The Truth About Being Self-ish

What does it mean to be selfish? To some this might mean focusing your time and attention on yourself, choosing yourself first over others, or prioritizing the things you like to do even if others don't share the same interest.

It's a word that can at times carry with it guilt, judgement, and an all around bad rap. 

Here's the kicker - none of those things I just listed

- focusing your time and attention on yourself

- choosing yourself first 

- prioritizing the things you like

are selfish acts. 

They are not bad. 

They don't harm or take anything away from anyone else. 

In fact, I will argue, they are the key ingredients to living a happy, enjoyable life.

So why has self-focused behavior gotten such a bad reputation? I think it's time we take a minute to really look at what selfishness is and, dare I say it, redefine its meaning. 

Let's start with the word itself: Self-ish. It's made up of two parts. 

1. Self, meaning ‘you’ -  or the subject. 

2. ish, meaning 'kind of', 'around', 'more or less'. Ish gives a general sense of something without any specifics, certainty, or commitment. 

When you put those two pieces together by these definitions, what do you have? A pretty ambiguous, non-committal, and very unclear version of you. In my mind I see this as a hazy, somewhat blobby, human form. It's like you can almost make out defining features, but they are too blurry to really see.

So what does this mean? It means that the behaviors and actions we generally label as "selfish" are not because the subject in question is focusing on themselves, prioritizing their interests and likes, or choosing themselves first. It's because they aren't doing these things.

Think about it, if you are only yourself-ish, things start to get pretty muddled. When a person is only kind of themself, they aren't that fun to be around. Sure, they may go with the flow, but they are less able to meaningfully connect and engage with others.

If someone is 'more or less' themself they are more likely to experience miscommunications. This is because they aren't as assertive or direct in their preferences, which leaves things open to interpretation by others. Have you ever met someone you discovered was 'flakey'? This is a perfect example of self-ish at play.

So let's stop confusing the act of understanding and fostering the expression of one’s true self with being self-ish. A happier life, and happier world, come from living as our full selves. No ish about it.

In da club

I got all dressed up and went to da club tonight.  

I had all the dance room I needed. I always had something to drink. And I didn't have to worry about any creeps. It was great!!

 

The only downside was someone stunk up the bathroom while I was there... 

I can't wait to go back to my living room!

 

 

Do what interests you - at the moment

[Found this post covered in cobwebs in the far reaches of the Drafts folder, circa 2017 - and yet, it still holds true.] 

“Every next level of your life will demand a different you.”

I often look back on the path of my life thus far and am continuously amazed at how all of the parts have fit together so perfectly... and in the most unexpected ways. I can tell you right now that when I was deciding where I wanted to go to college and what I "wanted to do" I: 

1) didn't have a clear idea and 

2) NEVER would have guessed where my path would lead me.

To be completely honest, I kind of just made my decisions based off of my most current interests. For example, during middle school and increasingly during high school I was interested in designing and sewing my own clothes. I wasn't much holding fantasies about becoming a famous designer but it was something that I enjoyed. So when it came time for me to choose a career to shadow in high school and then eventually decide on a potential college major, it was easy for me to follow the suggested idea of fashion design. Why not? I liked doing it and I didn't really have any other solid alternative ideas.

I can still recall very clearly the confusion and what seemed like lack of validation many of the adults around me had for this decided ambition.

FLASHBACK:

Pretty much any Adult outside my family: What are you planning to study in college?
Friend 1: I'm planning to be a Dental Hygienist.
Adult: [oohs & ahhs] That's fantastic!
Friend 2: I'm going to go into Geophysics and Plate Tectonics.
Adult: Wow, so interesting!!
Me: I'm going to study Fashion Design
Adult: . . . oh, . .wow . . . how 'bout that . . .

Cool, I feel kind of bad now. Thanks for the boost! It's ok, not everyone can relate to the same experiences, ambitions or interests (though they should at least try . . . just saying). But no matter, that was my decision and I was sticking with it!

Looking back, 10 years later (holy cow!), I know that because I chose to explore a current interest (instead of basing my future on 'where I'd make the most money') I had the opportunity to:
- Study abroad in London
- Live in Africa
- Work with refugees from all over the world
- And most importantly, discover my love and passion for working with diverse cultures and helping others improve their lives.

Whoa, most of those do NOT sound like they'd connect with fashion design . . . Nope, they don't. And yet, they do. They did. As a sign I got from my sisters says:

Yes, I 100% agree. My path has NOT been linear . . . like, at all. But, I believe it HAS been just as it should be.

Here's why: I followed my interests. You can call this whatever you want:

following your heart

going with your gut

being true to yourself

answering your calling

Regardless of the words you use to describe your actions, you are making your decisions based on whatever is pulling you. 

This is hard to do. 

