Day 30: Loaded Question

This morning I was doing a guided meditation video and a thought came into my head. It was a memory of a time, years ago, when I went out with a guy I had been dating for a short while.

We started having a conversation about why we were all here and I shared that I believed we all have a purpose. Whether or not that purpose is ever fostered and carried out is another story, but each of us is important to the world at large and plays a role that no one else can.

Then I asked my date, "do you think that everyone has a purpose?"

He responded, "no, I don't think so."

I instantly started crying. 

It was like a smack in the face hearing that this person I was getting to know didn't share a foundational belief I held about humanity.

Talk about a loaded question! Poor, guy, he didn't know what to do - other than look panicked.

This memory has always stood out to me. It illustrates just how strongly I hold this particular belief and alludes to my core values. It demonstrates the perspective and default level/perspective/mindset I operate from.

There are also a lot of things that can be learned from it, such as:
-  specifics I'm looking for in a partner
-  the need to practice non-judgement [of others for having different beliefs]
-  the importance of unloading questions to help other participants better navigate topics that I hold dear
-  not placing expectations on others for what I want (now or in the future)

This last point of learning is the most prominent for me to remember. 

Throughout my life I've struggled greatly with feelings of disappointment, sadness, or hurt when the things I hoped for and expected didn't turn out the way I envisioned - or anticipated. This was a sure way for communication breakdowns, misunderstandings and a lot of unneeded friction.

It wasn't until after I went through coach training that I learned this was all happening because I was placing my expectations on things outside of myself. I can only control me - ever. I am in charge of the thoughts I think. I am in charge of the things I feel. And I am in charge of how I respond to the people and situations around me.

So, it would reason to think setting expectations for myself about how I want to think, feel and interpret outside information would make an impact into the amount of disappointment and judgement I experience.

Let me tell you, this is a big learning curve for me.
It's a concept I'm not even close to mastering.
But this is one mountain I'm determined to climb to the top!