Day 66: . . . Um . . .

 

I don't get it either.

... even if I did draw it years ago ....

Day 65: The magic of pause during growth

Growth at times can be hard. 

It can be exhausting. It can be painful. It can feel like a lot - maybe too much.

And that's ok. 

It is said that when things get tough, feel like too much to bear, that's when transformations and change happen. Like magic. 

Sometimes though, it is also a viable choice to take a break, to pause, to rest.  

This, too, can be like magic.

Restoration during a challenging time rather than soldiering on. How might this change things?

For me, it provides the time and space needed to feel ALL the feels. Especially the ones I'd rather pass through as quick as possible. But with pause, quick is not an option. 

Think of it as emotional fertilizer.  

It takes some time for the nutrients to sink down through the soil. So much time, in some cases, we may question if anything beneficial is happening at all. But emotional fertilizer doesn't have a set timeline.

And neither does personal growth.

So what do we do during this indeterminate time frame?
Observe. Acknowledge. Grow our awareness. Of everything that that comes up - thoughts, feelings, judgements, beliefs, old, new, good, bad - all of it. 

And then we sift through for what feels best for and within us. And we give ourselves permission to leave the rest.

Day 64: Walking the Talk

Walking the talk is harder than it sounds . . . 

To show up how you say you will.
To practice what you preach.
To exude You in every word, thought, and step.

This requires awareness - a lot of it. Awareness of your thoughts. Awareness of your emotions and (physical) feelings. Awareness of your actions.

This requires courage. To do what is right - for you. Even if it causes short term hurts or discomfort.

This requires taking your life (and brain) off of auto-pilot and practicing over and over and over and over again to drive for yourself.

And after a lot of effort and practice, success and struggle, you find yourself. And get to walk in your own light - and dare I say it, love.

Day 63: Wishful Thinking

I found myself in need of a new brush so I went to check out my options at the local Walgreens.

  . . . think I'm gonna go with the free one . . .

Day 62: Time Escaped

Ay, no! It's 9pm already?!

Time really escaped me today . . . Guess it was just a day of tomfoolery . . .

Day 61: The real star is in the background

For your viewing pleasure . . . (and I'm not talking about the small child in front).

Heads are like bowling balls in more ways than just the shape - they can bounce on the floor and still be just fine! If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch again.

Day 60: Two months!!! Here's some art

 

This is one of my favorite collage art pieces I've made. When I started, I had no idea where it was headed. There was no finished image in my mind that I was working towards. Rather, I developed the vision as I went along. Placing a piece here and rearranging it there. 

Ooh, where can I put this?! 

No, that doesn't really work.

Once it was finished I took in what I'd created. 

It took a while to sink in. 

I really had no idea what it meant. There was no agenda or commentary I was trying to make - at least not consciously.

After some thought, I saw how it could easily represent women's disempowerment; always being the brains to the greatness that is created and - more often than not - credited to men.

Interestingly, over time (and as I had prominent shifts in my own life), I began to see a different meaning shine through. Taking a completely different perspective, this work could easily represent complete women's empowerment. The ultimate puppeteer; has the vision and planning to know exactly which moves are needed - and the power to make each character play their part.

It's a nice reminder that everything in life can mean a multitude of different things in different times - to different people, to the same people.

What does it mean to you?

What aspect of your life can you see in a different light, now that time has passed?

Day 59: And if it's a 'maybe'...

And we're back to explore the second point of consideration when navigating that pesky 'Maybe' in decision making.

To review, the factors I find myself falling into in moments of indecision are as follows:

1 - I don't (believe I) have strong feelings either way about something, or

2 - I'm trying to avoid a certain feeling because I think giving a direct answer will cause another person's [less than positive] feelings

 

Buying into the belief that I cause other people's feelings is a huge trap I regularly fall victim to. And retraining my brain to believe the opposite - that I do not cause other people's feelings - is a real challenge. 

 

But it's true. I don't cause anyone else's feelings - and neither do you. Our feelings are always caused by the thoughts we have - and I KNOW I can't control what other people think. 

