Day 251: Reciprocation and Dislike

For much of my life I've operated under the premise that I needed to act a certain way in order to be 'nice.'

Because to be 'nice' is to be 'liked'.
(At least to my child brain.)
And if you aren't 'liked' then there must be something wrong with you.

...hmm...

I uncovered a belief I have, that 'you have to reciprocate in order to be "nice" (aka a 'good' person).'

But that's not true.
(People please, much?)

It's not true that by not reciprocating I am being "mean."

And it's not true that not reciprocating has any moral implications on the type of person I am.

But in my brain, that is the only other alternative.

With hidden - or limiting - beliefs, everything is an 'All or nothing' situation.

And every choice has a moral say about you and your worth.

This realization made me think about the concepts of nice and mean - and how they correlate to being liked and being disliked.

I thought about in childhood when being unliked is one of the worst things ever.

How interesting it is that to be unliked in adulthood could be viewed as a completely neutral thing?

To be unliked is not the same as being disliked.

I think in childhood these two terms are actually synonyms. 

However, as we mature and enter into adulthood they begin to take on their own individual meanings.
Just as we become our own individual people - how fascinating!

You mean to say, that I can have zero regard, in any capacity, for someone or something and still be a 'good' person?

Why, yes, that's exactly what I mean to say!

 

What does it really mean to be a 'bad' person?

This will vary slightly from individual to individual, but we can probably agree it will involve something along the lines of:

Intentionally causing harm to others.

So what does this all mean?

To me - it means that being honest with myself about my wants, needs, and preferences and then using this honesty to inform my actions, might actually be the 'nicest' thing I can do.

Because when we allow ourselves to do what's right for us, we are more open to accepting the differences that are right for others.
And what's more likeable than that?