Day 25: Focus on how you Want to feel

I had a coaching session with a client recently where we touched on the idea that each of us has the ability to decide how we feel. We discussed a situation in which my client was feeling not great. Then dissected it into the thoughts that accompanied the feeling, as well as the actions (or lack thereof), that resulted from it.

I recall having asked her "how do you want to feel?"

From there we explored what types of thoughts would likely cozy up to her desired feelings and, as a result of that combination, what potential actions or outcomes might be.

Reflecting back on this coaching call it took me a while to fully grasp the power of that question. In the moment, it seemed like the best question to ask. But the more I thought about it, after the fact, the more in awe I became.

There's a quote that goes something along the lines of "what you focus on expands." So it would make sense that if you are focusing on things that you don't like or don't want to feel, that you would feel them even more or for a longer period of time. Or, at the very least, you would have a much harder time identifying other options or feelings available to you in the moment.

If this is true, why not focus on what it is that you want rather than what you want to avoid? If focusing on the way you want to feel or the results you want to achieve, by its very nature, will help reveal the thoughts and emotions needed to get you there, why wouldn't you?! If what we focus on expands, why wouldn't we focus on the things we want?

Just something to consider. Should you feel compelled, maybe try it out for yourself. Next time you find yourself focusing on something you deem "bad,"challenge yourself to think about what would make the situation "good"? How does that change in perspective feel? What sort of thoughts accompany it?

Day 24: Affordable Housing

Dave Chappel said he wouldn't support a change to the original development plan he invested in to now include duplexes and townhomes for affordable housing. 

But did see the proposed VISION?!

Day 23: High School Quote

I was listening to a podcast this morning where the host mentioned looking back at their high school yearbook. Specifically, their senior photo page. 

It made me think about mine, and how the quote that I chose, at the time, seemed very random (which is precisely why I chose it). It was this: 

"On the other hand, you have other fingers." 

Super random and, I think, completely made up. What I mean by that is, I'm 99% positive I found the quote in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants book.

I bring this up because I started thinking about the quote itself. As random as it seems, it is totally true - on the other hand, we have other fingers. Which, now in my current life and mindset, I definitely take to mean:  

'We always have choices'. 

 

It might not seem that the choices we have are great, but they are still choices nonetheless. Oftentimes, many of the choices we have available to us are so overlooked that we don't even realize they are there. For example, we have a whole other hand of fingers, but do we ever really think about them?

Who would have thought fingers would ever represent choices in life? Not me! But I sure am glad I made this connection. 

 

Maybe next time I find myself needing to make a decision and having a difficult time, I can remember to look at my hands. Who knows, maybe it'll spark some inspiration.

 

. . . kinda like Christmas magic . . . (if you don't get it, it's ok)

 

 

Day 22: If you think you can, you can

I was thinking about a coach training program I did last year. 

One of the exercises we did during that training was a visualization exercise. This particular activity was meant to demonstrate that we each hold knowledge deep inside of us, that we don't even know is there. 

Our instructor started off having us all close our eyes, quickly followed by a centering/grounding exercise. Then, we started visioning. 

Verbally, our trainer led us through a visualization exercise in which we were to meet our future selves. And by future selves I mean, like, as old people, to gain wisdom and guidance.  

I was skeptical if it would work. I hadn't had a ton of luck with visioning exercises in the past, but I was willing to try. It sounded cool! 

We began by envisioning what our house looks like. We were supposed to note if anyone else was there, what the surrounding environment was like. Is there green space? Is it a house? Condo? Apartment? Hut? Tent? what have you. 

So we see what the scene looks like and then we meet our way distant future self. We start to see ourselves - so for me it felt like this: 

"Oh hi Sarah - hi me . . . nice to 'meet you' sort of? Great to see you... this is weird. I'm kind of excited and also kind of nervous and confused . . ." 

And then we are supposed to go off to a private, quiet space so that we can talk to each other.