 

In many cases our thoughts are influenced by how we interpret different situations, events, and interactions. And we can never know for sure how someone else is going to interpret a situation.

If you're like me, you'll assume they have the exact same interpretation as you. But, as life has taught me, this is not the consistent case.

So what to do about it?

All changes start with awareness. 

Awareness can be considered the 'observation' phase. That means no actual 'action' is taken, but rather we're collecting data.

So in the case of decision making, start with becoming aware of what the feeling you are trying to avoid is. What is the emotion? 

 

What does having this emotion say about you?

Every person has such a subconscious soundtrack playing in their head that it can be nearly impossible to pick up on the thoughts we have about ourselves right before a negative emotion strikes.

This is also known as judgement.

But the more effort we put into taking time to pause and identify the emotion - the aftermath of the judgement that we can much more easily feel/identify - the less hidden the subconscious judgements become. Thus, making them easier to pick up in the moment.

Because once we know what's going on in our heads we then have the control to choose what we want to do about it. Bringing us back full circle to the original goal - making decisions, without any 'maybes'.

Day 58: Happy Birthday, Serena!

Today is my sister, Serena,'s birthday. She is thir-- a year older today!

On her wishlist, I saw included this item: your favorite memory of us together.

This isn't necessarily my favorite memory of us together, but it is a prominent memory and a very important moment in my life. It happened in a sentence and the impact rocked me with just three small words. 

It also, conveniently, continues with the topic of my last post. 

************************************

Flashback to about 5 years ago. We were on the phone with each other and I was telling her about the new job I had recently started. It was in a career field that I had newly learned about and was very interested in. It was supposed to be a great experience and yet . . . I was only two months in and was finding it challenging in ways I'd never before experienced in my young adult life. 

Up until that point I was used to things coming relatively easy to me. I was a high performer and always delivered good work. But for some reason, in this position, nothing seemed to be clicking into place. I was smart, competent, resourceful and hard working - why the heck was I struggling SO MUCH?

The more I told Serena about what I was experiencing the clearer it became to me - I didn't like my job. 

Like, I REALLY didn't like my job. Not in a - this topic is boring or I'm not being challenged - kind of way, but in a - this job is making me feel miserable and doubt my abilities as a human - kind of way. I was very unhappy working there. And I was scared to admit that, especially to myself.

I got through my complaining and paused. In an increasingly elevated tone, I whimpered, "...I don't think I like my job."

My body was tense, my breathing was labored, and I was trying so hard not to cry. I was in such emotional distress. 

And then I heard her response: "Well, Sarah, you can quit. You don't have to work there."

I immediately felt a wave of relief wash over me - and tears stream down my face. It was as if, with those three simple words 'you can quit', the weight of guilt, shame, and judgement I had shackled to myself had been unlocked. I could feel my body get lighter.

My suffering had been acknowledged and validated. And more importantly, I had been shown that my happiness (and feeling of self-worth) is more important than any job, timeline, or other socially decided parameter.

As someone who has a very hard time working in any job that doesn't directly call for the living out of my own personal values, this was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. (And in case you were curious what happened with my job - I quit the following week.)

************************************

So, here's to one of the greatest gals I know! To Weenie Wayne, Marco, and Dippy, too - Happy Birthday!!!

Thanks for always being in my corner and having my back, not only as a sister and friend, but as one of my biggest supporters, cheerleaders, and promoters.

Day 57: On Quitting

"I'm not a quitter."
"If I start something, I have to finish it."

Any of these phrases sound familiar? 

If you grew up in American culture, they likely do. And if your experience was anything like mine, "Quitting" was prominently presented in a negative light.

It's not good to quit.

Quitters have no self-discipline or  follow through.

But what IS quitting, really?

What if I told you that quitting isn't actually a thing at all? It's not bad or good, but completely neutral.

What if 'to quit' just meant 'to shift priorities'?

Take a second to think about this. Go on, really take your time . . . 

Because, to me, that's what quitting is - shifting your priorities to something else.

 

There is no moral issue around changing your priorities.
It does not change who you are or make you a better or worse person. 

 

But it does impact your life and the way you show up in it.

