Day 51: The Altruism Fallacy

Why do people carry out acts of altruism? Ask a dozen people and you'll probably get a dozen answers - all with a common thread. A little thing called 'what's in it for me.'

No, that's not true! Altruists aren't self-serving. They're completely selfless and focused on the well being of others.

Thank you, imaginary Contrarian. You've brought up just the point I was hoping for! 

I love to burst your bubble by saying, no action would ever take place by a human unless that human received some benefit or gain from it.

This is a very broad statement, which at first reading, many might not agree with. 

Wonderful!

Allow me to explain.

Every thought we have and action we take is connected to a feeling, an emotion. The way we feel about something, be it a task or activity, person or circumstance, influences our desire or resistance to it. 

To give a concrete example, Sarah enjoys helping others to believe in themselves and their abilities. For a time, she volunteered as an adult basic education tutor helping others improve their math and reading skills. She always felt so good when she left in the evening, especially when seeing her tutee achieve success or learn something new.

What does Sarah get out of this altruistic action? It's not money or compensation. But it IS a good feeling of connection, empowerment, and happiness that was created through her action. Without giving her time, she would not have generated these feelings in such a combination. Thus, Sarah received something from her giving. 

Sarah likes to feel good. As many humans do. And like many humans, she also likes to feel that she has contributed and made an impact in another person's life. 

I bring up this topic all to say, that doing something that benefits you as well as other humans is never a bad thing.

The idea of self-serving actions only become 'bad' (if we want to go with a judging word) when their execution inflicts a negative impact on others.

 

The goal of life should not be to give selflessly, but rather, to give in a way where everybody wins. 

 

As individuals we need to feel good and at our best in order to share our best with the world. So why not look for opportunities where everyone involved benefits? 

 

I know I certainly will!

Day 50: Embrace Change

 I drew this cute little guy a few years ago. 

And gosh do I love him!

I mean, look at him - he's so stinkin' cute! How can you look at him and not smile? 

I certainly can't.

Let me list the ways I love thee:

1. You show me that perfection is not necessary. That lumpy head is the cutest!
2. You exemplify happiness (at least what I envision)
3. In your imperfection, you illustrate authenticity
4. You demonstrate it's possible to hug (or embrace) anything - even the intangible
5. You change the unknown into something to be welcomed

 Yes, these are reasons I love this drawing, but I believe they are also steps to help every person embrace whatever changes they experience in their life.

Change doesn't wait for perfect and we never have to be (let's be real perfection doesn't exist).

Change doesn't dictate happiness, we do. We have the ability to create and experience it in any moment, regardless of our circumstances (though some situations may call for a bit more practice than others).

Change feels the best and is easiest to ride the wave of when we are authentic to who we really are.

Change always provides opportunities to embrace it, be it in small or large ways (we may just need to be open to different perspectives to better see them).

Change can be exciting and something to look forward to. Regardless of if the change was self-initiated or feels more like it was thrust upon us, there is growth and learning in every experience.

What changes or new experiences might feel better if you willingly embraced them?

Day 49: Friendly Faces Are Everywhere

 

You just have to look!

Day 48: One step at a time

I had a coaching session recently in which we touched on the notion of taking one step at a time.

It's so easy to find yourself in a situation of uncertainty, not knowing what step to take first. When this happens it can feel like the only way to move forward is to figure out every step needed to overcome the obstacle, before you can take any action at all. 

 

Interestingly enough, this approach may actually do more harm than good.

When we worry about steps past the first one, it can often impact our ability to see the opportunities that are actually available to us.

For the client that I discussed this topic with, common byproducts of trying to figure out every step upfront were fear, stress, and anxiety.

 

How many of us can relate? 

How many times have we gotten overwhelmed by trying to do everything at once? (No, just me?)

When we don't know what comes next it is so easy to fall into the vicious cycle of 'what if?'. 

What if this happens? 

Then, what if that happens? 

But then this could also happen, too. 

 

All of these hypothetical worries aren't helpful. And it's something that we all fall victim to at times.

We're all human.

We want to know what's going to happen in our own lives.

 

Sometimes, however, there's beauty and an advantage of not knowing what's to come.

 

All that really matters in each moment is the single, next step you will take.

That's it.

Nothing more.

 

Why?

 

Because we can't control any outcome (that occurs outside of ourselves). And if we can't control the outcome, how would we know what the outcome will be?

 

We don't. It's all speculation.

 

So why not take a more childlike approach?

What if we approach the unknown with curiosity?

What if we allowed the unknown to be a surprise?! (Remember childhood, when surprises were cause for excitement rather than anxiety? Maybe that's just me, too.)

