Day 59: And if it's a 'maybe'...

And we're back to explore the second point of consideration when navigating that pesky 'Maybe' in decision making.

To review, the factors I find myself falling into in moments of indecision are as follows:

1 - I don't (believe I) have strong feelings either way about something, or

2 - I'm trying to avoid a certain feeling because I think giving a direct answer will cause another person's [less than positive] feelings

 

Buying into the belief that I cause other people's feelings is a huge trap I regularly fall victim to. And retraining my brain to believe the opposite - that I do not cause other people's feelings - is a real challenge. 

 

But it's true. I don't cause anyone else's feelings - and neither do you. Our feelings are always caused by the thoughts we have - and I KNOW I can't control what other people think. 

 

In many cases our thoughts are influenced by how we interpret different situations, events, and interactions. And we can never know for sure how someone else is going to interpret a situation.

If you're like me, you'll assume they have the exact same interpretation as you. But, as life has taught me, this is not the consistent case.

So what to do about it?

All changes start with awareness. 

Awareness can be considered the 'observation' phase. That means no actual 'action' is taken, but rather we're collecting data.

So in the case of decision making, start with becoming aware of what the feeling you are trying to avoid is. What is the emotion? 

 

What does having this emotion say about you?

Every person has such a subconscious soundtrack playing in their head that it can be nearly impossible to pick up on the thoughts we have about ourselves right before a negative emotion strikes.

This is also known as judgement.

But the more effort we put into taking time to pause and identify the emotion - the aftermath of the judgement that we can much more easily feel/identify - the less hidden the subconscious judgements become. Thus, making them easier to pick up in the moment.

Because once we know what's going on in our heads we then have the control to choose what we want to do about it. Bringing us back full circle to the original goal - making decisions, without any 'maybes'.