Day 35: Love's Many Forms

As I was waking up one morning the idea that I will continuously experience love differently, came to me.

This was a really interesting thought and gave me pause. 

Does this mean, that there is no blueprint for how love is supposed to feel and look??
Will the experience take a new route requiring new navigation tools EVERY time?!

I think the answer is yes, and here's why. In every stage and phase of life, love will take a somewhat new form and feeling. At every new stage you arrive and every new phase you enter, growth has occurred to get you there.
This has a lot to do with two major factors:

1) One's sense of self-worth and fulfillment
2) One's level of judgement and perspective through which they view life

These factors are constantly evolving, just as we are constantly evolving. That's why people change.

The rate of that evolution, however, is up to us. 

I don't know about you, but I can honestly say in my early relationships that my sense of self-worth and fulfillment weren't the strongest. And even if I didn't know how things 'should' be or feel, I was certain I knew how they 'shouldn't'. I was judgemental! Mostly in regards to my circumstances but I'd judge people's actions or behaviors, too. Specifically when they didn't align with what I thought was appropriate or  the 'right' way.

This left me feeling high-highs - getting my worth from someone other than myself - and low-lows - judging situations and people to the extent that I was never satisfied or truly fulfilled.

How drastically different my experiences would have been had I known what was actually happening! 

Flash forward to now. I've gained way more awareness of my actions and function from a much higher level of self-worth and moderately lower level of judgement [this will always be a work in progress].

Being at these different levels changes a lot of things - even reflecting on past relationships! I can now see a different picture and prominent pieces that I was blind to at the time. 

Feelings of love change because we change. When we move from a place of lack and feeling we need love from another person to a place of equilibrium where we can share love with another person, the way we experience life will shift.

And since no change happens in just one step, we'll be able to observe how we experience love differently every step of the way.

Day 34: Ingredients of a 'Sarah Story'

If you know me, there's a good chance at some point in our relationship you've heard me tell a story. And if you know me well you've likely been delighted with (or subjected to, depending on your perspective) a classic 'Sarah Story.'

What is a Sarah Story, you ask? It's a unique experience! It can be described very differently, depending on who you talk to. And, equally depending on the listener, one's level of enjoyment can vary - a lot.

I remember at my high school graduation I had to give a speech. What the heck am I going to talk about? How do I avoid falling into the trap of sounding cliche?! 

Simple, I use my signature story-telling style.

Such a style, when used to tell any story, will leave the listeners quickly asking, "huh?", "is there a point to this?" 

And then, just when they think they can't bear it anymore, the moral of the story comes into play! And that's where it all starts to make sense.

Components of a 'Sarah Story'

• Ambiguous content relevance
• Way too many details
• Humor you may not yet have acquired a taste for
• Heart-felt morals
• Drawn out journey told with enthusiasm

It wasn't until consciously breaking down the 'Sarah Story,' that I realized the uncanny parallel and symbolism it holds to life, in general.

We don't know what is coming next. We can find ourselves in circumstances and situations that we can't make sense of. 

And yet, we keep going. 

We endure. 

And when we are open to learning as we go - to hearing, say, the details of how a 'sometimes dumb middle school kid (who may or may not have been me) put herself in physical pain by eating too much at a family BBQ because she was following what her sisters were doing, rather than deciding what was right for herself' - we can pick up some very important, very relevant lessons for our own lives.

Day 33: Appreciation

I was at a friend's new apartment recently and he mentioned he has a glass that he just can't get clean. 

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because my hand doesn't fit inside so I can't reach the bottom, really."

"Why don't you just get a bottle brush, then? That way you can reach the bottom."

* * * * * * * * *

This conversation got me thinking . . .

Boy, am I thankful that I don't have that problem! Come to think of it, I've come across very few [kitchen] items that I can't squeeze my hand into in order to properly clean them . . .

uh-oh!

Just kidding!

I really appreciate the size of my hands.

They may not be able to hold as much as others but they can do a whole heck of a lot!

Sometimes it takes seeing the struggles of others to help us appreciate what we have and our own abilities.

When was the last time you took stock of the parts of yourself (physically or mentally) that help you everyday?

Day 32: Hairy Surprise

Over the past handful of years, I've gotten into the habit of waxing my armpits (rather than shaving). 

I can thank my sister for this, and our weird habit of copying one another in random areas.

I've grown quite fond of this method of hair removal due to it's many benefits. In my opinion, it's quicker and cleaner (I use wax strips - so no tiny hairs falling or wax dripping everywhere). It lasts much longer than shaving. And best of all, over time the hair starts to grow in softer and finer, making it much less noticeable!

This last point, however, comes at a price . . . 

