 | Right image: Dec 7 |
Indeed, work had been done.
It seemed in just over a month, this tree was rapidly approaching Felling Day.
This is a good illustration of the importance of proof.
Not in the literal sense to prove something actually did or did not happen.
But in the sense that it is easy to gaslight ourselves, doubting or questioning our own thoughts and intuition.
Proof gives us an objective lens to view things from.
Granted, we need to be seeking information rather than a specific answer.
If I hadn't sought proof via a past photo I had taken, I would have likely settled on the thought that I was imagining things and the tree had always been that chewed up. When in fact, that wasn't the case at all.
Proof helps us to strengthen our trust in ourselves and our intuitive connections.
It's easy to shut down the random ideas that pop into our heads. The more we do this the more we block our own line of communication within ourselves.
And communicating with ourselves is important!
As Plato (and I'm sure many after him) once said,
"thinking is the talking of the soul with itself."
If we can't talk with ourselves, then we can't listen either. And listening is the core of everything.
So, next time you find yourself uncertain by your own thoughts do yourself a favor - get out of your head and look for the proof.
Wednesday, December 7, 2022
Day 292: Moral beliefs vs. Legal rule
Tuesday, December 6, 2022
Day 291: Exploring the tools
Now, that doesn't mean brand new, completely foreign experiences that we've never heard of or seen before.
They are available to help us whenever we need them.
And I'm excited to add and sharpen this tool for my own toolbox.
Monday, December 5, 2022
Day 290: Blessings in Disguise
Maybe the lessons are just the opposite of what we were expecting. And it takes a life disrupting situation to focus our attention where it is needed.
When you think about it - it's more like a giant arrow pointing exactly where the the learning will take place . . . which isn't that sneaky, if you ask me.
- Callback to people going years without learning from their routine patterns and behaviors.
For a multitude of reasons - but I'm willing to bet that not being aware of how to actually do it is one of the big ones.
What have you actually been doing about it? And how have those actions changed over time?
No, duh - but also, sometimes it needs to be said.
How is your attitude and mood when it's on your mind?
Sunday, December 4, 2022
Day 289: Subtitles
Saturday, December 3, 2022
Day 288: Commitment
What if commitment is really just a structured prioritization tool?
Friday, December 2, 2022
Day 287: Something to consider
That's the whole point of being someone's coach, of writing this blog, of (one day) speaking about these ideas and creating events in which people can explore them.
Thursday, December 1, 2022
Day 286: Writer
And I am finding myself in a place that calls for that now.
I had my time to rest and recharge. And now is time to get into action.
I'm not quite sure.
Ok, that's not true - I'm pretending I don't know. Something also known as stalling. And the exact something my coach called me out on this week - and it's a good thing she did.
But I'm learning that moving towards them can become easier when we claim our own labels and define ourselves.
We are the only ones who will ever walk in our shoes, so lets write up an adventure that makes the journey meaningful.