 

So next time you find yourself in a situation where you feel like a lot of problems would be solved by 'quitting' but you don't want to 'give up', 'let someone down', or 'fail', maybe stop and consider . . .
 

Consider what your priorities in life actually are and how your current situation is harming or helping them.

Day 56: Kids love me

"Man, those kids loved me!"  - as stated by my sister when recounting her recent friend visit to New York. "I think it's because I actually engaged with them."

Indeed, I also think that is the reason she was such a hit with her friends' kids; to whom, until this past weekend, she was a stranger.

How'd it work? Well, she took the time to:

1. Ask questions - not just the surface kind, but the deeper questions that keep the conversation and sharing going
2. LISTEN -  this is arguably the most important step.  She listened to what they were actually saying - with the goal of understanding and learning about them, rather than predicting the content outcome, thinking she knows better or the correct answers (or that her time or sharing was more important)
   
3. Buy-in to what was being shared - when kids tell her stuff, they are telling about their current view and experience of their lives so far. She knows they are young, inexperienced, and still learning, so she's willing to roll with what they share and see where it takes them. No judgement, no expectations
   

This kid magnet phenomenon - or recipe, rather - got me thinking . . . 

Why aren't these same principles applied more often to adults?

It's so easy to be stingy with our time, think we know more than others, and make judgements about experiences or views different than our own. 

What if we gave that blueprint a break?

How would our relationships change? 

How would we change?

Day 55: Brownie Surprise

 

 

 The struggle is real when you eat with your eyes . . .

Day 54: If it's not a 'yes' ...

 How many times have we heard the saying:

"If it's not a 'Yes' it's a 'no'"?

Or something along those lines.

I, for one, have heard it MANY times. Over the most recent years, it's been the iteration of 'if it's not Hell Yes, it's a no.' For some reason that version never connected with me. Probably because I can recall very few times when it came to making a decision where I had been met with such strong conviction.

However, the milder version I can work with. Especially when I find myself in the weeds with 'Maybe.'

Oof, Maybe is a slippery sucker. The type of slick I often struggle navigating.

I suppose that's why there's also the saying about 'maybe meaning no.'

My favorite iteration of this can be found in the Jack Johnson song, Flake. "It seems to me that 'maybe' pretty much always means 'no.'"

[Thinks for a bit] . . . Yep, that checks out -'maybe' DOES pretty much always mean 'no.'

I mean, not exclusively, but generally - yeah.

Guess that means I could use this saying as a helpful decision making tool, as well.

Or, dare I say it, I combine the two sayings?!

"If it's not a 'yes' it's a 'no'; and if it's a 'maybe' it's also a 'no' - depending on how much I care about it or if I'm trying to avoid a certain feeling by giving a specific answer."

Wow, really rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?! 

So it could use some work, but it gets at an important point.

We often - or at least I often - avoid making decisions because I either:

1 - don't (believe I) have strong feelings either way about something, or

2 - I'm trying to avoid a certain feeling because I think giving a direct answer will cause another person's [less than positive] feelings

This whole topic came to me as I was washing dishes. And I'm glad it did, because it spurred me to explore the framework through which I make my (non-committal) decisions; as well as where I can direct more attention.

Take point 1, for example. If I don't immediately know how I feel about something in the thought space, I can jump to other areas to gather info:

• How does my body feel when I think about saying yes to the decision? How does my body feel when I think about saying no?
• What's my energy like in this moment of consideration? What might it be (based on what I know about myself) at the time and day of any actions involved?
• What other priorities have I already committed to (including time for personal care [sometimes doing nothing is incredibly important and needed!])?

Ultimately, options that generate any type of physical restriction or heaviness or are likely to drain you energetically might be good choices to pass on.

Listening to your body (for everything) is huge! Especially if you find yourself struggling to make a decision.

This is one area that I am trying to practice more consistently.

Too bad there are two factors when it comes to conquering the indecision of 'maybe'. But I'll save factor 2 for another day!

Day 53: Stowaways!

I was getting my backpack ready so I could catch a few of the sun's last rays by the lake before I went to the grocery store after work. And when I looked inside something caught my eye causing me to do a double take.