Flashback to earlier this week

I was getting ready for bed and was in the bathroom, flossing and brushing my teeth and face. I looked in the mirror and a thought occurred to me, 'I think it's been a while since I waxed my pits...'

Curious, I lifted my arm and looked in the mirror.

WHOA!!! 

Apparently it HAD been a while since I'd waxed my pits. The hairs - as thin, soft, and sparse as they now were - were Really long. I don't think I've ever seen them at such a length before.

Another thought then entered my brain - my outfit of choice this morning . . .

'. . . I'm so glad I wore a sleeveless shirt today . . .'

 

Day 31: Meatloaf, Anyone?

Cooking adventure - Turkey Zucchini Meatloaf with Feta cheese

I have made this in the past and remembered it being quite good. So when I pulled out the pound of ground turkey I had in the freezer, I knew just what to make!

The only thing was . . . I only had half of the called for ground turkey.

Ok, a half-recipe it is! No, problem I'll just make a smaller batch.

Oh, I need marinara sauce? I have some old runny salsa in the back of the fridge . . . I wonder if that will work? Trying it!

I whipped up the recipe and placed it on my pan, trying to shape it into loaf. This proved difficult. 

It was a lot . . . juicier than I remember . . . 

I did my best and shaped my meatloaf into the best looking melty flattened loaf I could. Then I popped it into the oven!

Wait, this is supposed to bake for an hour?! I have to be somewhere in 40 min!

...hmm, half batch . . . half cooking time!

I checked the loaf after my timer went off, about 10 minutes before I had to leave. The recipe said it was done when the internal temp reached 160 degrees.

. . . not quite there. I guess I'll just turn off the oven and leave it in there. It should be fine and fully cooked by the time I return.

When I got home - and after I remembered about the loaf in the oven, I pulled out this beauty.

Now, who's hungry?!?!

Day 30: Loaded Question

This morning I was doing a guided meditation video and a thought came into my head. It was a memory of a time, years ago, when I went out with a guy I had been dating for a short while.

We started having a conversation about why we were all here and I shared that I believed we all have a purpose. Whether or not that purpose is ever fostered and carried out is another story, but each of us is important to the world at large and plays a role that no one else can.

Then I asked my date, "do you think that everyone has a purpose?"

He responded, "no, I don't think so."

I instantly started crying. 

It was like a smack in the face hearing that this person I was getting to know didn't share a foundational belief I held about humanity.

Talk about a loaded question! Poor, guy, he didn't know what to do - other than look panicked.

This memory has always stood out to me. It illustrates just how strongly I hold this particular belief and alludes to my core values. It demonstrates the perspective and default level/perspective/mindset I operate from.

There are also a lot of things that can be learned from it, such as:
-  specifics I'm looking for in a partner
-  the need to practice non-judgement [of others for having different beliefs]
-  the importance of unloading questions to help other participants better navigate topics that I hold dear
-  not placing expectations on others for what I want (now or in the future)

This last point of learning is the most prominent for me to remember. 

Throughout my life I've struggled greatly with feelings of disappointment, sadness, or hurt when the things I hoped for and expected didn't turn out the way I envisioned - or anticipated. This was a sure way for communication breakdowns, misunderstandings and a lot of unneeded friction.

It wasn't until after I went through coach training that I learned this was all happening because I was placing my expectations on things outside of myself. I can only control me - ever. I am in charge of the thoughts I think. I am in charge of the things I feel. And I am in charge of how I respond to the people and situations around me.

So, it would reason to think setting expectations for myself about how I want to think, feel and interpret outside information would make an impact into the amount of disappointment and judgement I experience.

Let me tell you, this is a big learning curve for me.
It's a concept I'm not even close to mastering.
But this is one mountain I'm determined to climb to the top!

Day 29: Sing! . . . Don't Sing

I haven't ever seen the animated movie Sing!, but much of the music from it keeps playing on my Encanto Pandora station.

Side note - I CANNOT wait for the news that Encanto will be turned into a Broadway show. I can picture it now and it is AMAZING! So many colors! So many flowy skirts to swing around!
Please, Musical Gods, make. this. happen.

So back to Sing! . . . I can't say I love hearing the songs - as just songs. As in, hearing them outside of the movie - that I still haven't seen.

Why, you ask??

Because from what I heard, Sing! is the celebrity version of KidzBop.

As much as I dislike hearing children singing pop songs filled with inappropriate content in their high angelic voices, I don't much care to hear celebrity covers either.

Both, to me, are jarring when you realize what the song is, but can't get the notion out of your head that it sounds so 'wrong'.

Call me judgemental, but . . . Yeah, go ahead and call me judgemental.

This is a topic where I've chose to place judgment. Why? Because it fills me with twisted delight. 

Because if you can't find the humor in life, are you really living?