The Truth About Being Self-ish

What does it mean to be selfish? To some this might mean focusing your time and attention on yourself, choosing yourself first over others, or prioritizing the things you like to do even if others don't share the same interest.

It's a word that can at times carry with it guilt, judgement, and an all around bad rap. 

Here's the kicker - none of those things I just listed

- focusing your time and attention on yourself

- choosing yourself first 

- prioritizing the things you like

are selfish acts. 

They are not bad. 

They don't harm or take anything away from anyone else. 

In fact, I will argue, they are the key ingredients to living a happy, enjoyable life.

So why has self-focused behavior gotten such a bad reputation? I think it's time we take a minute to really look at what selfishness is and, dare I say it, redefine its meaning. 

Let's start with the word itself: Self-ish. It's made up of two parts. 

1. Self, meaning ‘you’ -  or the subject. 

2. ish, meaning 'kind of', 'around', 'more or less'. Ish gives a general sense of something without any specifics, certainty, or commitment. 

When you put those two pieces together by these definitions, what do you have? A pretty ambiguous, non-committal, and very unclear version of you. In my mind I see this as a hazy, somewhat blobby, human form. It's like you can almost make out defining features, but they are too blurry to really see.

So what does this mean? It means that the behaviors and actions we generally label as "selfish" are not because the subject in question is focusing on themselves, prioritizing their interests and likes, or choosing themselves first. It's because they aren't doing these things.

Think about it, if you are only yourself-ish, things start to get pretty muddled. When a person is only kind of themself, they aren't that fun to be around. Sure, they may go with the flow, but they are less able to meaningfully connect and engage with others.

If someone is 'more or less' themself they are more likely to experience miscommunications. This is because they aren't as assertive or direct in their preferences, which leaves things open to interpretation by others. Have you ever met someone you discovered was 'flakey'? This is a perfect example of self-ish at play.

So let's stop confusing the act of understanding and fostering the expression of one’s true self with being self-ish. A happier life, and happier world, come from living as our full selves. No ish about it.