What's that down there???

Stowaways!!!

Cautiously, I reached my hand in to grab them, afraid they might bite. 

But they didn't. 

Probably because they were so dehydrated - I could clearly see every wrinkle.

They had to have been down there for at least a week and a half!

Poor little guys. But that's what you get for hopping off the blueberry pint train to avoid becoming a tasty treat. 

Huh, this sounds eerily familiar to what happened to their distant cousins, The Grape Brothers. Yeah, Vince and Carlos hopped off their family's vine at the vineyard so they wouldn't become a tasty treat - wine. But wouldn't you know it, they still got eaten - by a lumberjack, no doubt - when he saw them sleeping under a leaf. The logger saw their exhaustion wrinkles and thought they were raisins!

Well, lucky for these former blueberries, they didn't become a tasty treat. 

They did however get thrown in to the compost bin. And there's no telling what will happen in there . . .

Day 52: Welcome to my home!

Oh, hello! I didn't see you there. Don't mind me, I was just casually relaxing in this position, completely un-posed or aware of a camera anywhere near. . .

Please do come in! I've just tidied up.

What's that? You've never seen inside a squirrel's home before? That's crazy! I'm sure it can't be much different than yours . . .

Day 51: The Altruism Fallacy

Why do people carry out acts of altruism? Ask a dozen people and you'll probably get a dozen answers - all with a common thread. A little thing called 'what's in it for me.'

No, that's not true! Altruists aren't self-serving. They're completely selfless and focused on the well being of others.

Thank you, imaginary Contrarian. You've brought up just the point I was hoping for! 

I love to burst your bubble by saying, no action would ever take place by a human unless that human received some benefit or gain from it.

This is a very broad statement, which at first reading, many might not agree with. 

Wonderful!

Allow me to explain.

Every thought we have and action we take is connected to a feeling, an emotion. The way we feel about something, be it a task or activity, person or circumstance, influences our desire or resistance to it. 

To give a concrete example, Sarah enjoys helping others to believe in themselves and their abilities. For a time, she volunteered as an adult basic education tutor helping others improve their math and reading skills. She always felt so good when she left in the evening, especially when seeing her tutee achieve success or learn something new.

What does Sarah get out of this altruistic action? It's not money or compensation. But it IS a good feeling of connection, empowerment, and happiness that was created through her action. Without giving her time, she would not have generated these feelings in such a combination. Thus, Sarah received something from her giving. 

Sarah likes to feel good. As many humans do. And like many humans, she also likes to feel that she has contributed and made an impact in another person's life. 

I bring up this topic all to say, that doing something that benefits you as well as other humans is never a bad thing.

The idea of self-serving actions only become 'bad' (if we want to go with a judging word) when their execution inflicts a negative impact on others.

 

The goal of life should not be to give selflessly, but rather, to give in a way where everybody wins. 

 

As individuals we need to feel good and at our best in order to share our best with the world. So why not look for opportunities where everyone involved benefits? 

 

I know I certainly will!

Day 50: Embrace Change

 I drew this cute little guy a few years ago. 

And gosh do I love him!

I mean, look at him - he's so stinkin' cute! How can you look at him and not smile? 

I certainly can't.

Let me list the ways I love thee:

1. You show me that perfection is not necessary. That lumpy head is the cutest!
2. You exemplify happiness (at least what I envision)
3. In your imperfection, you illustrate authenticity
4. You demonstrate it's possible to hug (or embrace) anything - even the intangible
5. You change the unknown into something to be welcomed

 Yes, these are reasons I love this drawing, but I believe they are also steps to help every person embrace whatever changes they experience in their life.

Change doesn't wait for perfect and we never have to be (let's be real perfection doesn't exist).

Change doesn't dictate happiness, we do. We have the ability to create and experience it in any moment, regardless of our circumstances (though some situations may call for a bit more practice than others).

Change feels the best and is easiest to ride the wave of when we are authentic to who we really are.

Change always provides opportunities to embrace it, be it in small or large ways (we may just need to be open to different perspectives to better see them).