Especially if you don't have a support group to encourage whatever journey you embark on. I have been incredibly fortunate and blessed to have such a support group, which, unfortunately, I have learned is not as common as one would think. But, if you're willing to take some [probably] scary jumps and live YOUR life and not a life others expect of you, I am almost certain you will create experiences for yourself that you never would have dreamed of. Experiences that will stretch and expand your mind, skills, and thinking like you wouldn't believe. Experiences that will undoubtedly change your life. 

What are you interested in right now?
Why not explore it and see what happens . . .?

Sarah's World Press - Breaking News!

SARAH'S WORLD PRESS

Progressive Amendment to Restrictive Abortion Ban

ATLANTA (SP) — In an unprecedented amendment to the 'Heartbeat' Abortion Ban signed into Georgia law on Tuesday, lawmakers have shocked the nation with the quickest update to any bill in the state's history. What was initially viewed with outrage by pro-choice supporters has now fallen into a gray area with the added provisions:

• Free healthcare for mothers and their children, from conception to age 5, including:
• Prenatal medical appointments
• Postpartum checkups (as needed for a minimum of 1 year)
• Prenatal mental health visits and postpartum therapy sessions (as needed for up to 3 years)
• Free transportation to and from all healthcare appointments
• Monthly stipend for baby supplies for the first 24 months after birth (for items such as diapers, milk replacement formula, bottles & accessories, breast pumping supplies, baby food)
• Monthly stipend equal to previous living wage prior to pregnancy for first 6 months, postpartum
• Additional funds will be given in cases of job discrimination during pregnancy or health issues preventing pregnant mother from working
• Free childcare for children up to age 5

With such changes, it appears Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp is even more committed to living out his sentiment “to ensure that all Georgians have the opportunity to live, grow, learn and prosper in our great state.”

The future outcome of such a law is unclear, but these new changes have many thinking this is a step in the right direction.

This is a developing story.

Walking The Dog

On a walk around the blog with my friend's dog, Poppy, aka: Popstar, I spy with my little eye - something across the street!

Something that seems . . . off . . .

A guy walking his dog - VERY SLOOWWWLLLYYYYY - down the sidewalk.

Oh hey, he's meeting a friend! And they're shaking hands!

. . . but now he's walking away . . . like, immediately . . .

 

OOOOHHHHHH, I see what happened here. "Poppy! That was a drug deal!"

I've now learned a whole new meaning for "Walking The Dog."

Caught In The Act?

I do embarrassing things all of the time. Most recently, I was performing at a festival with a Bollywood cardio dance group and I kept tripping on my harem pants. I caught my foot in the billowy fullness gathered at the ankle at least 3 times! And every time - especially the last, as it was the most pronounced - I envisioned going ALL. THE. WAY. I'm talking massive wipeout where I'm not going down alone. Oh no, I'm in the back row at this point and if I'm falling, it's forwards so I'm taking friends with me.

Secretly, I wished it had happened and my caught foot ended up taking out a fifth of the performers on stage. I nearly bursted out  laughing, mid-dance at the thought. Though I'm sure this mirth was highly elevated by my amusement of a completely horrendous second dance.

But back to falling. Think about it, how funny would it be to witness a dancer trip and fall, taking out fellow dancers on her way down?!

It'd be amazing! I would LOVE to see that!! I can just imagine how my cheeks would be hurting from laughing so much. And the days of pleasure to follow after, calling up giggles simply at the thought (and of course subsequent mental replays of the event).

Sometimes it really sucks to do embarrassing things. They can make you feel shy, nervous, stupid, etc. Luckily for me though, those feelings are less common - at least for more than a second. More commonly, I hope that when I have an embarrassing moment I'm caught in the act. If I know that I would enjoy seeing the same situation happen to someone else, then it's seems like a waste if no one can get enjoyment out of my embarrassment.

As the saying goes: What goes around, comes around. So why not will the coming and going of humor and cheer? It's ultimately for the greater good, after all . . .

An Heir Hair

What is this? 

A duo of threads? 

Line for a fishing rod?

Maybe for some. For me, it is proof of an heir. Or perhaps more appropriate, an heir hair.

It's been discussed in my family that all of the daughters have fine, golden-hued, silky tresses, while our mom's was more coarse and dark. I can still vividly recall as we aged, the exclamation of my older sisters as they each found their respective first coarse hairs.

"It is so thick!"

'Where did this come from?!'

I'm no stranger to coarse stragglers on my ol' noggin, however, while washing my hair the other day I discovered the most curious thing. My Heir Hair. This was not just a random coarse hair in a forest of strands. This was proof of the metamorphosis itself. A hair transformation caught in the act, if you will. A complete transformation of not only girth, but hue as well.

Behold, my tangible destiny! And caught in the midst of puberty, no doubt.

Let's take a look again at the photos from the beginning of the story again.

Now zoom out and see . . . . . . 

They are connected. 

It is one single strand of hair. WHOA! That's crazy. And also quite impressive and cool. Just think, if it weren't for my disgusting hairballs I stick on the walk of the shower to avoid clogging the drain, I would have missed it entirely!