Day 259: School of Un-Learning

I had a conversation with my co-worker today about the impact social conditioning has on our western civilization. 

. . . You know, light water cooler talk.

From a VERY early age, our sense of self-esteem and self-worth has already started to take a beating.
Especially, if you're raised as a girl (or minority).

"My niece is 7 and she already feels insecure about her body! 

I was talking to my therapist about this," my coworker shared. "She said you have to un-learn the harmful things you were taught. It's all about a mindset change. 
. . . I wish there was a school you could go to 'un-learn' things."

My immediate response: 

"There is! Well, not school, per se. But, coaching does this! It helps you identify the thoughts and beliefs that aren't helpful to you and replace them with thoughts and beliefs that are."

"If these were skills taught in childhood can you imagine how different the world would be?!? If we learned how to think this way as kids in school?? But it's not taught."

"Yeah," my co-worker chimed in, "because you can make money off of people feeling bad."

The truth of her final statement is gross. 

The reality that it's "normal" to dislike features of how you look or to have thoughts highlighting different angles of self-lack on a regular basis - is gross. 

But really 'gross' is just a catch-all phrase for the sadness, heartbreak, anger, and disgust I simultaneously feel when I think about it. 

Sadness for the pain that so many people experience.

Heartbreak for the collective inability of our society to see our own worth and value.

Anger that this is a real-life thing when it doesn't have to exist at all.

Disgust that the whole thing is fueled by money and power.

But also, I feel hope - and passion - in knowing that a self-injurious life and mindset does not have to be the norm; does not have to be the default. 

It is possible - for every human on this planet - to experience a life fueled by personally supportive thoughts and beliefs.

It is possible - for every human on this planet - to have acceptance and love for who they are, just as they are.

It is possible - but it takes hard work. 
Hard work that will never earn a certificate.

Hard work that will at some point seem like it's taking 'too long.'

Hard work that will change your life and how you function in it.

Day 256: Model Communication

In keeping with the barely-there theme of pets, let's explore another facet of relationships - Communication.

Some might argue that relationships with pets and relationships with humans aren't the same because humans can communicate with each other. 

They speak the same language.

Do they, though??

More often than not - not really.

Sure, the people we have relationships with will, by and large, speak the same language in terms of words and sentence structure. But in the sense of definition and meaning, many humans speak completely different languages and don't even know it.

Why?

Because we all think differently. And I mean everyone - even twins (of which I am living proof)! 

As life-long residents of our own minds and bodies, we become so accustomed to our way of thinking, doing, behaving that when we encounter anything 'other' it is immediately flagged. And if you are anything like me, it is often flagged with outrage, disbelief, and/or Judgement.

'Why would So-and-so think that was ok?! That behavior is completely unacceptable!'

Perhaps the above thought passes through one's mind during an interaction with another person. 
Conflict ensues.

Will a remedy be found to smooth things over??

That depends . . . 
On what?

On one's level of self-awareness.

Anytime we have a reaction to something, it indicates that things are either in or out of alignment with our values and beliefs.

For instance:

Do you get irritated when others leave a(n originally) closed door open behind them or don't pick up after themselves, ever? 

This could be an indication that you hold the belief:
'things should be left the same or better than you found them' and to not do so is 'inconsiderate and rude' [to give a completely made-up example that has no meaning in my life whatsoever . . .]

Self-awareness allows us to identify such beliefs and discern the judgements we apply when unfollowed by others. This is the first step.

The second step of self-awareness is to assess our newly identified beliefs.
Sure, they were formed for a reason and at some point in time they were beneficial for us - but are they still helpful in the present?

In many cases - at least in my own experience - newly identified beliefs don't really help me much. The majority were created at a much younger age and served an important purpose. Yet, with the passing of time comes new needs and new beliefs to reflect the present day person. Thus, awareness of our beliefs - current and old - is the key to better communication.

When we know what thoughts we are actually working with (and under the direction of) we can then communicate more effectively with others - and, in time, become an example of model communication.