Change can be exciting and something to look forward to. Regardless of if the change was self-initiated or feels more like it was thrust upon us, there is growth and learning in every experience.

What changes or new experiences might feel better if you willingly embraced them?

Day 49: Friendly Faces Are Everywhere

 

You just have to look!

Day 48: One step at a time

I had a coaching session recently in which we touched on the notion of taking one step at a time.

It's so easy to find yourself in a situation of uncertainty, not knowing what step to take first. When this happens it can feel like the only way to move forward is to figure out every step needed to overcome the obstacle, before you can take any action at all. 

 

Interestingly enough, this approach may actually do more harm than good.

When we worry about steps past the first one, it can often impact our ability to see the opportunities that are actually available to us.

For the client that I discussed this topic with, common byproducts of trying to figure out every step upfront were fear, stress, and anxiety.

 

How many of us can relate? 

How many times have we gotten overwhelmed by trying to do everything at once? (No, just me?)

When we don't know what comes next it is so easy to fall into the vicious cycle of 'what if?'. 

What if this happens? 

Then, what if that happens? 

But then this could also happen, too. 

 

All of these hypothetical worries aren't helpful. And it's something that we all fall victim to at times.

We're all human.

We want to know what's going to happen in our own lives.

 

Sometimes, however, there's beauty and an advantage of not knowing what's to come.

 

All that really matters in each moment is the single, next step you will take.

That's it.

Nothing more.

 

Why?

 

Because we can't control any outcome (that occurs outside of ourselves). And if we can't control the outcome, how would we know what the outcome will be?

 

We don't. It's all speculation.

 

So why not take a more childlike approach?

What if we approach the unknown with curiosity?

What if we allowed the unknown to be a surprise?! (Remember childhood, when surprises were cause for excitement rather than anxiety? Maybe that's just me, too.)

 

Easier said than done in a lot of situations, I know. However, the intent remains the same no matter what the circumstance.

The intent is Openness.

 

When we take one step at a time it allows us to be open to wherever we end up. Each step takes us to a different place than we were before. Each outcome presents different opportunities than we previously had access to.

 

In many situations there is no certainty what the outcome will be. 

In many situations the outcome will not be exactly what we anticipated. 

This is a key thing to realize because if we are planning on a certain outcome with future steps based on that imagined outcome, we're going to miss a LOT of other, arguably better, options right in front of us.

 

Day 47: What's for breakfast?!

. . . On second thought, I'm not that hungry . . .

 

(Shout-out to the stranger who brought this to my attention by stopping in front of me to take a picture.)

Day 46: WANTED - The Haras Twins

The world has finally caught wind of the most notorious criminal duo, the Haras Twins. Formerly part of the SoSa Squad, the Haras Twins recently struck out on their own and have already caused quite a commotion. 

These women are not to be underestimated. I repeat, these women are not to be underestimated. 

Do not let them fool you. They are dangerous.

 

Righty Haras, (pictured above, right) can be identified by her slightly more prominent jaw line and faint markings of a removed teardrop tattoo beneath her right eye. Righty is said to have originally gotten the ink after 'taking care of' a man in cold blood with her bear-hands.

 

Lefty Haras, (top photo, left) has largely flown under the radar. She appears to be the lookout and mastermind behind the duo's string of crimes since going solo. Though she did cause quite a stir when publicly claiming credit for the crime that has made international headlines and put them at the top of America's Most Wanted list, stealing Wayne 'The Rock' Johnson's iconic fanny pack.

This pair of brawn and brains is still at large. Remain extremely vigilant and if you have any information of their whereabouts contact the FBI immediately.

This is a developing story.

Day 45: The Power of Being Where You're At

I shared before about how it can be helpful (and way more stress-free and pleasant) to enjoy the transitions in life. 

Lately, I've been finding myself feeling pressure to move forward into my next transition, to continuously progress, to never stagnate. And it doesn't feel good. 

Within this feeling of pressure is the thought that I 'should' be doing something more, which directly translates to "I'm not doing enough". 

To trace this thought back even further - as if we are studying the root of language - we will find that thoughts of this kind always stem from the base, core belief of "I am not enough."