 

Easier said than done in a lot of situations, I know. However, the intent remains the same no matter what the circumstance.

The intent is Openness.

 

When we take one step at a time it allows us to be open to wherever we end up. Each step takes us to a different place than we were before. Each outcome presents different opportunities than we previously had access to.

 

In many situations there is no certainty what the outcome will be. 

In many situations the outcome will not be exactly what we anticipated. 

This is a key thing to realize because if we are planning on a certain outcome with future steps based on that imagined outcome, we're going to miss a LOT of other, arguably better, options right in front of us.

 

Day 47: What's for breakfast?!

. . . On second thought, I'm not that hungry . . .

 

(Shout-out to the stranger who brought this to my attention by stopping in front of me to take a picture.)

Day 46: WANTED - The Haras Twins

The world has finally caught wind of the most notorious criminal duo, the Haras Twins. Formerly part of the SoSa Squad, the Haras Twins recently struck out on their own and have already caused quite a commotion. 

These women are not to be underestimated. I repeat, these women are not to be underestimated. 

Do not let them fool you. They are dangerous.

 

Righty Haras, (pictured above, right) can be identified by her slightly more prominent jaw line and faint markings of a removed teardrop tattoo beneath her right eye. Righty is said to have originally gotten the ink after 'taking care of' a man in cold blood with her bear-hands.

 

Lefty Haras, (top photo, left) has largely flown under the radar. She appears to be the lookout and mastermind behind the duo's string of crimes since going solo. Though she did cause quite a stir when publicly claiming credit for the crime that has made international headlines and put them at the top of America's Most Wanted list, stealing Wayne 'The Rock' Johnson's iconic fanny pack.

This pair of brawn and brains is still at large. Remain extremely vigilant and if you have any information of their whereabouts contact the FBI immediately.

This is a developing story.

Day 45: The Power of Being Where You're At

I shared before about how it can be helpful (and way more stress-free and pleasant) to enjoy the transitions in life. 

Lately, I've been finding myself feeling pressure to move forward into my next transition, to continuously progress, to never stagnate. And it doesn't feel good. 

Within this feeling of pressure is the thought that I 'should' be doing something more, which directly translates to "I'm not doing enough". 

To trace this thought back even further - as if we are studying the root of language - we will find that thoughts of this kind always stem from the base, core belief of "I am not enough."

[Made up random person:] "That's not true, I don't think I'm not enough."

Oh, yeah? Ok, that may be true. 

Though, I challenge you to consider every time you've doubted yourself or your abilities. That doubt is born from some inner belief you hold - regardless of whether it's 'true' or not. When we are able to dig down to the deepest root of our thoughts we find the hidden beliefs that we unconsciously operate from. 

As the saying goes, you don't know what you don't know. So, if you don't know that your life is being directed through this hidden belief of "I am not good enough" or whatever your belief may be, then it will be much harder to 

• understand why you feel the way you do
• overcome the obstacles that you encounter
• feel fulfilled and satisfied

Or simply put, it will be much harder to live a life that feels good.

Ok, back to me -

I took a somewhat lengthy check-in to step outside myself and see where I'm at and what I'm doing, objectively. I started by looking at what I wanted and was working towards. 

My ultimate goal: to build an impactful and thriving coaching business. 

Ok, great - I re-engaged into the reality that this is a future goal and will not be happening all at once or right away. Next step.

I remembered/thought about the next steps I needed to take to get there. For me, this focus weighs heavily on tackling the areas I experience the most resistance, like promoting myself and social media [I'm not a huge fan of either]. 

Fantastic, next steps identified! Then comes the part where I bring in my current reality. What am I currently doing to help further those steps and overcome resistance to them?

It was here that the pressure I had been feeling started to recede. 

This! Starting up a daily writing practice and publishing blog posts, that is what I'm currently doing to move towards my ultimate goal and overcome resistance!

With the acknowledgement of the effort I am putting in every day came a growing sense of pride. I'm stinking proud of myself! 

I may only be on Day 45, but I haven't missed a day yet. And I'm learning more about myself, further instilling and understanding important coaching concepts, and becoming better at sharing my experiences, vulnerabilities, and life lessons with others - all through writing (or drawing) and sharing a new thought each day.

It took a much needed reality check to show me that where I'm at is exactly where I'm meant to be. There is great comfort in reconnecting with the idea that everything in life is a process. Some stages take longer than others. Life isn't a race. Just because someone is at a different place than you are doesn't mean you 'should' be there too.

There's incredible power in being where you're at. To fully embrace and appreciate it. I'm so happy to have come to this realization and look forward to enjoying it for as long as I can.