Day 25: Focus on how you Want to feel

I had a coaching session with a client recently where we touched on the idea that each of us has the ability to decide how we feel. We discussed a situation in which my client was feeling not great. Then dissected it into the thoughts that accompanied the feeling, as well as the actions (or lack thereof), that resulted from it.

I recall having asked her "how do you want to feel?"

From there we explored what types of thoughts would likely cozy up to her desired feelings and, as a result of that combination, what potential actions or outcomes might be.

Reflecting back on this coaching call it took me a while to fully grasp the power of that question. In the moment, it seemed like the best question to ask. But the more I thought about it, after the fact, the more in awe I became.

There's a quote that goes something along the lines of "what you focus on expands." So it would make sense that if you are focusing on things that you don't like or don't want to feel, that you would feel them even more or for a longer period of time. Or, at the very least, you would have a much harder time identifying other options or feelings available to you in the moment.

If this is true, why not focus on what it is that you want rather than what you want to avoid? If focusing on the way you want to feel or the results you want to achieve, by its very nature, will help reveal the thoughts and emotions needed to get you there, why wouldn't you?! If what we focus on expands, why wouldn't we focus on the things we want?

Just something to consider. Should you feel compelled, maybe try it out for yourself. Next time you find yourself focusing on something you deem "bad,"challenge yourself to think about what would make the situation "good"? How does that change in perspective feel? What sort of thoughts accompany it?