[Made up random person:] "That's not true, I don't think I'm not enough."

Oh, yeah? Ok, that may be true. 

Though, I challenge you to consider every time you've doubted yourself or your abilities. That doubt is born from some inner belief you hold - regardless of whether it's 'true' or not. When we are able to dig down to the deepest root of our thoughts we find the hidden beliefs that we unconsciously operate from. 

As the saying goes, you don't know what you don't know. So, if you don't know that your life is being directed through this hidden belief of "I am not good enough" or whatever your belief may be, then it will be much harder to 

• understand why you feel the way you do
• overcome the obstacles that you encounter
• feel fulfilled and satisfied

Or simply put, it will be much harder to live a life that feels good.

Ok, back to me -

I took a somewhat lengthy check-in to step outside myself and see where I'm at and what I'm doing, objectively. I started by looking at what I wanted and was working towards. 

My ultimate goal: to build an impactful and thriving coaching business. 

Ok, great - I re-engaged into the reality that this is a future goal and will not be happening all at once or right away. Next step.

I remembered/thought about the next steps I needed to take to get there. For me, this focus weighs heavily on tackling the areas I experience the most resistance, like promoting myself and social media [I'm not a huge fan of either]. 

Fantastic, next steps identified! Then comes the part where I bring in my current reality. What am I currently doing to help further those steps and overcome resistance to them?

It was here that the pressure I had been feeling started to recede. 

This! Starting up a daily writing practice and publishing blog posts, that is what I'm currently doing to move towards my ultimate goal and overcome resistance!

With the acknowledgement of the effort I am putting in every day came a growing sense of pride. I'm stinking proud of myself! 

I may only be on Day 45, but I haven't missed a day yet. And I'm learning more about myself, further instilling and understanding important coaching concepts, and becoming better at sharing my experiences, vulnerabilities, and life lessons with others - all through writing (or drawing) and sharing a new thought each day.

It took a much needed reality check to show me that where I'm at is exactly where I'm meant to be. There is great comfort in reconnecting with the idea that everything in life is a process. Some stages take longer than others. Life isn't a race. Just because someone is at a different place than you are doesn't mean you 'should' be there too.

There's incredible power in being where you're at. To fully embrace and appreciate it. I'm so happy to have come to this realization and look forward to enjoying it for as long as I can.

Day 44: Wet Snow, Dry Snow

How is it possible that it snow can be wet AND dry?! 

Last time I checked, it was all still made up of water. . . and yet, it's only sometimes that a walk through the snow leaves you looking like you just stepped out of the shower - or had a bucket of water dumped on your head.

Then there are the days when a walk through the snow feels like you're in a dream or a beautiful painting, the flakes so light and fluffy.

 

And then there is the worst kind of snow. It's hard to tell if it's wet or dry because every drop that hits your skin feels like a dagger.

Day 43: Who Said That?!

Keeping on the theme of hearing things - let me share about my experience attempting to access the quantum field.

It all started with my sister, Sonia. I mentioned previously that we copy each other on a lot of random things - this is one of them!

She had recently been talking with her EFT mentor, who shared that she communicates with spirits and angels. When Sonia told me this my immediate reaction was - 

"WHAT!? How??"

Apparently she just sets an intention to enter the quantum field as she's going to bed. Or at least those were the instructions she gave my sister.

A few days later, Sonia had news. "I tried it and I think it worked!" she exclaimed. "It didn't last very long, but I saw Grandma! But it was a younger version of her. And it wasn't like I was dreaming - it was Different."

WHOA. Now my interest was definitely peaked. I want to see my dead grandma!

The night I heard Sonia's news I decided to try it for myself.

As I was nestling into bed that night I thought my intention to myself. Then I thought, 'I'd better say it out loud.' So I did:

"I'm setting the intention to enter the quantum realm."

And with that I let myself drift off to sleep. Well, almost. 

I don't know about you, but when I'm starting to nod off to dreamland I see various images as my conscious brain is shutting down, but there's not much in the way of sound that goes with it.