I am able to sort of see Future Old Me, not super clear - but enough, as well as pretty clearly see where we go. I live in a house and there is a lot of yard around it and a garden area, I think. We go to talk by ourselves and end up sitting in a gazebo in the backyard. That was pretty cool. 

The main thing I remember from our 'conversation' is elderly Future Sarah holding out her hand to give me something. I open my palm and on it she places a little trinket. As I take a closer look I see it is a very small charm/pendant thing, like you would put on a necklace. 

It is in the shape of a train engine. I see the train and, after a beat to process and take in the shape I'm seeing, I hear the words (though neither her nor I said them): 

"if you think you can, you can"

 

This immediately made me think of my nephews and niece. They absolutely love trains. And from there, the book, The Little Engine That Could, came to mind. 

If you know the story, the little engine, throughout the whole book, keeps telling himself "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can." 

He's trying to pull a train to the top of a hill, well, trying to get over a hill so he can pull his cargo back to the train station. He's struggling the whole time but he keeps telling himself that he can do it.
And he does!

Seeing that train engine pendant in my hand and hearing those words "if you think you can, you can" was definitely a confirmation that we can do whatever we want. We just have to want it enough.

And we have to believe in ourselves.

Day 21: Use Your Words

Having a twin is awesome - always having someone to hang out with, do things with and who understands you better than anyone else. The intense connection, be it a unique bond from our split egg or just spending 18 years of too much time together, is one that can't be replicated. 

And yet I have found myself  trying to do so time and time again. This can lead to issues down the road. And, in my experience, these issues are most often manifested in relationships, almost exclusively in the area of communication.

Growing up I never had to explain myself much. I cried a LOT. I was weirdly imaginative with a lot of interests. And my twin sister was right there along with me for all of it - every. single. second. The result of this (aside from near constant bickering that drove our mom crazy) was a familiarity so strong that neither of us ever really had to verbalize what we were feeling or our needs/wants because the other 'just knew.' It was amazing and it made my childhood incredible, but it came at a price. A price that wasn't charged until adolescence faded away and adulthood took the forefront. I had to learn to use my words and my voice to actually express what I wanted, needed, and felt. I had to learn skills as an adult that many people had a handle on a long time ago.

I guess I should really say I NEED to learn skills, not HAD TO. Let's be real, even though I was writing in past tense this is a very current learning curve I'm working on and not projected to master anytime soon.  

As uncomfortable as it can sometimes be to ask for help or express your wants or needs, there's a power that starts to grow from it. Some may call this 'empowerment,' 'self-advocacy,' or 'assertiveness.' I believe these are all true, and can be found under the larger umbrella of 'self-knowledge'; getting to know yourself better. 

This is the only umbrella I know of to generate it's own precipitation.

Maybe getting caught in the rain isn't such a bad thing . . . 

Day 20: Brush Time

My 5 year old niece once shared with me her displeasure of having to brush her teeth for two WHOLE minutes. Her toothbrush had a timer.

"Yeah, that's a bummer."

It was much too easy to slide to the thought of, 'man, this kid doesn't like brushing her teeth.' But then I started to really think about it . . . 

I don't brush my teeth for two minutes, which I was quickly called out for after sending the little people the video below.

But, I also brush much more vigorously than the average bear (note: this is real-time speed - with charcoal toothpaste).

Not long ago I switched to a new toothbrush and I noticed something. I now needed to brush for noticeably longer than I used to.

Huh? What's going on??

Were my teeth just dirtier these days? 

Had my brushing speed slowed significantly? 

Was I just doing a more thorough job, now?

As someone who's clocked in nearly 400 hours of brushing time in my lifetime, it didn't seem likely these possibilities were the culprit.

The brush itself, on the other hand, was a different story. I quickly compared the size of my new brush to that of the old brush type - BINGO!

 

My new brush head was significantly smaller! No wonder it was taking me longer to brush - there was less surface area to work with! Alas, the mystery was solved.

I now had more compassion for my niece. She's working with a pretty small brush . . . and for the purposes of this commiseration, we'll forget about the fact that her mouth and teeth are smaller, too.

Day 19: Game-time Cravings