Sometimes getting up in the morning can be tough.
Often in life we take on different endeavors, giving them our 'all,' only to be met with defeat. Only to fail.
Or so it may seem . . .
If things don't work out when you try them, it's isn't a reflection of YOU.
It's an indication that there is missing [needed] information.
When I think of my own experience with confusing this notion, I think about my writing. I had my last coaching session of the year last week and this was a topic we touched on.
I said I wanted to find a way to ensure that I am connecting with the people I desire to reach - and was immediately asked how I could tell if I was or not.
Then, reality struck.
Did I have any metrics in place to know/measure who is actually reading my work? The answer was, 'no.'
Because of this I felt like I was failing, when I really had no proof.
This way of thinking is like saying I failed at making a shirt when I was missing some of the pattern pieces. If I don't have all of the pieces needed, I can't possibly make the intended shirt.
I didn't fail - I needed more materials [information].
The same can be said for life.
We aren't failing when something doesn't turn out how we planned. We often just are missing some piece that we didn't know we needed.
It's up to us, upon discovering this missing information, to decide if we want to seek it out or if we want to change course and pivot in a different direction.
Both are fine options.
Both are valid options.
The only unhelpful option would be to deliberately not learn anything from the situation. To complain and continue on in the exact same manner, expecting different results.
Failure is not a reflection of You. It's a message of what else is needed.
Riding on the coat tails of yesterday, I present to you -
the gift that keeps on giving:
My homemade holiday sweater!
It certainly fills me with happiness and joy . . .
and here's hoping for a sprinkle of holiness!
Because nothing says 'relief', 'freedom', or 'holy'
quite like stick figures flashing their festive undies!
In the holiday season of the western world, gift giving is a staple.
Consumerism is at the forefront and buying things for the people in our lives is top of mind. It's 'what you do' during the holidays.
Sure, there is an aspect of appreciation, generosity, love and compassion that comes out in different ways. But, front and center are always GIFTS.
I was skimming a Susie Moore email that came through my inbox and one of her nuggets managed to catch my fast scanning eye:
"Gifts you stop using (writing, teaching, designing, photography the list goes on…) will make you feel miserable over time. Your skills exist to be used and to bring joy to everyone who encounters them! What can you pick back up - just for you?"
I fully believe this sentiment, which is probably why it jumped out at me.
We all have inherent skills and talents for a reason.
And that Reason can actually be broken down into smaller pieces.
1) To provide happiness and meaning for oneself
2) To share and magnify this happiness and meaning with others
By definition (Merriam-Webster's, that is), a Holiday is
- a period of exemption or relief
- a holy day
- a day on which one is exempt from work.
And a Gift is
- the act, right, or power of giving
- a notable capacity, talent, or endowment
- [something] voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation
If we were to combine these meanings, we might get something that reads loosely along the lines of:
"Voluntarily giving a notable talent to others as a means of experiencing relief, freedom [of duty], and holiness."
I don't know about you, but I've never thought about Holiday Gifts this way before. . .
So, in the spirit of the holidays - and this new interpretation - why not explore what it means to give the gift of 'you'? The things that are unique about you?
The things you enjoy, are drawn to, and captivated by - what would it be like to share them [more] with others?
What would it be like to share them [more] with yourself?
Have you ever met someone new and thought, 'Wow, what an interesting life they've had!' or 'What an interesting person they are!'?
It's so easy to think about others and their different experiences and be in awe.
It's much harder, or so it seems to me, to have the same experience when thinking of oneself.
We all live different lives.
Some have a lot of variety.
Some contain a lot of similarities.
All are rich with experiences.
And to those who have not had the same (or even similar) experiences, the lives of others can sometimes take on an air of elevated appeal [or harsh criticism].
We compare and contrast to our own lived experience.
We attempt to relate.
And when we can't, we can enter into a veiled lens of lack or judgement.
"I wish my life was that impressive."
"I wish I had a lot of different experiences like that."
"I wish I [insert any relevant comparative change here]."
"I'd never want to experience that!"
"Why would anyone ever want a life filled with [insert topic of criticism here]".
But we don't have to look through the Lack Lens of judgment.
In fact, some of us don't (at least not routinely).
Because we always have at LEAST one other option available to us.
I'd venture to say we always have at least TWO other options available to us at all times.
Neutrality - seeing the differences in life experiences between yourself and others, as simply that.
And Aspiration - seeing the differences in life experiences between yourself and others and recognizing a want or desire for yourself.
Lack and Aspiration are two sides of the same coin.
Neutrality is what binds them.
We experience lack when we allow unchecked judgement. We see/hear/learn about something that we desire, but are unable to register the aspiration because our judgement is telling us that we can never have it.
We experience aspiration when we see/hear/learn about something that we desire, and are able to register the aspiration because judgement is absent. We are purely tapped into our state of interest and whatever makes us lean in and listen up.
So what do Lack and Aspiration have to do with how interesting we find ourselves?
Everything.
If we have an experience in which we worked towards an aspiration, we are most likely going to view that as pretty cool and interesting.
If we have an experience in which we judge our situation or others for the meaning we aren't finding, then we're more inclined to look down on our experiences.
And then there's the In-Between.
Because nothing in life is 100% binary.
Things are not always black or white, yes or no, right or wrong.
The In-Between is where I have found myself caught for years. Downplaying accomplishments and normalizing successes.
Why?
Because in the In-Between we haven't completed our internal assessment of life experiences. We haven't consciously explored and acknowledged what we have really learned and gained from them.
The In-Between is the staircase between movement and stagnancy.
We can only move up the steps when we are able to acknowledge, embrace, learn from, and genuinely appreciate each experience we have.
By the very virtue of being a living, breathing human you will experience life in a way that is unique to you. This is the sole prerequisite to claiming the title of 'interesting.'
Who knew it was as easy as experiencing life just as we are?!
The struggle comes in seeing ourselves - and experiences - objectively and without judgement.