As the images took over on my way to deep sleep the last thing I remember was seeing a man and a kid - I think it was a girl - I'm assuming it was daughter and dad. 

The all of a sudden I hear, "Sarah." It sounded like someone was standing right behind me, talking into my ear. Then a beat later I heard another, "Sarah."

My eyes flew open.

My heart was POUNDING. 

I was really freaked out!!!!

Who the heck was calling my name?! I KNOW I didn't dream it.  

'I take it back! I don't want to enter the quantum realm. I'm not ready for this!!' I thought to myself.

I was expecting angels and my grandma, not a disembodied voice! Eventually, sleep won over my scared nerves and I woke up the next morning feeling much better. 

It was certainly an unexpected (and startling) experience. Perhaps one day I'll have another to add to the books.

Day 42: If it doesn't make you unique...

I've had a few experiences over the past few years where I've woken up to a very specific phrase in my head. 

I know I shared about one such statement in Love's Many Forms. 

The experience I'm thinking about now happened several years ago. I think it was either right before I started my coach training with iPEC or early on in the program.

It was morning and my mind was a bit ahead of my body in terms of waking up. The thoughts were [apparently] starting to churn, my eyes not yet open and body still heavy. 

It seemed right as I opened my eyes I heard in my head:

"If it doesn't make you unique, go back and do the work."

Huh?

I think I froze in place, perplexed by the thought I just heard. Not only was the message cryptic, but the fact that it sounded like I had heard it, rather than just thought it, had me a bit confused.

I shared the message with my friend at work. Neither of us knew what it meant.

It stuck with me, popping into my memory from time to time. The more time I had to process it, the more I felt confident the meaning was aligned with the idea of:

Whatever you do, do it in a way that is completely you. 

Don't fall into the idea of what you 'should' do. 

Forget the notion that being different from all that you see won't work. 

If what you do is true to you - true to how you express yourself and actually live (you know, when there's no fear of anyone else seeing) - then you'll never go wrong.

Day 41: The Humble Boast

If you're anything like me, it can feel awkward at times talking about your strengths and achievements. 

My upbringing and religion taught - don't brag or boast, be humble. As if, in order to be humble, you couldn't bring attention to your own achievements or successes . . . because that would be boasting or bragging . . .? Though what constituted as such was never specified.

Let's see what those words actually mean. Collin's Dictionary differentiates between the two:

boast1, merely suggests pride or satisfaction, as in one's deeds or abilities [you may well boast of your efficiency]; brag suggests greater ostentation and overstatement [he bragged of what he would do in the race]

It's important to acknowledge and appreciate what you've done, achieved, endured, and/or survived in life. In doing so one builds self-worth, esteem, resiliency and stamina for the future. Thus, it seems, it may not only be important to boast, but imperative.

It tracks your growth.

It tracks your skills.

It tracks your inherent gifts and talents.

Our society sends the message that it's not ok to relish in awe or pride for ourselves and what we've experienced. You can celebrate, but not for too long. 

I call that garbage!

On the contrary, it is important for us to do this. We are stinking AWESOME! Life is hard enough without putting ourselves down or downplaying our accomplishments. They matter and are a big deal!

Acknowledge them.

Because once you allow yourself to acknowledge and believe in the greatness you are, guess what happens? Your view of yourself starts to shift - for the better. And when that happens, the obstacles that used to stand in your way slowly start to disappear. 

At this point, you've upgraded your climbing gear, my friend, and those mountains that used to loom over you now look more like molehills.

So keep your boasting boots handy.

Take time to celebrate yourself, your efforts, your achievements. 

The time spent appreciating yourself will help you to see yourself more as those who love you most do. In addition, it will help you better to see the success and greatness of those around you.

Day 40: There was an old lady who swallowed a fly

The truth about the old lady who swallowed a fly.

First of all, the old lady wasn't that old - she was in her thirties. Which, perhaps in the time that she lived was considered old . . .

But that's not the main point here. The main point is the fly. And, more importantly, how she swallowed the fly.

The old lady, let's call her . . . Sarah, was preparing her breakfast for the day. She had leftover coffee from the day before that she pulled out of the fridge. There were two containers. One was the coffee cup, with leftover coffee. The other, was a jar of black coffee waiting to be dressed with milk and potentially sugar.

When she set her coffees on the counter she looked inside the cup to see how much was there. And what she saw surprised her. Stuck to the side of the coffee cup wall was a tiny fly! It looked somehow flattened and stuck to the cup. It was inches above the coffee below. 

 

"You don't belong here!" said Sarah to the Dead fly. 

 

So she stuck her finger in the cup to scoop the fly out. But when she did that, the fly fell into the coffee! She desperately scanned the surface of the liquid trying to find the fly, but it was no longer visible.

"Oh no, what am I going to do?! I don't want to drink a fly!"

"Maybe I can stir up the coffee and it'll come back to the top...." 

 

Sarah tried that. It didn't work.

"Or maybe it will get stuck to the bottom of the cup and I'll find it once I finish my coffee!" Sarah thought hopefully.

Regardless of the outcome, drinking the coffee was going to be a big risk.

"The fly wasn't that big . . .," Sarah thought to herself justifying the action she knew was about to take place.

 

She slowly took a sip from her newly dressed coffee, diligently searching in the cup for any sign of the tiny fly.

 

Whew, first sip and no fly!

 

This continued for a while until she ran out of time before work. Cautiously sipping of coffee took more time than she ever imagined!

 

Did Sarah end up swallowing the fly? We may never know. But if she dies suddenly, we'll have a pretty good idea what happened...

Day 39: Understanding Satan

. . . sometimes I hear things incorrectly . . . 

Day 38: Can I get the definition, please?

Growing up I loved words. Word games like Boggle, Scrabble or Scatergories were popular at my house. And I can't tell you how many times at the dinner table my sister, mom and I would crack open the dictionary to a random page and have each other guess what the selected new-to-us word meant. It was great fun!

Knowing this, I can't help but chuckle to myself when I realize a key concept of coaching is found in definitions. 

Definitions are HUGE. Not so much in the sense of knowing the correct meaning of a word, but rather knowing what the word means to you. 

What?! Am I saying that different people can have different definitions for the same word? YES!

These personal definitions are developed largely through past experiences or things a person was taught, picked up or observed at a young age.

I'll give you an example. The word is: ROADTRIP

What does that mean to you?

To mean, a Roadtrip is a long car ride that spans over several days in which one stops at places of interest along the route before reaching the final destination which is somewhere in nature (i.e. not a city or metropolitan area).

I only just recently learned of the specifics I had subconsciously attached to this idea of a Roadtrip.
 

'so ...why can't it be a destination to anywhere that requires a long car ride...?'

It can be! 

And that's the best part about learning your own definitions for things. Once you know what they are, you get to decide if you want to keep them as they are or change the definitions to better suit the person you are in the present (and better support what you want for the future).

Let's be real - my definition of Roadtrip came from childhood and  I have definitely grown and changed a lot as a person since I was an adolescent youth.

If my body and mind can change over time, it only seems fitting that my definitions for things should change as well.

Day 37: Compliments

 

 

When was the last time you gave someone a compliment? What was it about?

It seems the most common complements are made on appearances, skills, or achievements. On external things a person does or has. 

Much less is the case of complimenting a person on their state of being, on what makes them 'them,' and is appreciated.

But what if that was the norm? How different would our world be?

I think it would be quite different. Think about it, giving people outside reinforcement for being themselves. No pressure to compare or change who they are or how they act in order to feel praise. Leading to greater expression and exploration of one's interests, likes, wants, and needs.

Wow.

What a world, indeed.

I'm going to try my best to intentionally dole out meaningments here and complifuls there. Because . . .

Compliments + Meaning = long-lasting memories (and the feels to go with it)

 

Day 36: Valentine Heart

 

This one feels vulnerable sharing, for some reason. Perhaps it's partly because I see it as a 'real poem' or at least a piece of one. And partly because of my lived experience that it's rooted from (which I'm still trying to understand).

How many times have you felt vulnerable sharing something with others, but did it anyway?

. . . what about sharing with yourself?